Resentment and jealousy in a friendship
March 21, 2021 5:49 PM Subscribe
I've found out recently that a good friend of mine has been resentful of me. I'm mid 20s, and she's early 30s if that helps. Her ex and her are also embroiled in a toxic relationship that I'm somehow dragged into.
She is unable to work due to severe mental health issues, and those, I've been extremely supportive with. Understandably, she's terrified of getting help and I've been there with her all steps of the way, encouraging her to call helplines when she was feeling desperate, offering to go with her to her appointments.
I've found out through the grapevine about how she really feels about me (I heard from her sister, because she's been ghosting me which is causing a lot of distress on my part).
She feels resentful that I am able to have a career track, and that I'm "receptive to all kinds of attention", which I still can't puzzle out the meaning of. I can hazard a guess, though. If you look through my question history you would know that I did lots of dating after my last relationship.
She's also upset that I'm still good friends with someone she used to date. They were together for three years, and it was tumultuous to begin with. She was distrustful of him from the start, and they often argued in public and in front of me, which made for very awkward dinner parties. I stopped going to their hosted parties soon after.
After their breakup, I remained friends with her ex, with her blessing. She said to me that she was ok with me supporting him through the breakup. However, after she found out that we were hanging out in a group setting, she forbade him from seeing me, deeming it inappropriate and going through our text messages from his phone to try to suss out if we're having "an affair" (we're not).
Her mental health is very unstable. He's afraid to completely cut it off because he's afraid that she won't get help anymore. I can vouch on my end that the only reason she is getting help is because she wants to get back together with him. I've been in psychiatric treatment for more than a decade, and I know this is not a good reason to begin treatment. He's adamant that if she leaves, she will have nobody to push her to attend her appointments and see her therapist. This is true, because only him and I know about her condition - she refuses to tell anyone else and her family is none the wiser.
I've seen her go to his apartment and look in every nook and cranny, the bed, the shower drain, for "hairs that look weird". She checks the rim of every glass to try to find lipstick stains. This is still after they've broken up. He's not at a good place himself, and I've seen him cry several times because he feels so much pressure from being her only support system, and to boot, she's suspicious of every single friendship he has (as above, she goes through even his work emails to make sure nothing "insidious" is going on).
At this point, I'm at my wits end. She hasn't spoken to me in a month, since she found out that I was going out for dinner and drinks with some friends that included her ex.
Is this something that I can fix? Is this something worth fixing? I'm tired too - I have to delete all the chat messages that her ex and I exchange every time we have a conversation because she will go through his phone. I'm ready to tell both of them that I'm out, but he's in a precarious spot where there's nobody to look out for him, and I'm the only person who knows her like he does, so I feel terrible exiting this situation. I've also known her for longer than I've known him, and it feels really really bad that she feels this way about me, after I've done nothing but help her through crisis after crisis. But she's not being very fair to me right now, is she?
On the other hand, I know how hard mental illness can be. She's terrified, she's acting out. Some part of me thinks it's not her fault, but another part of me, the part that's been in psychiatric treatment, knows that being mentally ill or unstable is not a valid reason to treat other people like this.
What would you do, AskMeFi?
She is unable to work due to severe mental health issues, and those, I've been extremely supportive with. Understandably, she's terrified of getting help and I've been there with her all steps of the way, encouraging her to call helplines when she was feeling desperate, offering to go with her to her appointments.
I've found out through the grapevine about how she really feels about me (I heard from her sister, because she's been ghosting me which is causing a lot of distress on my part).
She feels resentful that I am able to have a career track, and that I'm "receptive to all kinds of attention", which I still can't puzzle out the meaning of. I can hazard a guess, though. If you look through my question history you would know that I did lots of dating after my last relationship.
She's also upset that I'm still good friends with someone she used to date. They were together for three years, and it was tumultuous to begin with. She was distrustful of him from the start, and they often argued in public and in front of me, which made for very awkward dinner parties. I stopped going to their hosted parties soon after.
After their breakup, I remained friends with her ex, with her blessing. She said to me that she was ok with me supporting him through the breakup. However, after she found out that we were hanging out in a group setting, she forbade him from seeing me, deeming it inappropriate and going through our text messages from his phone to try to suss out if we're having "an affair" (we're not).
Her mental health is very unstable. He's afraid to completely cut it off because he's afraid that she won't get help anymore. I can vouch on my end that the only reason she is getting help is because she wants to get back together with him. I've been in psychiatric treatment for more than a decade, and I know this is not a good reason to begin treatment. He's adamant that if she leaves, she will have nobody to push her to attend her appointments and see her therapist. This is true, because only him and I know about her condition - she refuses to tell anyone else and her family is none the wiser.
I've seen her go to his apartment and look in every nook and cranny, the bed, the shower drain, for "hairs that look weird". She checks the rim of every glass to try to find lipstick stains. This is still after they've broken up. He's not at a good place himself, and I've seen him cry several times because he feels so much pressure from being her only support system, and to boot, she's suspicious of every single friendship he has (as above, she goes through even his work emails to make sure nothing "insidious" is going on).
At this point, I'm at my wits end. She hasn't spoken to me in a month, since she found out that I was going out for dinner and drinks with some friends that included her ex.
Is this something that I can fix? Is this something worth fixing? I'm tired too - I have to delete all the chat messages that her ex and I exchange every time we have a conversation because she will go through his phone. I'm ready to tell both of them that I'm out, but he's in a precarious spot where there's nobody to look out for him, and I'm the only person who knows her like he does, so I feel terrible exiting this situation. I've also known her for longer than I've known him, and it feels really really bad that she feels this way about me, after I've done nothing but help her through crisis after crisis. But she's not being very fair to me right now, is she?
On the other hand, I know how hard mental illness can be. She's terrified, she's acting out. Some part of me thinks it's not her fault, but another part of me, the part that's been in psychiatric treatment, knows that being mentally ill or unstable is not a valid reason to treat other people like this.
What would you do, AskMeFi?
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- cortex
It sounds like she's envious of your... "normalcy" vs her own condition, so in a certain way, you can consider it as a malformed call for help. Without reading too many tea leaves, she felt no control over her own life and condition, so she's trying to control EVERYBODY ELSE'S, including her BF's and yours, and her weapon is to withhold her attention to force your sympathy.
Keep in mind that her behavior to her BF is basically holding herself hostage to compel him to comply, and she's, in a lesser way, doing the same to you. She's envious of your normal life, so she'll ruin her own life and use your sympathy to ruin yours, so she can feel better. This is sometimes known as a "kamikaze personality": if she's suffering, you must too. But at least she's not actively trying to ruin your life... yet.
At this point, you need to handle this difficult question... who comes first: you, or her?
posted by kschang at 6:11 PM on March 21, 2021 [1 favorite]
Keep in mind that her behavior to her BF is basically holding herself hostage to compel him to comply, and she's, in a lesser way, doing the same to you. She's envious of your normal life, so she'll ruin her own life and use your sympathy to ruin yours, so she can feel better. This is sometimes known as a "kamikaze personality": if she's suffering, you must too. But at least she's not actively trying to ruin your life... yet.
At this point, you need to handle this difficult question... who comes first: you, or her?
posted by kschang at 6:11 PM on March 21, 2021 [1 favorite]
You also might want to consider how you can back away from some of these ...situations. It sounds like you heard how she feels about you— because you were discussing her with her sister. You saw her checking the rims of glasses in her ex’s house — because you were there to see it. Gently, it seems like you are very deeply involved in all this, and you may want to reconsider that.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:18 PM on March 21, 2021 [30 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:18 PM on March 21, 2021 [30 favorites]
If she's been ghosting you, the solution here seems pretty simple: let her continue. As a general rule, a ghosting should be respected, especially once you've confirmed it is one.
I'm not sure what it is that this woman has ever done for you that you feel obliged to stay on this ride, but you aren't. You seem like a sympathetic person who is easily mobilized to feel responsible, and while it's good to have a caring heart, you have to recognize that there are limits to what you can do--and it doesn't sound like you're getting anything positive out of this relationship.
posted by praemunire at 6:19 PM on March 21, 2021 [28 favorites]
I'm not sure what it is that this woman has ever done for you that you feel obliged to stay on this ride, but you aren't. You seem like a sympathetic person who is easily mobilized to feel responsible, and while it's good to have a caring heart, you have to recognize that there are limits to what you can do--and it doesn't sound like you're getting anything positive out of this relationship.
posted by praemunire at 6:19 PM on March 21, 2021 [28 favorites]
You and him both need to opt out of this soap opera.
You've cast yourselves as saviors here, and it's not true. It's clearly scratching an itch for both of you to keep participating in this drama, it makes you special to be the "only ones who can save her" and conveniently lets you both be absolute doormats instead of doing the scary right thing and enforcing personal boundaries.
It is just as easily true that if she wasn't allowed this zero-dignity behavior as a form of self-harm, she might be significantly better-balanced and able to obtain her own help.
He needs to leave her the hell alone, and that means not letting her in the house to check his phone and shower drains. It means locking his phone lest she try to steal it when he is in public. And it means that when she accuses him of misdeeds he shouldn't respond because he's cut off contact with her. She's just gonna have to be mad, and if he thinks she is a threat to him he can take precautions, but if the only injury here is she's mad and says mean things, the two of you will survive that.
Whatever she does at that point is her own business. If she doesn't get help, that's her business. If she hurts herself, her business. Y'all are not the people who can help her.
I wouldn't normally frame abuse as the recipient's fault or responsibility to stop, but he doesn't live with her and they are not together and he is volunteering for all of this glass-inspecting and work-email-reading. He has the power to stop this, and an obligation to stop participating in it, and then if she starts breaking into his house the situation becomes much more clear-cut as to who is being inappropriate. I think you should be extremely suspicious of his motives here, because he's making it worse and you're not questioning why at all.
Anyway, walk away. The two of you are not the people who can actually help her. And then you maybe walk away from him, because the two of you are reinforcing the worst in each other.
posted by Lyn Never at 6:26 PM on March 21, 2021 [41 favorites]
You've cast yourselves as saviors here, and it's not true. It's clearly scratching an itch for both of you to keep participating in this drama, it makes you special to be the "only ones who can save her" and conveniently lets you both be absolute doormats instead of doing the scary right thing and enforcing personal boundaries.
It is just as easily true that if she wasn't allowed this zero-dignity behavior as a form of self-harm, she might be significantly better-balanced and able to obtain her own help.
He needs to leave her the hell alone, and that means not letting her in the house to check his phone and shower drains. It means locking his phone lest she try to steal it when he is in public. And it means that when she accuses him of misdeeds he shouldn't respond because he's cut off contact with her. She's just gonna have to be mad, and if he thinks she is a threat to him he can take precautions, but if the only injury here is she's mad and says mean things, the two of you will survive that.
Whatever she does at that point is her own business. If she doesn't get help, that's her business. If she hurts herself, her business. Y'all are not the people who can help her.
I wouldn't normally frame abuse as the recipient's fault or responsibility to stop, but he doesn't live with her and they are not together and he is volunteering for all of this glass-inspecting and work-email-reading. He has the power to stop this, and an obligation to stop participating in it, and then if she starts breaking into his house the situation becomes much more clear-cut as to who is being inappropriate. I think you should be extremely suspicious of his motives here, because he's making it worse and you're not questioning why at all.
Anyway, walk away. The two of you are not the people who can actually help her. And then you maybe walk away from him, because the two of you are reinforcing the worst in each other.
posted by Lyn Never at 6:26 PM on March 21, 2021 [41 favorites]
because only him and I know about her condition - she refuses to tell anyone else and her family is none the wiser.
This is delicate obviously, but depending on how serious her condition is (and given some of your descriptions of her, it sounds serious) I'd tell her family. It will likely cost you the friendship, but that sounds like it's over anyway. If she is in acute mental distress, someone who loves her should know, and not just the ex-boyfriend she's holding hostage emotionally (which is abuse).
posted by coffeecat at 6:42 PM on March 21, 2021 [7 favorites]
This is delicate obviously, but depending on how serious her condition is (and given some of your descriptions of her, it sounds serious) I'd tell her family. It will likely cost you the friendship, but that sounds like it's over anyway. If she is in acute mental distress, someone who loves her should know, and not just the ex-boyfriend she's holding hostage emotionally (which is abuse).
posted by coffeecat at 6:42 PM on March 21, 2021 [7 favorites]
I've found out recently that a good friend of mine has been resentful of me.
This person is not a good friend. She sounds terrible. What makes you consider her a friend at all? You've said literally nothing positive about her, and you've described a whole list of ways in which she's behaved horribly to you and others.
Is this something that I can fix?
Hell no.
What would you do, AskMeFi?
I'd be glad to be rid of her.
Some part of me thinks it's not her fault, but another part of me, the part that's been in psychiatric treatment, knows that being mentally ill or unstable is not a valid reason to treat other people like this.
That latter part of you is right - keep listening to it.
posted by automatronic at 7:47 PM on March 21, 2021 [4 favorites]
This person is not a good friend. She sounds terrible. What makes you consider her a friend at all? You've said literally nothing positive about her, and you've described a whole list of ways in which she's behaved horribly to you and others.
Is this something that I can fix?
Hell no.
What would you do, AskMeFi?
I'd be glad to be rid of her.
Some part of me thinks it's not her fault, but another part of me, the part that's been in psychiatric treatment, knows that being mentally ill or unstable is not a valid reason to treat other people like this.
That latter part of you is right - keep listening to it.
posted by automatronic at 7:47 PM on March 21, 2021 [4 favorites]
Clearly she seems to need help. But you’re doing literally what she’s worried about. So how paranoid is she really being? She’s worried about being lied to and you’re literally lying. You’re hiding the depth of the relationship with her ex and deleting conversations.
The ex can change his phone passcode. He can lock his doors and not let her in. None of you need to be involved at this level while having strange secrets.
Pass along some helpful info or someone you recommend they speak to on a medical professional level. Then disengage from this entirely. This is all far too much drama. Perhaps speak with your mental health professional as to why you ended up so deep in all this.
posted by Crystalinne at 8:24 PM on March 21, 2021 [7 favorites]
The ex can change his phone passcode. He can lock his doors and not let her in. None of you need to be involved at this level while having strange secrets.
Pass along some helpful info or someone you recommend they speak to on a medical professional level. Then disengage from this entirely. This is all far too much drama. Perhaps speak with your mental health professional as to why you ended up so deep in all this.
posted by Crystalinne at 8:24 PM on March 21, 2021 [7 favorites]
Understandably, she's terrified of getting help and I've been there with her all steps of the way, encouraging her to call helplines when she was feeling desperate, offering to go with her to her appointments.
Appointments? So, she is getting help, or is it all emergency calls to a helpline? Because she needs help. Professional help. I don't think there's a lot to unravel in the details, because those mostly seem to be symptoms of the need for that help.
I can vouch on my end that the only reason she is getting help is because she wants to get back together with him
Here seems another symptom, and I'm confident the professionals who help her will see through it. Contrary to your intuition, this is a GREAT reason to get help (as is everything else you describe)! If you're waiting for behavior more extreme to present itself, that isn't doing her any favors.
posted by rhizome at 8:31 PM on March 21, 2021 [3 favorites]
Appointments? So, she is getting help, or is it all emergency calls to a helpline? Because she needs help. Professional help. I don't think there's a lot to unravel in the details, because those mostly seem to be symptoms of the need for that help.
I can vouch on my end that the only reason she is getting help is because she wants to get back together with him
Here seems another symptom, and I'm confident the professionals who help her will see through it. Contrary to your intuition, this is a GREAT reason to get help (as is everything else you describe)! If you're waiting for behavior more extreme to present itself, that isn't doing her any favors.
posted by rhizome at 8:31 PM on March 21, 2021 [3 favorites]
What would I do you ask? RUN. Save yourself while you can. This woman is not a friend. What are you hoping to do? Save her? From what? I may be wrong, but it sounds like you have designs on her ex. He is having issues himself. Why does he facilitate his ex's paranoia?
This is FUBAR. extradite yourself from this tangled web and move on without the drama.
posted by AugustWest at 9:38 PM on March 21, 2021 [4 favorites]
This is FUBAR. extradite yourself from this tangled web and move on without the drama.
posted by AugustWest at 9:38 PM on March 21, 2021 [4 favorites]
I really dislike describing the ex as responsible for the "drama." This sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship and her ex sounds like he feels trapped. I really don't think the responses here would be the same if the genders were flipped.
I have no idea how much control she has over her behavior. But he really needs to get out. Your friend is very sick, but his mental health and wellbeing is not more important than hers. He really can (and should) cut her out of his life.
You can't fix your friend. Maybe you can support her ex when he's ready to get out, if he can make that choice (and again, he should). But you're not in control of these people's lives or mental health. Ultimately, you can only give people support and encouragement for making good choices. You can't make those choices for them.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 12:04 AM on March 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
I have no idea how much control she has over her behavior. But he really needs to get out. Your friend is very sick, but his mental health and wellbeing is not more important than hers. He really can (and should) cut her out of his life.
You can't fix your friend. Maybe you can support her ex when he's ready to get out, if he can make that choice (and again, he should). But you're not in control of these people's lives or mental health. Ultimately, you can only give people support and encouragement for making good choices. You can't make those choices for them.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 12:04 AM on March 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
If someone tells you they are thinking of harming themselves as a result of you setting a boundary like not letting them check your phone, email or shower drain, they are abusing you. She is abusing her ex.
If someone tells you they are thinking of harming themselves, then you defer to, and refer them to, professionals and a support structure who can get them the help they need.
What you don't get to do is make yourself the star of her drama. She's jealous and resentful of you? Ok. She is not grateful for your past help, and oh by the way, she does not appreciate you hanging out with her ex who she has made it very clear she is obsessed with. She has ghosted you as a result. Of all her questionable behaviors, how she is treating you is extremely logical. So...leave her alone.
As for the ex. What you can do is help him by 1) modeling boundaries 2) suggesting he see a therapist 3) come up with a plan if she threatens to harm herself which is basically finding out if you should call her family or emergency or non emergency services if something happens.
Thats it.
posted by jello at 1:02 AM on March 22, 2021 [13 favorites]
If someone tells you they are thinking of harming themselves, then you defer to, and refer them to, professionals and a support structure who can get them the help they need.
What you don't get to do is make yourself the star of her drama. She's jealous and resentful of you? Ok. She is not grateful for your past help, and oh by the way, she does not appreciate you hanging out with her ex who she has made it very clear she is obsessed with. She has ghosted you as a result. Of all her questionable behaviors, how she is treating you is extremely logical. So...leave her alone.
As for the ex. What you can do is help him by 1) modeling boundaries 2) suggesting he see a therapist 3) come up with a plan if she threatens to harm herself which is basically finding out if you should call her family or emergency or non emergency services if something happens.
Thats it.
posted by jello at 1:02 AM on March 22, 2021 [13 favorites]
Sometimes it is easier to see the wood for the trees when you aren’t personally involved in the situation.
So to all of us, it is abundantly clear that she isn’t your friend, she doesn’t actually like you, and are actually a nidus for her paranoia about her ex moving on with somebody else.
She doesn’t want contact with you, and you should respect that and steer clear, not try to reinsert yourself in the relationship between her and her ex.
Her ex should also run like hell and take out a restraining order, but beyond advising him to do that, you can’t “fix” this. He can also push her family to get her psychiatric help, or call the police if she tries to break in to check his shower drain, but aside from that he should be no contact too. You can’t make him do that if he doesn’t want to though.
You have no standing to make her get psychiatric help yourself, as an ex-friend. Only she/her family can do that. If she does kill herself, it will not be because you respected her decision to cut you off.
posted by tinkletown at 2:56 AM on March 22, 2021 [10 favorites]
So to all of us, it is abundantly clear that she isn’t your friend, she doesn’t actually like you, and are actually a nidus for her paranoia about her ex moving on with somebody else.
She doesn’t want contact with you, and you should respect that and steer clear, not try to reinsert yourself in the relationship between her and her ex.
Her ex should also run like hell and take out a restraining order, but beyond advising him to do that, you can’t “fix” this. He can also push her family to get her psychiatric help, or call the police if she tries to break in to check his shower drain, but aside from that he should be no contact too. You can’t make him do that if he doesn’t want to though.
You have no standing to make her get psychiatric help yourself, as an ex-friend. Only she/her family can do that. If she does kill herself, it will not be because you respected her decision to cut you off.
posted by tinkletown at 2:56 AM on March 22, 2021 [10 favorites]
If she does kill herself, it will not be because you respected her decision to cut you off
and nor will it be because her ex has started behaving like an ex instead of a thing on a string.
posted by flabdablet at 3:31 AM on March 22, 2021 [13 favorites]
and nor will it be because her ex has started behaving like an ex instead of a thing on a string.
posted by flabdablet at 3:31 AM on March 22, 2021 [13 favorites]
She sounds like she's in very bad shape. You have done what you can to help her, beyond what's reasonable. She's in bad shape, and any attention fills some need. She searches her ex's home and phone? That's so beyond any boundaries, and a very bad sign. You don't have any ability to fix her pain, illness, behavior. I can't imagine wanting to keep this person in your life; they sound so toxic. You say nothing that indicates any kindness or fun.
I would do any announcement or confrontation, but I would withdraw. In any encounter, ask how you can assist her with getting appropriate therapy. If you have a friendship with her ex that is unrelated to your feelings about Friend, carry on, but leave her right out of it. You should keep in mind that her drama and unkindness are bad for your own health.
posted by theora55 at 9:26 AM on March 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
I would do any announcement or confrontation, but I would withdraw. In any encounter, ask how you can assist her with getting appropriate therapy. If you have a friendship with her ex that is unrelated to your feelings about Friend, carry on, but leave her right out of it. You should keep in mind that her drama and unkindness are bad for your own health.
posted by theora55 at 9:26 AM on March 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
She hasn't spoken to me in a month
This sounds like a problem that has solved itself.
I’m not being flippant - you are not responsible for this woman, you are not able to fix her mental health or it would have happened by now, and she’s not asking you for help. What’s the question?
I don’t know a huge amount about codependency but it feels like it might be relevant here. You’ve done everything you can for her, she no longer wants to be in contact with you, the only remaining question is why you find it impossible to walk away from the drama. It hurts to lose a friendship, but it sounds like it’s a long time since you got anything positive from this relationship in return for all your efforts, so it’s maybe time to reflect on what’s going on with you, that keeps you so keen to stay enmeshed.
posted by penguin pie at 9:32 AM on March 22, 2021 [7 favorites]
This sounds like a problem that has solved itself.
I’m not being flippant - you are not responsible for this woman, you are not able to fix her mental health or it would have happened by now, and she’s not asking you for help. What’s the question?
I don’t know a huge amount about codependency but it feels like it might be relevant here. You’ve done everything you can for her, she no longer wants to be in contact with you, the only remaining question is why you find it impossible to walk away from the drama. It hurts to lose a friendship, but it sounds like it’s a long time since you got anything positive from this relationship in return for all your efforts, so it’s maybe time to reflect on what’s going on with you, that keeps you so keen to stay enmeshed.
posted by penguin pie at 9:32 AM on March 22, 2021 [7 favorites]
Reads like she finally set some boundaries and is not speaking to you, whether or not that feels good to you. You would do well by respecting those boundaries, sounds like a win win.
posted by RajahKing at 10:18 AM on March 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by RajahKing at 10:18 AM on March 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
"I would do any announcement or confrontation" should read I would not do any announcement or confrontation. sorry for the error.
posted by theora55 at 10:45 AM on March 22, 2021
posted by theora55 at 10:45 AM on March 22, 2021
Your friend is very sick, but his mental health and wellbeing is not more important than hers.
Yikes, I just realized I flipped the pronouns when writing this sentence. I meant that her mental health and wellbeing is not more important than his. I hope that was still understandable from the context, but I wanted to clear that up.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 12:54 PM on March 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
Yikes, I just realized I flipped the pronouns when writing this sentence. I meant that her mental health and wellbeing is not more important than his. I hope that was still understandable from the context, but I wanted to clear that up.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 12:54 PM on March 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
Why are you still friends with this person? Let them go.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:29 PM on March 23, 2021
posted by Jacqueline at 10:29 PM on March 23, 2021
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That said, in future, know that when a good friend of yours breaks up with her partner, you can't stay friends with both of them. You have to choose: at least one of them is going to get downgraded to "acquaintance at best." ("With her blessing" -- yeah, no. I believe she said that, a lot of people posture that way, but it's not genuine.) I'm sure a bunch of people are going to tell me about how I'm wrong, but that's the truth as I've observed it. Exceptions just prove the rule. And it's not crazy of her to be hurt that you've chosen him.
The rest of her issues go a long ways towards explaining why you did choose him. I don't blame you, she sounds like a trainwreck; but I also don't blame her for having a problem with it.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:07 PM on March 21, 2021 [12 favorites]