Which is more pleasing: yelling or silence
March 19, 2021 1:40 AM   Subscribe

In my office we have several departments, entry levels and shifts working at any one time. As I am one of several dozen just returned from Covid vacations we all entered into a new department training that staggered start dates lasting 5 weeks, one week apart. (Cont)

Ok, there are some in this unit more proficient at this new training being there longer however the very confidential nature of our job mandates no assistance from personell not deemed work leaders. So we have two work leaders to cover a fair four teams and the options are daunting. One is very quiet and soft spoken but also does other functions for the team so it's a long wait to get into her free time. Then when she is avail she rushes her assistance so you dont get the gist of the answer. The other no doubt very knowledgeable but has this booming loud and high decibel speaking voice that is very grating and hard to take being that I'm fresh out of training. I cant voice any specific complaint to management to get a different work leader (which I checked into already) so how should I proceed? I want to get trained properly but when the quiet one is there I always lose my concentration keeping up with her and the other guy I feel is disturbing my teammates who may just be listening to an instructor on headsets. I feel like I'm doomed for lack of more social skills.
posted by The_imp_inimpossible to Human Relations (8 answers total)
 
Can you clarify the question? Do you have a choice between these two and you need to pick one? Or do you just need suggestions on how to get along with both of them?

Is your problem with the second one that his voice is unpleasant to you, or that you think he might bother your coworkers?
posted by trig at 2:34 AM on March 19, 2021


Could ask the soft-spoken work leader to slow down a bit? As someone who's also often tempted to talk fast when under stress, I'm always glad when people point out to me that they need me to slow down. When I'm under stress is exactly when I can't afford to waste time, and giving instructions no one understands because I'm too fast wastes everyone's time - mine too, eventually, because the person listening will have to ask me again, or use trial and error and make mistakes I might have to help correct. Generally time spent on proper training/instruction is time saved later in the application phase.

For what it's worth, I also have a pretty loud voice and people often perceive me as "yelling" when that wasn't my intention at all, and I'm also glad, when people remind me to use indoor-voice. But I actually find this a bit harder to regulate.
posted by sohalt at 3:22 AM on March 19, 2021 [1 favorite]


Is communicating via email or messaging also a no-go for security reasons? Because that would be my first choice.

How are other people handling this?

It sounds as if you're someone who's quite sensitive to noise. I am too. Most people are not. You should probably assume that the person with the loud voice isn't bothering anyone but you. If it turns out he is, I'd imagine a solution will eventually be found, but in the meantime, try to put other people's imagined reactions out of your mind, and choose whichever of the work leaders is the most likely to give you the information you need at the time you need it.

One other thing that comes to mind, regarding coping with the loud voice yourself: I've been seeing adverts recently for these mini ear-plug things, which are supposed to help sound-sensitive people deal with the fact that the world isn't really made for them. I haven't tried them yet myself, but "loud talking" is one of the sounds they mention, buried deep in the FAQ, and maybe they're worth a shot.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 4:02 AM on March 19, 2021 [1 favorite]


I think which is going to be more tolerable sounds like it just comes down to what your personal tolerances/sensitivities are. But if I were you I think I'd opt for "loud and grating, but I actually get the information I need" over "pleasant to work with but I don't learn what I need to learn", as the latter sounds like a recipe for having to re-train again with the former anyway.

I wouldn't worry much about possibly annoying your colleagues; they're all going through or will go through this training too, right? So they know this is just a time-limited thing that everyone's dealing with, it's not your fault, and it'll be over soon.
posted by Stacey at 7:13 AM on March 19, 2021


Honestly, even bog-standard cheap foam earplugs work great for this -- you can still hear the person you're talking with, but the sound is more muted and gentle. (The only thing you'd have to watch out for is that he doesn't notice you're wearing them -- it shouldn't be obvious, though.)
posted by trig at 7:19 AM on March 19, 2021 [1 favorite]


Could you also train online with the loud one and then just turn them down on your computer?
posted by raccoon409 at 7:52 AM on March 19, 2021


Based on your description, the only problem with the loud person is loud and grating. Whereas the soft person is often unavailable and then is unhelpful/incomplete.

Here is my thought:

- Problems with Loud Person could be completely dealt with by changing yourself: Dealing with your feelings about the person being too loud, getting earplugs, generally figuring out ways to deal with this person as-is with no changes required from Loud Person.

- Whereas Soft Person, there are no changes you can possibly make that make Soft Person more easily available or offer complete explanations.

Point is, you can change yourself. It may be hard, but it is possible.

But you CAN'T make other people change. You can ask, you can suggest, etc but in the end you can't force it.

So personally I would go with Loud Person because then a solution (at least a feasible solution, if not completely ideal) is within your own grasp and doesn't have to depend on any changes by another person. Maybe Loud Person will be able to make some changes, too--and if so, great! That's a bonus.

Whereas if you go with Soft Person, the success of the endeavor lies entirely with the other person making needed changes. If that doesn't happen, there isn't much you can do yourself.

TLDR: It is possible (though difficult) to change yourself, your perceptions and reactions. It is impossible to change others.
posted by flug at 12:43 PM on March 19, 2021


I personally get triggered AF by screamers, so I'd prefer the quiet one. But I generally agree with flug that you can only change yourself.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:02 PM on March 21, 2021


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