Letter to my therapist

March 16, 2021 1:43 PM

Asking therapists: I think we're heading towards the close of my therapy sessions. I'm super pleased with how we worked and I would like to write my therapist a thank you letter once it's over. Is this something people do? And what would you like to read in a letter like that?

I've been in therapy for almost a year. There's one current issue we're dealing with, but after that, unless something new pops up, I've literally run out of problems (that I need help with, anyhow). My therapist has also started gently hinting at an end in sight.

The reason why a thank you letter is because she once said she was very into writing and receiving handwritten letters. That's great! I like writing!

But I don't really know what to write.

In case it helps, this is how I feel about my therapist and therapy:

I'm very happy, if baffled, about how it all went down. It felt like we were all over the place for months and I was thinking what are we even doing here and then - boom - it all started coming together. I was having epiphanies all week and then we'd talk about that and then the next thing would come up and I'd be realising more things the following week.

I looked forward to all the sessions, even the ones where I freaked out about transference issues or got annoyed or cried. Every session was surprising. Nothing happened the way I expected.

And I feel like, at the end, I got myself back.

I like her as a person and I think she did a great job.

She's experienced and, I suspect, rather passionate about everything. I liked how she seems to really enjoy digging into things. I think she loves her job, even the bits with me freaking out. There's a really positive energy in that. Listening like that is a lot of work! I like how she speaks very thoughtfully and sort of keeps a lid on the most spontaneous bits of her personality, but they still bubble up sometimes. I like that she seems like she can handle anything, but she also says so directly if anything shocks her or whatever. I like the way she homes in on the painful bits I was sort of hoping not to talk about, but she does it with a light touch.

Anyway, I could go on, but I just want to write her a thing that makes her happy, is meaningful and says thank you. Is this a thing? What would you like to read in that kind of letter?

posted by Omnomnom to Human Relations (11 answers total)

I am not a therapist but I have written to a therapist in exactly this situation, and it seemed like she really appreciated it and it was very well-received. (In my case, I was changing therapists, but it was because of new-problems-requiring-different-expertise plus logistic issues, not because she was inadequate. She helped me a lot).

I think what you have here is great, slightly edited to be directed toward her. Honest and thoughtful and personal and really shows what you got out of therapy and what you liked about working with her. I don't see much downside to writing it and I think this will make her day if not her week or month. How kind of you!
posted by forza at 2:14 PM on March 16, 2021 [5 favorites]

I am a professor and advisor (so I spend a lot of time helping people through transitions in their lives and thinking through some big decisions and career changes [most of my students are non-trads] and growing with class material that challenges their upbringings etc]) and I love when I get notes like this (and they usually come on the days when I need to hear it most, when I'm about to run off and join the circus or something.)

Especially if therapist has said she loves letters, go for it. :)
posted by joycehealy at 2:28 PM on March 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I’m a therapist. I’ve gotten a few letters or emails at the end of my time with a client or as an update some time after we stopped. I really appreciate them. It’s a fun artifact to hang onto, and it feels good to be thanked. I never, ever expect it, but I do enjoy it. I can’t think of a reason not to do this, unless there’s something specific to your situation that gives you pause. Honestly, it’s a lovely thought and I would love to hear that someone’s experience working with me was so positive and illuminating.
posted by theotherdurassister at 3:17 PM on March 16, 2021 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I am a therapist, and I would really love a letter like that! The work is hard, and any expressions of appreciation feel so good.

I think you could write to her what you wrote here!

Therapists are just human, and most therapists care deeply about, and are deeply affected by, our clients. At the same time, the job is extremely challenging and full of hard decisions, and can induce self-doubt in conscientious therapists sometimes. Getting that validation that you were helpful in any way helps to balance out some of the hard stuff.

Also to note, every therapist has a different style. I am very relational in style (i.e., friendly) but some therapists are more serious or practical and may feel differently. But you can probably guage that, as you know your therapist.
posted by bearette at 3:22 PM on March 16, 2021

There is no reason not to do this, and what you've written here is great.

Dear Therapist,

Thank you so much for your help this year. I really appreciate it because ___.

I'm very happy, if baffled, about how it all went down. It felt like we were all over the place for months and I was thinking what are we even doing here and then - boom - it all started coming together. I was having epiphanies all week and then we'd talk about that and then the next thing would come up and I'd be realising more things the following week.

I looked forward to all the sessions, even the ones where I freaked out about transference issues or got annoyed or cried. Every session was surprising. Nothing happened the way I expected.

And I feel like, at the end, I got myself back.

I like you as a person and I think you did a great job.

You're experienced and, I suspect, rather passionate about everything. I liked how you seem to really enjoy digging into things. I think you love your job, even the bits with me freaking out. There's a really positive energy in that. Listening like that is a lot of work! I like how you speak very thoughtfully and sort of keep a lid on the most spontaneous bits of your personality, and how they still bubble up sometimes. I like that you seem like you can handle anything, but you also says so directly if anything shocks you or whatever. I like the way you home in on the painful bits I was sort of hoping not to talk about, but you do it with a light touch.

[Insert more here]

Thank you so much again for XYZ.

Sincerely,
Omnomnom

posted by aniola at 3:25 PM on March 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

Therapists do sometimes get letters like this. It is usually nice. What you've written here is most of what you might say!
posted by shadygrove at 4:32 PM on March 16, 2021

Agreed. Might also be nice to send a brief letter to their supervisor, if she works for an agency, and leave some nice online reviews!
posted by tivalasvegas at 4:35 PM on March 16, 2021 [1 favorite]

And I feel like, at the end, I got myself back.

I think this is how you close out. Powerful, and very touching.
posted by kate4914 at 4:40 PM on March 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

With your comments about transference, her personality, how hard her job is, liking her as a person, wanting your note to make her happy, etc. I am wondering if you want simply to thank her, or if you're attempting to continue the relationship in some fashion now that the therapy is done. So I'd suggest being mindful about that, restricting the note to how the process helped you/how your future is brighter/etc., and ending it by wishing her well as a final goodbye.
posted by headnsouth at 3:51 AM on March 17, 2021

Response by poster: Headnsouth: Yes, I don't think that would be a good idea to write. It's what I like about her on a personal level, but not something to thank someone for.
posted by Omnomnom at 4:02 AM on March 17, 2021

Anecdote: I ended an 7-ish-year-long therapist relationship when I moved out of state. About 6 months-1 year later, I wrote a letter with updates on life and how I was doing. My therapist appreciated it.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 5:46 AM on March 17, 2021