How do I track down info on my biological parents?

March 10, 2021 11:38 PM

I was adopted during the 70's and have been given my birth certificate, etc. with the names of my biological parents. Now I'm wondering as to the best way to obtain more information about them. (Ancestry?)

I was adopted during the 70's by two (loving) foster parents, and they've given me my birth certificate and the names of my biological parents. There are naturally quite a few things I'd like to know about them (Do I have any biological brothers or sisters? Are there any inherited medical conditions running in my family that I need to keep an eye out for) and I was wondering what services, etc. folks would recommend. (Would Ancestry be good to use?) Right now I'm more interested in gathering info on them than tracking them down (my biological dad is apparently dead, though the aforementioned questions still apply) but I might try to introduce myself down the road if (again, if) it looks like I wouldn't traumatize anyone as a result.

posted by gtrwolf to Human Relations (14 answers total)

Ancestry could be useful if someone had made a tree with your bio dad in it. (Living people are not searchable in Ancestry trees.). A DNA test would also show you any matches, but it would show the same matches to your bio-relatives.

You can try peoplefinder services like Spokeo or Zabasearch. Also social media.

And there is an adoptee specific service called Search Angels that will do free or paid searches on your behalf.
posted by hungrytiger at 1:24 AM on March 11, 2021 [2 favorites]

We use 23andme (unknown bio-parent, adoption with very scattered family networks) and have seen a bunch of 3rd and 4th cousins, but no-one closer. It's enough to see that great-grandparents went to different countries and to be able to confirm some old family stories as true or made up, but no-one closer. I've read that it's much more likely to turn up relatives within the US and UK where usage is much higher.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 2:31 AM on March 11, 2021

Note that Ancestry will not be able to tell you which DNA (and thus which matches) are maternal and which are paternal, which in cases of adoption makes results very confusing and of limited use in tracing. (I actually found it upsetting.)

I would undertake a traditional, records based search instead. You have names, you can extrapolate a location, you should be able to make a good start as it is a single generation.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:37 AM on March 11, 2021

First google and search newspapers.com for your biological father's obituary, which will hopefully list family members (the facebook group Random Acts of Genealogical Kindness can help with searching newspapers.com if you don't have a subscription, or there's a free trial you can use)

fastpeoplesearch, spokeo, etc. with their names and locations to get associated family names

Search facebook for those names, check their bio and friends pages (and if those are private, check comments/likes on their posts) looking for the associated family names you found in the above step to confirm you have the right person

Once you've found the right family cluster on facebook, go back through their posts to find any helpful information (birthday greetings which will tell you birthdates, photos of family events, birth/marriage/death announcements, people calling each other "cuz," "mom," etc). Screenshot everything.

Throughout this, keep googling key names, dates, locations and look for other sources like ancestry forum posts, online obits/memorials where family left comments, Find-A-Grave entries with family comments or nearby family graves (search the cemetery for the same surname), and so on.

Hopefully at the end of this, you'll have mapped out a sibling/cousin network for the current generations.

Time for the hardest step: If you can get back to anyone who would have been alive in 1940, you can find them on the 1940 census, and from there you can keep going back using traditional genealogy research. It's hard to make the leap from the current day social media generation to their grandparents in 1940. The 1950 census will be released in 2022 and should help.

You may find the facebook groups Search Angels, DNA Detectives, and DD-Social helpful for search tips and emotional support.

The other tact is using DNA. Ancestry.com has the most test takers of any of the major companies so it's best to test with them first. They have deals for $59 or $69 on holidays. Check the cousin matches for anyone close. The DNA Detectives facebook group can teach you about clustering matches and finding common ancestors. The website DNAPainter has a lot of useful tools to map chromosomes, figure out possible relationships for a match based on the shared CMs, and compare hypotheses to see which is most likely.

Then you'll want to have your DNA in as many places as possible to maximize the possibility of a close match popping up. It would be a shame if you tested at ancestry but you have a half sibling who tested at ftdna. You can download your raw dna from ancestry (BE SUPER CAREFUL HERE - the download and delete buttons are right next to each other. I have made this mistake) and upload to ftdna and myheritage for a nominal charge (much less than doing brand new tests through those companies directly). Also upload to gedmatch for free. 23andme doesn't accept uploads from other sites, so you'll need to pay to do a new test with them. Save money by getting their ancestry only test, not the ancestry+health option.

Good luck!
posted by Nickel at 4:14 AM on March 11, 2021 [7 favorites]

23andme tells you not only maternal v paternal relationships but also (for extra $) can give you genetic health information as well. I would use that service over ancestry if you're looking for both relationships and medical info. It's also the more popular of the two services; I found 4 of the 6 of my half siblings on 23andme v. one on ancestry and one on FTDNA.

Good luck!
posted by danapiper at 5:05 AM on March 11, 2021 [1 favorite]

Hey Grtwolf. I am just sitting here making sure my kids actually in remote school and not getting distracted by youtube and online chess.

I am a researcher and would be glad to get you some info on your dad's family and point you in the right direction. If you want to memail me I can do some research for you today.

If not, you have some great advice here.

(You also might want to mention a general location. There are some smaller, less known resources for some regions and states.)
posted by beccaj at 5:27 AM on March 11, 2021 [7 favorites]

If you go the DNA testing route, I would start with Ancestry first. They have more users than 23andMe and their info is sometimes linked to family tree info. The family info on 23andme isn't presented as usefully as Ancestry, and I'm only able to figure out how someone is linked to me there if I already know how I'm connected to one of their other matches (and usually I only know that because they are someone who I'm also linked to on ancestry). Ancestry didn't offer a health option when I took it, but do now.
posted by drezdn at 5:42 AM on March 11, 2021 [1 favorite]

All good advice, I know many adoptees who found relatives through DNA when all else had failed. I would do both Ancestry and 23 &Me. I am a mother who surrendered a child in the late 60's and in the 60s and 70s many of us were heavily pressured to surrender, and never forgot our lost children. I found my son years ago, it gives me peace to know he is alive and well.

You might also look into adoptee support groups in your area. They can be helpful both with emotional support and practical search ideas. Try American Adoption Congress or ALMA, they may be able to point you to a local group. We have one in Morristown NJ if you are in this area.
No doubt there are many online now.

Best wishes in your search for your truth, whatever it is, it will make a huge difference.
posted by mermayd at 6:52 AM on March 11, 2021 [6 favorites]

Just to clear up some inaccuracies above, Ancestry has long been the more popular choice over 23andme, not the other way around. And 23andme is only able to determine maternal vs paternal autosomal dna if one of your biological parents has also tested with them.

(Unless the poster above is referencing y-dna and mtdna, which are not useful for current cousin matching. Y-dna and mtdna will give you information about your ancient ancestors, when they left Africa, their migration path, etc. Autosomal dna is used for cousin matching and ethnicity estimates. Simplified: Y-dna/mtdna = 10,000+ years ago, autosomal dna = within the last few hundred years)

And no need to pay $100 for the extra health report at 23andme. Upload your raw dna to Promethease and get a $12 health report instead.
posted by Nickel at 8:38 AM on March 11, 2021 [3 favorites]

Also I just got an email that ancestry dna kits are on sale for $59 until Mar 17th. This is the cheapest they ever go.
posted by Nickel at 8:47 AM on March 11, 2021 [2 favorites]

Seconding that you can download your DNA file once you get it from one place and upload it to others. I know of three people who found their biological families this way, even if the birth parents are no longer living.
If you are hesitant about revealing yourself first, be sure to use a unique username that wont tie back to you. You may end up with messages from the people who match you closely and that will help you gauge their feelings.
posted by soelo at 11:30 AM on March 11, 2021 [2 favorites]

Just to add a DNA story; I have a friend who searched for her birthparents for over 40 years, using adoptee groups, detectives, even got a court order for her original birth certificate when they were still sealed as they are in many states. She had been given an elaborate story by the agency, but nothing panned out, even the names were false.

She finally went for DNA testing a few years ago, and got the name of a young second cousin who had just signed up. She got in touch with this person, and through her found a half-sister. Her birthmother was deceased, but she got pictures and stories and has a wonderful relationship with her sister--they are very similar in looks and interests--and other family members. None of us who knew her thought she would ever find any one. She is a wonderful woman, has helped many other searchers, and truly deserved this wonderful reunion.
posted by mermayd at 5:45 AM on March 12, 2021 [2 favorites]

If you're interested in contact, I recommend ISRR.

The way it works is the birth parent(s) input information about your birth, and you do the same. If there is a match they notify both parties.

I'm adopted and ISRR connected me with my birth mother really quickly. Since both parties have to consent up front you can be sure you won't be contacting someone who doesn't want to be.


Best of luck! Feel free to contact me with any questions. Making contact with my birth family was really intense. It was all good but pretty emotional for everyone.
posted by DrumsIntheDeep at 5:53 AM on March 12, 2021 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks for all the tips! You can probably guess how I'm going to spend the weekend...

One last (?) question: among Ancestry's St. Patrick Day's Specials is an Ancestry DNA +Family Tree bundle for $60 (which includes a 3-month World Explorer membership for $1 more than the DNA special). Have folks who have used the World Explorer membership found it to be useful?
posted by gtrwolf at 12:19 AM on March 13, 2021