Agoraphobia from Lockdown/COVID?
February 28, 2021 10:42 AM Subscribe
It may be premature and a self-diagnosis, but I believe I've developed agoraphobia/anthrophobia of a sort while on lockdown.
It's certainly not at the crippling level, but in the year I've been on lockdown, I've only really left my home for prescriptions, and have felt pretty damn anxious and got-to-get-home during those outings. I wonder if this will end when vaccinated, and certainly while I recognize the need to mask, breathing in my own hot air absolutely sucks in terms of anxiety management. Thoughts? Tips?
It's certainly not at the crippling level, but in the year I've been on lockdown, I've only really left my home for prescriptions, and have felt pretty damn anxious and got-to-get-home during those outings. I wonder if this will end when vaccinated, and certainly while I recognize the need to mask, breathing in my own hot air absolutely sucks in terms of anxiety management. Thoughts? Tips?
I'm not a psychiatrist, but in general, what makes phobias worse is completely avoiding them. What usually helps is very slow and contained exposure to the stimuli that makes you scared. I don't think the fear will go away immediately when you are vaccinated.
I think what would be helpful is very safe exposure to the stimuli that is making you anxious.
What helped ground myself in reality was microcovid.org - using that site, instead of going by intuition, lets you decide what activities are actually unsafe, vs just FEEL unsafe. Some examples? (using hennapin, minneapolis, which is where I live but also pretty average for covid levels). Especially since microcovid has VERY conservative risk levels and transmission rates.
Meeting 3 friends at a park outdoors, for an hour, unmasked, is actually safe to do once a week.
Going to the grocery store, masked, is safe enough to do once a week
If you have unsealed N95s, even an indoor masked hangout is very safe.
And for safe for all of these, it means there is a 1% chance a YEAR to get covid. I think that's overkill (I'm fine with a 50% chance of getting covid in a year personally).
So, my recommendation is to think of something that wouldn't make you anxious (maybe using microcovid to check your work) and slowly reintroduce things into your life you used to do.
posted by bbqturtle at 11:00 AM on February 28, 2021 [10 favorites]
I think what would be helpful is very safe exposure to the stimuli that is making you anxious.
What helped ground myself in reality was microcovid.org - using that site, instead of going by intuition, lets you decide what activities are actually unsafe, vs just FEEL unsafe. Some examples? (using hennapin, minneapolis, which is where I live but also pretty average for covid levels). Especially since microcovid has VERY conservative risk levels and transmission rates.
Meeting 3 friends at a park outdoors, for an hour, unmasked, is actually safe to do once a week.
Going to the grocery store, masked, is safe enough to do once a week
If you have unsealed N95s, even an indoor masked hangout is very safe.
And for safe for all of these, it means there is a 1% chance a YEAR to get covid. I think that's overkill (I'm fine with a 50% chance of getting covid in a year personally).
So, my recommendation is to think of something that wouldn't make you anxious (maybe using microcovid to check your work) and slowly reintroduce things into your life you used to do.
posted by bbqturtle at 11:00 AM on February 28, 2021 [10 favorites]
For me, I think a lot of it has to do with the interruption of "normal" life. It's akin to having the Sunday Scaries or feeling anxious/depressed after a vacation -- the resumption of the regular after a period of interruption/disruption. Many of us got used to restricting our activities but that was a rather abrupt change in day-to-day life, with plenty of high emotions connected to it. On top of that, because of COVID behavior policing, I have found that many people are more afraid of being judged for their behavior than they are of actually getting COVID.
posted by sm1tten at 11:16 AM on February 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by sm1tten at 11:16 AM on February 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
I have mostly stayed home alone during COVID and noise and crowds bother me more now. People being blithely careless about personal space in the grocery store bothers me in a way it never would have before and a group nearby laughing and talking loudly just makes me think about how much virus particle is dispersed that way. It's unsettling when I have to go out but I don't think it is pathalogical at least for me; I think it's a normal adaptation of the senses to the kind of inputs you get staying home, and I have noticed that if I have more music and podcasts on at home that going out doesn't feel as bad - it's when I go from silence and routine to unpredictable, loud, risky, chaotic crowded spaces (aka anywhere with more than ten people) that I really notice it. I expect to go back to being unbothered by the normal annoyances of living in close proximity to many other people as soon as I have more normal immersion in that on the regular that doesn't have the cloud of doom and contagion hanging over it.
posted by slow graffiti at 11:26 AM on February 28, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by slow graffiti at 11:26 AM on February 28, 2021 [8 favorites]
Hi, friend. I feel you.
I received my first vaccine on Friday. It was a megasite which was formerly a department store in a mall, so it was HUGE. And although I do go to grocery stores occasionally, seeing ALL of those people (staff, patients, National Guard!) in the same building as me without the visual barriers of store aisles and fixtures to block them from view was a lot and I started to cry while I was in line. If it wasn't for the vaccine I would have bailed.
In my pre-COVID life I crammed shoulder-to-shoulder on subways with others without a second thought and was an fan of being in the middle of a throng of people crushing into Walt Disney World at rope drop. Now? I simultaneously miss everything and never want to leave home again.
For me, I think it's just a matter of getting out more. I just planned out my March and set a goal of going to two of the small, boutiquey stores that I've missed so much. I live in a state that mandates indoor masking in public places so that makes it less risky.
I'm rooting for us.
posted by kimberussell at 11:31 AM on February 28, 2021 [26 favorites]
I received my first vaccine on Friday. It was a megasite which was formerly a department store in a mall, so it was HUGE. And although I do go to grocery stores occasionally, seeing ALL of those people (staff, patients, National Guard!) in the same building as me without the visual barriers of store aisles and fixtures to block them from view was a lot and I started to cry while I was in line. If it wasn't for the vaccine I would have bailed.
In my pre-COVID life I crammed shoulder-to-shoulder on subways with others without a second thought and was an fan of being in the middle of a throng of people crushing into Walt Disney World at rope drop. Now? I simultaneously miss everything and never want to leave home again.
For me, I think it's just a matter of getting out more. I just planned out my March and set a goal of going to two of the small, boutiquey stores that I've missed so much. I live in a state that mandates indoor masking in public places so that makes it less risky.
I'm rooting for us.
posted by kimberussell at 11:31 AM on February 28, 2021 [26 favorites]
so i used to have VERY SEVERE agoraphobia. with therapy, i was able to get past it 95% of the time. i am worried about it coming back when things "return to normal." so i have some thoughts....
being nervous about getting covid and being agoraphobic are two different things. could that covid anxiety lead to agoraphobia? i absolutely think so. but if right now your fears are JUST about covid, then you're in a good place to head off agoraphobia.
to do this, you have to take baby steps now, it gets so much harder later. do safe activities. leave your house even if it is just to take the trash out or walk to the end of the street and back. keep going to get your prescriptions. is there a friend who can go with you to be with you if you get too overwhelmed?
agoraphobia manifests differently for different people, obviously. mine was i hated being in crowds, i hated large places like ikea or target because there wasn't a quick easy way out, i hated being on the bus and ESPECIALLY the subway because there was no way to just get off if you needed to, being followed very closely on the sidewalk was very stressful, etc. i don't feel that way most of the time anymore. what helped was a little bit of therapy and a lot of exposure therapy.
i think i'm rambling. i guess my point is: are you scared of getting covid, or scared of being having a panic attack or being trapped somewhere? cautious avoidance is much different than agoraphobia, and if you're super nervous about getting covid, it makes sense to be nervous going into a store and get that anxious feeling. but just because you are anxious doesn't mean you have anxiety, yanno?
i'm not at all trying to be dismissive, and i hope it doesn't sound that way.
edit: slow graffiti said a lot better what i was trying to say!
posted by misanthropicsarah at 11:34 AM on February 28, 2021 [7 favorites]
being nervous about getting covid and being agoraphobic are two different things. could that covid anxiety lead to agoraphobia? i absolutely think so. but if right now your fears are JUST about covid, then you're in a good place to head off agoraphobia.
to do this, you have to take baby steps now, it gets so much harder later. do safe activities. leave your house even if it is just to take the trash out or walk to the end of the street and back. keep going to get your prescriptions. is there a friend who can go with you to be with you if you get too overwhelmed?
agoraphobia manifests differently for different people, obviously. mine was i hated being in crowds, i hated large places like ikea or target because there wasn't a quick easy way out, i hated being on the bus and ESPECIALLY the subway because there was no way to just get off if you needed to, being followed very closely on the sidewalk was very stressful, etc. i don't feel that way most of the time anymore. what helped was a little bit of therapy and a lot of exposure therapy.
i think i'm rambling. i guess my point is: are you scared of getting covid, or scared of being having a panic attack or being trapped somewhere? cautious avoidance is much different than agoraphobia, and if you're super nervous about getting covid, it makes sense to be nervous going into a store and get that anxious feeling. but just because you are anxious doesn't mean you have anxiety, yanno?
i'm not at all trying to be dismissive, and i hope it doesn't sound that way.
edit: slow graffiti said a lot better what i was trying to say!
posted by misanthropicsarah at 11:34 AM on February 28, 2021 [7 favorites]
It is entirely within the realm of reason that you do have some degree or at least aspects of either/both, and that is totally okay and you are not alone. Or, well, we're all in this together-alone, anyway, and it doesn't have to feel like it feels right now forever.
Some people may complete the vaccination process and feel abruptly liberated, others are going to take a little more time, some may take a lot more time. And I think there are lots of people - even ones who feel relatively "normal" quickly - who are permanently altered in how they will engage in public spaces in a way that psychology may have to run to catch up, and I think the way public spaces are designed and function will also have some changing to do in response to a highly-sensitized population.
I think we have a pretty messy emotional reckoning in our near-ish future (I don't think it'll be a short phase, either, I think it's a couple years minimum) where everyone who's been barely holding it together falls the fuck apart, and I think it's actually in that phase where any of us has a much more real risk of pathologizing previously pretty reasonable behavior and anxieties into something much more limiting and directly life-altering.
So to that end: it might get worse before it gets better, and it would be easy to simply believe it's only going to keep getting worse and not expect/work toward it getting better. Beware the inadvertent reward system that is avoidance, once you're at a point where you have more choice in how to behave. Don't force yourself to take serious risks, obviously, but keep your risk assessment muscles engaged and warm so that you're not treating activities that will more quickly return to pretty low risk, like visiting a friend's home or going into a non-essential store briefly for things you want, as if it was the same risk as a nightclub or choir rehearsal.
But as much as I expect maybe some weird and scary social/cultural upheaval to come as the whiplash to all this, I also think we're going to have the input of smart scientists with trauma-informed approaches to managing the aftermath so that there will be information available to help us help ourselves/each other, and figure out when to get outside help. So in the same sense of keeping your risk assessment skills dynamic and engaged, be ready to listen and consider as we start to talk more about how to heal from this trauma.
If you're able to start building a pre-post-pandemic support system virtually - maybe just a virtual game night or cookalong or something - with local people you might reasonably engage with in person eventually when possible, that might be one way to increase your resilience for when things begin to really change. Buddy system it up.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:26 PM on February 28, 2021 [11 favorites]
Some people may complete the vaccination process and feel abruptly liberated, others are going to take a little more time, some may take a lot more time. And I think there are lots of people - even ones who feel relatively "normal" quickly - who are permanently altered in how they will engage in public spaces in a way that psychology may have to run to catch up, and I think the way public spaces are designed and function will also have some changing to do in response to a highly-sensitized population.
I think we have a pretty messy emotional reckoning in our near-ish future (I don't think it'll be a short phase, either, I think it's a couple years minimum) where everyone who's been barely holding it together falls the fuck apart, and I think it's actually in that phase where any of us has a much more real risk of pathologizing previously pretty reasonable behavior and anxieties into something much more limiting and directly life-altering.
So to that end: it might get worse before it gets better, and it would be easy to simply believe it's only going to keep getting worse and not expect/work toward it getting better. Beware the inadvertent reward system that is avoidance, once you're at a point where you have more choice in how to behave. Don't force yourself to take serious risks, obviously, but keep your risk assessment muscles engaged and warm so that you're not treating activities that will more quickly return to pretty low risk, like visiting a friend's home or going into a non-essential store briefly for things you want, as if it was the same risk as a nightclub or choir rehearsal.
But as much as I expect maybe some weird and scary social/cultural upheaval to come as the whiplash to all this, I also think we're going to have the input of smart scientists with trauma-informed approaches to managing the aftermath so that there will be information available to help us help ourselves/each other, and figure out when to get outside help. So in the same sense of keeping your risk assessment skills dynamic and engaged, be ready to listen and consider as we start to talk more about how to heal from this trauma.
If you're able to start building a pre-post-pandemic support system virtually - maybe just a virtual game night or cookalong or something - with local people you might reasonably engage with in person eventually when possible, that might be one way to increase your resilience for when things begin to really change. Buddy system it up.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:26 PM on February 28, 2021 [11 favorites]
Not covid-specific, but several years ago, I was studying for a really important exam and literally did not see another human outside my household for ... 5 weeks? 7 weeks? It's all kind of a blur now.
Anyway toward the end of this period, I went to the mall to buy a dress for an upcoming event, had an massive anxiety attack because of all the people, had to go home.
I've never been agoraphobic before or since, but that period of strict isolation did it for me. And that wasn't even accounting for all the risks associated with covid! Ironically, I did not experience this with covid lockdown, possibly because I have been going to the office 1-3 days per week for the duration, so I have had that regular sustained exposure to other people.
If you've been in fairly strict isolation for the last year, and it sounds like you have, gradual re-introduction to the physical world will help. Setting goals like kimberussell mentions makes a lot of sense.
And for me, at least, getting vaccinated did afford me some relief; I'm less antsy now if I see a person dicknosing or chin-diapering. (I still glare at them, though. Jerks.)
posted by basalganglia at 12:46 PM on February 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
Anyway toward the end of this period, I went to the mall to buy a dress for an upcoming event, had an massive anxiety attack because of all the people, had to go home.
I've never been agoraphobic before or since, but that period of strict isolation did it for me. And that wasn't even accounting for all the risks associated with covid! Ironically, I did not experience this with covid lockdown, possibly because I have been going to the office 1-3 days per week for the duration, so I have had that regular sustained exposure to other people.
If you've been in fairly strict isolation for the last year, and it sounds like you have, gradual re-introduction to the physical world will help. Setting goals like kimberussell mentions makes a lot of sense.
And for me, at least, getting vaccinated did afford me some relief; I'm less antsy now if I see a person dicknosing or chin-diapering. (I still glare at them, though. Jerks.)
posted by basalganglia at 12:46 PM on February 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
Same boat. But in my case, it’s a mild case that has been there for decades. Doesn’t help that I’ve been mostly working from home for years too.
Like any other phobia, just about the only treatment is exposure. So, before the pandemic, I would force myself to go out more often than I genuinely needed to. For example, purposefully not buying all the staples (milk, coffee, eggs, etc) at one grocery store. I’d buy some, then a few days later, I’d have to go out to a different store to purchase remaining items. This only worked for items I could not go without.
Of course, that technique is null and void now that my groceries get dropped off at my door or placed in my car truck for me. And I’m not going out to eat or socialize either. For my mental health, this is a problem!
HOWEVER, I’m not letting it get under my skin or overly worrying about it. There is often a factor of feeling defective and/or guilty associated with mental health issues. And this time, I’m not letting myself feel that way. Because I am doing everything right. I am staying home and not socializing for the greater good.
You too, OP, are doing everything right for the greater good. And once it’s safer, you can start implementing various techniques that would force you to leave your home/comfort zone.
But remember that (1) you are not alone, there are plenty of us dealing with this issue, and (2) this is a side-effect of being a good person who stayed home to keep others safe during a pandemic. Don’t let your brain lie to you otherwise.
posted by Neekee at 2:03 PM on February 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
Like any other phobia, just about the only treatment is exposure. So, before the pandemic, I would force myself to go out more often than I genuinely needed to. For example, purposefully not buying all the staples (milk, coffee, eggs, etc) at one grocery store. I’d buy some, then a few days later, I’d have to go out to a different store to purchase remaining items. This only worked for items I could not go without.
Of course, that technique is null and void now that my groceries get dropped off at my door or placed in my car truck for me. And I’m not going out to eat or socialize either. For my mental health, this is a problem!
HOWEVER, I’m not letting it get under my skin or overly worrying about it. There is often a factor of feeling defective and/or guilty associated with mental health issues. And this time, I’m not letting myself feel that way. Because I am doing everything right. I am staying home and not socializing for the greater good.
You too, OP, are doing everything right for the greater good. And once it’s safer, you can start implementing various techniques that would force you to leave your home/comfort zone.
But remember that (1) you are not alone, there are plenty of us dealing with this issue, and (2) this is a side-effect of being a good person who stayed home to keep others safe during a pandemic. Don’t let your brain lie to you otherwise.
posted by Neekee at 2:03 PM on February 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
This was definitely me at the beginning and for months! (And still, to a certain extent, though now it simply feels like being very cautious instead of scared—for a while I would start crying if I even went out into the building hallway.) What everyone is staying about small steps worked for me: doing the laundry, then going for walks outside, then getting coffee at a pick-up window, then going inside a mostly-empty store. I haven't tried anything more challenging than sitting outside at a bar, having a masked haircut, or ONE time going in the subway, but I also feel like that's a reasonable line to draw.
It's a hard line to walk, but it was important for me both to challenge myself and to not do things before I was ready. If you can't even consider it, don't do it—do something easier. Even once you're ready to try, remember you have permission to bail out if you have to. You're not on anyone's schedule but your own here. It does get easier!
posted by babelfish at 2:40 PM on February 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
It's a hard line to walk, but it was important for me both to challenge myself and to not do things before I was ready. If you can't even consider it, don't do it—do something easier. Even once you're ready to try, remember you have permission to bail out if you have to. You're not on anyone's schedule but your own here. It does get easier!
posted by babelfish at 2:40 PM on February 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
I've followed pretty strict Dr. Fauci guidelines and haven't really been inside very many places: grocery store once a month, a doctor's office to get a flu shot last fall. I mainly do curbside pickup. What I've noticed is the less I go out, the less I want to go out. I don't even want to call people though I "enjoy" the calls if someone calls me. I've got a partner, who's a wonderful conversationalist. We talk a lot and deeply at dinnertime. Yet halfway through, I just want to go read and not talk or listen anymore. This isn't like me; it's pandemic me. I've become an introvert. I don't know what my mood is when I go out. Last week, after successfully doing self checkout at the grocery store, the last item had no barcode. I had all I could do not to go postal. I felt unhinged and almost murderous.
I compare this state of mind and emotion to re-entries I've experienced after backcountry trips, retreats, or time spent in foreign countries after a long time gone. Life in such "after times" feels too loud, crass, ugly, overly stimulating in an almost unbearable way. I've usually needed to process those experiences before restarting my old life. I've found myself asking myself: "Why is the world like this and not where I just left?" I once abruptly left an Applebees after an incredible desert camping trip and that was the only place to eat near the airport. Another time after being out of the country for a couple years I left a full shopping cart of stuff at Target. I couldn't deal with the Muzak, the bright colors, the cheapness of everything. For me, this isn't anxiety as much as living quietly in my head and needing time process an intense experience. The pandemic is an intense experience that most of us are trying to normalize. Normalizing requires a lot of mental bandwidth and effort. Because of my age, I can afford to ease into post-pandemic life when it's officially over. I feel for those who already have to plunge into the pandemic "out there" or will have to do so when it's over.
posted by Elsie at 2:41 PM on February 28, 2021 [8 favorites]
I compare this state of mind and emotion to re-entries I've experienced after backcountry trips, retreats, or time spent in foreign countries after a long time gone. Life in such "after times" feels too loud, crass, ugly, overly stimulating in an almost unbearable way. I've usually needed to process those experiences before restarting my old life. I've found myself asking myself: "Why is the world like this and not where I just left?" I once abruptly left an Applebees after an incredible desert camping trip and that was the only place to eat near the airport. Another time after being out of the country for a couple years I left a full shopping cart of stuff at Target. I couldn't deal with the Muzak, the bright colors, the cheapness of everything. For me, this isn't anxiety as much as living quietly in my head and needing time process an intense experience. The pandemic is an intense experience that most of us are trying to normalize. Normalizing requires a lot of mental bandwidth and effort. Because of my age, I can afford to ease into post-pandemic life when it's officially over. I feel for those who already have to plunge into the pandemic "out there" or will have to do so when it's over.
posted by Elsie at 2:41 PM on February 28, 2021 [8 favorites]
Hi, I have also become agoraphobic from this, mostly because I live alone and I don't have to go out except about every two weeks. However, I think it's quite reasonable to be agoraphobic under the current circumstances, and I don't really plan on changing up what I do much as long as I'm not ah, fully protected (such as it is these days). I can go out if I absolutely have to, but keeping reasons to go out to a minimum has been good. I have gradually gone out occasionally or talked to people as time goes on, fully masked and in full paranoia in my brain. So I can if I have to--I think have to being an optimum word there. But what with the variants being out where I live, I don't think relaxing standards is a good idea. I got a stash of KN95 masks for going out and put a cloth one with filters in on top of that whether I need it or not, wash/sanitize, etc.
My state has now decided that due to my job, I am actually eligible. Theoretically, if everything goes "according to plan" I should be "in the clear" in mid-April. I'm not going to try to work on the agoraphobia before then because right now I feel that it's needed. Once I am "clear," if that is actually true/the case (I will be waiting on verdicts from the medical professionals as to how infectious I may be to others), I will slowly work up the nerve to do other things, like maybe see other fully vaccinated people (even indoors!) or go out a bit more often. But a lot of people are going to be living the shut-in life for quite some time still, so I figure it's something to slowly work on. We're not going to be running out to a concert any time soon or having the option to do giant group activities--just work on small things like tolerating being indoors somewhere else and things like that.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:26 PM on February 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
My state has now decided that due to my job, I am actually eligible. Theoretically, if everything goes "according to plan" I should be "in the clear" in mid-April. I'm not going to try to work on the agoraphobia before then because right now I feel that it's needed. Once I am "clear," if that is actually true/the case (I will be waiting on verdicts from the medical professionals as to how infectious I may be to others), I will slowly work up the nerve to do other things, like maybe see other fully vaccinated people (even indoors!) or go out a bit more often. But a lot of people are going to be living the shut-in life for quite some time still, so I figure it's something to slowly work on. We're not going to be running out to a concert any time soon or having the option to do giant group activities--just work on small things like tolerating being indoors somewhere else and things like that.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:26 PM on February 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
I got vaccinated today and felt like I was going to have a panic attack while waiting the required 15 minutes in the tent after the shot. That's the exact kind of scenario that has triggered panic attacks for me before, of course, feeling weird in some part of my body (e.g., from a car vibrating me weirdly, too much caffeine that I can feel coursing through me, or getting blood drawn). Add to that anxiety about being around people I didn't know, even in an uncrowded tent, and possible reactions, since even though I entered my allergies into the system beforehand, they somehow didn't have them, so I had to detail five of the half-dozen I have aloud while they entered them by hand into their system before proceeding... Talk about déjà vu.
So anyway, that was certainly anxiety-inducing, and it took all my coping mechanisms for panic attacks, such as taking slow deep breaths through my nose only (far harder to hyperventilate that way!), then sipping an entire bottle of cool water in the car on the drive home, then having a few sugar-free Halls cough drops and curling up in bed with cats for a few hours when I started to have exactly the mild reaction I'm supposed to be having. (That means it's working!)
You know what unexpectedly helped the most in getting past the post-vaccine anxiety today, though? Twitch streams! I joined one earlier on a friend's recommendation, then before I knew it it was time for another stream I'd been meaning to check out, then that stream dumped everyone into another one just now in a raid... Anyway, getting immersed in these has really helped me get out of my own head today, kind of like an attenuated version of the effect actually being on the dance floor has. I recommend it as a way to be social (in chat) and gradually get back in touch with your physical body and out of your own head in a safe place at home.
But yeah, I mean, I have a history of anxiety plus PTSD plus OCD, and some family history of agoraphobia. So this will be a process. There are only two people I really feel safe around in person right now, who've been in my bubble the whole pandemic, one of whom drove me to my appointment today. (Sorry, everyone else in the world!) There's another couple people I feel OK seeing every so often (like maybe once every 2 to 3 months so far). I'm hoping to slowly do some immersion therapy, gradually going out more and seeing people more, especially once I get my second dose in a few weeks. I'm planning to start by walking by myself, though, and just getting used to walking anywhere near people again.
For me, there's been a lot of anxiety around how many people I see out without masks, and that gradually narrowed my world and how often I was willing to go out walking. Then back pain, probably from a pulled muscle from doing laundry manually at home, and the cold of winter led to months of decreased activity. I'm just starting to come back from it, and I'm probably also going to get some physical therapy once I get the second dose and it feels safer to do that. Right now, I can only walk around for so long (20 to 30 minutes at a time) before getting a lot of pain. The pain might be worse than the anxiety.
It's going to take longer to get over the anger every time I see someone unmasked. I feel let down by my less responsible fellow humans in a lot of ways. I think so many of us are going to be dealing with that for a while and we're going to continue to have a lot of feelings as we work through that. But we're going through this together. 💖
I just hope that perspective helps you feel less alone in this. It's certainly not only you.
posted by limeonaire at 7:08 PM on February 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
So anyway, that was certainly anxiety-inducing, and it took all my coping mechanisms for panic attacks, such as taking slow deep breaths through my nose only (far harder to hyperventilate that way!), then sipping an entire bottle of cool water in the car on the drive home, then having a few sugar-free Halls cough drops and curling up in bed with cats for a few hours when I started to have exactly the mild reaction I'm supposed to be having. (That means it's working!)
You know what unexpectedly helped the most in getting past the post-vaccine anxiety today, though? Twitch streams! I joined one earlier on a friend's recommendation, then before I knew it it was time for another stream I'd been meaning to check out, then that stream dumped everyone into another one just now in a raid... Anyway, getting immersed in these has really helped me get out of my own head today, kind of like an attenuated version of the effect actually being on the dance floor has. I recommend it as a way to be social (in chat) and gradually get back in touch with your physical body and out of your own head in a safe place at home.
But yeah, I mean, I have a history of anxiety plus PTSD plus OCD, and some family history of agoraphobia. So this will be a process. There are only two people I really feel safe around in person right now, who've been in my bubble the whole pandemic, one of whom drove me to my appointment today. (Sorry, everyone else in the world!) There's another couple people I feel OK seeing every so often (like maybe once every 2 to 3 months so far). I'm hoping to slowly do some immersion therapy, gradually going out more and seeing people more, especially once I get my second dose in a few weeks. I'm planning to start by walking by myself, though, and just getting used to walking anywhere near people again.
For me, there's been a lot of anxiety around how many people I see out without masks, and that gradually narrowed my world and how often I was willing to go out walking. Then back pain, probably from a pulled muscle from doing laundry manually at home, and the cold of winter led to months of decreased activity. I'm just starting to come back from it, and I'm probably also going to get some physical therapy once I get the second dose and it feels safer to do that. Right now, I can only walk around for so long (20 to 30 minutes at a time) before getting a lot of pain. The pain might be worse than the anxiety.
It's going to take longer to get over the anger every time I see someone unmasked. I feel let down by my less responsible fellow humans in a lot of ways. I think so many of us are going to be dealing with that for a while and we're going to continue to have a lot of feelings as we work through that. But we're going through this together. 💖
I just hope that perspective helps you feel less alone in this. It's certainly not only you.
posted by limeonaire at 7:08 PM on February 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
You are not alone in feeling this may be happening to you. I don't leave the house much (partly covid precautions but also because my work-from-home-now job is just all consuming and, combined, I'm exhausted most of the time I'm not working) and I've noticed recently that when I do I'm much more anxious than I think it rationally warranted. I've had a couple of small panic attacks onset while I was just out for a car ride seeing so many people around and feeling very very overstimulated.
And I think for me, that's the thing: it's not a covid fear exactly, it's just having a lot less stimulation in my daily life. I do expect, and hope, that as things start to return to our new normal, especially once I'm vaccinated and the people close to me are and we can socialize a bit more normally at least, reintroducing external experiences and stimulation will ramp me back up. I do not expect this to be permanent but I also don't expect to "snap out of it" in any way. It'll take time to adjust back just as it's taken time to get to this point.
It's going to take longer to get over the anger every time I see someone unmasked. I feel let down by my less responsible fellow humans in a lot of ways. I think so many of us are going to be dealing with that for a while and we're going to continue to have a lot of feelings as we work through that.
And this, I am really going to have a hard time trusting a lot of people again. I've been reasonably lucky in that my immediate circle, family and folks I work with are all on the pro-science and sense side of this but the general population is going to feel suspicious for a long time.
posted by marylynn at 3:45 PM on March 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
And I think for me, that's the thing: it's not a covid fear exactly, it's just having a lot less stimulation in my daily life. I do expect, and hope, that as things start to return to our new normal, especially once I'm vaccinated and the people close to me are and we can socialize a bit more normally at least, reintroducing external experiences and stimulation will ramp me back up. I do not expect this to be permanent but I also don't expect to "snap out of it" in any way. It'll take time to adjust back just as it's taken time to get to this point.
It's going to take longer to get over the anger every time I see someone unmasked. I feel let down by my less responsible fellow humans in a lot of ways. I think so many of us are going to be dealing with that for a while and we're going to continue to have a lot of feelings as we work through that.
And this, I am really going to have a hard time trusting a lot of people again. I've been reasonably lucky in that my immediate circle, family and folks I work with are all on the pro-science and sense side of this but the general population is going to feel suspicious for a long time.
posted by marylynn at 3:45 PM on March 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
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I have been struggling with anxiety. I went through a phase where I found it very difficult to go out. It's still a bit of a challenge when I have to deal with crowds of people without masks.
I found that I had to gently (and of course safely) push my limits, a bit at a time. A trip to the grocery store first thing in the morning when few other people were about. A socially distant walk with a friend. Reading a news article about Covid. I made sure to do every reasonable thing to stay safe and beyond that, took it a step at a time, and ignored my anxiety as much as I could. You might be different, but my anxiety doesn't really come from a rational place, so I can't count on it diminishing along with the actual risks.
I'm able to manage fairly well now. Still pretty anxious, but we're just coming out of our really bad second wave of the South African varient (I'm in South Africa) so my situation might be different from yours.
posted by Zumbador at 10:53 AM on February 28, 2021 [1 favorite]