Better public speaking [difficulty level: remote+sleep deprivation]
February 1, 2021 10:30 AM Subscribe
I haven't slept a full night in two years. And all my talks are remote, which makes it hard to read the room and derive energy from the audience. Today I gave a talk that was bad enough that someone commented on how many "ums" I use. Quick fixes to help me get better given I don't have time to take public speaking classes or read full books?
I have always been shy and socially awkward. Over time, I got better and started to enjoy public speaking, and was often told that I was a good speaker. Then I became a parent, lost my talking-to-adults groove during leave, and once I got back to work, it was the pandemic with remote work.
I don't give talks every day, but I do often enough, and it's an important part of my job.
I am a bit conscious of how I look on video (dark circles due to lack of sleep, etc) and I think that makes me even more fumbly.
I used to practice every talk, but I am so strapped for time that I sometimes don't. I guess I should.
Early morning presentations are awful because I am never well rested overnight, and that's not a problem that's going away any time soon.
Anticipating that some well-meaning commenters will tell me to give myself a break -- not an option. I have to fix this.
I have always been shy and socially awkward. Over time, I got better and started to enjoy public speaking, and was often told that I was a good speaker. Then I became a parent, lost my talking-to-adults groove during leave, and once I got back to work, it was the pandemic with remote work.
I don't give talks every day, but I do often enough, and it's an important part of my job.
I am a bit conscious of how I look on video (dark circles due to lack of sleep, etc) and I think that makes me even more fumbly.
I used to practice every talk, but I am so strapped for time that I sometimes don't. I guess I should.
Early morning presentations are awful because I am never well rested overnight, and that's not a problem that's going away any time soon.
Anticipating that some well-meaning commenters will tell me to give myself a break -- not an option. I have to fix this.
Assuming we are focusing on remote talks in particular. They are hard; the feedback loop you are used to doesnt exist and its very hard to read the room. Personally i like to make jokes as i talk, and having deathly silence and not even faces to see is just killer.
Some things i would recommend: avoid looking at yourself. Take advantage of the remote format and have a screen with your notes; for me these are usually slides im presenting anyway but they don't need to be. Take your time, breathe, drink water. When you want to um, maybe take a breath instead, do something else. I know that wheh speaking a gap can sound awful, but its often not that notable to the audience: most people speak too quickly when presenting.
Early morning is pretty awful. Try to impose some kind of routine, make sure you have at least five minutes to psych yourself up ans be ready to talk.
Certainly when i was first doing public speakijg i found rehearsal enormously helpful. Even if you cant rehearse the whole thing, you could try rehearsing select parts.
If you can bear it, you could also consider recording and listening back to yourself. Also if you have sympathetic friends and family you could also gain some confidence by running material by them.
And, of course, do give yourself a break. You can and will get better at this
posted by Cannon Fodder at 10:46 AM on February 1, 2021
Some things i would recommend: avoid looking at yourself. Take advantage of the remote format and have a screen with your notes; for me these are usually slides im presenting anyway but they don't need to be. Take your time, breathe, drink water. When you want to um, maybe take a breath instead, do something else. I know that wheh speaking a gap can sound awful, but its often not that notable to the audience: most people speak too quickly when presenting.
Early morning is pretty awful. Try to impose some kind of routine, make sure you have at least five minutes to psych yourself up ans be ready to talk.
Certainly when i was first doing public speakijg i found rehearsal enormously helpful. Even if you cant rehearse the whole thing, you could try rehearsing select parts.
If you can bear it, you could also consider recording and listening back to yourself. Also if you have sympathetic friends and family you could also gain some confidence by running material by them.
And, of course, do give yourself a break. You can and will get better at this
posted by Cannon Fodder at 10:46 AM on February 1, 2021
Can you share some more details on what about your current public speaking isn't working? It's hard to give concrete advice without more to go on.
With regard to the "ums", I think you're right that you'll need to rehearse and polish. The other bit of advice is to steer away from a strict script, and learn to speak extemporaneously against bullet points. This helps you avoid searching and scanning for text which can lead to filler words, and lets you keep the flow. It's something that just takes practice, but once you're good at it (speaking to bullets), you may not need to practice every presentation, just the ones that are really critical.
posted by lucasks at 10:48 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
With regard to the "ums", I think you're right that you'll need to rehearse and polish. The other bit of advice is to steer away from a strict script, and learn to speak extemporaneously against bullet points. This helps you avoid searching and scanning for text which can lead to filler words, and lets you keep the flow. It's something that just takes practice, but once you're good at it (speaking to bullets), you may not need to practice every presentation, just the ones that are really critical.
posted by lucasks at 10:48 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Do you have a colleague who also generally participates in these calls? I can think of a couple of ways to partner with that person as a wingperson: first, to rehearse or at least do one quick walkthrough beforehand. Second, have them run the first couple of minutes where everyone is showing up - have them share their screen with a single slide up with the call-in info and whether to use "raise hand" or Q&A format etc etc, and they can even do a welcome announcement with that info a couple of times as well. For everyone's benefit this should be done with big warm welcoming cheerful energy.
Also, they should put a photograph of either a cute animal or pretty landscape on that slide. It works! I use them all the time myself, as an implicit acknowledgement that we're all struggling and could use something nice for a minute.
While they're handling that part, you can take 3 minutes to stand up, stretch, and "raise your energy". There are theatre exercises for this, you can write your own, there's all kinds on youtube, there's probably ones that short on the Insight Timer or Calm apps. Come up with your own personal power pose, run in place or do jumping jacks, whatever. Big Energy!!
If you can't get someone to help you, you'll need to prep your waiting-room slide and do your energy-up just before the call starts.
If you do have a sidekick, open a back channel with them during your part of the talk - Slack, instant message, whatever you can run in a separate monitor and still see. Have them give you periodic feedback and also mark your time cues. That does mean to let you know if you're "um" ing a lot or talking too fast or slow, but also to let you know if there's questions waiting or quality issues you should account for. That can help you feel more connected to your faceless audience, and also feel a little more in control of the environment.
You can also tape a "good energy" type photo next to your camera lens, whether that's a photo of a happy concert crowd or a great sunset or a basket of puppies, or your own pets and/or family. If you are someone who pretty automatically responds to other people's expressions, even a magazine ad photo of a smiling person can trigger you to have a smile in your voice and engaging energy. This still seems silly, but it works, and it's a focal point to keep you focused on the camera.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:58 AM on February 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
Also, they should put a photograph of either a cute animal or pretty landscape on that slide. It works! I use them all the time myself, as an implicit acknowledgement that we're all struggling and could use something nice for a minute.
While they're handling that part, you can take 3 minutes to stand up, stretch, and "raise your energy". There are theatre exercises for this, you can write your own, there's all kinds on youtube, there's probably ones that short on the Insight Timer or Calm apps. Come up with your own personal power pose, run in place or do jumping jacks, whatever. Big Energy!!
If you can't get someone to help you, you'll need to prep your waiting-room slide and do your energy-up just before the call starts.
If you do have a sidekick, open a back channel with them during your part of the talk - Slack, instant message, whatever you can run in a separate monitor and still see. Have them give you periodic feedback and also mark your time cues. That does mean to let you know if you're "um" ing a lot or talking too fast or slow, but also to let you know if there's questions waiting or quality issues you should account for. That can help you feel more connected to your faceless audience, and also feel a little more in control of the environment.
You can also tape a "good energy" type photo next to your camera lens, whether that's a photo of a happy concert crowd or a great sunset or a basket of puppies, or your own pets and/or family. If you are someone who pretty automatically responds to other people's expressions, even a magazine ad photo of a smiling person can trigger you to have a smile in your voice and engaging energy. This still seems silly, but it works, and it's a focal point to keep you focused on the camera.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:58 AM on February 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
I guess this depends on topic, but my advice would actually be to go in the other direction, to rehearse even less than you already are. I'm the world's single most awkward public speaker, so instead of doing public speaking, I approach such tasks as just talking about things I know a lot about. My trick is to not have a single note prepared ahead of time. I figure that if I need notes to give a talk, I'm not qualified to actually be the one giving the talk. The result is that, instead of reading notes awkwardly, I speak naturally and fluidly. It also allows for more audience participation, since someone might pipe up to add something I didn't mention, and if there are questions, I don't have to pause my script to answer them.
As for the self-consciousness about your appearance, just stop. There are two kinds of people watching remote presentations: people who are so interested in what you're saying that they're furiously alt-tabbing back and forth to Word or Notepad so that they can take detailed notes, and people who don't care about the topic but have to attend, so they've got a solitaire window up, and that's what they're actually paying attention to. Neither of them are actually looking at you. That might not actually be 100% true, but it's close enough to encompass most of my experience.
On preview: big fan of the wingperson idea.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:03 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
As for the self-consciousness about your appearance, just stop. There are two kinds of people watching remote presentations: people who are so interested in what you're saying that they're furiously alt-tabbing back and forth to Word or Notepad so that they can take detailed notes, and people who don't care about the topic but have to attend, so they've got a solitaire window up, and that's what they're actually paying attention to. Neither of them are actually looking at you. That might not actually be 100% true, but it's close enough to encompass most of my experience.
On preview: big fan of the wingperson idea.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:03 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Are these talks authored by you? I speak much better when it's my own material that I'm presenting. If it's someone else's I need to get a deep understanding such that I can believe what I'm presenting. If I don't or I don't truly believe in the material, I'm horrible. This could be a confidence thing.
Yes to practice. Many people have difficulties speaking to an audience - these remote presentations are the complete opposite of that... n-thing that presenters (myself included) tend to go too fast, so my aim during practice is getting my cadence down especially for key sentences. I aim to have these set pieces nailed down, then riff/ elaborate off of them more naturalistically.
It's alright to take a pause (instead of filling time with "ums," go for a Obama impression [half joking] and just pause as if to reflect on what you just said or to consider what you're going to say next).
Left field speculation - some advice I've encountered is to pretend the audience is something silly (in their underwear, etc.) - can you put a filter on yourself (only) so you can see an animated avatar and not your actual self (but the audience sees the unfiltered you)? Like, almost pretend to be puppeteering an avatar?
posted by porpoise at 11:05 AM on February 1, 2021
Yes to practice. Many people have difficulties speaking to an audience - these remote presentations are the complete opposite of that... n-thing that presenters (myself included) tend to go too fast, so my aim during practice is getting my cadence down especially for key sentences. I aim to have these set pieces nailed down, then riff/ elaborate off of them more naturalistically.
It's alright to take a pause (instead of filling time with "ums," go for a Obama impression [half joking] and just pause as if to reflect on what you just said or to consider what you're going to say next).
Left field speculation - some advice I've encountered is to pretend the audience is something silly (in their underwear, etc.) - can you put a filter on yourself (only) so you can see an animated avatar and not your actual self (but the audience sees the unfiltered you)? Like, almost pretend to be puppeteering an avatar?
posted by porpoise at 11:05 AM on February 1, 2021
In these times of remote presentations, I've found youtubers to be incredible models for tips even if they don't set out to do so. So I'm going to share my one and only advice that apparently was such a lightbulb moment to others when I pointed it out:
No One Knows That You're Reading A Script.
That's it. To finesse this point, if you have MSWord check if it comes with the Dictation button or else find any decent Speech-to-Text apps. Then do a practice presentation with dictation button on and then go over the wall of text and edit/format it into a useable script WITH all of your expected pauses, breaks, and slide changes.
If you have a secondary monitor you can have this script there. Blow up the font to 30x or whatever's comfortable for you. Make sure it's at least 1.5 spaced. Turn on read mode so you just need to cue page turning with the spacebar. You've now made yourself a teleprompter.
Since you've basically scripted your own natural speaking patterns you probably won't even need another full rehearsal beyond a technical one. Successful youtubers especially of the video essayist sort really do depend on this strategy and they get to give the impression of relaxed camaraderie but also never losing their train of thought. I've seen self-described nervous and shy friends do well with this strategy. This is literally the only season when you can 'fake' deep memorization. Might as well use it and get extra sleep, especially if this is a regular presentation material.
Good luck!
posted by cendawanita at 11:14 AM on February 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
No One Knows That You're Reading A Script.
That's it. To finesse this point, if you have MSWord check if it comes with the Dictation button or else find any decent Speech-to-Text apps. Then do a practice presentation with dictation button on and then go over the wall of text and edit/format it into a useable script WITH all of your expected pauses, breaks, and slide changes.
If you have a secondary monitor you can have this script there. Blow up the font to 30x or whatever's comfortable for you. Make sure it's at least 1.5 spaced. Turn on read mode so you just need to cue page turning with the spacebar. You've now made yourself a teleprompter.
Since you've basically scripted your own natural speaking patterns you probably won't even need another full rehearsal beyond a technical one. Successful youtubers especially of the video essayist sort really do depend on this strategy and they get to give the impression of relaxed camaraderie but also never losing their train of thought. I've seen self-described nervous and shy friends do well with this strategy. This is literally the only season when you can 'fake' deep memorization. Might as well use it and get extra sleep, especially if this is a regular presentation material.
Good luck!
posted by cendawanita at 11:14 AM on February 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
Oh also, yes you really shouldn't worry about your looks BUT if you would like to at least do something for your piece of mind: if you're on Zoom, they have beautifying filters now so just fiddle with it for some light complexion smoothing and colour for your lips. And you don't even need makeup irl, but if you want to, the typical webcam resolution won't expose you if all you would apply is a light concealer and nothing else. But honestly I'm finding better angles and lighting goes further in comforting the animal brain in your audience when presenting yourself.
posted by cendawanita at 11:21 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by cendawanita at 11:21 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
You can buy "concealer for man" if that's what you need. Though they are specific to a certain skin tone. Seen them on Amazon before, I think it was KODE brand for men.
IMHO, you should work your appearance into your talk, explaining that taking care of a baby.
I wrote an article two months ago about how to make yourself have a better Zoom experience, where I recommended MULTIPLE light sources, even on your own desk, so they wash out any shadows on your face. And get the camera slightly ABOVE you so it's looking down at you slightly.
posted by kschang at 12:07 PM on February 1, 2021
IMHO, you should work your appearance into your talk, explaining that taking care of a baby.
I wrote an article two months ago about how to make yourself have a better Zoom experience, where I recommended MULTIPLE light sources, even on your own desk, so they wash out any shadows on your face. And get the camera slightly ABOVE you so it's looking down at you slightly.
posted by kschang at 12:07 PM on February 1, 2021
You can't beat a ring light to make you look better on Zoom. I got one when I spoke at a virtual conference and it makes a huge difference. If you wear glasses, mount it off to the side so the ring doesn't reflect in your lenses.
If you have a sit/stand desk, definitely stand for presentations, your posture and energy will be better.
I think you already know that you need to practice. A lot. Nothing beats practice.
posted by radioamy at 12:34 PM on February 1, 2021
If you have a sit/stand desk, definitely stand for presentations, your posture and energy will be better.
I think you already know that you need to practice. A lot. Nothing beats practice.
posted by radioamy at 12:34 PM on February 1, 2021
I haven't slept a full night in two years.
because I am never well rested overnight, and that's not a problem that's going away any time soon.
(I know this is not what you asked - but you have me concerned for your health)
Have you consulted a medical professional? You could be suffering from sleep apnea - I say this as someone who was diagnosed many years ago, my partner who was having narcolepsy issues during the day, yet without snoring during the night was also just diagnosed with sleep apnea. Treatment has changed our lives for the better. Our skin is no longer greying, no more dark circles under the eyes, no more waking-up feeling tired, combined with severe headaches (and for me a painful throat - because I did snore horribly).
posted by rozcakj at 12:52 PM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
because I am never well rested overnight, and that's not a problem that's going away any time soon.
(I know this is not what you asked - but you have me concerned for your health)
Have you consulted a medical professional? You could be suffering from sleep apnea - I say this as someone who was diagnosed many years ago, my partner who was having narcolepsy issues during the day, yet without snoring during the night was also just diagnosed with sleep apnea. Treatment has changed our lives for the better. Our skin is no longer greying, no more dark circles under the eyes, no more waking-up feeling tired, combined with severe headaches (and for me a painful throat - because I did snore horribly).
posted by rozcakj at 12:52 PM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Worry about how you sound way more than you worry about how you look, unless (and maybe even if) you are broadcasting in 4K and your viewers are looking at you on the whole screen of a large device.
Watch your VODs (or at least record your audio and listen to it later). When I started doing that, it was a revelation just how many filler words I used, how my speaking pace was uneven and how I sometimes enunciated lazily.
Find and use your Best Radio Voice.
For the video side:
Put your camera slightly above your eye line if you can. (Cameras built in to the lids of laptops are awful; nobody wants to be looking up your nose.)
Enough light (evenly spread out, from the front, with a decent CRI) is vital. You probably need some kind of key light. It does not have to be a ring light unless you are doing macrophotography, makeup videos or need that specific reflection in your pupils in an extreme closeup.
Fill lights are helpful. If you're doing a green screen, they're crucial.
Your webcam is probably using automatic gain and white balance, and they are probably awful. You can have the best skin, makeup and lighting in the world, but if your white balance is off you'll look like a drowned corpse.
posted by sourcequench at 2:04 PM on February 1, 2021
Watch your VODs (or at least record your audio and listen to it later). When I started doing that, it was a revelation just how many filler words I used, how my speaking pace was uneven and how I sometimes enunciated lazily.
Find and use your Best Radio Voice.
For the video side:
Put your camera slightly above your eye line if you can. (Cameras built in to the lids of laptops are awful; nobody wants to be looking up your nose.)
Enough light (evenly spread out, from the front, with a decent CRI) is vital. You probably need some kind of key light. It does not have to be a ring light unless you are doing macrophotography, makeup videos or need that specific reflection in your pupils in an extreme closeup.
Fill lights are helpful. If you're doing a green screen, they're crucial.
Your webcam is probably using automatic gain and white balance, and they are probably awful. You can have the best skin, makeup and lighting in the world, but if your white balance is off you'll look like a drowned corpse.
posted by sourcequench at 2:04 PM on February 1, 2021
One of the age-old suggestions is to pick a member of the audience and give your talk as if to just the one person.
posted by SemiSalt at 2:19 PM on February 1, 2021
posted by SemiSalt at 2:19 PM on February 1, 2021
I have so much sympathy. I sleep poorly, I am socially anxious and awkward, and I present several times a year for my job. I can't wing it. I actually dread it in some ways, but I think my general fatigue with All Things Video hasn't helped. A couple of things that helped me specifically:
- I write out bullet points, print them out huge, tape them to the wall right above the webcam. This helps me keep my thoughts/speech organized and reminds me to look up and towards the camera lens instead of down at the slide deck or my own image. Looking up also tends to make my under eye area look less... awful.
- I do practice a lot, and note where I seem to feel more stress or am using more filler. These are usually sections where I am saying something negative or I'm less confident, so I work on the wording more there. I only practice the whole thing just a handful of times -- I try to focus on the places were I think I need the most work and I'm not above doing it while on the toilet, in the shower, cooking dinner...
- I caffeinate more carefully for those morning ones. I was drinking too much coffee, too quickly due to nerves... and it was giving me the zoomies/shakes.
- I find standing while presenting makes me feel more authoritative and confident.
- I prep the night before as much as possible -- lay out the clothes, set up the laptop, check the lighting, etc.
posted by sm1tten at 3:40 PM on February 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
- I write out bullet points, print them out huge, tape them to the wall right above the webcam. This helps me keep my thoughts/speech organized and reminds me to look up and towards the camera lens instead of down at the slide deck or my own image. Looking up also tends to make my under eye area look less... awful.
- I do practice a lot, and note where I seem to feel more stress or am using more filler. These are usually sections where I am saying something negative or I'm less confident, so I work on the wording more there. I only practice the whole thing just a handful of times -- I try to focus on the places were I think I need the most work and I'm not above doing it while on the toilet, in the shower, cooking dinner...
- I caffeinate more carefully for those morning ones. I was drinking too much coffee, too quickly due to nerves... and it was giving me the zoomies/shakes.
- I find standing while presenting makes me feel more authoritative and confident.
- I prep the night before as much as possible -- lay out the clothes, set up the laptop, check the lighting, etc.
posted by sm1tten at 3:40 PM on February 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
The self consiousness about looking tired can be pretty easily helped if you put a little concealer makeup under your eyes. Every person you’ve ever seen on TV does this, of all genders - it’s an easy fix and it makes a big difference.
If you’re not sure about how to use makeup, enlist a makeup savvy friend to help you choose a product (Something fairly sheer, close to your skin colour, that’s then blended with a small fluffy brush or pointy sponge).
And then watch YouTube videos to practice. Alexandra Anele is great. Look at yourself on your webcam to see how it will look on Zoom.
If your eye bags are very purple/blue, a tiny dab of orange concealer to colour correct, blended in before you put on the skin coloured concealer will help it not look chalky.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:18 PM on February 1, 2021
If you’re not sure about how to use makeup, enlist a makeup savvy friend to help you choose a product (Something fairly sheer, close to your skin colour, that’s then blended with a small fluffy brush or pointy sponge).
And then watch YouTube videos to practice. Alexandra Anele is great. Look at yourself on your webcam to see how it will look on Zoom.
If your eye bags are very purple/blue, a tiny dab of orange concealer to colour correct, blended in before you put on the skin coloured concealer will help it not look chalky.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:18 PM on February 1, 2021
>I used to practice every talk, but I am so strapped for time that I sometimes don't. I guess I should.
Bluntly, you need to do this. I used to do public presentations a lot. I'm not a comfortable public speaker, but once I warm up (and when I believe in my subject matter), I'm pretty good at it. Every time, I spent hours ahead making sure that my script notes were right, that the pacing was correct, that the narrative existed and was easy to follow.
When you say the above, it sounds like you've given up on your groove. Find it back!
I understand tired. I get new parent. But, listen to the advice above around virtual presentations, and roll a practice into your schedule if it's that important to your position. Some people need word-to-word notes, which is fine, but not as natural. If you can create your high-points notes, and work off them, once you get on a rhythm, the "ums" go away, in my experience. Lots of good advice upthread, but the "I guess I should" really stood out for me. Make whatever time you can to practice. The best presenters practice like crazy, so they look like they don't. Take care of you!
posted by liquado at 10:41 PM on February 2, 2021
Bluntly, you need to do this. I used to do public presentations a lot. I'm not a comfortable public speaker, but once I warm up (and when I believe in my subject matter), I'm pretty good at it. Every time, I spent hours ahead making sure that my script notes were right, that the pacing was correct, that the narrative existed and was easy to follow.
When you say the above, it sounds like you've given up on your groove. Find it back!
I understand tired. I get new parent. But, listen to the advice above around virtual presentations, and roll a practice into your schedule if it's that important to your position. Some people need word-to-word notes, which is fine, but not as natural. If you can create your high-points notes, and work off them, once you get on a rhythm, the "ums" go away, in my experience. Lots of good advice upthread, but the "I guess I should" really stood out for me. Make whatever time you can to practice. The best presenters practice like crazy, so they look like they don't. Take care of you!
posted by liquado at 10:41 PM on February 2, 2021
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- Consider rehearsing your talks? I give talks of up to 1 hour in length and I invariably do a "dry-run" at home before delivering. I find that this works out a lot of the 'um's and hesitations as I try to find the right vocalizations to go with the content of the slide.
- When delivering a talk over Zoom I try to avoid looking at the video of my own face. You can't see yourself when giving a talk in person, and being able to see yourself while you're talking is a source of distraction which you have the ability to eliminate (while still keeping your camera turned on).
posted by heatherlogan at 10:45 AM on February 1, 2021 [2 favorites]