How can I make a good impression on my new D&D group?
January 27, 2021 6:06 AM   Subscribe

So I had some success since my previous ask and I was invited to join an online D&D group. Our first game is Sunday. I've never played with strangers before, my previous group were people I knew outside of the game. The only thing I know about this new group is that several of them are women! What are some not-so-obvious things I can do to get off on the right foot?

I think I've got the basics of D&D etiquette down OK - be prepared for the game, be ready to move the story on when it comes to my turn, don't argue with the DM to the point of annoyance, don't be an "but that's what my character would do" asshole.
I'm not confident with role playing, and pretty socially awkward so it's the less obvious things that I would really appreciate some pointers on. Especially since I've never met any of the group before and have no idea what kind of people they are. For example, with my previous group I remember how great it was when I was feeling a bit stuck with what to do, and one of the other players said "Zumbador, do you want to join me and we can charge in there together?" That really helped pull me into the game and helped me relax and have fun.
How do I spot opportunisties to be a generous player? My character kind of lends itself to that kind of play to some extent since I'm a cleric and I've prepared quite a lot of spells that will help other players (healing, aid, etc).
Any advice much appreciated.
posted by Zumbador to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (7 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
 
Read the room - Different tables fall on a spectrum between emphasis on combat and emphasis on roleplay. You'll get a handle pretty quick on where this table sits, but it doesn't hurt to ask about the flavor of the table ahead of time so you're ready. Is this a PG-13 game, or an R rated game?

Know your spells - Clerics have a ton of options at their disposal, and can prepare different spells after a long rest. Having a really good idea of what they do and how they can help the party is wonderful etiquette. Guidance in particular is a powerful spell that will endear you to everyone at the table. Know what your Channel Divinity is too - it gets kinda hidden and forgotten by a lot of players.

Be quick during combat - In a similar vein, try to keep your turns short. If you're rolling to hit, call the action and roll out: "I hit it with my mace. Rolled 18 to hit." If it's a saving throw, I love it when my players remind me of the specifics: "I cast Sacred Flame. Dex 14 saving throw." Be quick with your damage, too. You can always add more flavor and roleplay later, but quick combat is fun combat.

Be bold - Clerics in 5e can totally be front line fighters that shield squishier members of the party. Taking hits to protect your more fragile spell casters is always appreciated. Being bold also extends to you as a player - if you have an idea, speak up! If you have a question about backstory, ask!
posted by cr_joe at 6:52 AM on January 27, 2021 [4 favorites]


I've been playing/DMing for about forty years, and recently I've been really impressed with some of the YouTube videos on how to run and play D&D. A few I particularly suggest, covering a range of habits:
Principles for Being an Excellent D&D Player
Tips for Shy Role Players
Being a Less Selfish Role Player
posted by meinvt at 7:31 AM on January 27, 2021 [6 favorites]


cr_joe's advice is good. Another tip that might help with roleplay: consider your PC's point of view about the other characters. As they're introducing themselves, consider things like...

- Is there one other PC that your PC would instinctively trust or like? Maybe they look like a military type and you also have a military background, for instance. Or perhaps they're just so friendly that your PC is drawn to them.
- Is there one other PC that your PC would be curious about? Maybe they're a type of person that your character wouldn't have encountered much in the past.
- Is there another PC that your PC would feel protective of?
- And so on.

Especially if you're just getting started with this technique, I'd suggest focusing on positive, not negative, points of view -- for instance, don't spend a lot of time figuring out which PC your character would most hate. Once you have a sense of your PC's point of view, it will help create opportunities to interact ("Hey, fellow military vet -- I bet the two of us could set a great ambush!").
posted by ourobouros at 7:35 AM on January 27, 2021 [3 favorites]


Another thought is that online play of D&D by folks like professional voice actors can give a distorted view of what "role play" means. You absolutely do not need to do special voices or ad lib fancy speeches in play. My encouragement is to take the moments when you have action and add a tiny bit of description. A few adjectives about what you are trying to do. Really, if you are ready, focused, and engaged, you'll be contributing to everyone's fun.
posted by meinvt at 7:38 AM on January 27, 2021 [7 favorites]


Guidance in particular is a powerful spell that will endear you to everyone at the table.

So true -- it takes six seconds to cast and adds a d4 to any ability check -- but it needs to be cast before the check. I run a lot of online games for organized play that involve groups assembling for the first (and possibly only) time, and frequently my clerics will announce ahead of time that they're willing to cast Guidance if the player wants it. Jumping in with "would you like Guidance?" on every ability check can slow things down and takes the focus off the active character. That said, a reminder on a really critical check might be appreciated, which takes us back to "read the room." (In fact, I agree with everything cr_joe said!)

One thing I try to do as a DM and a player is compliment and encourage other players' great play! If someone rolls high, it usually means their character had a great success, so an "awesome hit!" or "nice job!" makes sense in character or out. If someone comes up with a tasty bit of role playing, say you love it. Riffing on it is even better -- calling back to things other players said or did before helps make it about the group rather than individual adventurers on parallel tracks. ("Inspired by the Bard's stirring speech, I cast Bless on three party members" or [rolls 19] "I copy the fighter's technique in my swing and my mace strikes true.")

Some excellent advice, given to many DMs at organized play events like GenCon and that has stood the test of time, I think, is to have fun! If you're having fun, your fellow players likely will as well.
posted by Gelatin at 7:44 AM on January 27, 2021 [2 favorites]


It does sound like you're not doing the whole silent brooding broodily type of character which is a pain to play with as a DM or another player so you've jumped the first hurdle.

My suggestion for the first game or so is to sit back a little though and read the room as cr_joe said. Ask a few questions, find out if anything is a no go subject is a big one, a lot of tables have subjects like rape or child violence they won't allow. Are they deadly serious roleplayers or just out to make each other laugh. Are they all about combat & combat strategy or that's just something you do to get back to the roleplaying? Neither is wrong both are fun it's just good to read the room a little before diving in. Most tables that are used to getting new players are very forgiving of faux pas and they will feel a little uncomfortable too at the first few games as you all get into a new rhythm so don't feel too self conscious, they'll be nervous too.

Besides the practical stuff of know your spells, be ready for your turn etc. My take from a forever DMs POV is the generous players that involve others and are happy for others at the table are a treasure greater than gold that can really help form a team spirit. It's a group game & often people forget that. If the team is making a plan & someone isn't contributing, ask them what they think? If you have a chance for a big hero moment can you include another player in that, even better can you set another player so they can have that moment, specially if it's a new player or the shy person at the table. Cheer other players big hero moments. If someone does something cool, let them know you thought it was cool in character or out.

Another new person hint is if the DM doesn't do up table cards and you're not playing online joins, have a some paper to jot down everyones RL & character names, race & class and any history you glean as you go on so you don't have to keep asking. People love to feel like other people remembered them.

Best Rule I've ever heard for a player is to "Help the Party, Don't hurt the Party." Keep that in mind and you'll be fine.
posted by wwax at 7:54 AM on January 27, 2021 [4 favorites]


Response by poster: Thanks for all the excellent advice. I wanted to report back in case it's useful to anyone else reading this. I was struck by the advice here to rather see how you can praise / be positive / help the party, rather than go the surly, anti-social route especially with people who don't know me already and won't be able to separate my character being surly from me. But the following worked well for me. In moments where I needed my character to be awkward or shy or anything like that, instead of trying to act it (which I did not feel comfortable enough to do) I switched to 3rd person and just described it. "No, I don't have a wife, actually I am alone - and you can see that he's uncomfortable and doesn't want to talk about this subject." It seemed to help the other players have more sympathy for my character.
posted by Zumbador at 9:21 AM on February 8, 2021 [1 favorite]


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