Bidet for beginners: ISO simple instructions for use
October 2, 2020 2:49 PM   Subscribe

I recently installed a Luxe Neo 120 bidet and want to make some simple written instructions for any guests who may be unfamiliar with bidets or feel intimidated by the prospect of using one. I'm looking for suggestions for phrasing that can address common concerns in a disarming, friendly, and possibly humorous way and brief step-by-step instructions for use.

Bidet users, what are the most frequent questions/concerns that you encounter and how do you address them?

Non-bidet users, what would put you the most at ease and help you feel more comfortable and confident trying it out?
posted by metaphorever to Home & Garden (6 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I would do something like

1. have a seat as usual. the water won't work unless the seat is occupied.
2. when you're done pooping, press the [water] button! don't worry, the water is a good temp.
3. if you like, press the [other] button! it's just a different angle.
4. press [off]
5. wipe and/or [dry] button, and flush! that's it!
posted by fingersandtoes at 3:02 PM on October 2, 2020

Best answer: I've got the same bidet, and I think a warning is necessary-- it works just fine when you're not sitting on it, spraying water across the room.

First, don't touch the bidet controls unless you are seated on the toilet. The controls should look like this: (picture of controls in the off position, turned counterclockwise to the stops, and label the knobs for ADJUST WATER and DO NOT USE)

1. Have a seat and do your business; the bidet will wait patiently.
2. When you're finished, GENTLY turn the forward knob to the right (clockwise) and you'll be sprayed with room-temperature water. This is the only knob you'll need to adjust.
--- --- It's a bit surprising at first! --- ---
3. Use gentle adjustment of the forward knob to set the pressure that's comfortable.
4. Shift your backside around as needed to ensure the water is spraying in just the right spot.
That may be shifting forward on the seat.
--- --- This next step is the most important step. --- ---
5. Turn the same bidet knob to the left (counterclockwise) to turn off the water.
6. Stand slowly and allow a moment for water to drip into the toilet, then dry yourself off with TP/towel (whatever's actually provided).
--- --- Don't worry about the other bidet knob-- it's used for cleaning the bidet and toilet. --- ---
7. Flush and wash hands as usual.
posted by Sunburnt at 5:01 PM on October 2, 2020 [3 favorites]

I just installed the same model and there was a little simple "user guide" (about 5x7 inches) in the box with graphics on it that you could post beside the toilet?

Honestly I had the previous model 110 installed for 5 years and I don't think anyone has ever asked me about it.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 5:04 PM on October 2, 2020

I'll add that I bought my bidet late last year after a friend talked me into it, but didn't install until the TP shortage hit. Concerns I had as a new user:
-Cold water: But it starts out with water that's inside the building already, so it's basically room temp water. That might not be so true when more than 1 person is using it, though. However, cold water is refreshing, and swamp-ass is a distant memory of a more savage age.
-Missed it by that much: I'm a man, and if I'm sitting too far back, it was wet scrotum time. And a scrotum is a more complicated thing to dry off than anything behind it. I tried to address that in step 4, above.
-Wash me tender: Boy that jet of water can feel kind of sharp, and then a slight adjustment on the toilet seat and suddenly it's a gentle touch. There are areas of quite different sensitivity back there that I've never before bothered to map.

Concerns I have as a current user:
-Is it worth upgrading to heated? So far my answer is "who knows," but I bought the one that runs hot water off the vanity sink supply, and I'll find out after I install it.
-Getting vapor-locked while using the cleaning mode means that I still, maybe more often than is reasonable, spray water across the room into my cleaning-supplies closet or the front of my shirt.
-CLEANING. This probably depends on position, but there are new cleaning challengers with this bidet, manly the rearward casting of small bits of poop which found themselves attached to the back of the bowl, atop the bidet's main body, and sometimes the part of the toilet to which the seat is attached, behind the seat. That area needs much more attention, and it needs frequent attention because you don't want poop gluing itself back there. If you're having a long afternoon party where there's a likelihood of guests pooping, check this area frequently.
posted by Sunburnt at 5:11 PM on October 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

whoops sorry! I have a different model, as has become obvious. That's hilarious. In that case, best include that warning!
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:19 PM on October 2, 2020

It's not compulsory to use it, right? Because I really wouldn't feel game enough using one for the first time at someone else's house, but I also rarely poo at other people's houses either.

So whatever instructions provided could start off with, "Here's a quick guide to using the bidet if you want to, but by no means should you feel obligated to use it if you don't want to".
posted by kinddieserzeit at 11:31 PM on October 2, 2020 [3 favorites]

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