I am depressed and incapable of performing my job duties--help!

October 1, 2020 11:32 AM

After being unemployed as a direct result of COVID, I started a new job at the beginning of August. I think I made a mistake. I am depressed and mentally and emotionally paralyzed. What are my options?

In retrospect I ignored that inner voice telling me that this job might not be a good fit--because after 4 months being unemployed I was fed up with lazing around and wanted to get back to work. It has become readily apparent that it is in fact NOT a good fit, and I can't work here. Part of my situation is as a direct result of COVID-related anxiety, fear, and depression; the other part of my situation is a result of how the company is run, culture, people, and micromanagement.

I am in Massachusetts, and FMLA would not apply as I've only been with the company for 2 months.

In my mind, here are my options:

- Outright quit, which I don't want to do as I'd be ineligible for unemployment
- Ride it out, doing nothing, until I am fired (which as an otherwise conscientious person don't think I can do)
- Get some sort of extended time off (paid or unpaid) until I can get past this depression, although I don't know that that time will solve the core issue of the bad fit
- Be forthright with the company of the situation which we find ourselves in, agree to part ways with my only ask being that they not fight unemployment

Clearly the last is my best choice. YANML, etc. but any advice from HR types out there would be appreciated. Am I missing anything? Should I go right to HR, right to my boss, or both via email? What am I not thinking about? I was previously on unemployment for 4 months and would like to go right back on unemployment.

Thanks.

posted by eggman to Work & Money (10 answers total)

I don’t see “seek medical treatment while doing my job to the best of my ability and seeking accommodation if my medical team believe it is the best option”. Depression/anxiety often tell us to do something that will make the depression/anxiety worse, so this is where listening to your inner voice should be tempered with some unbiased, objective advice. Getting another job is often much easier when you are already employed.
posted by saucysault at 12:21 PM on October 1, 2020 [50 favorites]

That last thing that you talk about, the one you call your best choice? It won't happen. They will absolutely fight unemployment. They have absolutely no motivation whatsoever to meet you halfway on this, which is a shame, but it's how things are. You gotta go with the route saucysault describes above.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:30 PM on October 1, 2020 [8 favorites]

Depression lies. It's telling you that you're incapable of doing this job and better off without it. In fact, they hired you because they need you and they thought you'd do fine there. Is it possible you're not doing that badly and it's just depression/anxiety telling you otherwise? Would it help to ask your boss for a quick "two month check-in" to get their thoughts on how it's going so far? Without revealing that you want to quit, etc.

I would hold tight to this job while you look for a better job and fight the depression with every tool at your disposal. It's hard to picture them letting you take unemployment or extended time off in this scenario. I do not think HR will be your friend here.

I'm so sorry this is going on; it's an awful time for so many people. I hope you start feeling better soon.
posted by beandip at 12:43 PM on October 1, 2020 [7 favorites]

#2 is okay, even if you are a conscientious person. You owe nothing to a new employer whose work culture is negatively affecting your mental health. People are more important than companies.

However, it's not a foregone conclusion that you'll be fired. Maybe you'll muster the energy to start job hunting again. Maybe you'll start feeling more confident in your new workplace (many, many people experience depression and anxiety when starting a new job, and that's without the added stress of COVID). Maybe with the help of a mental health professional, you'll be able to tread water until your FMLA kicks in.

I would not recommend going to HR unless you are requesting specific workplace protections like FMLA; however, you may want to check out your employer's Employee Assistance Plan.
posted by toastedcheese at 12:50 PM on October 1, 2020 [3 favorites]

The other answers are correct. And if what you need to do is "do your job at not 100% until you get the depression under control," that is much better than your other nuclear options. I've been there.
posted by missrachael at 12:52 PM on October 1, 2020 [8 favorites]

Sounds terrible and I feel your pain, and you are not alone, as my job is way too fast-paced, disorganized, and chaotic to deal with during what feels like complete societal collapse and the situational depression and anxiety that surrounds it. I think about just quitting all the time, but can't - I feel like I really need to be socking money away, especially right now, when I could lose my job at any moment and may need to stay afloat for as long as possible. So I've been keeping my head down and just working at 50-75% capacity, and telling myself this is literally the best I can do given the circumstances I'm in.

The results are mixed - on the plus side, I can keep collecting a paycheck and getting health insurance while being hugely depressed and exhausted. And no one has seriously reprimanded me yet! I've also had time to seriously explore other job options, though nothing has come into fruition just yet. On the negative side, it does feel kind of bad to miss deadlines, blow off emails, and perform more poorly than my puritan American upbringing has taught me, which sometimes exacerbates anxiety a bit. "Fear of being let go" hasn't gone away, it's been instilled in me.

So if I were you, I would start incrementally slacking off more and more and test the boundaries. You don't have to "do nothing" until you are fired. Just...do less. See how close to the sun you can fly! What happens if you miss a deadline by a day? Does anyone yell at you? No? Interesting. You may find that there is a little more flexibility to accommodate your depression in this job than you think, and that it is surprisingly difficult to fire someone who is otherwise completely normal and nice and generally cooperative even if they aren't a 100% performer.
posted by windbox at 12:56 PM on October 1, 2020 [8 favorites]

Many companies have an employee Assistance Program (EAP) that gives you fast free access to some therapy. I would look for that and get some therapy help promptly, because the depression is making it hard to assess the choices.
posted by theora55 at 1:00 PM on October 1, 2020 [8 favorites]

In retrospect I ignored that inner voice telling me that this job might not be a good fit--because after 4 months being unemployed I was fed up with lazing around and wanted to get back to work.

I don't know if I have much to offer in answering your question other then seeking help while continuing the job is the best bet -- but I had a similar situation. I didn't think the company was a great fit, went through late stage interviews with the CEO. I had a lot of trepidation with the culture that seemed to pride going into the office in NYC during the pandemic and how they couldn't wait to have face to faces with clients even though in the same breath they said clients didn't want to be face to face and sales were up. In any case, I was expecting to get an offer and didn't and could totally see if I got an offer it would be excitement to get a paycheck then quickly into "How do I get out of here as quick as possible?" I still would have rather been in the situation of having a stable job for at least 3 months and canned for not jelling with the company then not having a job at all. So I know it doesn't seem that way outside looking in, but it is.
posted by geoff. at 2:05 PM on October 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks to ALL of you for your answers. Incredibly helpful and truly appreciated!!
posted by eggman at 4:09 PM on October 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

Even if FMLA doesn't force your employer to give you medical leave, they still could give it to you. If you are at the point of quitting anyway and have nothing to lose, you might as well consider asking for leave first.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:53 PM on October 2, 2020