Resources for neurodivergent parenting
September 5, 2020 12:28 PM Subscribe
Where can I find resources about/by neurodivergent parents, parenting?
(This turns out be really hard to Google because if you search, eg, "adhd parenting", you'll get lots of results about parenting an adhd kid, not, say, results about how to handle challenges someone with ADHD experiences as a parent.)
I'm both interested in neurodivergent people just talking about their experiences parenting, and helpful resources/life hacks people have found useful, and I guess just generally anything relevant in the space of "non-neurotypical people raising kids".
(I'm not specifying which neurodivergence because I've found that there's often enough helpful overlap in coping skills for comorbid symptoms that I'd prefer to just read broadly across types and take what works. But I don't specifically need non-specific resources, ie something specific to, say, anxiety is fine, it doesn't need to be generalizable)
(This turns out be really hard to Google because if you search, eg, "adhd parenting", you'll get lots of results about parenting an adhd kid, not, say, results about how to handle challenges someone with ADHD experiences as a parent.)
I'm both interested in neurodivergent people just talking about their experiences parenting, and helpful resources/life hacks people have found useful, and I guess just generally anything relevant in the space of "non-neurotypical people raising kids".
(I'm not specifying which neurodivergence because I've found that there's often enough helpful overlap in coping skills for comorbid symptoms that I'd prefer to just read broadly across types and take what works. But I don't specifically need non-specific resources, ie something specific to, say, anxiety is fine, it doesn't need to be generalizable)
ADDitude has tags for Moms with ADHD and Dads with ADHD, as well as a Free Parenting Guide for moms and dads with ADHD. Not sure why they don't just have a parents with ADHD tag. A lot of that stuff seems to assume that your kids also have ADHD, which is interesting and I suspect not always true.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 1:05 PM on September 5, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 1:05 PM on September 5, 2020 [2 favorites]
I follow a non-binary Autistic parent on Instagram parenting their Autistic child, who has actually taught me more about it just from following them than I could have imagined. Their Instagram name is: @awesomeande and their parenting is so rad and inspiring!
posted by fairlynearlyready at 8:20 AM on September 6, 2020
posted by fairlynearlyready at 8:20 AM on September 6, 2020
This spring, I participated in a research study on supporting ADHD parents of ADHD kids. I’ll try to summarize what we were taught as a group over several sessions over several months; so this will be simplifying.
The main parts were 1) improve your own condition (parenting is much easier if you are as well as can be), 2) strengthen the relation with the child (if your positive experiences together outweigh the negative interactions by a fair bit, there’s more trust to work with), and 3) reduce conflicts (partially by 1) and 2), but in addition having strategies to de-escalate helps).
Some strategies:
For 1) anything that helps your ADHD in general, structure, having a plan, anticipating common scenarios. Small idiosyncratic specific solutions to make your life easier can help surprisingly much. Take micro breaks throughout the day.
For 2) try to inject positive interaction often, find opportunities for them, have a free zone where there’s no behavior policing, show interest in the child, focus on them during these interactions, be present with all your senses, and put everything else aside. Better many short positive interactions than few long ones. Goal: 5 times more positive times, attention, and encouragement than scolding, correcting, and disapproval.
For 3) check that 1) and 2) are ok. Then, when giving instructions: first seek contact, then be concise and constructive, just state very briefly and calmly what the child should actually do, give them time to process before repeating, encourage any steps in the right direction. Decide what non-negotiable rules you have and enforce them (these should be very few), which problems you also care about but try to find solutions for (some), and which to let go at least for a while and not even comment on (most). Reduce the heat of conflict by lowering your voice, relaxing your stance, physically backing off. Stop for a moment, breathe, calm yourself down before speaking. Keep arguments, nuanced explanations, and discussion for later when everyone is calm and can reason better. If the conflict is about one of the firm rules, don’t give in.
posted by meijusa at 3:19 PM on September 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
The main parts were 1) improve your own condition (parenting is much easier if you are as well as can be), 2) strengthen the relation with the child (if your positive experiences together outweigh the negative interactions by a fair bit, there’s more trust to work with), and 3) reduce conflicts (partially by 1) and 2), but in addition having strategies to de-escalate helps).
Some strategies:
For 1) anything that helps your ADHD in general, structure, having a plan, anticipating common scenarios. Small idiosyncratic specific solutions to make your life easier can help surprisingly much. Take micro breaks throughout the day.
For 2) try to inject positive interaction often, find opportunities for them, have a free zone where there’s no behavior policing, show interest in the child, focus on them during these interactions, be present with all your senses, and put everything else aside. Better many short positive interactions than few long ones. Goal: 5 times more positive times, attention, and encouragement than scolding, correcting, and disapproval.
For 3) check that 1) and 2) are ok. Then, when giving instructions: first seek contact, then be concise and constructive, just state very briefly and calmly what the child should actually do, give them time to process before repeating, encourage any steps in the right direction. Decide what non-negotiable rules you have and enforce them (these should be very few), which problems you also care about but try to find solutions for (some), and which to let go at least for a while and not even comment on (most). Reduce the heat of conflict by lowering your voice, relaxing your stance, physically backing off. Stop for a moment, breathe, calm yourself down before speaking. Keep arguments, nuanced explanations, and discussion for later when everyone is calm and can reason better. If the conflict is about one of the firm rules, don’t give in.
posted by meijusa at 3:19 PM on September 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
My main takeaway from the whole program (that also included individual sessions with an occupational therapist) was very meta (heh). Pick one child, one situation that’s problematic and recurring and try out one strategy for a week. Plan what you will do very concretely, how you will remind yourself of your intention, and when you will do what. Reflect over how it went, what to tweak, iterate. Over time, add other strategies, one by one, in a small, iterative way, and keep reflecting and if possible talking it over with some understanding and non-judgmental person. Baby steps and consistency, the most beneficial and infuriatingly difficult approach for my ADHD brain.
posted by meijusa at 3:35 PM on September 6, 2020
posted by meijusa at 3:35 PM on September 6, 2020
Response by poster: A self-answer, since I found this after posting and maybe other people also want stuff:
I have stumbled across the Take Control ADHD podcast archives, which have searchable archives and many episodes have transcripts, so here's the results for searching parenting.
That also led me to ADDept, which has an entire category just for parenting with ADHD
Can add more as I find. Thanks to everyone who has answered.
posted by Cozybee at 8:13 PM on September 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
I have stumbled across the Take Control ADHD podcast archives, which have searchable archives and many episodes have transcripts, so here's the results for searching parenting.
That also led me to ADDept, which has an entire category just for parenting with ADHD
Can add more as I find. Thanks to everyone who has answered.
posted by Cozybee at 8:13 PM on September 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by eirias at 12:57 PM on September 5, 2020 [1 favorite]