What are some good approaches to extracurriculars for kids (1st grade)?

August 24, 2020 9:54 AM

Just trying to learn what some different philosophies are. How many hours of sports/activities (music, dance, etc.) outside of school do you aim for with your kids? If the kid doesn't seem into it, how do you decide if/when to quit? What if the parents don't like it? I know the consensus view is that kids should not specialize in a sport yet, but it doesn't seem like there's much consensus beyond that. So just trying to get some different opinions. Thank you!
posted by malhouse to Education (15 answers total)

This might be a good place to start: https://www.1000hoursoutside.com/
Every kid I know is a little different; insofar as you can be kid-directed, do it.
posted by Cerabee at 10:05 AM on August 24, 2020 [1 favorite]

Our kid is an introvert, so he was generally pretty tired after a day of school. In first grade we signed him up for Taekwondo once a week during the school year which was an hour class, the class he took was very focused on respect and community and exercise and fun and less on forms and technique unless the kid was very interested. We might have signed him up for one more thing if it was something he was very interested in taking, but he didn't want to try any of the options.
posted by Swisstine at 10:08 AM on August 24, 2020

At that age the school day is already pretty long, so we found it best not to overload our kids with activities. If there's a low-stakes, 4 to 8 weeks of lessons type class that sounds interesting and doesn't break your budget, ask the kid if they're willing to try it out. We did this with swimming lessons (one kid loved it and continued, one did not), piano lessons (both kept at it for a bit, then lost interest), youth soccer (AYSO has a nice "everyone plays" philosophy and some groups are more mellow than others; ask around) and at-school chess club (one of ours stayed in that for years and years). If your kid hates it, you'll know pretty quickly and can simply not sign up for more.
posted by sencha at 10:19 AM on August 24, 2020

It's kind of a whole lifestyle and ethos thing right? Like how do you live, how much money do you have, how do you get around, how much free time do you have. Two working parents in a car-less family have a very different outlook than a stay-at-home parent with three cars in the exurbs. Anyway, my kid is only 3 so I guess I should shut up, but I think it's worth noting that this absolutely intersects with class and race and money and geography etc. That's why you see such variety in what parents/kids do, and it's something I am mindful of as I start considering plans for these activities.
posted by SaltySalticid at 10:24 AM on August 24, 2020 [8 favorites]

A few questions here:

How many hours of sports/activities (music, dance, etc.) outside of school do you aim for with your kids?

I aim for 1/night, for activities that are multiple nights, stick to 1/night. Ideally with at least one day a week off

If the kid doesn't seem into it, how do you decide if/when to quit?

I think asking a kid to try something for a year is a good idea. Commit to see it through. Making friends and going from 0 to hero takes a bit of commitment. Then decide the next year if it's something to continue. Try to help problem-solve throughout the year - if the problem is with a bad coach or instructor, consider switching midyear to see if that helps.

What if the parents don't like it?

Not all parents are super engaged with extra-curriculars. Some multi-task with work, others just drop off their kids and pick them up. I think the most important thing is kids enjoyment. No matter the activity, I'm likely to spend most of my time reading a book. If you think it's actively unhealthy for your kid, that's different of course.

I know the consensus view is that kids should not specialize in a sport yet, but it doesn't seem like there's much consensus beyond that.
I always think that the important nuance behind not specializing is trying to preserve enjoyment of a kid. Because if you make the sport too big of a deal, how far do they feel pressured to take it? Sports are super important for social and physical development, but it can hinder people too if it becomes too much a part of their identity. Holistic wellness means they should be good all-around at sports, but be physically developed and very socially engaged. Sports and coaches that encourage good sportsmanship and child-led-leadership and activities should be treasured.
posted by bbqturtle at 10:28 AM on August 24, 2020

Growing up, I jumped around extracurriculars a lot. The only thing I wasn’t allowed to quit was swimming, until I’d got through all the levels, as my mother wanted to make damned sure her kids wouldn’t drown. Even as an out of shape adult, I still have a pretty strong stroke, and I’m glad for it.
posted by ceramicspaniel at 10:31 AM on August 24, 2020 [1 favorite]

When my kids were young, I allowed them to do 1-2 activities (usually a sport and Scouts). One loved Girl Scouts, so she stayed with it. The other kid hated it, but really liked tae-kwon-do - did it for 6 years until 2nd degree black-belt. Our family needs a lot of downtime, so I ensured that we had lots of space open to relax. I tried to let my kids dictate what they wanted to try and stick with.
posted by heathrowga at 11:00 AM on August 24, 2020 [1 favorite]

My kids have a heritage language class Saturday mornings and used to take gymnastics which was twice a week. The gymnastics wanted to move the older kid into some competitive programs where she'd have to go 3 times a week, including a big chunk of time on Sunday and we all decided that it wasn't for us. Then my spouse became a full-time student so no one was around to take them to lessons during the week. They now also do a weekly piano lesson with a friend who lives nearby.

I'd like to sign them up for some kind of physical activity during the week - there's a freerunning/parkour gym not too far away that might work although I'm not sure when they'll be open for lessons again. We try to do one or two swimming lessons for them over the year. They both swim well for their age. I'm not going to let them quit swimming because they need to be comfortable in the water if they fall out of a canoe.

We let our daughter quit skating after 3 years as she stopped liking it. She's comfortable on the ice and can move around pretty well which is all she needs for the amount of skating we do. If she was into a skating related sport that would be motivation for her to do more but she isn't. Recreational skating is pretty boring in Toronto anyway - "let's go to a crowded rink and skate around in circles for a couple of hours".
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 11:29 AM on August 24, 2020

We added time as they got older.

Aged 3-5- swimming and hockey only in the winter. Essentially one night a week and one weekend day, Tball or soccer in the summer. (one evening per week)
Aged 6ish- Swimming and hockey only winter. Changed to lacrosse in summer. Same as above.
Aged 7-8- Swimming, hockey and Cubs/Scouts winter. (now at two nights a week, plus weekend day). Lacrosse moved to 3-5 days a week (they loved lacrosse, so we joined Rep)
We kept that up for a years till age 12ish? Both gave up lacrosse.
Around 10, theygave up swimming and they both joined Water Polo. The older one is 4 days a week, younger 2 days a week in the winter. Both gave up Cubs/Scouts. In the summer, one plays baseball (2 nights a week) and the other does rugby (2 nights a week, plus weekend tournaments)

So essentially, we juggle a lot, but we built up to it. ITs not too onerous.

They both like sports, neither are superstarts in any way. I think they'd both still be playing lacrosse except that Rep was really the only option, and as they get older, they just aren't good enough. And the House program isn't great (not enough kids)


As for parents liking it, the only one I *HATED* was Tball. Mostly cause we had "SuperDad" was a coach, and they were 3. Way too much drama

Otherwise, I just get lots of time to read during practices. Both are old enough now, we just drop them at practise and go home (or car pool)
posted by Ftsqg at 11:31 AM on August 24, 2020

I let my kid (11) quit anything he doesn't like, but he's not much of a quitter. He can generally put up with anything for the length of the 3 month season/semester, and then just decline to sign up again if it wasn't his jam. We do coach him to think it through pretty seriously before we lay down money on a thing.

My philosophy with extracurriculars is to open as many doors as I can, so he can see how the world works and try out different ways of being comfortable in it. One week camps work well for this. No need to do 9 months of debate for $750 if you can do one week for $200 and test the waters.
posted by xo at 12:03 PM on August 24, 2020

We won't do more than two activities per week, and often just one. I guess we're primarily a family of introverts, but we just don't want to put that much pressure on us or our kids at their age (Kindergarten and 2nd Grade). As they get older, they will get more input on which activities they do, and probably they won't be the same activities so it will naturally expand, but for now, I am very happy to put a limit on it. I'm guessing that we will require them to stick with it for the quarter/season/school year but we'll have to see. I was allowed to quit dance in the middle of the school year as a teenager after years of classes, which I've always appreciated - I know my mom was disappointed but I had really good reasons and she respected that. But I wasn't allowed to quit the scouting thing that the whole family was involved in, and I've appreciated that too. So it will be a case by case thing.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 12:04 PM on August 24, 2020

Growing up, the rule was to "finish your commitment," which was usually as long as my parents paid for. The exception was piano, which was a must from elementary through middle school.

I floated in and out of other extracurricular activities depending on my interest, family finances, and family needs. Starting in middle school it became harder to just dabble... activities started to demand multi day commitments. In addition, if the activity split by age/grade groups then I would be the worst and if the activity split by skill level then I would be the oldest/biggest (awkward during puberty). [This was compounded, I'm sure, by the fact that I was super uncoordinated].

Something I know now (but didn't as a kid) is that it helps that I not only enjoy the activity, but enjoy the people attracted to the community surrounding the activity. In retrospect, I wish my parents were a bit more intentional in helping me find activities that were also good "social fits" for me. For instance, as an shy, awkward, and introverted child I wish I was nudged towards individual over team sports.

You might want to consider that there are some activities that younger kids may pick up more easily (e.g. languages, music, activities that involve balance (like ice skating or gympnastics)). There are also some extracurriculars that may lend themselves more easily towards towards youth employment (e.g. experienced swimmers can become life guards, experienced scouts can become camp counselors
posted by oceano at 12:57 PM on August 24, 2020 [1 favorite]

As an adult, I wish my mother had made me stick out more things — there are a number I think I would have benefited from. However I loved LOVED having a drop off & pick up mom instead of a sit & watch.
posted by dame at 2:45 PM on August 24, 2020

First grade your kid really need to have time to play - which means a mix of kid-directed, imaginative or creative, whole body activities.

How much depends on what your kid and your family is already committed to doing and what your child is interested in taking on. So, for example, my second kid started several things when she was first grade or younger because she saw her older brother doing them and couldn't wait. I was working three afternoons a week so having a planned after-school activity for those days was essential. We have had a faith-based after school program that was an important value for your family. We had a friend who limited her four kids to one activity each so the driving, volunteering, and cheering that went with each kid's activities was limited.

At that age, I think there is a value in some kind of sport - uses the body, learn to build a skill - but you need to find one that suits your kid and that they find engaging. (Soccer or gymnastics are not for everyone) and even within a sport there can be wide variety of styles among the coaches that you will need to pay attention to.

I also value organized activities that leave plenty of room for child choosing their own path. My personal favorite was the creativity competitions like Destination Imagination and Odyssey of the Mind. A basic rule was that EVERYTHING that went into their presentation had to be invented and made by the kids. Messy and wobbly at times but it really forced parents to back off. Scouting, if you have a good leader, can also be very child-centered (or not)
posted by metahawk at 6:01 PM on August 24, 2020

By the way, no matter what you do, you will get it spectacularly wrong at least once over the years - you will either letting your kid quit to soon or insisting that they stick with something they find traumatizing
- you either push them too hard or not enough
- You will either cheer too loudly and not give them space or not show up when they need you (even if they said they didn't care)

And at some point in the future, they will be happy to tell you about all of your mistakes and hopefully forgive you. And then, when they get a little older and maybe become parents themselves, they will realize you while you may have been less than perfect (comes with being human), you were actually a pretty good parent, all in all.

So, make your best guess and try not worry about it too much.
posted by metahawk at 6:15 PM on August 24, 2020 [1 favorite]