Non-terrible Zoom first date - possible?
August 15, 2020 10:37 PM   Subscribe

I online-date extremely infrequently. For the first time this year I've chatted with someone and we'd both like to move beyond the awful in-app messaging interface. How does the "let's meet for coffee and chat" first date work remotely in covid-times? I assume some form of video call is the answer - any tips on making it less awful/awkward than the images my anxiety brain is currently feeding me? There are still people on these apps so I assume someone has to be making it work, right? Please hope me!
posted by btfreek to Human Relations (8 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
Most people I know are doing a 6 feet apart park picnic as the next step. Video chat isnt the only way to move forward if you're uncomfortable with it.
posted by ananci at 1:31 AM on August 16, 2020 [6 favorites]


You just need to find a real-time chat that doesn't suck. Flirting in real-time is hella fun if your issue is bad messaging interface and you're not desperate to have an idea what they look like. Hit a good chat solution where you can flirt back and forth without effort off the cuff as it were and you'll probably know without doing something like meeting masked six feet apart. What could they say or do distancing in a mask over coffee that you couldn't know from good chat or phone?

If you're past that point, you both get tested and form a bubble and continue on.
posted by zengargoyle at 1:55 AM on August 16, 2020


First dates are often awkward. In pre-Covid times, I chatted with a few folks on the phone before we met, and it was a nice way to see that there might be some chemistry. I’d think of it that way. I find phone calls a lot better measure than messaging. So I think a Zoom date has that plus the benefit of being able to see what they really look like. If you’re feeling awkward about the date, maybe set up a few Zoom chats with friends soon? Ask them about your lighting and such if you want, or just get more comfortable being social via Zoom.

A socially distant walk or picnic is another option.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:07 AM on August 16, 2020


I’ve done moving to a better messaging system (Signal/Whatsapp), and writing snail mail letters, and then on to phone calls. I absolutely despise video calls.
posted by Balthamos at 3:33 AM on August 16, 2020


I start with a video chat, then move to a distance date if that goes well. So far, I have had luck with this approach
posted by Amy93 at 7:03 AM on August 16, 2020


Busy hands make my video calls a lot better than times when we are looking at each other with 100% focus.

Doing tasks together introduces emergent chaos and topics for discussion.

For me, this includes chopping vegetables, looking at the garden, playing piano intermittently, sorting mail.

Good luck!
posted by gregglind at 8:23 AM on August 16, 2020 [1 favorite]


Seconding that folks I know are doing distanced park hangs - perhaps with a phone call first, but the consensus seems to be that Zoom dating is not a effective way to feel our chemistry and cultivate connection.
posted by amaire at 9:25 PM on August 16, 2020


Response by poster: Socially distant park hangs it is! (Though with the ongoing heat wave, make that: unpleasantly sweaty socially distant park hangs..) Thanks all!
posted by btfreek at 10:44 PM on August 16, 2020


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