iso "professional helper of people to bounce back from being let go"
July 22, 2020 5:37 AM Subscribe
It seems i was fired. I could have avoided it. So easily. But I was unable to avoid it for reasons that are more legit than "i'm an irresponsible flake." Not super comfortable going into many details publicly.. but.. right.. more below the fold...
I am at a low ebb. I really need the structure of some kind of work right now. I guess I need some kindness and hand holding and street-savvy insight on not burning bridges, and being as diplomatic as I can be, to get there (to the goal of quickly-find-structure and work). There's a larger community I want to remain a part of that surrounds this workplace I appear to be leaving, and I have had moments of thinking I should come up with an exit strategy before this, but REALLY wanted to go out on a good note where I had come through on some deliverables before leaving and such that I could at least feel comfortable returning to said larger (though, not enormous) community/field in some way. I'm trying so hard to take care of myself, my own health condition, and support a family member through their health struggle.. just generally am in the middle of trying to make some health and life changes right now, and.. well this sentence doesn't fit just right here, but.. it's just a lot.
There are some circumstances beyond my control that conspire to make this challenging. Feeling fragile , not in great health, and doubting my ability to do this bouncing back effort in light of it all. I don't want to internalize this too much, the firing, that is... I'd like to reach out to previous connections and network a bit. Owing to not just this recent event (and other coinciding afore mentioned life stuff), my confidence in myself is very shaken. Deep down I do think I'm smart and capable and have a lot to offer, but there's a lot of layers above that that are confusing.
So do you guys know anyone (or.. are you someone who does this sort of work?) who is gentle and kind and also experienced in helping with this sort of thing that I could consult with? I really need some outside perspective and a "container" to put this bounce back effort into so I'm accountable and not facing it in a vacuum. I would expect to compensate such a person for their time! Previously in life I would have counted on talking it over with friends to shore me up but, well.. everyone I know is so over burdened right now and I think I need the sort of nitty gritty help and brainstorming and writing assistance (for example, help me write an email to old contact after x years and actually send it rather than just save draft forever) - in other words a level of help that I feel is just a bit too much to ask of folks in my circles. Also my friends and I aren't in our 20s anymore and we all got busy with life and the general level of "casual in touchness" is less (though I try to sustain it! but..kids..jobs..hours in day..etc.), making it harder to pipe up and ask for help of folks.
if for whatever reason it's impractical to reply in this thread , i set up a gmail - isopracticalhelpfortrickytime@gmail.com
that I will check.
if you'd like to commiserate or peer support each other, I'm here for that as well!
thanks so much for reading/your thoughts. Apologies for length and that it's not my most concise writing .. writing is pretty hard for me atm, which is a big part of why I am hoping to find some help.
Any ideas/leads so appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read.
here's a little boiler plate that seems popular these days - have therapy and that is another face of this for sure, but IME therapy not always a place where one can get really practical and experienced help with some of these matters..
I am at a low ebb. I really need the structure of some kind of work right now. I guess I need some kindness and hand holding and street-savvy insight on not burning bridges, and being as diplomatic as I can be, to get there (to the goal of quickly-find-structure and work). There's a larger community I want to remain a part of that surrounds this workplace I appear to be leaving, and I have had moments of thinking I should come up with an exit strategy before this, but REALLY wanted to go out on a good note where I had come through on some deliverables before leaving and such that I could at least feel comfortable returning to said larger (though, not enormous) community/field in some way. I'm trying so hard to take care of myself, my own health condition, and support a family member through their health struggle.. just generally am in the middle of trying to make some health and life changes right now, and.. well this sentence doesn't fit just right here, but.. it's just a lot.
There are some circumstances beyond my control that conspire to make this challenging. Feeling fragile , not in great health, and doubting my ability to do this bouncing back effort in light of it all. I don't want to internalize this too much, the firing, that is... I'd like to reach out to previous connections and network a bit. Owing to not just this recent event (and other coinciding afore mentioned life stuff), my confidence in myself is very shaken. Deep down I do think I'm smart and capable and have a lot to offer, but there's a lot of layers above that that are confusing.
So do you guys know anyone (or.. are you someone who does this sort of work?) who is gentle and kind and also experienced in helping with this sort of thing that I could consult with? I really need some outside perspective and a "container" to put this bounce back effort into so I'm accountable and not facing it in a vacuum. I would expect to compensate such a person for their time! Previously in life I would have counted on talking it over with friends to shore me up but, well.. everyone I know is so over burdened right now and I think I need the sort of nitty gritty help and brainstorming and writing assistance (for example, help me write an email to old contact after x years and actually send it rather than just save draft forever) - in other words a level of help that I feel is just a bit too much to ask of folks in my circles. Also my friends and I aren't in our 20s anymore and we all got busy with life and the general level of "casual in touchness" is less (though I try to sustain it! but..kids..jobs..hours in day..etc.), making it harder to pipe up and ask for help of folks.
if for whatever reason it's impractical to reply in this thread , i set up a gmail - isopracticalhelpfortrickytime@gmail.com
that I will check.
if you'd like to commiserate or peer support each other, I'm here for that as well!
thanks so much for reading/your thoughts. Apologies for length and that it's not my most concise writing .. writing is pretty hard for me atm, which is a big part of why I am hoping to find some help.
Any ideas/leads so appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read.
here's a little boiler plate that seems popular these days - have therapy and that is another face of this for sure, but IME therapy not always a place where one can get really practical and experienced help with some of these matters..
Hi! I hate losing a job. It's happened to me tons of times. But here's a few tidbits, both positive and negative, I hope they are helpful.
On your future resume: Your future employer will NOT know how you were let go unless you tell them. So it doesn't matter. And, everyone is losing jobs right now because of coronavirus, so you don't even have to worry about a "unexplained gap in your resume" or anything.
On your experience being fired: Employers sometimes make it both as difficult as possible for the employees leaving, and make it feel like it's their fault, at the same time. It's an HR tactic to ensure compliance. No matter the circumstances, at some point 6 months ago, the executives said "we need to lower headcount in this department sometime soon - float the message down that we will be looking for any opportunities for cost reductions". I was pretty psychologically shook (it still FEELS like my fault) even when my old coworkers told me they heard these rumors around my dismissal.
Losing a job is hard: In my opinion, losing a job is one of the hardest psychological things that can happen. Not only does it feel like society is saying "you aren't worth any money anymore" but it feels like that's how your friends and family will think about you too. There should be more support and help for people to rebuild, to have self esteem, to matter.
So I'll say it now: Having a job is not what makes you valuable. You are valuable. You create value.
Getting a job is VERY difficult right now. LinkedIn today is laying off employees because they have so few job postings coming through their site. Even if your field isn't effected, it is, because people that have lost jobs in many fields are going to be competing like they never have before. The unemployment rate right now is at an all-time high.
In 12 months, the economy will be the exact opposite. There will be a hunger for jobs.
So what do you want to do for the next 12 months? Apply for jobs, sure. But see family. See friends. Take up hobbies. Exercise. Now is the PERFECT time to self improve - take classes, practice writing, learn a skill, make a youtube channel. Now is a great time to do community service, or grow plants. Pretend we aren't wage slaves and do whatever we want to.
I hope these thoughts help. Would love to commiserate via memail.
posted by bbqturtle at 6:20 AM on July 22, 2020 [13 favorites]
On your future resume: Your future employer will NOT know how you were let go unless you tell them. So it doesn't matter. And, everyone is losing jobs right now because of coronavirus, so you don't even have to worry about a "unexplained gap in your resume" or anything.
On your experience being fired: Employers sometimes make it both as difficult as possible for the employees leaving, and make it feel like it's their fault, at the same time. It's an HR tactic to ensure compliance. No matter the circumstances, at some point 6 months ago, the executives said "we need to lower headcount in this department sometime soon - float the message down that we will be looking for any opportunities for cost reductions". I was pretty psychologically shook (it still FEELS like my fault) even when my old coworkers told me they heard these rumors around my dismissal.
Losing a job is hard: In my opinion, losing a job is one of the hardest psychological things that can happen. Not only does it feel like society is saying "you aren't worth any money anymore" but it feels like that's how your friends and family will think about you too. There should be more support and help for people to rebuild, to have self esteem, to matter.
So I'll say it now: Having a job is not what makes you valuable. You are valuable. You create value.
Getting a job is VERY difficult right now. LinkedIn today is laying off employees because they have so few job postings coming through their site. Even if your field isn't effected, it is, because people that have lost jobs in many fields are going to be competing like they never have before. The unemployment rate right now is at an all-time high.
In 12 months, the economy will be the exact opposite. There will be a hunger for jobs.
So what do you want to do for the next 12 months? Apply for jobs, sure. But see family. See friends. Take up hobbies. Exercise. Now is the PERFECT time to self improve - take classes, practice writing, learn a skill, make a youtube channel. Now is a great time to do community service, or grow plants. Pretend we aren't wage slaves and do whatever we want to.
I hope these thoughts help. Would love to commiserate via memail.
posted by bbqturtle at 6:20 AM on July 22, 2020 [13 favorites]
I'm not sure how exactly you would find such a person, but this kind of support is sometimes offered as part of mass layoff programmes and those people are paid. Maybe transition support, or career coach or something like that are good terms to search.
The other slightly left-field angle you might want to think about taking is approaching someone in your field that freelances, and see if they'd be willing to work with you - kind of like a paid mentor. This is kind of making the assumption that people are not exactly overloaded with freelance work in your field right now, and that although this might not be their usual line of work, they probably know a lot about networking, getting things done without a direct boss, as well as about the kinds of challenges going on in your line of work right now.
posted by plonkee at 6:31 AM on July 22, 2020
The other slightly left-field angle you might want to think about taking is approaching someone in your field that freelances, and see if they'd be willing to work with you - kind of like a paid mentor. This is kind of making the assumption that people are not exactly overloaded with freelance work in your field right now, and that although this might not be their usual line of work, they probably know a lot about networking, getting things done without a direct boss, as well as about the kinds of challenges going on in your line of work right now.
posted by plonkee at 6:31 AM on July 22, 2020
A friend of mine offers this kind of career coaching and is a very warm, supportive personality. https://www.michaelsgro.com/
posted by stefnet at 6:49 AM on July 22, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by stefnet at 6:49 AM on July 22, 2020 [4 favorites]
I am a career counselor and I do this sort of work often. In fact, sometimes companies even contract with me to provide such services for individual terminations or group layoffs. You may be able to find a career counselor in your area that offers such services. If you're in Oregon, feel free to reach out to me directly.
posted by MonsieurBon at 7:16 AM on July 22, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by MonsieurBon at 7:16 AM on July 22, 2020 [1 favorite]
I've also worked with a career counselor in a similar situation (I wasn't let go, but I was harassed at work to the point of believing deeply in my own incompetence). I've also been fired unexpectedly, which sucks a lot--similar to you, there were certainly things I could have done differently and better, and there were also a lot of places where the organization wasn't stepping up to meet my needs and help me be successful.
I needed an external person to talk through my feelings with, to help me understand my strengths and my areas for improvement, and to help me understand what things I needed in a work environment to thrive. I would recommend looking for a career coach or career counselor who might help you sort through this situation; if you're in a location where teleconferencing with the East Coast is convenient, I can strongly recommend The Rosa Technique to help.
I truly wish you all the best. Unexpected job loss is so difficult and has so many insidious ways to try to convince you that you're just not good enough. And that's just utter crap, ok? It's trash. There are always places where you could have done things differently - but also you were doing the best you could with what you had at the time, and there are also always places where your company was not standing up for you or giving you the resources you need or putting you in a position to be successful. This does not define you. I'm glad you're in a position where you can start to internalize that and that you realize you need some support to help build yourself back up.
Please feel free to memail me if you want to chat. I've also done resume reviews for several people in my circle and would be happy to help you with that as well.
posted by athenasbanquet at 8:11 AM on July 22, 2020 [1 favorite]
I needed an external person to talk through my feelings with, to help me understand my strengths and my areas for improvement, and to help me understand what things I needed in a work environment to thrive. I would recommend looking for a career coach or career counselor who might help you sort through this situation; if you're in a location where teleconferencing with the East Coast is convenient, I can strongly recommend The Rosa Technique to help.
I truly wish you all the best. Unexpected job loss is so difficult and has so many insidious ways to try to convince you that you're just not good enough. And that's just utter crap, ok? It's trash. There are always places where you could have done things differently - but also you were doing the best you could with what you had at the time, and there are also always places where your company was not standing up for you or giving you the resources you need or putting you in a position to be successful. This does not define you. I'm glad you're in a position where you can start to internalize that and that you realize you need some support to help build yourself back up.
Please feel free to memail me if you want to chat. I've also done resume reviews for several people in my circle and would be happy to help you with that as well.
posted by athenasbanquet at 8:11 AM on July 22, 2020 [1 favorite]
Are you familiar with Ask A Manager? I've found it to be a pretty good source of workplace advice. That includes the forums, BTW.
posted by suetanvil at 8:15 AM on July 22, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by suetanvil at 8:15 AM on July 22, 2020 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by theora55 at 6:03 AM on July 22, 2020 [1 favorite]