Should I be more upset about this?
July 6, 2020 5:11 PM Subscribe
I woke up to a damaged car on Sunday morning, it had been hit by another vehicle while parked in front of my place. I have some dents and a missing side mirror now, but other than that it's ok. Everyone seems angrier about this damage to my car than I actually am? Should I be angrier? Is something wrong with me?
I've been wondering about this all day. Is it weird (or bad) that I'm not more angry about the damage to my car? Should I be more upset??
It's drivable and I will be taking it in to an auto shop to get the alignment checked and to make sure everything is good mechanically. I can also replace the side mirror myself with one I bought online for $43, so that's already been ordered. Other than that, I just... don't really care about the dented car?
This car is my first car and I've been pretty hard on it since I've had it. These dents are joining the dents and scratches I've already acquired over the last 4 years. I am planning on getting a new car in the next year and this incident has made me start researching other cars, but I'm in no rush.
Everyone I've mentioned this hit and run to is waaaaay more upset than I am about it. For example, I chatted with one of my neighbours this evening and she ranted and raved about how it was bullshit that we haven't found out who did it and all that, she was 100X more angry than I was. She was sooooo mad that this happened. Anyway, my lack of "anger" is making me wonder if something is... WRONG with me? Am I reacting wrong? I feel more irritated and inconvenienced than anything else, but angry? Not really. There's no one to be angry at!
I've been wondering about this all day. Is it weird (or bad) that I'm not more angry about the damage to my car? Should I be more upset??
It's drivable and I will be taking it in to an auto shop to get the alignment checked and to make sure everything is good mechanically. I can also replace the side mirror myself with one I bought online for $43, so that's already been ordered. Other than that, I just... don't really care about the dented car?
This car is my first car and I've been pretty hard on it since I've had it. These dents are joining the dents and scratches I've already acquired over the last 4 years. I am planning on getting a new car in the next year and this incident has made me start researching other cars, but I'm in no rush.
Everyone I've mentioned this hit and run to is waaaaay more upset than I am about it. For example, I chatted with one of my neighbours this evening and she ranted and raved about how it was bullshit that we haven't found out who did it and all that, she was 100X more angry than I was. She was sooooo mad that this happened. Anyway, my lack of "anger" is making me wonder if something is... WRONG with me? Am I reacting wrong? I feel more irritated and inconvenienced than anything else, but angry? Not really. There's no one to be angry at!
I am the same way. It’s a combination of not really caring that much about my car, and not really getting upset about situations like that where it was done by a total stranger and it’s fixable.
I felt the same way when we had a failed break-in in my small condo building, a small time package thief caught by a different neighbor. My neighbors were yelling, crying, very upset and I kinda felt like “...eh?” Annoyed my door handle was dented but I didn’t really care beyond that. Same thing when some kids down the street bounced a basketball into my window and it broke. It was easy to get repaired in one day. Maybe I’m too careless with my stuff?
posted by sallybrown at 5:22 PM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
I felt the same way when we had a failed break-in in my small condo building, a small time package thief caught by a different neighbor. My neighbors were yelling, crying, very upset and I kinda felt like “...eh?” Annoyed my door handle was dented but I didn’t really care beyond that. Same thing when some kids down the street bounced a basketball into my window and it broke. It was easy to get repaired in one day. Maybe I’m too careless with my stuff?
posted by sallybrown at 5:22 PM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
There's nothing wrong with you. I'd react similarly. It's a car not a household god.
Whoever hit your car should have left a note but irritation is a more proportional response than rage.
Your neighbour might be the kind of person who way overreacts to slights in general, or she might be the kind who's very emotionally invested in the state of her car. From other car-related questions on AskMe there seem to be a lot of the latter out there, and many of them assume everyone feels the same way about their car.
posted by aussie_powerlifter at 5:23 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
Whoever hit your car should have left a note but irritation is a more proportional response than rage.
Your neighbour might be the kind of person who way overreacts to slights in general, or she might be the kind who's very emotionally invested in the state of her car. From other car-related questions on AskMe there seem to be a lot of the latter out there, and many of them assume everyone feels the same way about their car.
posted by aussie_powerlifter at 5:23 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
I don’t think there’s anything wrong about not getting upset over what is ultimately a fixable annoyance. I’ve had this excite situation happen to me, first car, dents, mirror, and my reaction was basically to shrug, fix it, and try to park in a less prone to getting hit spot when I could. I loved that car but didn’t really care about stuff like dents. It’s ok to not be upset here!
posted by lepus at 5:24 PM on July 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by lepus at 5:24 PM on July 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
Be glad you're able to maintain your equanimity right now!
posted by praemunire at 5:34 PM on July 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 5:34 PM on July 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
Perhaps the reason other people are getting very upset about it is that it will, in the end, cost you money through no fault of your own. For most people, the cost involved would be their deductible for which they would be on the hook when they had the damage repaired. (Ask me why we changed our $1000 deductible to the lowest deductible possible.) In your case, the damage caused by the hit-and-run driver (which he definitely is) will cost you in a reduced resale value. Even with the other dents your car already has, significant *other* denting will cut the value even further because it will cost the buyer money to fix it. Plus, of course, whatever you end up paying the mechanic to check your car's driveability.
But I'm with everyone else in saying there is nothing wrong with you. Being able to take these things in stride is a healthy thing.
posted by DrGail at 5:36 PM on July 6, 2020 [7 favorites]
But I'm with everyone else in saying there is nothing wrong with you. Being able to take these things in stride is a healthy thing.
posted by DrGail at 5:36 PM on July 6, 2020 [7 favorites]
If you are in a situation where you can either fix this or not care about it, that's a nice and lucky situation to be in. Technically you may have lost some indeterminate amount of money in both fixing the car (mirror) and resale value. If you don't really care about these things, that is fine. Some people really care about those things. If this doesn't make you concerned and worried about random people potentially damaging your things, that is fine. Some people really care about those things. And part of this "Some people really care about..." trail is that some people really care about other people feeling the way they do and so there's a combination of "I'm mad about this" but also "I'm mad about this FOR YOU who is not really getting mad enough about this"
I have some friends who are INCENSED about things they think I should be angrier about. Usually it's interpersonal stuff "I'd be SO MAD if they talked to me that way...." and I just.... don't care? I think in a lot of ways I'm kinda "low affect" and so I try not to get too wrapped around the axle about stuff like this. You may be this way too, or maybe there's other stuff you care deeply about and would get angry about, but a car isn't that thing.
I know it's a privileged position but I am a middle-aged person with a job and some savings and I like to be able to differentiate between "checkbook problems" (ones that money can solve) and... worse ones (health, safety, interpersonal things). Not everyone is free to make these choices, or for some people a problem like this isn't just a checkbook problem because it makes them afraid or it makes them anxious. I think you are doing okay, the Buddhists believe that attachment is at the root of a lot of suffering and not being too attached to your car is a healthy relationship.
posted by jessamyn at 5:40 PM on July 6, 2020 [24 favorites]
I have some friends who are INCENSED about things they think I should be angrier about. Usually it's interpersonal stuff "I'd be SO MAD if they talked to me that way...." and I just.... don't care? I think in a lot of ways I'm kinda "low affect" and so I try not to get too wrapped around the axle about stuff like this. You may be this way too, or maybe there's other stuff you care deeply about and would get angry about, but a car isn't that thing.
I know it's a privileged position but I am a middle-aged person with a job and some savings and I like to be able to differentiate between "checkbook problems" (ones that money can solve) and... worse ones (health, safety, interpersonal things). Not everyone is free to make these choices, or for some people a problem like this isn't just a checkbook problem because it makes them afraid or it makes them anxious. I think you are doing okay, the Buddhists believe that attachment is at the root of a lot of suffering and not being too attached to your car is a healthy relationship.
posted by jessamyn at 5:40 PM on July 6, 2020 [24 favorites]
There's no one to be angry at!
I mean... there is though? Someone hit your car and drove off-- that's a crappy thing to do! It's a breakdown of the social contact.
That doesn't mean you have to be worked up about it of course-- this has happened to me, and it was an old car and I shrugged my shoulders and moved on the way you're doing. I don't think there's anything wrong with that-- people like us probably get more sleep at night.
But I also don't think it would be unreasonable to be angry in this situation, especially if money was tighter or your car was newer or you were just having a bad run of it recently. I think that's probably where your neighbor was coming from.
posted by geegollygosh at 5:43 PM on July 6, 2020 [5 favorites]
I mean... there is though? Someone hit your car and drove off-- that's a crappy thing to do! It's a breakdown of the social contact.
That doesn't mean you have to be worked up about it of course-- this has happened to me, and it was an old car and I shrugged my shoulders and moved on the way you're doing. I don't think there's anything wrong with that-- people like us probably get more sleep at night.
But I also don't think it would be unreasonable to be angry in this situation, especially if money was tighter or your car was newer or you were just having a bad run of it recently. I think that's probably where your neighbor was coming from.
posted by geegollygosh at 5:43 PM on July 6, 2020 [5 favorites]
I've reacted the same way in similar circumstances. Some random person had clipped the mirror of my car while it was parked outside a restaurant. My wife was the one who had taken the car out so she was all trying to break the bad news to me but it didn't really feel like a big deal to me. A chequebook problem, and not a terribly big one at that. But there's no way of tracking the other person down so it's just bad luck.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 5:53 PM on July 6, 2020
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 5:53 PM on July 6, 2020
Another voice for 'Nothing wrong with you.'
I can assure you that I'm equipped with a full range of emotions, including both rage and ecstatic joy, and I'd probably feel, I dunno, slightly bummed about this.
posted by inexorably_forward at 5:54 PM on July 6, 2020 [5 favorites]
I can assure you that I'm equipped with a full range of emotions, including both rage and ecstatic joy, and I'd probably feel, I dunno, slightly bummed about this.
posted by inexorably_forward at 5:54 PM on July 6, 2020 [5 favorites]
There's quite a common experience people have, when a seemingly small amount of damage to their car turns out to be outrageously and unexpectedly costly to repair (often for reasons that seem very opaque). I think that might be why some of your friends are viewing this as a relatively bigger deal.
Also, if you were parked in a low traffic residential neighborhood, there's the implication that it was probably one of your neighbors that hit your car, and some people would allow that to color their view of their entire neighborhood.
posted by kickingtheground at 5:55 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
Also, if you were parked in a low traffic residential neighborhood, there's the implication that it was probably one of your neighbors that hit your car, and some people would allow that to color their view of their entire neighborhood.
posted by kickingtheground at 5:55 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
My car got broken into a few months ago, a month into the pandemic here in New York City. I was more frustrated about the circumstances surrounding the break-in than I was about the break-in itself. Maybe my empathy is just overclocked right now, but I could kind of understand why someone might have decided to break into my car, with its out-of-state plates and already broken window that was permanently open a sliver, especially if they were out of work or otherwise in a dire situation. Likewise, I could kind of understand why someone might have hit your vehicle and left it, circumstances such as they are right now. Not that it's right, but I could kind of imagine their logic in doing so.
In my case, I was annoyed they decided to just break the window when they failed to lift the lock, that we had to clean up glass, that my partner had to take off after helping me clean it up, that I encountered unexpected difficulty in scheduling an appointment to get the glass replaced, that there was the potential to pick up the virus from the car interior due to either contact with the thief or exposure at the auto-glass place, and that I had to walk around in the rain while waiting for the repair (rather than spend that time in the waiting room with other people)...but ultimately, was I that seriously upset about any of it? Not really. It just felt like one more thing, more like an "Oh now what?" moment than a big catastrophe, given the state of the world right now. Maybe that's part of it for you too. Does it really matter if our cars aren't perfect right now? Yeah, no, not really. I think that's a normal way of looking at things at the moment.
posted by limeonaire at 6:13 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
In my case, I was annoyed they decided to just break the window when they failed to lift the lock, that we had to clean up glass, that my partner had to take off after helping me clean it up, that I encountered unexpected difficulty in scheduling an appointment to get the glass replaced, that there was the potential to pick up the virus from the car interior due to either contact with the thief or exposure at the auto-glass place, and that I had to walk around in the rain while waiting for the repair (rather than spend that time in the waiting room with other people)...but ultimately, was I that seriously upset about any of it? Not really. It just felt like one more thing, more like an "Oh now what?" moment than a big catastrophe, given the state of the world right now. Maybe that's part of it for you too. Does it really matter if our cars aren't perfect right now? Yeah, no, not really. I think that's a normal way of looking at things at the moment.
posted by limeonaire at 6:13 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
Is it weird (or bad) that I'm not more angry about the damage to my car? Should I be more upset??
No, and no. There's nothing you can do about it. Anger would not assist in any way. Your response is sensible, mature and healthy.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:30 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
No, and no. There's nothing you can do about it. Anger would not assist in any way. Your response is sensible, mature and healthy.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:30 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
I think these other factors play into it:
- when you tell someone about a problem you had, you're inviting them to participate with you in expressing emotions about it together, because that's how we bond. So people are guessing how they think you might feel and trying to express it in a way they think will resonate with you. It's not a prescription for how you *should* respond, they're just trying to play the socializing game. maybe your neighbor had something else on her mind that her brain wanted to be angry about with someone and this was a good enough replacement.
- were all under a lot of stress right now and everyone responds differently. Anger is a burst of energy that your body summons to deal with a boundary violation. In many cases though that reaction is immediate and not necessarily helpful. It's usually more effective to try to keep a cool head & focus on the task at hand which is *usually* *not* getting in some other primate's face so they don't mess with you again. If you don't get that burst of energy at all when it's not called for then you're ahead of the game.
posted by bleep at 6:33 PM on July 6, 2020 [8 favorites]
- when you tell someone about a problem you had, you're inviting them to participate with you in expressing emotions about it together, because that's how we bond. So people are guessing how they think you might feel and trying to express it in a way they think will resonate with you. It's not a prescription for how you *should* respond, they're just trying to play the socializing game. maybe your neighbor had something else on her mind that her brain wanted to be angry about with someone and this was a good enough replacement.
- were all under a lot of stress right now and everyone responds differently. Anger is a burst of energy that your body summons to deal with a boundary violation. In many cases though that reaction is immediate and not necessarily helpful. It's usually more effective to try to keep a cool head & focus on the task at hand which is *usually* *not* getting in some other primate's face so they don't mess with you again. If you don't get that burst of energy at all when it's not called for then you're ahead of the game.
posted by bleep at 6:33 PM on July 6, 2020 [8 favorites]
For some the car is a way to get from A to B that barely merits mention.
For some it is one of the most useful tools in the toolbox.
For some it is an extension of the self.
Sounds like you are firmly in camp A and confused by B and C. Each of these ways of thinking has benefits and problems, none of them is best.
posted by poe at 6:36 PM on July 6, 2020
For some it is one of the most useful tools in the toolbox.
For some it is an extension of the self.
Sounds like you are firmly in camp A and confused by B and C. Each of these ways of thinking has benefits and problems, none of them is best.
posted by poe at 6:36 PM on July 6, 2020
Back in the 80's 3 of the 5 minutes of Oprah that I have watched in my life had a guy who was supposed to be an inspiration for the equanimity with which he was facing his imminent death from some horrible cancer or disease. He recounted how when he bought his first and maybe only, (he was a youngish man,) Brand New Car,(a convertible VW Rabbit I think, or Cabriolet,) he showed it off to his nieces and nephews and then to their horror emptied a 2 liter bottle of Coke all over the back seat to make a point. His point was that it is just a car, a thing and while it might be nice and all it really wasn't very important and certainly not as important as a lot of the things in life we take for granted.
I say why bother being angry, we'll all be dead soon enough.
posted by Pembquist at 7:44 PM on July 6, 2020
I say why bother being angry, we'll all be dead soon enough.
posted by Pembquist at 7:44 PM on July 6, 2020
I think people’s emotions right now are more heightened than they’d otherwise be, it’s good that you’re able to keep your cool.
posted by Jubey at 7:52 PM on July 6, 2020
posted by Jubey at 7:52 PM on July 6, 2020
Enjoy the equanimity, but don’t be too surprised if somewhere down the road you get retroactively annoyed about it. Sometimes complete calm is a coping mechanism.
And sometimes it’s just complete calm. It’s all normal one way or another.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:06 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
And sometimes it’s just complete calm. It’s all normal one way or another.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:06 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
I can't find it, but I remember an Ask a few years back from someone who was surprised by the level of anger many people, especially Americans, had about other people damaging, touching, or even getting too close to their cars. You aren't reacting wrong, but I think your neighbor and the other people who are performing supportive anger and expecting you to be anger are part of that car culture where your car represents not just a huge investment of money, but an extension of your person, personal space, and agency, and any damage or disrespect to your vehicle is a huge insult. I think your approach is the healthier one, but this seems like a culture clash issue.
posted by moonlight on vermont at 8:15 PM on July 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by moonlight on vermont at 8:15 PM on July 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
nah you are just chill
it's a healthy thing to be
posted by Jacqueline at 8:35 PM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
it's a healthy thing to be
posted by Jacqueline at 8:35 PM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
I suspect that how un-angry you are is related to how financially comfortable you are. That $43 mirror is clearly nothing to you, but is not nothing to some people (hi!).
For me, having to pay for car repair that wasn't routine/expected and wasn't my fault would be very stressful, and yes, I'd feel angry at the d1ck who did the damage and didn't leave a note.
posted by nirblegee at 8:42 PM on July 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
For me, having to pay for car repair that wasn't routine/expected and wasn't my fault would be very stressful, and yes, I'd feel angry at the d1ck who did the damage and didn't leave a note.
posted by nirblegee at 8:42 PM on July 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
If you haven't ever had a dent repaired before, you are probably massively underestimating how much it would cost. Our car is old and was cheap in the first place, and it got a dent in similar circumstances to yours. It was the first dent so we thought we should probably get it fixed. Got a quote, expecting a few hundred dollars. They quoted us $6000 to fix the dent. We did not fix the dent.
If your neighbour/friends are the kind of people who fix dents, they see this as though someone stole thousands of dollars from you. Depending on your financial situation, that could be a really big deal. I would probably still be more like you in terms of my reaction, but I don't think it's inexplicable that someone could be really upset about this.
posted by lollusc at 9:06 PM on July 6, 2020 [6 favorites]
If your neighbour/friends are the kind of people who fix dents, they see this as though someone stole thousands of dollars from you. Depending on your financial situation, that could be a really big deal. I would probably still be more like you in terms of my reaction, but I don't think it's inexplicable that someone could be really upset about this.
posted by lollusc at 9:06 PM on July 6, 2020 [6 favorites]
I can't find it, but I remember an Ask a few years back from someone who was surprised by the level of anger many people, especially Americans, had about other people damaging, touching, or even getting too close to their cars.This one? I immediately thought of that thread too. What a time to be alive!
I think it is 100% fine not to care too much about your own car, but some people do really care about damage to their cars, either because they like their car, they like the social contract, or their car is a big deal to them financially. Their is nothing wrong with any of these people (including you).
posted by caek at 9:16 PM on July 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
Yeah, there is nothing wrong with you. You're just not overly emotionally invested in things.
I did get kinda pissed about the bus driver who changed lanes into me, but that's because he was trying to justify intentionally risking my SO and I's life.
Minor rear end collisions and having my car rifled through by a thief simply didn't rate any bother for me back when I drove. I drove an old car and left it unlocked (so as not to get my window broken) with nothing of particular value inside precisely so I could avoid the risk of getting angry about such things.
posted by wierdo at 9:48 PM on July 6, 2020
I did get kinda pissed about the bus driver who changed lanes into me, but that's because he was trying to justify intentionally risking my SO and I's life.
Minor rear end collisions and having my car rifled through by a thief simply didn't rate any bother for me back when I drove. I drove an old car and left it unlocked (so as not to get my window broken) with nothing of particular value inside precisely so I could avoid the risk of getting angry about such things.
posted by wierdo at 9:48 PM on July 6, 2020
I've had to replace a side mirror on a car parked on the street, and another time my parked car was sideswiped right after I got out and was standing on the sidewalk next to the car, breaking one of the windows and putting a deep scratch on the side but somehow not breaking the mirror.
I feel more irritated and inconvenienced than anything else, but angry? Not really. There's no one to be angry at!
I guess some people would be angry "at" the absent and unknown driver. But one can't rant and scream at them, because they aren't there. If one rants and screams anyhow, it's very unpleasant for those around one, people who had nothing to do with the incident. And somehow all this anger does nothing to help fix the car, nothing to hold the other driver accountable, etc.
Personally I find it extremely unpleasant to be around someone who is angry, and extremely unpleasant to be angry myself, and would rather just move on to dealing with things... getting angry doesn't help anyone in this situation. I don't know, maybe some people have another person in their life who will deal with the things for them if they show enough anger? Perhaps there is some advantage for some people in getting angry, but if that's not a factor in your life you aren't missing out on anything.
I think you are fine. I'm not sure about the neighbor who is showing such a high degree of anger about this though. If it was me I would give them a wide berth in the future, because people prone to unexpected anger about things make me uncomfortable, but maybe you have more of a tolerance for being around angry people than I do.
I can also replace the side mirror myself with one I bought online for $43, so that's already been ordered. Other than that, I just... don't really care about the dented car?
If this is all you need to do, skip contacting your insurance company. It's likely your premiums will go up if you make a claim.
posted by yohko at 9:50 PM on July 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
I feel more irritated and inconvenienced than anything else, but angry? Not really. There's no one to be angry at!
I guess some people would be angry "at" the absent and unknown driver. But one can't rant and scream at them, because they aren't there. If one rants and screams anyhow, it's very unpleasant for those around one, people who had nothing to do with the incident. And somehow all this anger does nothing to help fix the car, nothing to hold the other driver accountable, etc.
Personally I find it extremely unpleasant to be around someone who is angry, and extremely unpleasant to be angry myself, and would rather just move on to dealing with things... getting angry doesn't help anyone in this situation. I don't know, maybe some people have another person in their life who will deal with the things for them if they show enough anger? Perhaps there is some advantage for some people in getting angry, but if that's not a factor in your life you aren't missing out on anything.
I think you are fine. I'm not sure about the neighbor who is showing such a high degree of anger about this though. If it was me I would give them a wide berth in the future, because people prone to unexpected anger about things make me uncomfortable, but maybe you have more of a tolerance for being around angry people than I do.
I can also replace the side mirror myself with one I bought online for $43, so that's already been ordered. Other than that, I just... don't really care about the dented car?
If this is all you need to do, skip contacting your insurance company. It's likely your premiums will go up if you make a claim.
posted by yohko at 9:50 PM on July 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
I react like you to such situations, and generally find people who get angry at such things frustrating to be around.
posted by aspersioncast at 9:53 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by aspersioncast at 9:53 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
If you had taken good care of your car, maintaining it’s bodywork and drivetrain over the years like it was new in order to keep its high resale value...would you feel differently?
posted by artdrectr at 9:53 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by artdrectr at 9:53 PM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
There's no one to be angry at!I remember a union organiser I spoke to once told me that people don't get organised because they think they're being underpaid or their conditions are bad, they get angry because they sense a lack of respect. It's not about the car. It's not even about the money. People get mad at these things when there's a fundamental relationship of disrespect, rather than a financial consequence. So yeah, if you don't feel as though the drivers of your neighbourhood in general have treated you disrespectfully, much less some specific bad driver, that's what's going on.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:58 PM on July 6, 2020 [8 favorites]
A lot of people are extremely financially invested in their cars, and so they become extremely emotionally invested.
A car is often the most expensive thing that a person owns. Even if they own a home, that makes their car the second most expensive thing. Due to peer pressure, marketing, etc. there are a lot of people who took out large loans for their expensive cars. Add on fuel, maintenance, and insurance, and I wouldn't be surprised if car-related expenses took up a majority of someone's paycheck.
Car repairs are often surprisingly expensive for nontrivial repairs, especially for cosmetics, because the car was made in a factory where economies of scale apply, but repairs all involve skilled labor.
If your life is based around working for your car, it can become an extension of yourself.
posted by meowzilla at 12:01 AM on July 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
A car is often the most expensive thing that a person owns. Even if they own a home, that makes their car the second most expensive thing. Due to peer pressure, marketing, etc. there are a lot of people who took out large loans for their expensive cars. Add on fuel, maintenance, and insurance, and I wouldn't be surprised if car-related expenses took up a majority of someone's paycheck.
Car repairs are often surprisingly expensive for nontrivial repairs, especially for cosmetics, because the car was made in a factory where economies of scale apply, but repairs all involve skilled labor.
If your life is based around working for your car, it can become an extension of yourself.
posted by meowzilla at 12:01 AM on July 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for the advice! I feel less freakish about my reaction now, for sure.
"If you had taken good care of your car, maintaining it’s bodywork and drivetrain over the years like it was new in order to keep its high resale value...would you feel differently?"
I guess this is reason why I'm not that upset. I've never, ever viewed my car as having any sort of resale value (it's a 2007 Nissan Altima with over 200K miles, anyway). I'm sure if I actually had a new "good" car, it would be a different situation. But again, as the car had basically no resale value prior to this happening, I don't feel I "lost" anything with regards to that.
posted by VirginiaPlain at 6:21 AM on July 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
"If you had taken good care of your car, maintaining it’s bodywork and drivetrain over the years like it was new in order to keep its high resale value...would you feel differently?"
I guess this is reason why I'm not that upset. I've never, ever viewed my car as having any sort of resale value (it's a 2007 Nissan Altima with over 200K miles, anyway). I'm sure if I actually had a new "good" car, it would be a different situation. But again, as the car had basically no resale value prior to this happening, I don't feel I "lost" anything with regards to that.
posted by VirginiaPlain at 6:21 AM on July 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
A lot of people really love their cars, and honestly this tends to have very little to do with the market value of the car. They take pride in maintaining even old junkers in tip top condition (to the extent possible) inside and out. They feel about their cars the way some gardeners care about their rose bushes or most sewists care about their fabric scissors, kwim? Your neighbor's anger might be coming from her car-worshipper place; she's imagining herself in your shoes and feeling horrified at the thought that her car - her car! - is vulnerable. If you don't feel that way about your car (and I'm like you, I don't care about cars at all), you see this as "my car is dented" rather than "my car was violated", and you aren't really angry. But I bet you'd flip out if someone so much as breathed wrong on your [insert thing you consider sacred].
posted by MiraK at 6:21 AM on July 7, 2020
posted by MiraK at 6:21 AM on July 7, 2020
Response by poster: Oh for sure, MiraK, I'd be pissed if someone damaged something else of mine. I definitely have a temper, I'm certainly not some zen chill person. So that's why I was concerned about my reaction, because I WASN'T that pissed off about this happening. My reaction was so incongruent with the reaction of other people that it seemed really, really weird to me.
posted by VirginiaPlain at 6:37 AM on July 7, 2020
posted by VirginiaPlain at 6:37 AM on July 7, 2020
A few years ago I got hit from behind in my old car and it needed some bumper work. I remember the phone call to the insurance company, where the rep said something like, "well, of course the car is a member of the family", and I remember thinking, "no, it isn't, it's a tool that I paid money for to experience the convenience of being able to go wherever I like whenever I like". Which serves to illustrate the wildly different views humans can hold about inanimate objects and their place in our lives.
Overall I have very low levels of sentimental attachment to stuff compared to other humans I've observed. If this had happened to me I would have been stressed about it, for sure, because I get overwhelmed easily (especially in times when a lot of other stuff is going on, like now) and because I would resent the hassle and the perceived waste of my time in having to get it sorted, but not because of any specific feelings about the car.
posted by terretu at 8:51 AM on July 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
Overall I have very low levels of sentimental attachment to stuff compared to other humans I've observed. If this had happened to me I would have been stressed about it, for sure, because I get overwhelmed easily (especially in times when a lot of other stuff is going on, like now) and because I would resent the hassle and the perceived waste of my time in having to get it sorted, but not because of any specific feelings about the car.
posted by terretu at 8:51 AM on July 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
A few years ago my city had massive flooding, and I lived in a basement suite near the river.
Everything I owned was literally ruined by sewage backing up to fill my apartment, like actually to over my counter-top height, full of sewagey water. Everything was advised to be thrown away, due to raw sewage being pretty dangerous.
I was... not that upset. I mean, sure. Pretty annoying to be 27 years old and suddenly own nothing. But I just remember other people, when they found out what happened, being SO angry, or someone actually started crying just imagining it! It was interesting to see how differently everyone reacted. It also made me feel like sometimes people over-reacted a little bit FOR you, so that you would know they cared. Because when you're like "I lost everything I owned" and people react with "oh. sorry. just things though, right?" it feels a bit blase, even though that was kind of how *I* felt!
posted by euphoria066 at 11:24 AM on July 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
Everything I owned was literally ruined by sewage backing up to fill my apartment, like actually to over my counter-top height, full of sewagey water. Everything was advised to be thrown away, due to raw sewage being pretty dangerous.
I was... not that upset. I mean, sure. Pretty annoying to be 27 years old and suddenly own nothing. But I just remember other people, when they found out what happened, being SO angry, or someone actually started crying just imagining it! It was interesting to see how differently everyone reacted. It also made me feel like sometimes people over-reacted a little bit FOR you, so that you would know they cared. Because when you're like "I lost everything I owned" and people react with "oh. sorry. just things though, right?" it feels a bit blase, even though that was kind of how *I* felt!
posted by euphoria066 at 11:24 AM on July 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
most people are thinking through the filter of "if that was ME," and are reacting to the idea of damage to their own car, not your 13 year old Altima.
Also, if you told me someone dented your car, I would be all sympathetic like "oh nooo that sucks! Ugh terrible people, I'm so sorry that happened!!" because I'm a supportive friend, and it would be rude to say "eh your car's super old and has basically no market value anyway, so who cares" even if the latter is by far the healthier reaction for YOU to have.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:41 PM on July 7, 2020
Also, if you told me someone dented your car, I would be all sympathetic like "oh nooo that sucks! Ugh terrible people, I'm so sorry that happened!!" because I'm a supportive friend, and it would be rude to say "eh your car's super old and has basically no market value anyway, so who cares" even if the latter is by far the healthier reaction for YOU to have.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:41 PM on July 7, 2020
This thread is closed to new comments.
Similar situations I've been in myself I would general describe my reaction as annoyed or slightly irritated. Though if you're under stress, time pressure, and such, small things like that can take on a far greater--probably exaggerated--emotional significance.
Anyway, your low-key reaction is that one that most of us would strive to have, when we can.
posted by flug at 5:20 PM on July 6, 2020 [26 favorites]