Getting help to be "out and about" more. But what to do with the help?

July 6, 2020 7:11 AM

They say wisdom is "accepting the obvious" and I am finally accepting what I feel is quite an embarrassing situation, which is that I'm early 50s and with a couple of exceptions don't really have a clue about friendship or interacting with others. Pre-lockdown I used to go out mainly to cafes or cinema by myself (mental illness means I haven't worked in a long time). Recently a social worker assessed me as needing a couple of hours a week to supervise/ encourage while I tidied, and she has also advocated for me to get another two hours with a support worker to get "out and about" as my hermit lifestyle is clearly not helping my mental health any. However I don't have a clue what to do with this time allocated and it's making me anxious ...

In the past I saw my problem as being one of not having anyone in my life to go do stuff with, so I stuck with the two things (local indie cafes and the city centre arthouse cinema) where I felt comfy enough by myself. Very rarely I would meet up with a friend for coffee and sometimes I would attend a support group. Now I have what seems to be a good opportunity to be out the house more, maybe explore my local neighborhood with the support worker, but I am really struggling to think of what I could do with this person for a two hour block of time. A walk would be good but I am very out of shape I think a thirty minute walk would be as much as I would want. Maybe the folks here on the green might not have first hand experience of this situation, but do you have an experience of a relative or friend who got this help and found it beneficial and can share what sort of activities were useful? My impression is that the support worker is willing to be quite flexible and be guided by the activities I want to do, but I need to be proactive and have some ideas for what I want to do. Anyone got any thoughts? Thanks in advance for any ideas.

n.b. my main limit is that I wouldn't want to be too far from home as sometimes I need the loo in a hurry.

posted by anonymous to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (15 answers total)

Honestly, I'd probably just go shopping. Do you have a Target or a TJ Maxx nearby? The two of you could just walk through the aisles and discuss items you see. I suggest Target because of the variety of items, and TJ Maxx because of the randomness of some of the items they carry. You could do the same thing at another store, but there wouldn't be as much to discuss. You could easily spend a couple of hours walking around a Target. Just simple discussion like "what do you think about these bedsheets?" or "I bought a crock pot but I don't use it as much as I thought I would". Low-stakes stuff where what you're talking about doesn't really matter, so it doesn't put you on edge to talk about.
posted by kevinbelt at 7:19 AM on July 6, 2020 [3 favorites]

In terms of going for a walk for a few hours, you don't have to walk the whole time - could you walk somewhere (maybe stopping by a cafe for takeaway drinks/snacks), then walk somewhere comfortably within your range where you could sit on a bench for a while, drink the drink/eat the snacks, watch people/pets etc., then walk back?

(I'm guessing from language like "loo" and "city centre" that the question-asker is based in the UK; we do have TJ Maxx, but it's called TK Maxx over here; we don't have Target.)
posted by terretu at 7:26 AM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]

How about the library?
posted by 8603 at 7:36 AM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

You can also totally tell the support worker "I don't have a clue what to do with this time allocated and it's making me anxious."
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:49 AM on July 6, 2020 [17 favorites]

What about walking in a local botanical garden or zoo? Walking by water is usually soothing in my opinion. Is there a river or a beach close by? You could also do a street art tour if you are in to that sort of thing. Many cities/towns have free online maps and guides to murals and artwork painted around their downtown areas. Just Google "street art" and the name of your town/city. Another thing you could try is helping out at your local animal shelter. Some shelters need help walking dogs or cuddling kittens. You and the social worker could play with cute kittens together! (Although indoor activities may not be very safe at the moment so the kitty cuddles might need to wait)
posted by WalkerWestridge at 8:24 AM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

If the library is open where you are, it can be a great destination. Just go, read the paper, say hello to people. Other walking-destinations can be getting a drink (coffee iced tea, etc) and sitting on a park bench or in the woods or by the water somewhere. Walking for a lot of people isn't fun in and of itself, so maybe having a podcast you really like or some music that makes it more of a walking-reading sort of thing. My partner has a son with a similar "Hey you should get out of the house" sounding situation and even though he's not in your age range, he often goes to the library, explores a local nature preserve, fusses around with (and rides) a bicycle. If it's two hours a week can it be like three 45 minute jaunts? Or is this one jaunt? I am also a slightly-hermitty individual and I have a regular walking thing I do with a friend here. One of the things that is nice is that I get a lot of "incidental" contact with people (neighbors, local workers) who, over time, get to know me enough to sa hi, to know that I exist, that sort of thing and that may be what your social worker is kind of angling towards.
posted by jessamyn at 8:33 AM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Seconding the idea of an outdoor walk in an arboretum or botanical garden. Hopefully there will be plenty of benches to sit and take breaks on. If there’s a waterfront promenade or trail available, that could be another good option.
posted by matildaben at 8:39 AM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

I like people's gardens, so sometimes I do like "a walking garden tour" where I wander around my neighbourhood with a friend and coffee and we go "oooh look at these peonies!" "wow, their hostas!" That's pretty fun, and it's a slow wander instead of a trying walk! (I usually pick up garbage while I do this but that's not for everyone!)

You could make a list of everything near you to go, and just.. start going to them! That way you'll know whats in your neighbourhood if you want to go again when you're alone, too!
posted by euphoria066 at 8:51 AM on July 6, 2020 [3 favorites]

Try googling the name of where you live + "walking tour". Depending on where you live, there might be a variety of different self-guided tours you could take - e.g., when I lived in a city we had a bunch of historical tours we could print out (or pull up on a phone); now that I'm in a smaller college town there's a cool tour of interesting trees on our local campus along with multiple neighborhood tours; etc. It's a neat way of getting to know where you live better.

Alternatively, if you have any interest in nature maybe you could get a handbook of birds, plants, bugs, or whatever you tickles your fancy, and use that to give you something to look for while you're out and about?
posted by DingoMutt at 8:59 AM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

This is potentially complicated by the local covid-19 situation, but: look up tourist guides for your region (or online travel forums, etc.) and go systematically through the local attractions, many of which might be small and odd but still make for an interesting outing.
posted by trig at 9:04 AM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Print a map of your neighborhood and mark off every block you covered after a walk. Nice because it requires no planning day to day and it gets you off your usual route. A hot beverage in a travel mug is a nice thing to bring along.
posted by momus_window at 10:27 AM on July 6, 2020 [2 favorites]

Head for your local garden centre. Even if you don’t have a garden to tend to they have assorted pot plants and indoor pretty stuff in addition to pretty plants. You can walk around as long as you want and just enjoy the flowers. Some are huge so you could easily use a good chunk of your timeslot and they are normally catering for people with limited mobility because they get frequented by a lot of pensioners.

The local pet rescue place could also be a nice place because you get to see all the cute creatures.

And finally, look for living farm/history type places in your area. A lot of these are geared towards families but you can absolutely spend time there as adult and entrance fees may be quite low as you may qualify for concessions. And if you like a place you can often get very reasonably priced annual or seasonal passes.
posted by koahiatamadl at 10:55 AM on July 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Agree with the ideas for window shopping, going to a garden centre, National Trust properties or botanical gardens (although you might need membership), you could easily sit in a cafe for a couple of hours, I personally could spend 2 hours in Ikea without difficulty if it wasn't busy, a petting zoo, an art museum or any kind of local museum.

Most people I know who are older and do the kind of weekday socialising end up in garden centres to be honest, and it sounds very appealing to me. I think a lot of the benefit is in just having someone to chat with and anything low key will work, so pick something that sounds not terrible and see what you think. Once you've tried something, you can talk to your support worker about what you thought and that might help you think up other ideas together.
posted by plonkee at 3:49 PM on July 6, 2020

This might depend on local norms (and how many gardens your neighborhood has), but my son and I started a flower journal on March 20 and it's out of control busy now (crocuses, daffodils, then...wow!). We walk around and take pictures of the flowers, stop and talk about them a little, thank the bees and butterflies, etc. I even downloaded a plant-identifier.
posted by Pax at 6:18 PM on July 7, 2020 [1 favorite]

What is available depends a lot on where you are. London will have a lot more free cultural stuff with good toilet access than Shropshire will.

I personally find shopping quite stressful so that wouldn't do it for me. But a nice local food market or farm shop or posh deli can keep me occupied for an hour or so and it is good to show people the things I have found.

Many places have local museums and they can be surprisingly engrossing. I also like to do the local tourist things at quiet times.

I work with some people who use support workers like this. They have used them for things like going to church, going to the gym, going to art exhibitions, going round the market, going to a class, seeing live music.

It probably matters less what you do than that you go and do something.
posted by kadia_a at 2:45 PM on July 8, 2020