Non-Binary 101 Resources?
May 30, 2020 6:17 AM Subscribe
My partner and I would really like to be as supportive as possible to their youngest child, who has told us they identify as non-binary and their preferred pronouns are they/them. They are a teenager, so above and beyond the usual understanding that it is not the responsibility of the person coming out to educate others, it especially is not this particular person’s responsibility to educate us!
I would be immensely grateful to any resources this community might suggest for parents or relatives of teenagers that identify as non-binary (or for the teenagers themselves!) so that my partner and I can bring ourselves up to speed and help this amazing person accept and really be themselves.
As background information, child, partner and I are all in therapy. Partner is still in the throes of a difficult divorce, and custody of the youngest child is a central issue. Child is AFAB, and has two older sisters.
Partner and I have been particularly struggling with using “they” and “them” (our assessment) and with “not being awkward” when talking about this (child’s assessment, which is pretty on point!) The child has also disclosed that they are having difficulty getting the other members of the family with the same issues, but given the divorce status, our ability to influence that may be limited.
We so so appreciate any resources that anyone may provide, and especially any resources with a focus on teenagers.
As background information, child, partner and I are all in therapy. Partner is still in the throes of a difficult divorce, and custody of the youngest child is a central issue. Child is AFAB, and has two older sisters.
Partner and I have been particularly struggling with using “they” and “them” (our assessment) and with “not being awkward” when talking about this (child’s assessment, which is pretty on point!) The child has also disclosed that they are having difficulty getting the other members of the family with the same issues, but given the divorce status, our ability to influence that may be limited.
We so so appreciate any resources that anyone may provide, and especially any resources with a focus on teenagers.
(I am not a parent or a nonbinary person!) While trying to educate myself, I appreciated this book: Nonbinary: Memoirs of Gender and Identity. One reason I liked it is that, it has a variety of different first-person narrative experiences, and it helped me see a bit of the huge diversity within the nonbinary experience.
posted by Zephyrial at 1:26 PM on May 30, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Zephyrial at 1:26 PM on May 30, 2020 [1 favorite]
Partner and I have been particularly struggling with using “they” and “them”
If you mean you’ve been messing up and using the wrong pronoun, some advice I’ve heard (from a trans friend) was: when you notice or someone points out that you used the wrong pronoun, repeat the whole phrase or sentence with the correct pronoun. That is good practice to use the pronoun in context (like you would do when making an error when learning a language) and shows that you are not brushing off or trying to gloss over your mistake (I.e., that you care to get it right), while at the same time allowing the original conversation to continue along in a relatively natural way.
posted by aubilenon at 2:33 PM on May 30, 2020 [3 favorites]
If you mean you’ve been messing up and using the wrong pronoun, some advice I’ve heard (from a trans friend) was: when you notice or someone points out that you used the wrong pronoun, repeat the whole phrase or sentence with the correct pronoun. That is good practice to use the pronoun in context (like you would do when making an error when learning a language) and shows that you are not brushing off or trying to gloss over your mistake (I.e., that you care to get it right), while at the same time allowing the original conversation to continue along in a relatively natural way.
posted by aubilenon at 2:33 PM on May 30, 2020 [3 favorites]
I am a nonbinary adult, and I'd recommend A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns!
posted by ITheCosmos at 5:12 PM on May 30, 2020
posted by ITheCosmos at 5:12 PM on May 30, 2020
Seconding A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns, which I came in here to recommend.
This roundtable on "What it means to be Non-binary" might also be helpful.
posted by dizziest at 1:04 PM on May 31, 2020
This roundtable on "What it means to be Non-binary" might also be helpful.
posted by dizziest at 1:04 PM on May 31, 2020
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posted by Iris Gambol at 9:42 AM on May 30, 2020