How can I find someone to sext with?
April 22, 2020 6:22 AM   Subscribe

I’m a single bisexual woman in my 30s, currently isolating with family that includes small children with big listening ears. Normally, I’d be dating to meet people for possible hookups/relationships, but obviously that’s off the table right now. I’m thinking that the best way to have a sex life right now would be to have someone to talk dirty with via text. How do I go about finding someone to do that with?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

It is exceedingly fast and easy to find someone to sext with on Tinder and OkCupid. If there aren't enough people in your area, change your location settings to New York City. I guarantee you will find a lot of cooped-up people who are interested in sexting.
posted by limeonaire at 6:27 AM on April 22, 2020 [7 favorites]

Regardless of platform, you will receive LOTS of interest as a bisexual woman. I’d try to loosely define what you’d like to sext about in your profile. Be prepared for more threesome content than ever before. If you’re not into that, say so off the top. I identify similarly and there are more “unicorn hunters” out there than ever it seems. I find that that to be truly exhausting. Also people who feel shame about their kinks might come out of the woodwork with “I’ve never told anybody this before” (they very well have) or “Can I ask you a question?” (Sigh)

Make sure to check in with yourself and your boundaries. People will push. They may share pictures or statements without your consent. If you decide at some point you’re not having fun anymore, then you know it’s okay to stop.

Also, if you are into kink/BDSM, Fetlife would be a good first stop.
posted by nathaole at 7:13 AM on April 22, 2020 [5 favorites]

Reddit has a pretty broad ecosystem of adult boards.

And such. I'm not really connected to these communities, so I don't know what level of quality they have. But it might be an option.
posted by Jacen at 7:18 AM on April 22, 2020 [3 favorites]

The newish queer app Lex would probably be good for this.
posted by needs more cowbell at 7:24 AM on April 22, 2020 [9 favorites]

There's also r/dirtyr4r. LOTS of people wanting to sext/have online FWBs; if you make a post you will be inundated. Be as picky as possible in your post.
posted by foxjacket at 7:25 AM on April 22, 2020 [2 favorites]

I've known friends to have success with this on fetlife.
posted by bunderful at 7:50 AM on April 22, 2020

All my queer friends who want sexting partners (which turns out to be a lot of them, right now) have had great success with Lex. You can either create an ad and be very specific about what you're looking for, or respond to other people's ads that sound appealing.
posted by lunasol at 8:25 AM on April 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

Yeah, Lex is full of ads like this. Note that it is an explicitly queer app; you won't find cis men to text with if that's something you're specifically interested in.
posted by kalimac at 8:37 AM on April 22, 2020 [2 favorites]

(Oh gosh, I'm so sorry, I mis-wrote terribly above. It's explicitly women/trans/femme/nonbinary. Of course cis men can be queer!)
posted by kalimac at 9:20 AM on April 22, 2020 [2 favorites]

A friend of mine is doing some interesting work in this space right now. He has some phone sex workshops and other things that might lead to connections! I would also imagine that you could ask anyone on a standard dating app that usually caters to in-person meetups if they wanted to do some dirty texting; I know my friends are definitely doing that right now.
posted by amaire at 11:42 AM on April 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

It's been veeeery easy for me to find sexting partners via the Whisper app. Good luck!
posted by faraasha at 3:40 PM on April 22, 2020

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