How should lovers deal with the pandemic?
March 14, 2020 7:25 AM Subscribe
How are couples dealing with social distancing during coronavirus? Cohabiting couples? Lovers who don’t live together and have to travel to be together? Staying apart? Fist bumps for the duration? No kissing?
From The Atlantic : (possibly an article limit, do what you must)
Should I limit physical interaction with my partner, or other people I live with?
Ko: That’s really hard to do. Again, what we’re really worried about is large gatherings. In the home, close contact is almost inevitable.
Cannuscio: I would say if you’re in a steady, monogamous relationship and you and that other person are limiting your social contacts, then be as intimate as you want to be.
Watson: If you get sick, try to maintain some distance. Otherwise, households should go about their normal business.
**
Misterussell and I are a cohabitating couple, neither of whom is a health expert. Looks like we're home together for at least the next 2 weeks. Neither of us have symptoms. Until either of us do have symptoms it's business as usual inside the house.
(eyebrow waggle)
posted by kimberussell at 7:39 AM on March 14, 2020 [10 favorites]
Should I limit physical interaction with my partner, or other people I live with?
Ko: That’s really hard to do. Again, what we’re really worried about is large gatherings. In the home, close contact is almost inevitable.
Cannuscio: I would say if you’re in a steady, monogamous relationship and you and that other person are limiting your social contacts, then be as intimate as you want to be.
Watson: If you get sick, try to maintain some distance. Otherwise, households should go about their normal business.
**
Misterussell and I are a cohabitating couple, neither of whom is a health expert. Looks like we're home together for at least the next 2 weeks. Neither of us have symptoms. Until either of us do have symptoms it's business as usual inside the house.
(eyebrow waggle)
posted by kimberussell at 7:39 AM on March 14, 2020 [10 favorites]
I'm immunocompromised. My girlfriend and I don't live together, and we are not seeing each other in person right now. We've done a few FaceTime dates, have watched TV shows at the same time, and are texting more than usual. Other couples I know that live together where one person has a serious complication are not kissing, holding hands, cuddling, or etc until they are able to quarantine themselves for two weeks (that's been difficult because of kids, workplaces, etc. but they imagine it will be possible soon).
posted by k8lin at 7:48 AM on March 14, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by k8lin at 7:48 AM on March 14, 2020 [6 favorites]
Three words: hazmat suit cosplay.
posted by spacewrench at 7:49 AM on March 14, 2020 [18 favorites]
posted by spacewrench at 7:49 AM on March 14, 2020 [18 favorites]
Dr. Advicepig is on the front lines of this in Minnesota, so the plan had been that I was going to go full hermit to protect my work and social circles from hers. Minnesota has since gone deep into social distancing, so that isn't our primary concern. At this point though, we are not distancing at home. We are humans and need a bit of comfort from someone. If either of us gets full blown sick, but can ride it out at home, the other will care for them, but someone is moving in to the other bedroom, and we'll take whatever precautions we can manage.
I like the idea of sitting a 14 day isolation to feel good about not being sick and then being monogamously distanced. That's clever.
posted by advicepig at 7:51 AM on March 14, 2020 [3 favorites]
I like the idea of sitting a 14 day isolation to feel good about not being sick and then being monogamously distanced. That's clever.
posted by advicepig at 7:51 AM on March 14, 2020 [3 favorites]
My boyfriend lives 15 minutes away, and we're still seeing each other. I was considering not, because he's a truck driver and normally interacts with a lot of people in warehouses, etc. with no sick leave in high density areas like NYC. But they've started having him stay in his truck so all of their contact is minimized.
posted by metasarah at 9:24 AM on March 14, 2020
posted by metasarah at 9:24 AM on March 14, 2020
Cohabiting couple in Seattle, reporting in. (No kids, just cats.) I'm working from home as of last week and he's still going to the office (with the few coworkers who can't work from home). We are both healthy and are not reducing physical contact, though we have added elbow bumps because it makes me smile. We both cook and do the dishes.
For any illness beyond a mild sniffle, someone moves to the second bedroom and bathroom, and no more smooching. The sick person stays out of the kitchen and keeps their dirty laundry separate. (Usually I get whatever he gets but twice as bad, and he stays obnoxiously healthy when I am sick, though he did have a nasty cold in February and I dodged it!)
posted by esoterrica at 9:41 AM on March 14, 2020 [2 favorites]
For any illness beyond a mild sniffle, someone moves to the second bedroom and bathroom, and no more smooching. The sick person stays out of the kitchen and keeps their dirty laundry separate. (Usually I get whatever he gets but twice as bad, and he stays obnoxiously healthy when I am sick, though he did have a nasty cold in February and I dodged it!)
posted by esoterrica at 9:41 AM on March 14, 2020 [2 favorites]
We live together and even in healthy times we are together a lot. We figure that if one of us gets sick, the other will just because of constant proximity.
Lightheartedly, I wonder if nine months after this is all over there will be a spike of Quarantine Babies from people who were exposed and kept inside, but didn't actually get sick. Kind of like Blizzard Babies.
posted by Gray Duck at 10:36 AM on March 14, 2020 [3 favorites]
Lightheartedly, I wonder if nine months after this is all over there will be a spike of Quarantine Babies from people who were exposed and kept inside, but didn't actually get sick. Kind of like Blizzard Babies.
posted by Gray Duck at 10:36 AM on March 14, 2020 [3 favorites]
We don’t live together, but about 3 miles apart. We are still seeing each other, but nobody else except housemates (who we are keeping distance from, and don’t share a bathroom with). We are both working from home and I’m doing the essential shopping for both of us to do our part to create the most distance. Still holding hands (but washing them a lot), not kissing on the mouth or touching one another’s faces. We sleep in the same bed so that is prob pointless but it makes us feel better.
posted by assenav at 11:16 AM on March 14, 2020
posted by assenav at 11:16 AM on March 14, 2020
We live together in two rooms. There's no point making ourselves extra crazy by avoiding contact; if one of us gets it there's likely no action we can take that would keep the other from getting it too. We're just hoping that if we both get it, it'll be a little staggered.
posted by babelfish at 11:23 AM on March 14, 2020
posted by babelfish at 11:23 AM on March 14, 2020
We live with three small kids. If one of us gets something, we're all getting it, though we would probably isolate the baby in her room and mask up in there if one of the others started showing symptoms. We're being very careful about social distancing (kids out of school, adults out of offices, only outside contacts are people who work as household helpers for us and a once a week grocery run) but consider our nuclear family to be a unit of social distance.
posted by potrzebie at 11:41 AM on March 14, 2020
posted by potrzebie at 11:41 AM on March 14, 2020
We live together in a 2BR and haven't changed our habits in the house at all, except insofar as they relate to activity outside the house (e.g., thorough hand-washing is the very first thing when getting home, no exceptions). No change in our interpersonal contact or activities, because (as others have said) in quarters this close, it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. He's chosen to completely self-isolate, and has grudgingly accepted my need to do errands on behalf of the household, but as of today I think he expects that to be finished, so we're now sealed off from the outside world until further notice.
posted by mykescipark at 1:38 PM on March 14, 2020
posted by mykescipark at 1:38 PM on March 14, 2020
My partner and I each live alone in houses about 15 minutes apart by car. We're both WFH for the foreseeable future and have decided that a) we both might have been infected by work anyway and/or infected each other; b) neither of us have other major health risks; c) we're fine driving to the other person's house to hang out but are not going out in public beyond any essential needs (eg grocery/pharmacy) for at least two weeks.
posted by TwoStride at 9:22 PM on March 14, 2020
posted by TwoStride at 9:22 PM on March 14, 2020
Cohabitating and spoused, zero change in behavior at home.
posted by desuetude at 10:19 PM on March 14, 2020
posted by desuetude at 10:19 PM on March 14, 2020
No change in behavior now. I’m married to a medical professional, though, and if my spouse starts routinely seeing known, confirmed cases at work, we might isolate fully from each other because I still need to go to work and don’t want to transfer it there, or vice versa. Situation TBD.
Edit: other than serious levels of hand washing regularly
posted by slateyness at 10:48 PM on March 14, 2020
Edit: other than serious levels of hand washing regularly
posted by slateyness at 10:48 PM on March 14, 2020
Married and cohabitating, no changes at home. If one of us gets it, given how contagious it seems to be, I think there's basically no way the other one won't get it, so we're not gonna put that much effort into avoiding contact with each other (as opposed to avoiding others.)
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 11:04 PM on March 14, 2020
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 11:04 PM on March 14, 2020
If you live together you pretty much share the same microbiome.
posted by megatherium at 5:21 AM on March 15, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by megatherium at 5:21 AM on March 15, 2020 [1 favorite]
Married couple for 40 years here, both in the high-risk age group. Pretty much all we've done is step-up the hand washing, and that's mostly in-case we are around others. It's nigh-on impossible not to pass-on any illness to the other one, unless they're showing obvious symptoms. And, if they are showing symptoms, it's probably too late.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:37 AM on March 15, 2020
posted by Thorzdad at 5:37 AM on March 15, 2020
Response by poster: Thank you all for your valuable ideas. We're going to continue getting together (don't live together), maybe less often, and with less contact. Best of luck to all.
posted by JimN2TAW at 8:08 AM on March 15, 2020
posted by JimN2TAW at 8:08 AM on March 15, 2020
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Neekee at 7:37 AM on March 14, 2020 [24 favorites]