Help me STFU at night
March 10, 2020 5:02 PM Subscribe
I've been a sleep talker since childhood but I think I'm getting worse. I asked my GP and was told it was not considered a problem without other symptoms. Should I push for more tests? Is there something I can do to STFU in my sleep?
I don't have any problems with breathing, snoring, moving around, walking, eating, etc in my sleep. I sleep maybe 6-8 hours on weeknights and 8-9 on weekends and generally feel pretty well rested. So no symptoms of a sleep disorder. My doctor said it's not worth it to do a sleep study or anything. Should I push this further?
What can I do to make it better on my own? Normally I wouldn't care but it is sometimes disruptive to my partner's sleep and we are close to moving in together. Apparently I say a couple things most nights, but occasionally will be talking all night which gets very disruptive, and I often yell or swear.
It's hard for me to really tell if it's gotten worse as I didn't spend as many nights with previous partners, but they all have mentioned it. My mom joked about my sleep talking as a child as well.
I'm a 30 y/o healthy cis woman, normal BMI, no major health issues. I've reduced my caffeine and alcohol but haven't noticed any difference. I do vape legal weed regularly. I exercise hard maybe 2-3 times a week and am not sure if it makes a difference. I have an anxiety disorder and am on an SSRI. Unfortunately I am still often quite stressed as I have started a new job. I know that is a cause of sleep talking but am not sure how to address that.
I don't have any problems with breathing, snoring, moving around, walking, eating, etc in my sleep. I sleep maybe 6-8 hours on weeknights and 8-9 on weekends and generally feel pretty well rested. So no symptoms of a sleep disorder. My doctor said it's not worth it to do a sleep study or anything. Should I push this further?
What can I do to make it better on my own? Normally I wouldn't care but it is sometimes disruptive to my partner's sleep and we are close to moving in together. Apparently I say a couple things most nights, but occasionally will be talking all night which gets very disruptive, and I often yell or swear.
It's hard for me to really tell if it's gotten worse as I didn't spend as many nights with previous partners, but they all have mentioned it. My mom joked about my sleep talking as a child as well.
I'm a 30 y/o healthy cis woman, normal BMI, no major health issues. I've reduced my caffeine and alcohol but haven't noticed any difference. I do vape legal weed regularly. I exercise hard maybe 2-3 times a week and am not sure if it makes a difference. I have an anxiety disorder and am on an SSRI. Unfortunately I am still often quite stressed as I have started a new job. I know that is a cause of sleep talking but am not sure how to address that.
I sleep talk more often when I’m in a new location (hotel, staying at a friend’s, etc). Maybe this is similar to a stress response and reducing stress would help you as well?
posted by raccoon409 at 5:59 PM on March 10, 2020
posted by raccoon409 at 5:59 PM on March 10, 2020
I found I sleep talked (and sleep walked) most if I was feeling unsettled. One time re-arranging my bedroom helped, apparently my subconscious wanted me to be against the wall. Could it be worse while you're at the 'close to moving in together' stage? Just moving house is a stress.
It's tricky though as you've already identified yourself as having anxiety and I know for me that was a big cause and it's also not something you can easily stop being. My SSRI has significantly reduced my anxiety but as I haven't shared a room in years I don't know if I still sleep talk. I probably do as the SSRI also gives me very vivid dreams.
Do you exercise at night? For me that was a no-no, made my brain go wild and that was more likely to lead to an active night.
posted by kitten magic at 6:09 PM on March 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
It's tricky though as you've already identified yourself as having anxiety and I know for me that was a big cause and it's also not something you can easily stop being. My SSRI has significantly reduced my anxiety but as I haven't shared a room in years I don't know if I still sleep talk. I probably do as the SSRI also gives me very vivid dreams.
Do you exercise at night? For me that was a no-no, made my brain go wild and that was more likely to lead to an active night.
posted by kitten magic at 6:09 PM on March 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
I talk in my sleep. I also snore, wriggle around, sleepwalk, hog the duvet & no doubt do all sorts of other inconsiderate things while I'm asleep.
Luckily for me, someone bought the whole package & is still willing to sleep beside me. She does some or all of the same things too. Turns out, we all have human imperfections.
I would humbly suggest that your partner already knows all this, and will (or at least: could) learn to love your human imperfections.
It's understandable that you should feel some anxiety, but please don't be looking to mould yourself into some idealised version to meet (what you might be imagining as) someone else's preference, because that's a bad habit. Knowing that you're with someone who loves you despite all your human imperfections is a great way to reduce anxiety.
So talk to your partner - "hey, I know I talk in my sleep - is that a big deal for you?" Either they're cool about it, which tells you everything you need to know. Or they're willing to be a dick about something that you have no conscious control over, which also tells you everything you need to know.
posted by rd45 at 3:32 AM on March 11, 2020
Luckily for me, someone bought the whole package & is still willing to sleep beside me. She does some or all of the same things too. Turns out, we all have human imperfections.
I would humbly suggest that your partner already knows all this, and will (or at least: could) learn to love your human imperfections.
It's understandable that you should feel some anxiety, but please don't be looking to mould yourself into some idealised version to meet (what you might be imagining as) someone else's preference, because that's a bad habit. Knowing that you're with someone who loves you despite all your human imperfections is a great way to reduce anxiety.
So talk to your partner - "hey, I know I talk in my sleep - is that a big deal for you?" Either they're cool about it, which tells you everything you need to know. Or they're willing to be a dick about something that you have no conscious control over, which also tells you everything you need to know.
posted by rd45 at 3:32 AM on March 11, 2020
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My other suggestion is to talk to your prescribing doctor (who is hopefully a psychiatrist?) to see if changing your medication would help. That could mean adding another medication to help with sleep quality and / or reduce evening stress patterns, or switching to a different SSRI. I'm on a mood stabilizer since I can't take SSRIs, and my pysch has recommended a low dose of trazadone at night for my sleep issues as it promotes healthy REM patterns and reduces the cortisol spike that can lead to things like sleep talking. I'm not saying you should ask for this in particular, just letting you know there are non- xanax/valium/ambien-type drugs that assist healthy REM.
Best of luck. This sounds very challenging. I've slept with a sleep-talker and can confirm I appreciate when they made a concerted effort to manage it.
posted by ananci at 5:44 PM on March 10, 2020 [2 favorites]