monogamish/relationship-opening checklists for couple discussion
February 18, 2020 1:10 AM   Subscribe

Looking for links to "checklists" (online or in books) that a couple can use to discuss each person's comfort level with a range of relationship-opening scenarios that are not full-on polyamory, but more on the "monogamish" side of the spectrum. Kink-adjacent is OK but not core to the situation.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (8 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

The Jealousy Workbook has a good inventory /checklist & is worth a look.
posted by bibliotropic at 2:05 AM on February 18, 2020 [1 favorite]

I do not like this book for Reasons but I know a lot of poly folks who have found The Ethical Slut very useful.
posted by bile and syntax at 5:37 AM on February 18, 2020

I think More than two works well...while it is focused on poly at the end of the day the extreme focus on communication will definitely help whatever setup you have.

Also watch the movie "Monogamish"
posted by The1andonly at 8:09 AM on February 18, 2020

I see a checklist for instance here but it has the flaw I would expect to find unfortunately in checklist-type discussions like that: it treats the "other" (the new person, not the one you are not with monogamously) as only a static accepting object and doesn't do anything to talk about how things might get complicated by the fact that they are a real person with needs that may grow or change too.
posted by sheldman at 11:04 AM on February 18, 2020 [6 favorites]

(in parenthetical above, should say "not the one you are now with monogamously")
posted by sheldman at 11:16 AM on February 18, 2020

There are a number of different versions of the "relationship smorgasbord" out there that I think could be super helpful. Also Google "The Most Missed Step when Opening a Relationship." (Sorry I can't post links right now!)
posted by metasarah at 6:17 PM on February 18, 2020

The book Opening Up is excellent for this!

I really like that it has specific discussion prompts and that it avoids some of the common pitfalls of non-monogamy-related writing: it doesn't state or imply this is a more enlightened type of relationship, it neither focuses on nor ignores the sexual aspect, and it doesn't elevate a hierarchical relationship type.
posted by rhiannonstone at 6:42 PM on February 18, 2020

Mojo Upgrade is a survey given to both members of a couple where only the items you share in common are shared with each other. You can list all your prurient interests without fear of the other getting squicked because they won't see it unless they're interested too! (Or conniving enough to say that they're into EVERYTHING just to see your whole list, in which case, DTMFA!)
posted by blue t-shirt at 10:40 AM on February 19, 2020

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