Teach me to drive/help me learn to drive.

February 6, 2020 9:14 AM

It's time. I have to get a license/learn to drive. But how? I would really like it if someone could just give me a list of things to do in order with details on how to get a learners permit/learn to drive/get a license in San Francisco. I have a great deal of anxiety around this as I feel cars are dangerous but considering my parent's declining health I have to learn for emergency driving purposes. Hope me metafilter!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis to Travel & Transportation (31 answers total)

Hey, I grew up in California. Someone currently living in SF can give you more detail about the exact process there, but basically, the steps for getting your license in CA as an adult are:

1. Learn the driving laws well enough to pass a written test. You can pay for an online driver's ed course (which might be a good option if you have anxiety and/or executive dysfunction about this process) or self-study the handbook.

2. Make an appointment at your local DMV to take the written test. Show up at your appointment time with the appropriate documents. After you pass the written test you'll receive a permit which allows you to drive with another adult licensed driver in the car.

3. Practice, and/or take driving lessons. Driving lessons are a good option if you don't have easy access to a car.

4. Make an appointment for your behind-the-wheel test. You can take your test at any DMV in the state and some are known to be easier than others (ones in less dense suburban areas are the best!!) so take that into account.

5. Once you pass the behind-the-wheel test, you can get your license!!
posted by mekily at 9:34 AM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

I am very comfortable driving in a wide variety of contexts but damn driving in SF is rough, and it gives me anxiety as someone who generally doesn't have driving anxiety. I would highly advise you find a way to get out to the 'burbs to do your first rounds of practice: nobody should have their first experience behind the wheel be on the tip of that little peninsula. Locals may have tips for closer places, but honestly I'd prefer to be at least an hour's drive east or north if I were learning or teaching.

The good news is humans are really adaptable and it will seem easy in no time, good luck!
posted by SaltySalticid at 9:35 AM on February 6, 2020 [5 favorites]

I would look into well-reviewed driving schools that offer 1-on-1 instruction. San Francisco is one of the most difficult cities in North America to drive in due to its steep hills, narrow avenues, many one-way streets, traffic rules that vary throughout the day and the large number of pedestrians, tourists, bikers and public transit options that share the road with cars. Come to think of it, if you can begin your driving instruction somewhere across the bay or in less hectic conditions, I would recommend that as well.
posted by caveatz at 9:38 AM on February 6, 2020 [3 favorites]

CA doesn't appear to have a permit application for those over 18 (i got a permit, long ago, but was a HS student so the process is different). From CA DMV:

How to Get a Permit if You Are 18 or Older Check List

To obtain a permit if you are 18 years old or older you must:

Complete a Driver License or Identification Card Application.

Present an acceptable birth date/legal presence document, and/or identity document.

Present acceptable residency documents.

Provide your social security number.

Provide your true full name.

Pay the application fee.

Pass a knowledge test.


I grew up in and learned to drive in SF and its tough but not impossible. Agreeing with others that you should find a reputable driving school, there are fewer choices than we have here in NYC but you will be able to find one - and most include in the price of their packages the ability to take the road test in one of their cars. Many years ago I think i had to have a road class or three with a professional from a school because my high school drivers ed was limited to classroom teaching only. The guy picked me up from my HS in the sunset, told me to drive down 280 to Burlingame, and turn back around and do a few laps. He probably wasnt a great instructor as he was asleep by halfway through the first lap and i had to wake him when the lesson was over. I also spent a fair amount of time in whats now Dogpatch, just getting the hand of accelerating and turning with my dad. My wife just took adult drivers ed here in NYC and was shocked that her first lesson was just driving around the neighborhood where the school was located - she had expected a parking lot or otherwise closed course at least initially. If this is a concern for you Id recommend flagging it and asking any driving school youre screening about it.

You're not wrong - cars are death machines and far too many people are obscenely cavalier about their risks, its about accepting certain risks and getting comfortable with the feeling of actively avoiding the other ones.

Good luck, you can do it. (also we always were told to take our exams in Daly City, where i can confirm i was not required to parallel park for the exam, despite needing to do so several times a day for the next few years).
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 9:52 AM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

My driver learning years were in Northern California. Nthing what others say about San Francisco being a challenging environment to learn driving. I taught two of my friends how to drive by taking them up north with some less populated stretches that were really lovely scenery and not too much traffic to get comfortable with the basics until they become habitual. Then a more populated small urban area. Then San Francisco.
posted by effluvia at 10:29 AM on February 6, 2020

While I can't help with the California process, for learning as an adult with a lot of respect for the dangers of cars - take lessons. Lots of them. No, more than that. Our driving courses have a minimum of 20 hours of lessons, and I took closer to 80 hours in various conditions (including night, rain, snow, defensive driving and motorways) before I felt capable of driving without posing a danger to myself or others. I probably could have managed earlier, but it's the difference between white-knuckling it and being actually confident.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 10:34 AM on February 6, 2020 [2 favorites]

You know, the other thing I would recommend to you is to make an appointment for any CA Department of Motor Vehicles visits through their website. Appointments range from car registration issues to driver's permit issues. Get a DMV booklet and look at the rules to familiarize yourself with the details. Don't make the mistake of driving yourself to your interview BEFORE you get your permit or license; they may ask you if you drove yourself and disqualify you if you did that---this happened to some of my friends in high school. Appointments are scheduled way in advance, and they significantly reduce your time waiting at the DMV--like one hour to take care of everything versus four hours waiting in line, the one hour to apply. Make sure the car you are driving is in good repair; they will disqualify cars that don't have lights, horns, etc. I bet the DMV also has online practice tests and simulations. I hope this is helpful. Also, learn in a smaller car with good visibility. This will help with parking practice.
posted by effluvia at 10:44 AM on February 6, 2020 [2 favorites]

When I started driving I remember thinking that controlling the car was going to be the hardest part. It turned out that feeling secure when close to another car was my biggest issue. Once you have driven a block or two in any given car, you can tell how stiff/loose the brake and gas pedals are and how responsive the steering is, so making the car do what you want is not that difficult. What takes time and practice is staying in your lane, passing another car in an adjacent lane, turning when there are other cars waiting, and keeping your following distance safe.

Driving lessons should be all about easing you into situations where your confidence grows slowly and not throwing you into a hairy situation to see how you handle it. If anyone tries that with you, stop taking lessons from them immediately.
posted by soelo at 10:45 AM on February 6, 2020 [3 favorites]

If your parents or someone else with a vehicle lives in a smaller city, could you take your driving exam there? I took mine when I was staying with my aunt for a couple weeks in the summer. The town had a single stop light and the test was over in about 15 minutes.
posted by bonobothegreat at 10:46 AM on February 6, 2020

Do your parents already have a car in SF? It's a huge hassle to own and park a car in the city, let alone driving. From my experience, I can almost always get a Lyft or Uber within a couple of minutes. Is there a reason why you think you need to be able to drive yourself rather than using ridehailing?
posted by pinochiette at 11:11 AM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I live with my parents *in* SF. I do live close to Daly City, and use that DMV. They own a car, we live in a small house with a garage. Because we live in the southern part of the city getting downtown to DRs is tricky/expensive without car. Take it on faith- I NEED to get a license. Just from my dad’s latest misadventure even with insurance ambulances are $$$. Mom still drives but has cataract that she’s putting off taking care of. So yes- I MUST LEARN TO DRIVE. Thanks for all the suggestions so far, and keep them coming please- the more people who give me more tips the less my anxiety when I implement them.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:16 AM on February 6, 2020

Notes from my experience:

(a) You REALLY need to line up a calm, chill friend to practice driving with. You're not gonna be able to pay someone for 80 hours of car practice time or rent a car to use to practice on either. Practice time is crucial. I'm not sure from what you just said if your parents are up to doing this with you or not, but if you can use their car, great.

(b) Go to a DMV that isn't in SF, preferably somewhere relatively chill and not filled with bikers, scooters, crazy traffic, etc. to take the test.

(c) You will be auto-failed if you don't drive in the bike lane to turn right. I did not do this on my first turn because I live in the bike capital and we don't drive where bikers are always hanging out, but guess what.

(d) MEMORIZE STRAIGHT UP the DMV questions. Regurgitate them blindly. Do not sit there and think, "What would a logical person do in this situation?" because I have bombed DMV questions for doing that. DMV logic is not normal human logic. When they say something like, "People who drive slower than the speed of traffic hold up traffic. But you are on the freeway and everyone is driving 75 miles an hour and the speed limit is 65. What should you drive?" the answer is 65 MPH, PERIOD.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:19 AM on February 6, 2020 [5 favorites]

You might feel more comfortable starting out taking lessons from a driving school instructor using the driving school's car. I suggest using the school's car for two reasons 1) The car may be equipped with brakes on the passenger side (just in case) 2) The driving school logo tells other road users that you are still learning.

The local driving school will also know the various quirks of the local DMVs and can advise you accordingly.
posted by oceano at 12:04 PM on February 6, 2020 [4 favorites]

I just want to give you a vote of confidence, and suggest practicing your driving in the Outer Sunset, as you probably know, it's a world away from hilly-er neighborhoods closer to downtown. The Outer Sunset has gentle hills, streets laid out in a simple grid, lots of stop signs, low speed limits, deserted most of the time, with just enough variety to keep you on your toes and let you get a feel for the basics. You got this, don't worry!
posted by niicholas at 12:19 PM on February 6, 2020 [4 favorites]

This may not apply to you, but maybe you’re this way, as I was at 18. Try researching how cars work. I felt utterly unable to control the car responsibly until I researched what I was actually doing when I operated the controls. Once I understood the underlying mechanics I felt considerably more comfortable with the actions I was taking and how I could be certain they’d have the desired effect.
posted by Pacrand at 12:33 PM on February 6, 2020

I have some how managed to make to the ripe old age of 34 without getting a drivers license. But I made the decision this year that I was going to for it, and through the recommendation of many friends, I signed up with a driving school to help ease my road anxiety. I feel much more comfortable in the instructor's car (especially in NY, which has insane streets), and he has seen it all. He has been able to give me guidance and advice that only a instructor can, including tips and tricks to ease my anxiety. I would highly recommend a combination of a driving school plus practice time with your parents in their car.
posted by something_witty at 12:46 PM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Hey, I just did this (live in SF and get a driver's license) last year. One thing I wish I'd done was make my road test DMV appointment AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Like, the day I got my permit soon as possible. Appointments in Bay Area DMVs are super scarce; I'm pretty sure they get all snapped up by "concierge services" that then charge you like 40 bucks for an appointment that should have been free. (I have friends who've used these with no issues; I refused to out of principle and went up north to Corte Madera, which was much more chill than SF/Peninsula DMVs).

Otherwise it's just a case of practice, practice, practice. Most driving instructors will be able to guide you through a simulated DMV test route if you tell them where you're planning on taking your test. I wish I could recommend a specific instructor but I was frankly unimpressed with the instruction I received from the several (!) I tried compared to where I first learned (Young Drivers of Canada, which unfortunately doesn't seem to have a US equivalent). But all of the instructors were able to coach me specifically on how to pass the CA road test, and having a trained professional in a car with dual controls really does help for the first few sessions. Let me know if you want any more specifics. Good luck, you got this!
posted by btfreek at 12:51 PM on February 6, 2020 [3 favorites]

join aaa and find a local driving school through them
posted by brujita at 1:34 PM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

You've gotten some good step-by-step advice, so here's a hopefully-reassuring story: I got my drivers license at 26, in another very-difficult-to-drive-in city (Boston), also while living with my parents! It was scary, and I had a lot of built-up anxiety about driving from some experiences I had as a teenager. I think the hardest thing about learning as an adult is the same thing that makes you a safer driver when you do learn: that anxiety and caution.

I took the test once and failed. Spectacularly. So I went back to the drawing board and hired a driving teacher for ~5 hour-long lessons. This was the key. Driving in my parents' car, with one of them present, even as an adult, was just too stressful. The teacher I got assigned from the school was the same age as me and I didn't feel stressed out around her. This gave me enough practice that I was able to drive with a parent in the car without either of us having a meltdown.

The most important thing for me was not specific skills like parking or braking, but just getting comfortable with driving around other cars. Merging. 4 way stops. Things like that. Focus your paid lessons on things that will be on the test. Don't worry about, for instance, highway driving, quite yet.

You don't have to be a perfect driver to pass the test. So just focus now on the things you need to pass the test. Once you get your license, keep practicing. I avoided highways for months until I felt comfortable with them. I just drove around town and that was good practice. Then I started driving on highways and it was terrifying at first, but I eventually got the hang of it. You will too.
posted by lunasol at 2:09 PM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

In the spirit of giving tips of all sorts to reduce anxiety, and if you're familiar enough with cars that this is unsurprising, just skip it. Most all automatic cars aren't like bumper cars or go karts. If you're on flat ground, start the car, put it in drive, and take your foot off the brake, the car will start creeping forward slowly. This is totally intuitive to drivers (to the point it takes some getting used to if you drive a car that doesn't do it), but not entirely obvious if you've started a car for the very first time and are expecting that you have to take affirmative action to make it start moving. But if you're expecting it, it's easy to get used to, and you can practice keeping your foot on the brake, taking it off, and putting it back on to get a feel for it.

If you've never driven at all, I think it makes sense to take some time to just sit behind the wheel and figure out how the car's controls work. The driving school's car will be slightly different, but it will be easier to know where everything is if you're already familiar with starting/stopping the car, shifting into gear/park, the pedals, how to work the turn signal, that kind of thing when you're stopped.
posted by zachlipton at 2:17 PM on February 6, 2020 [2 favorites]

I always recommend that whenever possible, once you have a learner's permit practice driving in the suburbs on residential streets. You can pretty much go as slowly as you like, it's easy to pull over to let someone pass you, and you will get ample time to get a sense of how the car feels under your control. You'll mainly be dealing with stop signs, not traffic lights; you'll get little pressure from other drivers.

My mom taught me to drive in an elementary school parking lot after everyone had gone home. Then she has me practice on our suburban streets. Then I took driver's ed. Then I took private driving lessons -- maybe four or six, but an hourlong. And still, I didn't get on the highway for a few years. But suburban practice makes operating the car feel like second nature at the easiest possible level.

And yes, just memorize the driving book's sample questions. When I moved from New York to Georgia in 1991, I had to take the written test even with an active license. It literally showed a Yield sign (with the word "yield" on it) and I had to say whether the sign was telling me to stop, go, turn left, or yield to other traffic. I'd thought that question in the book had been a joke. It wasn't.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 3:07 PM on February 6, 2020 [3 favorites]

I took a three week classroom driver's ed in DC when I was 17, more than fifty years ago. The best thing the teacher did was have us clip newspaper articles about car accidents and write a couple of paragraphs figuring out how the accident could have been avoided.

A couple of years later I still hadn't gotten around to getting license and I got my learner's permit in SF. It sure was fun (totally scary) driving a stick shift car up and down those hills. Once I mastered that I figured I could drive anywhere.
posted by mareli at 3:19 PM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

I got my license at 32, and 8 years later I am no longer anxious about driving even if I still hate it.

I called local driving instructors, told them I was an adult nervous about learning, and asked them how lessons work. I went with the folks who didn’t try to convince me I’d soon love driving. The driving instructors were all semiretired guys who were phased by *nothing* and that was great. I took weekly lessons for a month or two, then practiced with my husband and friends for a while. When I felt mostly ready for the driving exam, I went back to the driving school for two more lessons to review stuff, ask questions I’d had since the last lessons, and asked for the most realistic test-like experience possible and for them to be totally frank about any weak points.

I’ll say that some people find learning from friends/family to be less stressful, but I really wanted instruction from someone that had helped lots of people learn to drive that would be a total stickler. It was totally worth the money for me. Good luck!
posted by tchemgrrl at 3:25 PM on February 6, 2020 [2 favorites]

Just a couple thoughts, at the very beginning go out at the crack of dawn on sunday mornings. Find out the area the test will be in and drive it a bunch of times going around in circles and finding lights that may be confusing.
posted by sammyo at 3:41 PM on February 6, 2020 [2 favorites]

I was you ten years ago! As others have said- Firstly you should have as many formal lessons as you can afford. I probably had 100 hours or more, expensive but it was worth it. I sacked my first driving instructor for being a dick, then moved on again when I realised I needed to learn to drive a manual. Those dual control cars are so great. The instructor can hit the brakes, grab the wheel, or complain you're giving them whiplash. (Poor guy, he's left the industry now, hope I didn't put him off.)

Secondly, after you had a few lessons, if possible find a kind, calm and patient friend and/or relative who is willing to take you out for driving practice, starting somewhere quiet and easy.. practice practice practice. Good luck!
posted by Coaticass at 4:06 PM on February 6, 2020

It wasn't listed in the permit check list, above, but the license exam itself will include a simple vision test. It's not difficult, but if you have doubts about your vision, get your eyes checked first.
posted by SPrintF at 4:07 PM on February 6, 2020 [2 favorites]

2nding finding out the area in which the on-road test will be held and familiarizing yourself with the location of one way streets and quirks like contra-flow lanes during rush hour and righthand lanes that turn into parking lanes when not.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 6:56 PM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Seconding everything about getting driver's training in a rural/suburban area.
Yes, you will need to pass the written test, get an eye exam (ask about it), and then the driver's test.
There are many communities which offer driver's tests. Go to someplace rural/suburban and practice. If you fail the first test, that's okay. But check out your next test at a different location.

Getting the permit/license is just the first step. Now practice, practice, practice.
Good luck.
posted by TrishaU at 9:42 PM on February 6, 2020

Definitely find a chill place to practice. Downtown SF is crazy these days with Ubers and so on, so don't venture over there just yet. Outer Richmond and Sunset as mentioned, just stay away from 19th, and remember that cross traffic does not always have a stop sign. Do Great Hwy once you're comfortable with residential speeds. Then maybe the loop of broader boulevards around San Bruno Mtn, Hillside, Bayshore, Geneva/Ocean. Then El Camino Real, which is a bit more frenetic.
posted by Standard Orange at 1:23 AM on February 8, 2020

I taught multiple people to drive in Point Richmond along the waterfront. Low traffic, lots of space, and long straight-aways. I'd recommend starting there with the basics, then follow the solid recommendations you got in this thread.
posted by guster4lovers at 3:24 PM on February 8, 2020

Just to add my support to some of the answers here:

* the Presidio can be a good place to practice hills and stuff. I learned to drive a stick by practicing at the Presidio.
* the outer Sunset is a GREAT place to practice - as is outer Richmond.
* when you are ready to venture downtown, weekends might be a little easier - in my experience, downtown traffic isn't as heavy on weekends.
* you can totally do this! Be as gentle and patient with yourself as you can. You will do great!
posted by kristi at 6:36 PM on February 11, 2020