Menopause for the none traditionally feminine

January 19, 2020 1:50 AM

I just had a hysterectomy four days ago. I still have my ovaries, but at 48 I know I'll be dealing with menopause soon. Have already been having something that feels very much like hot flushes since the surgery. Please help me find resources appropriate for a not-quite-traditionally-feminine person like me.

I will be discussing this with my doctor of course, but I do want to have a grasp of what is possible before I go into that conversation.
So far the I've found only contradictory and confusing info, esp about the risks / advantages of hormone replacement.
The book I've tried ("Wisdom of Menopause") was written for an audience so different from me that I found it of little help.
I'm not trans, or non-binary, but I've never fitted into any of the feminine categories, to the point that I feel uncomfortable calling myself a woman.
I need help for both the obvious physical risks(my mother died of cancer) as well as mental health (I am an anxious, overly bean plating type). I'm not religious, but am very interested in how stories and metaphor can help to make sense of things. Any articles, books, or general advice on how to think about the changes I'm about to face?

posted by Zumbador to Health & Fitness (4 answers total)

I’m somewhat like you, but my periods stopped on their own at age 52 (6 years ago), and it’s been such freedom ever since. Except that I developed high blood pressure and cholesterol, a bit less hair, and possibly some bone loss over the years, unsurprising with my family history. I am seeing my GP in a few weeks. I don’t fit into the metaphorical categories, don’t have children or a long term partner, or living female relatives. My mother also died from cancer.
Dr. Jen Gunter has written a lot about HRT, which I decided against, but may be an option for you at your age if your symptoms become hard to tolerate. The info out there is confusing.

A frozen gel pack on the back of my neck is great when drinking hot liquids, and blasting the car a/c as needed even in the middle of winter. I’m on a handful of daily meds, blood pressure and cholesterol are controlled, but I do need to do more weight bearing exercise. I seek (and rarely find) literature with characters in my stage of life who aren’t grandparents, etc. I’m a crone who was never a mother or much of a maiden.
My mental health has improved, but my ADHD is much more pronounced with the estrogen having tanked, and from my support group for that have learned it’s common. I have a great psych doc who is an older woman and gets what it’s like.
I’ll be reading this hoping others have more resources, but for me, freedom from my blasted uterus is wonderful, and I’m more truly myself than I ever was. DM me if you like.
posted by wens at 6:00 AM on January 19, 2020 [8 favorites]

I can't tell you how much hormone replacement has changed my life since menopause. I know that OB/GYNs have strikingly different opinions about it, but mine fortunately was receptive to limited-duration replacement. It has made a tremendous difference. I can sleep. I don't sweat through my nightgown three times a night. The awful flushes have stopped. Etc. I have also tried vaginal estrogen, which has almost no absorption systemically and has helped significantly with PIV sex. When systemic hormones must stop, my doctor will taper the dose over several months to help me adjust. I had my ovaries removed as well as uterus because my mother had ovarian cancer.

I have a friend who is nervous about systemic hormones - she has not had a hysterectomy - but uses vaginal estrogen and finds it helps enough. So there are degrees of hormone replacement. And depending on your family history and the length of time you use replacement there are different risks. This is exactly the sort of thing your doctor knows needs in-depth discussion.
posted by citygirl at 4:35 PM on January 19, 2020 [1 favorite]

There is some good info on menopause, whether following a hysterectomy or not, in Jennifer Block's Everything Below the Waist: Why Health Care Needs a Feminist Revolution.

Also very relevant is Darcey Steinke's memoir Flash Count Diary: Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life.
posted by spamandkimchi at 8:04 PM on January 19, 2020 [1 favorite]

Hello! I had a TLH-BSO in 2015. I'm nonbinary, and so all the stuff like HysterSisters made me intensely uncomfortable. I really recommend this blog (and their Google group, which has a plethora of discussion and resources) -- it's much more neutral in terms of the gendering that post-hysto and/or menopause stuff usually gets, and really good at teasing out info on things like HRT risks amidst all the scare stories in the media.

I hope your recovery goes well.
posted by diffuse at 11:21 AM on January 21, 2020