Help me focus on my new job
December 7, 2019 11:42 PM Subscribe
My new job starts on Tuesday, but there's been a ton of stuff that's happened in the past 2 weeks that's distracted me from even thinking about my new job. How do I go in and do a good job until everything else in my life gets slightly more settled?
First of all, I should be sleeping right now. Getting a good night's sleep for my 4.5 hr drive to my new city, but I have what feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm starting a new job, moving to a new city, this should be excited! I'm filled with dread and I've barely THOUGHT about my new job since this shit began rolling in. Truthfully, I'm surprised that I was able to find a place to stay in my new city during this mess, but I did. I've sent a few emails back and forth with my new supervisor, and he seems to be quite nice. I'm getting a good feeling about this job, but I just can't stop focusing on all the other shit in my life.
As I've mentioned in the past few posts of mine, my elderly mother has been hospitalized for over two weeks. I'm not sure when/if she'll be discharged, or if she'll be allowed back home (with home-care supports) or referred to assisted living. The hospital is currently in the midst of conducting a capacity assessment on her to determine the next steps. I'm taking this with a grain of salt, but from my most recent discussion with the hospital social worker, she saw a geriatrician who began the capacity assessment on Friday. According to the social worker, it sounds like they are leaning towards releasing my mother next weekend, so I have to drive back from my new city to get her settled. IF this happens.
I've been worried about her house, I've spoken to her insurance company and it sounds like we're ok for now because my mom still intends to return home. It's not vacant yet! I have a friend checking in on the house (in exchange for borrowing our snowblower all winter, it's a good trade). Despite this, I'm still worried about the house having some sort of catastrophic issue while I'm away.
Due to all the anxiety I've been having about this situation (and more generally, the past few years) I decided to see a doctor about it, he sent me for blood work before prescribing anything. Now I'm worried about my health, in general. I'm worried that I some disease I wasn't expecting (maybe I have diabetes? who knows! I also decided this would be a good time to show the doctor this weird gross mole I've always had, he was like "yikes, I'll send you to a dermatologist!" On top of worried about what the results of my blood work will be, I'm NOW also scared that I have fucking melanoma.
I know it's good that I've made a first step to really treating my anxiety (I do have a therapist), but there is soooooo much other shit going on in my life right now and it's making it SOOOO hard to focus on my job and on moving. I leave tomorrow, but I'm not even that well packed, tbh. I didn't work this week, but I spent so much of my time dealing with my mother's situation and her house that I put off packing. I spent a little bit of time getting my stuff together tonight, but I wasted most of my time this evening trying to set up automated light timers that don't even work with the lamps I bought! This whole situation has been a giant energy suck and I can't let it take more energy from me than it already has. How can I best put ALL my worries aside (my mom, her house, my health, my stupid gross mole, etc.) and just FOCUS on my JOB and settling in my new city?
First of all, I should be sleeping right now. Getting a good night's sleep for my 4.5 hr drive to my new city, but I have what feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm starting a new job, moving to a new city, this should be excited! I'm filled with dread and I've barely THOUGHT about my new job since this shit began rolling in. Truthfully, I'm surprised that I was able to find a place to stay in my new city during this mess, but I did. I've sent a few emails back and forth with my new supervisor, and he seems to be quite nice. I'm getting a good feeling about this job, but I just can't stop focusing on all the other shit in my life.
As I've mentioned in the past few posts of mine, my elderly mother has been hospitalized for over two weeks. I'm not sure when/if she'll be discharged, or if she'll be allowed back home (with home-care supports) or referred to assisted living. The hospital is currently in the midst of conducting a capacity assessment on her to determine the next steps. I'm taking this with a grain of salt, but from my most recent discussion with the hospital social worker, she saw a geriatrician who began the capacity assessment on Friday. According to the social worker, it sounds like they are leaning towards releasing my mother next weekend, so I have to drive back from my new city to get her settled. IF this happens.
I've been worried about her house, I've spoken to her insurance company and it sounds like we're ok for now because my mom still intends to return home. It's not vacant yet! I have a friend checking in on the house (in exchange for borrowing our snowblower all winter, it's a good trade). Despite this, I'm still worried about the house having some sort of catastrophic issue while I'm away.
Due to all the anxiety I've been having about this situation (and more generally, the past few years) I decided to see a doctor about it, he sent me for blood work before prescribing anything. Now I'm worried about my health, in general. I'm worried that I some disease I wasn't expecting (maybe I have diabetes? who knows! I also decided this would be a good time to show the doctor this weird gross mole I've always had, he was like "yikes, I'll send you to a dermatologist!" On top of worried about what the results of my blood work will be, I'm NOW also scared that I have fucking melanoma.
I know it's good that I've made a first step to really treating my anxiety (I do have a therapist), but there is soooooo much other shit going on in my life right now and it's making it SOOOO hard to focus on my job and on moving. I leave tomorrow, but I'm not even that well packed, tbh. I didn't work this week, but I spent so much of my time dealing with my mother's situation and her house that I put off packing. I spent a little bit of time getting my stuff together tonight, but I wasted most of my time this evening trying to set up automated light timers that don't even work with the lamps I bought! This whole situation has been a giant energy suck and I can't let it take more energy from me than it already has. How can I best put ALL my worries aside (my mom, her house, my health, my stupid gross mole, etc.) and just FOCUS on my JOB and settling in my new city?
Short answer is, you are going to be a human being at work. You probably won’t end up completely without worries on Tuesday. In fact, brace yourself, sometimes the first little while at a new job is slow/new enough that you have extra worrying time.
So, deep breath. If you can, get to work early and weather permitting, walk around the block once. Do a centering exercise in the washroom when you can. At work, have a notebook with you. When a worry comes up, write down a thought or action, like “check on whether mum has de-icer” or “remember red pot” for the next time you’re home. Then get right back to work.
The good thing about that 4.5 hr drive coming back next weekend too is you can get anything you forgot.
posted by warriorqueen at 3:42 AM on December 8, 2019 [5 favorites]
So, deep breath. If you can, get to work early and weather permitting, walk around the block once. Do a centering exercise in the washroom when you can. At work, have a notebook with you. When a worry comes up, write down a thought or action, like “check on whether mum has de-icer” or “remember red pot” for the next time you’re home. Then get right back to work.
The good thing about that 4.5 hr drive coming back next weekend too is you can get anything you forgot.
posted by warriorqueen at 3:42 AM on December 8, 2019 [5 favorites]
Break it down. You don’t have to be focused on the job until Tuesday. Today you have to be focused on getting packed and perhaps driving.
It may help to think about it in terms of packing for a trip, not a move. Use a packing list and make sure you have those things. That’ll get you through a couple of weeks in your new place.
If you’re moving into a semi/unfurnished place add to that list the sort of things you’d put into the moving box you open on arrival at the new house - the one with coffee, toilet roll and a few kitchen items and bed sheets. The internet has a list for that box as well.
If these lists make you think you need to go and buy stuff don’t do that. There will be shops in your new city that you’ll find and explore over the coming days.
And your other stuff is at your mother’s house (if I recall your other posts correctly) so you can take a couple of weeks to assess what else you really need and get that when you visit your mother.
posted by koahiatamadl at 5:09 AM on December 8, 2019 [1 favorite]
It may help to think about it in terms of packing for a trip, not a move. Use a packing list and make sure you have those things. That’ll get you through a couple of weeks in your new place.
If you’re moving into a semi/unfurnished place add to that list the sort of things you’d put into the moving box you open on arrival at the new house - the one with coffee, toilet roll and a few kitchen items and bed sheets. The internet has a list for that box as well.
If these lists make you think you need to go and buy stuff don’t do that. There will be shops in your new city that you’ll find and explore over the coming days.
And your other stuff is at your mother’s house (if I recall your other posts correctly) so you can take a couple of weeks to assess what else you really need and get that when you visit your mother.
posted by koahiatamadl at 5:09 AM on December 8, 2019 [1 favorite]
It sounds like your new job may be a godsend in the midst of all this - something else to focus on that isn't bad. I wouldn't be surprised if your worries just automatically move aside once you find yourself at your new workplace, busy all day talking to people and learning about the job. Having work to do has certainly helped me in difficult times. And settling into your new place will give you other things to focus on when you're not at work. Don't bother trying to forget all your worries and get into the right frame of mind now, before you start work; just trust that it will happen on its own once you get there.
posted by Redstart at 7:44 AM on December 8, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Redstart at 7:44 AM on December 8, 2019 [4 favorites]
Other people have given great advice. I just want to say I think you’re doing amazingly well. This is a lot for anyone, you’re not weird for being anxious about it, and also I think you’re handling it and you’re going to continue to handle it.
posted by eirias at 10:47 AM on December 8, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by eirias at 10:47 AM on December 8, 2019 [4 favorites]
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Your health and your mom are also things you don't have to actually do anything about right now. Focus on what you have to accomplish and moving from one task to the next. Thoughts start to drift, just gently shift back to whatever is in front of you.
I would wake up early tomorrow, get on taskrabbit first thing and see if you can get someone to come over and help you pack. Or enlist a friend if you can. Having someone else working next to you makes it a lot easier to stay on task especially if they can tell *you* what to do next.
Since you're driving you can probably be a little flexible about when you leave right? Maybe even see if you can hire a taskrabbit for your new place to help you get situated enough for your first day so you're not completely exhausted.
posted by bleep at 12:08 AM on December 8, 2019 [4 favorites]