How to hit the reset button on a foul mood

November 26, 2019 6:24 AM

Dear Metafilter, my short vacation that I've been looking forward to for months is off to a bad start. I'm grouchy, tired, and deeply annoyed. I don't want to spend the rest of the day like this. Is there anything I can try to reset my mood?

The day began with an overly early awakening and a disgusting incident involving raw sewage (I will spare you the details). Now I'm sleep-deprived, cranky as hell, and not at all prepared to enjoy the lovely hours of solitude stretching ahead before me. I'd hoped to spend this time off working on some art and writing projects, but I'm so sleep-deprived that any sort of intellectual work is not going to be happening. I also have this unfortunate quirk where the more sleep-deprived I am the more likely I am to not be able to sleep the following night, so I'm worried that today's exhaustion is going to snowball throughout the whole vacation.

I'm planning to take a nap as soon as the morning's caffeine (and adrenaline) wear off. I'm planning to spend some time in nature. Perhaps watch some stupid TV or a movie. But in the meantime I keep dwelling on how annoyed I am about all of this. I keep trying to tell myself to find the humor in this, to be thankful for all that I have, etc., which only serve to make me crankier (I'm the sort of lovely person who gets angry at gratitude journals).

Are there any mental tricks I can try to just accept the fact that the first day of my vacation is probably just going to kind of suck? How to not get all twisted in knots tonight about being able to fall asleep? (sleeping in tomorrow is not an option, due to a noisy neighborhood). Would this be a good time to start a meditation practice, or something? How to overcome being grouchy AF, or alternately, how to best wallow in it?

I know my situation is kinda dumb and not really worthy of a big old internet screed, but Metafilter has helped me reset my thinking in the past so was hoping the smart people here might have some suggestions.

posted by whistle pig to Grab Bag (30 answers total)

Never underestimate a very hot shower. There’s something about the overwhelming tactile experience that helps me reset.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:29 AM on November 26, 2019 [18 favorites]

This is all individual, but what would help me: Take a long, luxurious shower (or even better, a bath, if possible). Then go take a long walk outside (best if it’s cold but ok either way). Come home and brew a pot of tea. Most of all stop thinking about what your mood is or isn’t.
posted by sallybrown at 6:31 AM on November 26, 2019 [13 favorites]

It is really hard when you've been kind of holding on for something. But this feeling that there is Only One Vacation That Can Go Only One Way is a scarcity mentality. There will be vacation now. There will be vacation in the future. It's okay to be in this day the way this day is.

I recommend in practical steps:

1. Bath or shower
2. Dress in favourite clothes
3. Go out, in nature, move as much as possible
4. If possible, stop for favourite snack(s) to bring home
5. Come home, watch fav movie or show
6. Go to bed early.

Good luck!
posted by warriorqueen at 6:37 AM on November 26, 2019 [5 favorites]

My go-to to reset my mood is music. There are a handful of albums that make me appreciate life a lot more. In the kind of mood you describe I'd maybe put on some Rollins Band and really lean into the bad mood, and then move to something a bit more melodic.

Alternately, any comedies that you find irresistible? For me, there are a few movies and sitcoms that bring me back from a foul mood pretty quickly. Also Looney Tunes cartoons. (The classics, of course.)
posted by jzb at 6:40 AM on November 26, 2019 [3 favorites]

If you go out and do something strenuous that requires concentration while you do it, such as running on a twisty not level path, or get some tricky bit of hard work done, that can go a long way to resetting your cranky brain chemicals. Dancing works too.

Alternatively find something deeply immersive but hilarious, such as a good novel or watching a rom-com.

Orgasms can also reset cranky moods.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:40 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

Another option is to take the anger and use it to do things that are facilitated by anger - writing a short story about the assassination of a few select politicians, or breaking up a bunch of stuff with a crow bar so it will fit into garbage bags are the kind of activities that can help you feel pleased about spending an hour in an angry mood.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:44 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

OMG what a crappy (heh) start to your vacation! I think all the above suggestions are really great and pretty much exactly what I would suggest. But I also think it's ok to acknowledge that this was NOT ideal and just be cranky about it for a little bit. I promise that allowing yourself to be pissed for another hour is not going to ruin your whole day or your whole vacation. This may even be a funny story you can tell someday.

Re meditation--I do use that as a reset when I'm feeling like this, but I wouldn't start your practice under these circumstances. It's more likely to make you frustrated (unless you've had experience with meditation before).
posted by CiaoMela at 6:47 AM on November 26, 2019 [4 favorites]

I find that just naming things helps: you're in a sneaky hate spiral. My partner and I will say "STOP PUSHING ON ME" to ourselves/each other if we catch ourself going down one, and it usually ends up stopping it. It's an acknowledgment that we're annoyed, so we're likely to get more annoyed at the next annoying thing, so we just need to acknowledge the annoyance, and let it pass.

When I get insomnia, it's also of the "I slept really bad last night and now I need to sleep well tonight OH NO NOW I'M WORRIED ABOUT FALLING ASLEEP AND I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP" variety. I usually try to trick myself out of it with really good sleep hygiene on the second day combined with a more zen "Eh, if I get crappy sleep, I get crappy sleep" attitude. This might work particularly well on vacation, I think? "I can always just chill out tomorrow if I sleep badly; it's all good."
posted by damayanti at 6:51 AM on November 26, 2019 [10 favorites]

Any chance you can take a nap pretty soon, potentially letting yourself fall asleep reading a book or watching something low-intensity? (I like documentaries).

When I get into a crap headspace, nothing is more helpful to me than just going the heck to sleep. It seems to reset whatever part of my brain is responsible for foul mood, most of the time. The hard spot for me is that it’s hard to see that in the moment because I. Am. Annoyed. And. Just. Want. To. Do. Something. To. Make. It. Better. Except of course I am in a shit mood and probably flailing about making it worse.
posted by Alterscape at 7:02 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

Humor and laughing usually helps reset my mood. Read the "sneaky hate spiral" comic linked by damayanti above, or watch a special from a comedian you know you like (even if it's one you've already seen).

If nothing else, put on a YouTube compilation of epic fails or funny cat videos or something of the sort.

This is my all-time favorite YouTube video.
posted by mekily at 7:04 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

One thing that helps is if I can have a good laugh - not just something that makes me chuckle but a seriously huge laugh. I have a few things that will do this like montages of people falling down, pet stunts, or the bathtub scene from The Money Pit. Find something that makes you laugh out loud and watch it.
posted by soelo at 7:07 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

I often find that if I tell someone about misfortune in really all-out, over-the-top ways, I start to see the humor in it and that helps start changing my mood. Like, imagine you're at some kind of a "who's had the worst day" contest at a bar and really go all-out with embellishing things, to a Monty Python level of "and then THIS ridiculous thing happened on top of everything else".

This both exorcises the event itself and gives voice to your feelings about it, but also pushes you to seeing it in more of a ridiculous light than a malevolent one.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:10 AM on November 26, 2019 [4 favorites]

If you like dogs, go somewhere where you are likely to run into an overenthusiastically affectionate puppy.
posted by needs more cowbell at 7:17 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

lean in to 'shitty' and see just how intentionally 'terrible' you can make today? watch a shitty movie then go get lunch at waffle house or some other short-order restaurant and then take a shitty nap this afternoon. when you wake up go for a shitty walk and pick up trash. cap it off with the shitty night's sleep (you've already got that one covered!).

i'm guessing you'll find some pleasure in these and it'll get your mind off the spiral of shit it's in.
posted by noloveforned at 7:18 AM on November 26, 2019 [3 favorites]

Nature is usually a good balm for this, but if I were you, I would visit some sort of museum first and THEN go play outside. Walking in beautiful outdoor settings leaves you alone with your thoughts, and right now you're having a rough time with that. Museums fill your head with beauty and interesting thought tangents.
posted by desuetude at 7:19 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

My go-to is some kind of routine but focused physical labor. Pulling weeds is great for this. Or addressing a minor home repair that isn't especially hard but I never found the time for.

After mentally focusing on the task(s) at hand combined with the physical exertion required for them for about 45+ minutes, I find my mood mostly resets. Then go for a walk until you're tired enough for a nice nap. Before you do, keep your thoughts on good future things you enjoy, so as not to mentally backpedal into this morning's events.

Also, warm sunshine and a good book.
posted by Goblin Barbarian at 7:23 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

For me, the reset is usually one of these:

1. Food. My mood craters if I'm hungry.

2. Booze. Not a great coping mechanism on the regular, but if you're with fun people you can really reset by having a drink together.

3. Exercise. I'm a crazy cyclist person; an hour or two on my bike does wonders.
posted by uberchet at 7:24 AM on November 26, 2019

Go do something nice for someone. For example, if you get into a drive through, pay for the person behind you.

I was once feeling really sad about something and was having a breakfast by myself at a Waffle House. There were only a few people inside at the time, and as I left, I told the server to put everyone's bill on my tab. Then I sat in my car in the parking lot and watched as each diner went up to pay their bill and thoroughly enjoyed their faces as they learned their meal was paid for. I think I spent a total of $45. It was a small price to make me feel better and make others feel good too.
posted by HeyAllie at 7:27 AM on November 26, 2019 [18 favorites]

In the words of my grandmother, sometimes you just have to have a good geschrei about it. Do you have perhaps an internet friend to whom you can wail and moan and describe your ordeal in an over the top manner? And then they respond appropriately with "omg!!" and "what a PAIN" and "sucks, bro" and you can be like "it DOES! life is the worst!!" The idea isn't to like, burden someone else with your problems, it's just to get it off your chest and truly express your outrage with an audience so your emotions are validated. If you don't have someone who is good for this, writing it down privately might help too.
posted by Mizu at 7:48 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

If it's cooler weather where you are bundle up & go for a nice walk out in the sunshine or at the very least day light to wake yourself up. Then come back to a nice hot bath/shower including any and all of your smelly lotions/potions/bath bombs, wash everything including your hair mentally washing the bad mood away. Have a nice lunch, eat all your favorite foods. Now you've got a half day & evening ahead of you, that's at least 8-10 hours to enjoy.

Now go & create something anyway, if that's your happy place, you should go there, give yourself permission for it to suck, but just go have fun doing it if that's something that makes you happy. Enjoy the process even if the result isn't up to your ideals. Maybe practice some new technique or just do a fun thing you enjoy. Your day isn't gone, just misplaced.

As for the sleeping problem I find languorous sex solo or with a partner of choice before bed helps. Hell go all out find some favorite porn/slashfic/novel and take your time. If that's not your cup of tea, then a nice sleepy time tea, snuggled on the couch with trashy book/movie/computer game of choice until you feel sleepy. You're on vacation it's OK to stay up late & sleep in tomorrow.
posted by wwax at 7:56 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

Short, intense exercise, preferably outside, is my ultimate mood reset. For me that would be a run, no matter how foul the weather, YMMV. If outside is impossible, yoga does me good - this is my go-to for switching my mood, particularly if anxiety is involved.

Also - don’t know if this helps, but it sounds like it’s maybe a different iteration of
this issue in your previous question (something doesn’t go as planned, overwhelming emotions ensue, impossible to self-soothe, sleep (or lack of) involved). I sometimes find it helpful when I recognise what I’m doing is part of a pattern of mine, that I’m already working on, rather than because my circumstances are objectively awful.

Oh, and a round of CBT can help take me down a notch, too - write down my thoughts, write down the cognitive distortions therein (you can find a list of these fairly easily online if you’ve not done CBT before - catastrophising might be one that resonates in this case). Then rewrite my thoughts more rationally without the cognitive distortions. Reread twice, and I start to find my tension dropping a bit. For me, it has to be handwritten.
posted by penguin pie at 8:07 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

If it makes sense for your location, I'd write this off as a day for your vacation as planned but use it instead to do something you wouldn't have done otherwise, like go check out some museum exhibit or neighborhood or restaurant or whatever that you wouldn't have bothered going to otherwise. Don't go with the expectation of it being so amazing that it'll make you forget your mood but instead with the mentality that it might be interesting and that, having done this new thing, the day will not be a total loss.
posted by trig at 8:34 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

Take 2 minutes to do four by four breathing

And then do Goats Yelling Like Humans.

When a planned good day goes south for me, sometimes I just say fuck it and go do some long chores I've been putting off, like closet cleaning, with an audiobook.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:42 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

I like to make a small reset plan, so I have a few things to look forward to. That might be orgasm, hot luxury shower, brunch with a little day drinking. As I enjoy each step, I still have the next step to look forward to.
posted by advicepig at 9:12 AM on November 26, 2019

Cleaning or organizing something that's been neglected for a while. Take everything out of your kitchen cabinets or your fridge; pull out all your clothes to sort for keep/donate/toss, etc. You can be righteously mad about the crappy organization or the dirt/spills/whatever, and then put it back together again clean and shiny and sensibly arranged and the also righteous "So THERE, now it's RIGHT" is super satisfying - it's really hard to feel crappy when you also feel satisfied.
posted by current resident at 10:21 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

Order or make your favorite comfort food and watch a funny movie or show. Then go for a walk, but with a goal in mind, eg. take photographs of things that are each a different color (red fore hydrant, yellow leaves, etc). Gets you outside but focused on something other than your thoughts.

Come home and have an adult beverage of your choice. Call your favorite family member or friend and chat.

Take some benadryl tonight so you can sleep.
posted by ananci at 11:04 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

I can't help but laugh when I watch this. Also, watch Stephen Colbert tonight.
posted by waving at 11:55 AM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

My favorite version of the good over the top complain is to do it as operetta. I can’t sing. I don’t know much opera. It would make Bugs Bunny blush. Sometimes I can get someone or a dog to caterwaul along, and if not, shower resonance is fun.
posted by clew at 12:40 PM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

What would work for me in this situation is journaling - get all that anger and frustration out on the page, and once you have described all the bad and how it made you feel, if you are still not feeling better, get creative imagining ways it could have been worse. Given this involves poop it may even be funny! Also try to focus on the amount of holiday you have left once you get over this bad mood. Hope things clear up soon!
posted by EatMyHat at 1:57 PM on November 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks, everyone! I took several of your suggestions and it ended up being a pretty great day.
posted by whistle pig at 3:35 PM on November 26, 2019 [21 favorites]