2 jiggers of frustration, garnish with a soupçon of rage
November 8, 2019 11:00 PM   Subscribe

My small division was acquired by a big corporation that is systematically ruining everything good about it. I would like to have a signature cocktail to drink on evenings when something particularly egregious has happened. Suggestions?

As above, I've worked for several years in a senior role at a small division of a business with a good culture and interesting, meaningful work. It never made much money though, and ended up being acquired by an enormous megacorp. While I don't ascribe malice to anyone, the megacorp's very different corporate culture, inability to understand our product, and some difficulty finding equivalents in the corporate org chart for some square-peg roles means that morale is in the toilet. I am (like everyone else) looking for a new job but for Reasons it will probably not happen for 6 months to a year, thus the anonymous post.

I came home tonight after corporate had announced another ham-fisted and unnecessary change that will undoubtedly require me to spend most of Monday listening to people vent and putting out fires, and I told my spouse that I needed a drink. Then I thought, maybe this whole debacle needs a signature cocktail? I could have one once or twice a month when they do something egregious, and I would at least be able to amuse myself by putting together a fancy drink and and toasting to the decline of their stock price.

So. I need recipes for delicious cocktails, but even more so, I need a great name. I'm generally not into super-sweet cocktails but some citrus is good.
posted by anonymous to Food & Drink (14 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
The Bone.

Both for the spicy, rage-y punchiness of the ingredients, and for the name - given that it sounds like you really got, well, you know
posted by ominous_paws at 11:17 PM on November 8, 2019 [1 favorite]

4 ounces of luke warm Rich & Rare whiskey

That’s it. I call it the “unwanted job“.
posted by condard at 11:45 PM on November 8, 2019 [1 favorite]

I don't have a recipe, but I think the name could be "piss and vinegar"
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:27 AM on November 9, 2019

Satan's Whiskers.
posted by bfranklin at 7:38 AM on November 9, 2019

Manhattan or Rob Roy, because it has to have bitters. You can add bitters to any cocktail and rename Disgruntled, i.e., Disgruntled Martini.

Of course, if you can obtain the tears of your enemy, the drink will be much sweeter and more satisfying.
posted by theora55 at 11:02 AM on November 9, 2019

piss & vinegar: grate fresh turmeric, about 1tsp. Mix with gin or vodka, allow 1 minute to extract, then strain and discard the turmeric. Blend with ice and a dash of apple cider vinegar. Serve in a salt-rimmed cocktail glass. Maybe garnish with a twist?

(here's the real gin turmeric martini I made for myself once, no salt, and used vermouth and not vinegar. it were tasty. I think you're looking for something a little less vividly orange...)
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 12:09 PM on November 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

Of course, you could also mix a sour grapes. It's just 3oz vermouth, 1/8tsp citric acid powder (or tartaric acid would be a good choice too). Stir and serve in a rocks glass over a single large ice cube.
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 12:12 PM on November 9, 2019

"Hope Sinks": a white russian, only add black tapioca pearls (boba / bubble tea)
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 12:17 PM on November 9, 2019

I think it would be quite fitting to call it "All good things..." (And look, here's an All Good Things cocktail that seems to have a nice bitterness to it, as well.)
posted by whatnotever at 1:53 PM on November 9, 2019

The Last Straw, a variant on the Last Word. We had this in The Clock Bar in SF.

Easy peasy to make but needs some special-ish ingredients.

The hard part: Pack a small jar with sliced strawberries. Cover with green Chartreuse. Let soak for ~1 week. Drain liquid back into the Chartreuse bottle. I find one half-bottle covers the better part of a pint jar of berries. A mason jar works great for this.

Now the drink. Mix 3/4 oz (20 mL) of each:

(Luxardo) Maraschino Liqueur
Strawberry-infused Chartreuse
Gin (Dry)
Fresh-squeezed lime.

Stir over ice, about 15 seconds, filter into glass.

With the Chartreuse prepped, the whole thing comes together in a minute or two.

It's tart, citrusy, but not too sweet, with a hint of bitter. We call it adult strawberry lemonade.

A Last Word, ofc, just uses regular Chartreuse and is also great. But the strawberry really elevates the taste.
posted by bonehead at 1:04 PM on November 10, 2019

A pint glass of hot Fernet.
posted by loquacious at 12:37 AM on November 12, 2019 [3 favorites]

Yikes, loquacious, that's the beverage equivalent of bringing a tactical thermonuclear device to a knife fight.

If you are not presently at working-clopening-customer-service-shifts-during-holiday-season-and-they-make-me-wear-a-hat-with-bells-on levels of bitterness (and I say this as one who has been literally there), may I suggest something in the spirit of the above-mentioned pint glass of pain but a bit gentler: the Toronto.

A tweaked Toronto is an especial favourite of my bitter academic friends when they need to decompress, so you know it's fit for purpose -- "everything good is being systematically ruined" is a convenient shorthand for pretty much all of academia. For a brief dark time, one friend of mine referred to the following version of a Toronto as a "Faculty Meeting," because he needed several after enduring one:

Scant 1/4 of good-quality dark maple syrup in lieu simple (use less, if you don't care for sweet, or to represent the lack of sweetness in our fallen world), double the Angostura, and up the Fernet to 1/2. Fernet Gancia is nicer than Branca in this, if you can find it; if you like mint, try Vittone Menta (though it's elusive as decent management, these days, unfortunately). As for the rye, a generous 2oz, and I'm fond of Rittenhouse. Serve in a very-well-chilled lowball glass with a thick strip of fresh orange peel. Rim the glass with the peel then twist into the cocktail glass -- really get all those lovely zesty bitter oils! Watch it float in the glass, a tiny bright orange life raft awash in dark and bitter seas. Watch the oils swirl out of it, and let them brighten and cleanse that bitterness. Sip. (Or, you know, if you just got out of a meeting, pound it, then make a second for contemplative purposes.)

If that isn't hard enough for you, try a Fernet flip: 2oz fernet (I like Arcane for this), 1/4oz simple or maple, two dashes bitters (Angostura is fine, chocolate is better). Combine in shaker with one whole egg. Shake the hell out of it. Add two cubes ice, shake more hell out of it. (The shaking itself can be therapeutic, a form of stress release). Serve strained and up in a thoroughly-chilled martini or coupe. The bitterness is cloaked in the fluff of the flip, just as one's bitterness must stay in stealth mode while one is at work. We have in the past referred to it as an "Advisor's Note" or "Reviewer 2" but you could re-christen it The Passive-Aggressive CC if you feel like being on-trend.

For Absolute Bitterness, nothing beats Amor Y Amargo's 8 Amaro Sazerac. For something more in a citrus vein, try a Department On Fire -- 2oz bourbon, 1/2 oz Aperol, 1/2 oz fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice, 2 dashes Hellfire bitters. Smoke glass with flaming grapefruit zest; extinguish zest and float on top of drink.
posted by halation at 9:46 AM on November 13, 2019

Yikes, loquacious, that's the beverage equivalent of bringing a tactical thermonuclear device to a knife fight.

Some bartenders I know just call that lunch. Ok, maybe not hot or by the pint glass, but I have numerous first hand reports that it's the only thing sweet and delicate enough to wash off all the salt and bitterness of being in the industry.

It's the first thing I thought of. "Oh? Frustration and rage? I know just the thing. This is what bartenders drink when they want to pay penance and atone for their sins."
posted by loquacious at 10:02 AM on November 13, 2019 [1 favorite]

(Oh, fully and entirely agreed, am industry myself [and prefer mine in a coffee cup for Appearances] -- which is why I worry about recommending it to An Innocent, hahaha)
posted by halation at 10:13 AM on November 13, 2019

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