Wedding present for my boss?

November 3, 2019 4:32 PM

I work at a small company (we are only 7 people, including the owner). The owner, my boss, is getting married this weekend and I am invited. It is supposedly a very small wedding, in the neighborhood of 30 guests.

We were friends - not super close, mind you, but part of a weekly group that had been meeting for years - before I started working for her four years ago, and we continue to be friendly, though our relationship has definitely shifted toward boss/employee over that time. I was the first employee of her company. I’m guessing she would put me in the friend category over the employee category, though I think the scales tip the other way for me. What is the etiquette for present-giving? My instinct is to give cash, hopefully enough to cover/exceed the price of our dinner, but that seems so transactional. Time is running out, however, and I just don’t have any other ideas. Help?

posted by fancyoats to Human Relations (26 answers total)

Honestly, I think giving cash to your employer is not a good idea. How about a beautiful picture frame or some cool candlesticks?
posted by Dolley at 4:44 PM on November 3, 2019 [5 favorites]

A compromise between cash and gift is a gift from a store that will generate a gift receipt, so if they don’t like it they can turn it into cash. I agree with not giving cash.
posted by lakeroon at 4:49 PM on November 3, 2019 [3 favorites]

In situations like these I default to the nicest bottle of champagne I can afford.
posted by Juniper Toast at 4:49 PM on November 3, 2019 [12 favorites]

Um, isn’t this what registries are for? In lieu of that, budget also becomes important. For under/around a hundred bucks you can get a pretty nice single kitchen knife or cutting board, if you know they like to cook and don’t already have a set of equipment of that tier.
posted by SaltySalticid at 4:49 PM on November 3, 2019 [4 favorites]

Six months of a ____ of the month club where blank is something you know the couple likes... cheese, wine, charcuterie, chocolate, sauces, or CSA if they roll that way. Just something that says "I know this about you/your partner" and am supplementing your lifestyle, albeit temporarily.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 4:54 PM on November 3, 2019 [4 favorites]

Another vote for fancy consumable.
posted by 10ch at 4:55 PM on November 3, 2019 [5 favorites]

Some kind of a personalized gift from Etsy. A chopping board, a piece of artwork etc
posted by Ftsqg at 5:09 PM on November 3, 2019

I was in this boss-wedding situation once. I donated in their name to a charity I knew they liked, got a certificate for it and put that in an envelope on the gift table.
posted by 100kb at 5:18 PM on November 3, 2019

Registry. Registry. Registry.
posted by General Malaise at 5:19 PM on November 3, 2019 [2 favorites]

I'm gonna go against the grain here. I've never gone to a wedding w/ out bringing a check. You can also give something else that's a meaningful, but not an extravagant gift.
posted by pyro979 at 5:21 PM on November 3, 2019 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: I don’t think they have a registry, just as a heads up to those suggestions. If they did, I’d just pick something and be done with it.
posted by fancyoats at 5:24 PM on November 3, 2019

In the absence of registry—the absence of which says a lot in and of itself—go with a donation to a charity that would be meaningful.
posted by General Malaise at 5:28 PM on November 3, 2019 [1 favorite]

My default wedding gift for occasions like this is a very nice picture frame with a gift receipt. It’s not super personal, you shouldn’t have a problem finding one that will fit your budget, and it’s a natural idea that they’ll use it for a wedding photo.
(FWIW—I have never given cash or a check as a wedding gift)
posted by bookmammal at 5:30 PM on November 3, 2019 [3 favorites]

not cash for your boss. (Ordinarily I am a huge fan of cash but it's just weird for your boss.)

Any festive gift with a gift receipt is what you want. Picture frame. Champagne glasses. Crystal bowl/vase. Cheese gift box. These exist at all price points; get whatever you're comfortable spending.
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:34 PM on November 3, 2019 [6 favorites]

I am assuming you’ve already checked TheKnot’s wedding registry search feature and the couple’s wedding website for same. (Some couples absolutely will not put registry info in the invitation itself, on pain of torture, but will gladly tell you where they’re registered if you ask. We were one.)

Assuming, then, that you know your boss’s preferences on these things, I’ll echo the vote for a nice consumable — bottle of wine/bubbly. Alternately, some nice goblets, or a wine aerator, could be nice if you want to give something durable but low-footprint.
posted by armeowda at 5:36 PM on November 3, 2019

The traditional gift for a wedding is cash, I wouldn’t over think it, even if it might feel weird because it’s your boss.
posted by katypickle at 5:47 PM on November 3, 2019

Couple's package for a local spa?
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:06 PM on November 3, 2019

I am shocked by the idea that cash is “the” traditional gift. I think that’s specific to some cultures - for me, it’s barely acceptable. There are many reasons for not having a registry; some are old-fashioned enough to consider it in poor taste (Miss Manners is not a fan, but admits that’s what most people do these days). Ideas of what’s “proper” for weddings are all over the map. I would only contribute to a charity if the couple specifically requested it and had specified a charity. When I’m not sure what to get, I go with a nice picture frame, as most people can use those. I think consumables are a nice idea as well if you’re sure there aren’t dietary restrictions (for instance, I’m vegan and don’t drink, so most suggested food gifts wouldn’t work for me).
posted by FencingGal at 6:16 PM on November 3, 2019 [9 favorites]

Gift certificate to a restaurant In their neighborhood that people tend to like is a nice gift. This can also work for a fancy grocery store.
posted by vunder at 7:10 PM on November 3, 2019 [3 favorites]

Weddings are the only time I would never give food or wine. I would give - and would prefer to get - some *thing* that would remind me of my friend, and my wedding. They're not young and trying to set up a household, so something beautiful/sentimental would be my choice.

I would not give money to anything in their name unless they have specifically mentioned it. Just ask them if they'd like that and to whom you could donate. Unless the answer is very, very positive, give them something special, from you to the couple.

Another vote for "no money to your boss." It has a sort of tone of "Of course I could give you more if you paid me more."
posted by kestralwing at 7:11 PM on November 3, 2019

I would not give a knife as it has unwelcome connotations in many cultures.

I'd recommend a gift certificate for an experience like date night at a pottery studio* (the couple will get to learn how to use the wheel (or hand build), make something, and keep it for life -- and think of you when they see it.) *Or something similar (or at a pricepoint within your budget) that might interest them and leave them with something to take home.
posted by mayurasana at 11:59 PM on November 3, 2019 [1 favorite]

Gift basket with 1 or 2 bottles of very good wine, maybe some really pretty cloth napkins and a decent corkscrew. All things people who drink can use. You can get all of this at a gourmet shop in your area, ask for assurance that it's all returnable, include a gift receipt or business card from the store. If they don't drink, gift basket of artisanal food, lemon curd, olive oil, etc.

In my experience, traditional stores have great returns policies on wedding gifts. It does create a task to return a gift that isn't useful, but anybody who likes to eat can find something in a gourmet shop.
posted by theora55 at 6:15 AM on November 4, 2019

Fancy wine is a great suggestion if they drink, otherwise you can't go wrong with a Penzeys gift box.
posted by veery at 8:43 AM on November 4, 2019 [3 favorites]

I agree with FencingGal, in my part of the world (California, I guess) cash is a really weird wedding gift unless you're family.
I'm assuming there's not a registry, so if it was me I would look for some sort of local artisan craft like a nice wooden bowl or cutting board.
posted by exceptinsects at 9:58 AM on November 4, 2019 [1 favorite]

If there's no registry, my default wedding gift is a picnic backpack.
posted by toastyk at 10:14 AM on November 4, 2019 [2 favorites]

When folks get married later in life I'm of the opinion that they have the things they need, so experiences make better gifts. Consider a gift certificate for a good restaurant or family of restaurants. Even if they don't use it themselves it makes a fine re-gift or donation if you're lax with the addressing.
posted by Cris E at 7:19 PM on November 4, 2019