how to increase physical confidence
October 23, 2019 6:26 AM Subscribe
[Embarrassing question filter] I'm not exactly an outstanding physical specimen. As a result of high body weight, lack of coordination, weak ankles, and fear that I will fall and hurt myself, I lack any kind of physical courage and will often avoid activities that might require normal levels of functional fitness and coordination. Becoming more physically active has helped me a little with this but I seem to have reached a plateau and it's not currently possible to incorporate more exercise into my schedule than what I am already doing. How can I become braver, physically?
I'm looking for ways to increase my confidence in moving/being physical/attempting physical activities that might result in accident or injury.
I have always been very uncoordinated. As a child I was overweight, timid, clumsy and indoorsy, and my few memories of being in the outdoors or doing anything physical (even PE!) are of falling over and embarrassing myself. I also remember the pain of tearing a ligament in my knee during an ill-advised spout of running, when I was a kid. For some reason this fear has dogged me into adulthood and made me very scared and reluctant to participate in anything that might result in my embarrassing or injuring myself.
My most recent example of this on a recent country walk when I had to take a 20 minute detour because the shortest route to our destination involved climbing over a fence. I found I lacked the upper body strength necessary to lift myself over the fence and was too scared of falling, or hurting my knees, to try very hard for very long. It was really embarrassing because everyone else in the group (all normal weight) climbed over the fence with no difficulty.
I also feel very uncomfortable navigating uneven or slippery paths for fear of hurting, particularly of turning my ankle or injuring my knees. I trip and fall reasonably frequently even on city pavements, although ever since starting Pilates I have found my stability has gotten a little better, i.e. I maybe randomly turn my ankle once every six months instead of once every three. I do yoga, and am naturally a very stretchy person with hypermobile knees and 'open hips', according to my various instructors, but I have comparatively little strength.
Anyway this sort of thing makes me feel bad about myself. I just feel stupid and fat and unfit and ridiculous when I face this kind of situation. I like to tell myself "I was built for endurance, not speed or acrobatics" which is kind of true, but it would be nice to not be limited to long walks.
My fear of embarrassing myself also leads me to say no to activities which I'd probably enjoy otherwise, e.g. anything that might require me to have to climb, jump etc. It's disheartening. I love being in the outdoors and it makes me feel better. But my lack of physical confidence limits my opportunities to enjoy it. I also love to dance, but I feel too embarrassed to dance unless I'm with people I feel completely safe around.
For Reasons, I do not have the capability currently to change my exercise regime (pilates and yoga a few times a week). I like those classes and like the teachers (very important), and it's close to work. For other Reasons (eating disorder related), dieting and losing weight is not a good answer. While I'm sure being overweight is part of my problem, I do not believe that it is the entirety of the problem.
I'm looking for ways to increase my confidence in moving/being physical/attempting physical activities that might result in accident or injury.
I have always been very uncoordinated. As a child I was overweight, timid, clumsy and indoorsy, and my few memories of being in the outdoors or doing anything physical (even PE!) are of falling over and embarrassing myself. I also remember the pain of tearing a ligament in my knee during an ill-advised spout of running, when I was a kid. For some reason this fear has dogged me into adulthood and made me very scared and reluctant to participate in anything that might result in my embarrassing or injuring myself.
My most recent example of this on a recent country walk when I had to take a 20 minute detour because the shortest route to our destination involved climbing over a fence. I found I lacked the upper body strength necessary to lift myself over the fence and was too scared of falling, or hurting my knees, to try very hard for very long. It was really embarrassing because everyone else in the group (all normal weight) climbed over the fence with no difficulty.
I also feel very uncomfortable navigating uneven or slippery paths for fear of hurting, particularly of turning my ankle or injuring my knees. I trip and fall reasonably frequently even on city pavements, although ever since starting Pilates I have found my stability has gotten a little better, i.e. I maybe randomly turn my ankle once every six months instead of once every three. I do yoga, and am naturally a very stretchy person with hypermobile knees and 'open hips', according to my various instructors, but I have comparatively little strength.
Anyway this sort of thing makes me feel bad about myself. I just feel stupid and fat and unfit and ridiculous when I face this kind of situation. I like to tell myself "I was built for endurance, not speed or acrobatics" which is kind of true, but it would be nice to not be limited to long walks.
My fear of embarrassing myself also leads me to say no to activities which I'd probably enjoy otherwise, e.g. anything that might require me to have to climb, jump etc. It's disheartening. I love being in the outdoors and it makes me feel better. But my lack of physical confidence limits my opportunities to enjoy it. I also love to dance, but I feel too embarrassed to dance unless I'm with people I feel completely safe around.
For Reasons, I do not have the capability currently to change my exercise regime (pilates and yoga a few times a week). I like those classes and like the teachers (very important), and it's close to work. For other Reasons (eating disorder related), dieting and losing weight is not a good answer. While I'm sure being overweight is part of my problem, I do not believe that it is the entirety of the problem.
I think you're doing great! Keep up the yoga and pilates and they will keep on helping you to improve your coordination and your confidence. Maybe you could add dancing about at home to a favourite music track of your choice?
I think when you can change up your routine that going to a dance class like Zumba where everyone just waves everything about could be good for you, or something like a salsa class for newbies. But everything in its turn, better to build up slowly :)
posted by london explorer girl at 6:42 AM on October 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
I think when you can change up your routine that going to a dance class like Zumba where everyone just waves everything about could be good for you, or something like a salsa class for newbies. But everything in its turn, better to build up slowly :)
posted by london explorer girl at 6:42 AM on October 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
It sounds like you are on the right track with your regime, but these issues can take a lot of time to improve. I found incorporating mindfulness meditation into my daily routine and yoga practice made me more physically aware and confident.
Also, have you seen a doctor or physiotherapist about your ankles? I had a similar issue a while back and getting proper orthotics and shoe recommendations also helped a lot.
posted by rpfields at 6:44 AM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Also, have you seen a doctor or physiotherapist about your ankles? I had a similar issue a while back and getting proper orthotics and shoe recommendations also helped a lot.
posted by rpfields at 6:44 AM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
These ankle strengthening exercises can be done anytime, anywhere and really helped after I injured an ankle. I found that my balance improved a lot too. Also, I wonder if Pilates and yoga are contributing to improving upper body and leg strength that you need for more challenging outdoor activities. You could look for exercises that you can do at home.
posted by Botanizer at 6:49 AM on October 23, 2019
posted by Botanizer at 6:49 AM on October 23, 2019
I think this is a great place to add more physical practice through mindfulness. Absolutely DON'T STOP the programs you're enjoying and sticking with. Look for the little stuff you can do to practice during the day.
Are you walking someplace? Don't step on a crack. Taking an easy stroll? Try walking on the edge of the curb, one foot in front of the other. Standing around? Do it on one foot. Take your time, and just notice how your body feels as you do these things.
Plateaus are also very normal. Progress comes in fits and starts. Skill acquisition is particularly likely to advance this way. You've been paying attention to a bunch of little things to get better, and they have. That's awesome! Now you need to spend some time at the new skill level to figure out what the new little things you need to focus on are. As those come into focus, you'll start targeting and seeing progress again. A good coach can be invaluable in accelerating that.
I couldn't reliably catch a baseball until I was 17. I was the slowest kid in the class through elementary. I'm coaching youth sports these days and play pickup games once in a while with friends. It just takes time. The most important thing you can do is focus on the process being rewarding. That will sustain you to the outcomes.
posted by bfranklin at 7:07 AM on October 23, 2019 [8 favorites]
Are you walking someplace? Don't step on a crack. Taking an easy stroll? Try walking on the edge of the curb, one foot in front of the other. Standing around? Do it on one foot. Take your time, and just notice how your body feels as you do these things.
Plateaus are also very normal. Progress comes in fits and starts. Skill acquisition is particularly likely to advance this way. You've been paying attention to a bunch of little things to get better, and they have. That's awesome! Now you need to spend some time at the new skill level to figure out what the new little things you need to focus on are. As those come into focus, you'll start targeting and seeing progress again. A good coach can be invaluable in accelerating that.
I couldn't reliably catch a baseball until I was 17. I was the slowest kid in the class through elementary. I'm coaching youth sports these days and play pickup games once in a while with friends. It just takes time. The most important thing you can do is focus on the process being rewarding. That will sustain you to the outcomes.
posted by bfranklin at 7:07 AM on October 23, 2019 [8 favorites]
As I've aged, I've become less certain of my balance and it's got me worried, because that uncertainty actually makes me *more* liable to fall.
I ended up in physical therapy - but in a swimming pool. There are many core-strengthening exercises that you can do in a pool, and you can't fall and hurt yourself. It's really awesome - and the water serves to 'unweight' the joints, so it helps with any arthritis (which is what sent me there).
After about six weeks, I found my confidence in my balance and ability to navigate on rough terrain was greatly improved, to the point I didn't even think about it! One of the exercises that has helped me the most is standing on a noodle in the pool - my proprioception (ability to gauge one's balance) is greatly improved.
So yeah - PT, but in a pool if you can!
posted by dbmcd at 7:08 AM on October 23, 2019 [8 favorites]
I ended up in physical therapy - but in a swimming pool. There are many core-strengthening exercises that you can do in a pool, and you can't fall and hurt yourself. It's really awesome - and the water serves to 'unweight' the joints, so it helps with any arthritis (which is what sent me there).
After about six weeks, I found my confidence in my balance and ability to navigate on rough terrain was greatly improved, to the point I didn't even think about it! One of the exercises that has helped me the most is standing on a noodle in the pool - my proprioception (ability to gauge one's balance) is greatly improved.
So yeah - PT, but in a pool if you can!
posted by dbmcd at 7:08 AM on October 23, 2019 [8 favorites]
When I was learning to cross country ski, one thing that helped my ankle stability a ton was doing balance exercises when I brushed my teeth.
posted by advicepig at 7:14 AM on October 23, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by advicepig at 7:14 AM on October 23, 2019 [5 favorites]
I’m feeling a lot of compassion for you. Seems like you’re stuck in a vicious cycle where you are feeling embarrassed about your body and that keeps you from doing things that might help you start to feel better about your body.
I’m seeing folks responding to this as if it’s only about your body, but I encourage you to work through some of the shame you’re feeling. Have you spent any time talking to a therapist about this? The way we perceive our bodies isn’t necessarily true. And changing our bodies doesn’t necessarily change our body image. Our self-perception is just as important. I truly want for you to feel comfortable in your body as it is right now.
You said you are “stretchy,” which is great! It sounds like you have a routine that takes advantage of what you do well. Sometimes it feels so much easier to do the things we are already good at.
How about, at some point, trying to improve the things you’re not as good at? I think a strength training program or class could do wonders for you physically and mentally. Good luck!
posted by bluedaisy at 7:16 AM on October 23, 2019 [14 favorites]
I’m seeing folks responding to this as if it’s only about your body, but I encourage you to work through some of the shame you’re feeling. Have you spent any time talking to a therapist about this? The way we perceive our bodies isn’t necessarily true. And changing our bodies doesn’t necessarily change our body image. Our self-perception is just as important. I truly want for you to feel comfortable in your body as it is right now.
You said you are “stretchy,” which is great! It sounds like you have a routine that takes advantage of what you do well. Sometimes it feels so much easier to do the things we are already good at.
How about, at some point, trying to improve the things you’re not as good at? I think a strength training program or class could do wonders for you physically and mentally. Good luck!
posted by bluedaisy at 7:16 AM on October 23, 2019 [14 favorites]
I sprained my ankle a few months ago, which took my balance problems from annoying to "danger to life and limb". In just four weeks and a total of 5 visits so far, the proprioception exercises my physiotherapist gave me have me so so much more confident about my movements and balance. My homework takes about 15 minutes per day and it's been a dramatic improvement in less than a month.
(Except squats on a reversed bosu. Those are murder. Did them yesterday for the first time and my legs are still jelly.)
posted by I claim sanctuary at 7:21 AM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
(Except squats on a reversed bosu. Those are murder. Did them yesterday for the first time and my legs are still jelly.)
posted by I claim sanctuary at 7:21 AM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Came in to say something similar to Botanizer about ankle exercises. Stand on one foot, barefoot, while you brush your teeth. Switch sides when you switch from top to bottom teeth. If you ever find yourself feeling like you've mastered it, close your eyes! It's a small exercise that takes no extra time but can really help with the ankle thing, which helps the rest.
If you can spare the brain space, be as mindful as you can of the everyday choices you make as you move around. All those little things you find yourself avoiding? Start doing a few of them. Choose the easiest ones first. Give yourself plenty of time to navigate them, don't do them while talking or in a crowd, hold on to hand rails or walls, rest half way, whatever you need to do them, but start giving them a try.
Don't avoid stairs. Raise your computer up (I just put my laptop on a cardboard box) and stand for a short spell in the morning and again in the afternoon. Gradually increase the time - don't do it all day, but do it regularly. Every time you go to the loo, use your time in the cubicle to windmill your arms or have a little dance or stand on one foot.
A friend of mine recently went on a functional movement course, mostly aimed at older people, to help them postpone age-related aches and pains (she's about 32, going on 50, but wanted to be well-prepared!). The teacher said to them that a lot of our aches and pains are things that start out so small we hardly notice them. But we adapt the way we move to avoid them, and suddenly the very muscles/tendons/ligaments/nerves we need to be improving are getting even less work, and they get worse. Over time, you go from a very slight weakness in one hip that you weren't even conscious you were working around, to always going upstairs twisted sideways on because you can't lift one leg high enough.
So. Get yourself the best, grippiest, stablest shoes you can, and start looking for opportunities to stop avoiding things. Tell yourself it's miniature parkour, a tiny adventure, a strike back against the evil clutches of human entropy.
Lots of little acts of courage, spread throughout the day, can gradually grow into a larger longer-term change.
(On preview: What bluedaisy said about addressing the mental side of it too!)
posted by penguin pie at 7:26 AM on October 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
If you can spare the brain space, be as mindful as you can of the everyday choices you make as you move around. All those little things you find yourself avoiding? Start doing a few of them. Choose the easiest ones first. Give yourself plenty of time to navigate them, don't do them while talking or in a crowd, hold on to hand rails or walls, rest half way, whatever you need to do them, but start giving them a try.
Don't avoid stairs. Raise your computer up (I just put my laptop on a cardboard box) and stand for a short spell in the morning and again in the afternoon. Gradually increase the time - don't do it all day, but do it regularly. Every time you go to the loo, use your time in the cubicle to windmill your arms or have a little dance or stand on one foot.
A friend of mine recently went on a functional movement course, mostly aimed at older people, to help them postpone age-related aches and pains (she's about 32, going on 50, but wanted to be well-prepared!). The teacher said to them that a lot of our aches and pains are things that start out so small we hardly notice them. But we adapt the way we move to avoid them, and suddenly the very muscles/tendons/ligaments/nerves we need to be improving are getting even less work, and they get worse. Over time, you go from a very slight weakness in one hip that you weren't even conscious you were working around, to always going upstairs twisted sideways on because you can't lift one leg high enough.
So. Get yourself the best, grippiest, stablest shoes you can, and start looking for opportunities to stop avoiding things. Tell yourself it's miniature parkour, a tiny adventure, a strike back against the evil clutches of human entropy.
Lots of little acts of courage, spread throughout the day, can gradually grow into a larger longer-term change.
(On preview: What bluedaisy said about addressing the mental side of it too!)
posted by penguin pie at 7:26 AM on October 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
It sounds like you're already doing all the right things, so I think patience is the biggest answer - the strength will come!
But in the short term, if hiking's a thing you like to do, maybe look at hiking poles - they help spread the work of walking/climbing across the whole body, and would give you some balance support if you want to push your boundaries of what type of hiking you feel comfortable doing. You could also try wearing a brace or taping your ankle(s) if you're going to be doing a specific activity that you're concerned about (you don't want to wear a brace all the time, but for a specific event it may give you more confidence). And a bit of a long shot, but is there anyone at yoga or pilates who can teach you how to fall safely? This is the martial artist in me, probably, but knowing how to roll out of a forward/side fall, or break my fall safely if I go backwards, has been by far my most practical real-life skill and has been used many times (I'm super clumsy, lol), and I don't worry too much about falling any more.
I've spent a long time (years) coming back from a bad foot injury that came with a lot of weight gain, and the biggest things I've found helpful were physical therapy, braces/athletic tape on appropriate occasions, good shoes, and the patience to take the slow path. All attempts to rush ended up in going backwards.
On the mental side - developing patience and love for myself and embracing what I CAN currently do and not berating myself for what I CAN'T do have been the hardest part but the best way forward. I can be fat and beautiful, fat and athletic, fat and healthy. It's so hard not to exclude myself from life because I feel too big to participate, and I've internalized so much of our culture's moral judgement about weight and my worth as a person. But I try to choose to do the things anyway! There are amazing videos, stories, blogs, etc. out there of dancers, yogis, runners, martial artists, etc. who are fat and also amazing and coordinated and strong and beautiful - I try to find as many of those as I can, to remind me that I deserve to exist and move and be present. Go dancing! Most people look ridiculous when they dance, regardless of body size. It's fun regardless. :)
posted by MartialParts at 7:39 AM on October 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
But in the short term, if hiking's a thing you like to do, maybe look at hiking poles - they help spread the work of walking/climbing across the whole body, and would give you some balance support if you want to push your boundaries of what type of hiking you feel comfortable doing. You could also try wearing a brace or taping your ankle(s) if you're going to be doing a specific activity that you're concerned about (you don't want to wear a brace all the time, but for a specific event it may give you more confidence). And a bit of a long shot, but is there anyone at yoga or pilates who can teach you how to fall safely? This is the martial artist in me, probably, but knowing how to roll out of a forward/side fall, or break my fall safely if I go backwards, has been by far my most practical real-life skill and has been used many times (I'm super clumsy, lol), and I don't worry too much about falling any more.
I've spent a long time (years) coming back from a bad foot injury that came with a lot of weight gain, and the biggest things I've found helpful were physical therapy, braces/athletic tape on appropriate occasions, good shoes, and the patience to take the slow path. All attempts to rush ended up in going backwards.
On the mental side - developing patience and love for myself and embracing what I CAN currently do and not berating myself for what I CAN'T do have been the hardest part but the best way forward. I can be fat and beautiful, fat and athletic, fat and healthy. It's so hard not to exclude myself from life because I feel too big to participate, and I've internalized so much of our culture's moral judgement about weight and my worth as a person. But I try to choose to do the things anyway! There are amazing videos, stories, blogs, etc. out there of dancers, yogis, runners, martial artists, etc. who are fat and also amazing and coordinated and strong and beautiful - I try to find as many of those as I can, to remind me that I deserve to exist and move and be present. Go dancing! Most people look ridiculous when they dance, regardless of body size. It's fun regardless. :)
posted by MartialParts at 7:39 AM on October 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
For me, just practicing being closer to the edge of my comfort zone has helped me out a lot both physically and mentally. The stuff bfranklin mentions, like walking the edge of a curb, lets you build up physical muscles *and* helps you get a better sense of your physical limitations, which in turn lets you make better decisions about what you can/can't do (and what you do/don't want to do!).
Growing up I was the least-fit and most-physically-timid person in an extremely fit and outdoorsy family (including my extended family). I would now consider myself a fit person (even though I'm arguably *still* the least fit person in my family - my 65-year-old dad just climbed Kilimanjaro, and don't even get me started on my sisters and cousins).
Exercising and training alone was a big help to me, because I wasn't always comparing myself to someone else. For me this mostly took the form of hiking longer and longer distances/more elevation, because that's the kind of of exercise I enjoy most and it was convenient to my life at the time. Part of this was about building muscles, but mostly it was about building my tolerance for bodily risk and either I was lucky, or my innate tendency to avoid risk kept me safe! I have never injured myself (beyond an occasional scratch) while hiking or training alone, even though I've turned my ankle many a time while hiking with others (I think I'm more likely to rush and ignore my limits with other people). I was terrified of falling while scrambling over rocks, so I consciously made the decision to do the scrambly bits slowly and deliberately and I allowed myself to take as much time as I wanted. I rarely skipped the scrambly bits entirely, but I knew it was an option if I really couldn't.
I suppose to some extent exercising alone is a way for me to avoid my social anxiety around exercise and my body, but whatever, it gets me more fit at least, which has its own rewards and does make me feel more confident. Lately I've been doing yoga at home, and when I think about doing it in a public class I feel like I am too awkward and bad at the postures to do yoga in front of people. Which, firstly, is ridiculous, of course I'm allowed to be as bad at yoga as I want! And secondly, I might not actually be that bad? Like, I happened to be at a cafe this weekend where a large group of lululemon-clad fancy women were having a yoga class just outside, and a lot of them looked... pretty much how I think I look when I do yoga.
I think I needed to train 100% at my own pace to make the progress I've made, and for me that meant training alone.
posted by mskyle at 7:51 AM on October 23, 2019
Growing up I was the least-fit and most-physically-timid person in an extremely fit and outdoorsy family (including my extended family). I would now consider myself a fit person (even though I'm arguably *still* the least fit person in my family - my 65-year-old dad just climbed Kilimanjaro, and don't even get me started on my sisters and cousins).
Exercising and training alone was a big help to me, because I wasn't always comparing myself to someone else. For me this mostly took the form of hiking longer and longer distances/more elevation, because that's the kind of of exercise I enjoy most and it was convenient to my life at the time. Part of this was about building muscles, but mostly it was about building my tolerance for bodily risk and either I was lucky, or my innate tendency to avoid risk kept me safe! I have never injured myself (beyond an occasional scratch) while hiking or training alone, even though I've turned my ankle many a time while hiking with others (I think I'm more likely to rush and ignore my limits with other people). I was terrified of falling while scrambling over rocks, so I consciously made the decision to do the scrambly bits slowly and deliberately and I allowed myself to take as much time as I wanted. I rarely skipped the scrambly bits entirely, but I knew it was an option if I really couldn't.
I suppose to some extent exercising alone is a way for me to avoid my social anxiety around exercise and my body, but whatever, it gets me more fit at least, which has its own rewards and does make me feel more confident. Lately I've been doing yoga at home, and when I think about doing it in a public class I feel like I am too awkward and bad at the postures to do yoga in front of people. Which, firstly, is ridiculous, of course I'm allowed to be as bad at yoga as I want! And secondly, I might not actually be that bad? Like, I happened to be at a cafe this weekend where a large group of lululemon-clad fancy women were having a yoga class just outside, and a lot of them looked... pretty much how I think I look when I do yoga.
I think I needed to train 100% at my own pace to make the progress I've made, and for me that meant training alone.
posted by mskyle at 7:51 AM on October 23, 2019
A BOSU is a fun way to work on balance and stability. I noticed my balance improved very quickly just from standing on it for a few minutes a few times a day. There are tons of exercise routines for it but I just stand on mine, or maybe bounce gently if I'm feeling frisky. It's fun and effective.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:57 AM on October 23, 2019
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:57 AM on October 23, 2019
Check out the book Better Balance for Life. I had a weak ankle from a sprain years ago and ran across this. It's geared particularly at older adults who are at a higher risk for falls. It moves slowly through 10 weeks of exercises with different exercises introduced each week. I found it very helpful for my balance and ankle stability.
Once you have a little more confidence, maybe consider weight lifting. A few sessions with a personal trainer or a decent class (I like the YMCA) can help with starting slowly and getting good form down. Even very light weights one or two times a week has a positive impact on physical strength.
posted by carrioncomfort at 8:00 AM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Once you have a little more confidence, maybe consider weight lifting. A few sessions with a personal trainer or a decent class (I like the YMCA) can help with starting slowly and getting good form down. Even very light weights one or two times a week has a positive impact on physical strength.
posted by carrioncomfort at 8:00 AM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
I was going to say, if you can add weightlifting, it really increased my feelings of physical competence and obviously also increased my actual physical strength.
posted by Medieval Maven at 8:03 AM on October 23, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Medieval Maven at 8:03 AM on October 23, 2019 [6 favorites]
How is your eyesight? My poor eyesight was tied to stumbling on rockier walks/hikes because I couldn’t see the ground crystal clearly and used to trip a lot.
Does your current yoga teacher or studio have a class that involves more strength training that you could try?
I nth the recommendation of swimming if you have a pool near you. It made me confident in my full-body strength and what I could do even more so than yoga, and it’s also the fastest I’ve ever felt myself improve in stamina.
posted by sallybrown at 8:11 AM on October 23, 2019
Does your current yoga teacher or studio have a class that involves more strength training that you could try?
I nth the recommendation of swimming if you have a pool near you. It made me confident in my full-body strength and what I could do even more so than yoga, and it’s also the fastest I’ve ever felt myself improve in stamina.
posted by sallybrown at 8:11 AM on October 23, 2019
Tiny thing, but you might enjoy the Unlikely Hikers Instagram account. It shows people of all sizes, shapes, abilities etc., out on the trail and enjoying the outdoors. Sometimes a picture of someone who looks like you, doing something you enjoy but feel a little excluded from, can be worth a thousand words in terms of making you feel like you deserve to be in that space.
posted by penguin pie at 8:12 AM on October 23, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by penguin pie at 8:12 AM on October 23, 2019 [5 favorites]
I know you asked for answers that weren't about changing your exercise program, but if that does become possible, another vote for weightlifting, particularly free weights rather than machines. I was always super klutzy and non-physically competent feeling, and weightlifting to get stronger has made me feel much more physically assured. Lifting weights can start as light as you need it to -- wherever your strength is right now is where you start to get stronger.
posted by LizardBreath at 8:13 AM on October 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by LizardBreath at 8:13 AM on October 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
Have you looked into weather you’d have Elhers Danlos syndrome? Even if you don’t technically qualify they have a robust online community that may have a lot of practical suggestions for you
posted by genmonster at 8:20 AM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by genmonster at 8:20 AM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Hypermobility also made me wonder if you might have a joint hypermobility *problem* (Ehlers Danlos or another connective tissue disorder). It can make it harder to rely on your joints to stay in place and support you, and you might have to look at some different exercises based on that.
Through, I've got none of that and I still turn my ankle every six months or so (usually trying to do high-speed exercises, like a Zumba class or dancing, after I've gotten tired and am starting to zone out). Still, I've gotten familiar enough with dealing with it that I just rush home and ice it on and off for an hour or so in the evening, then in the morning it's basically fine again. After a torn tendon in my youth (which kept me from running for almost a decade and still bothers me occasionally) it has been a shock to realize that most of those kind of injuries heal in a week or two.
posted by Lady Li at 8:50 AM on October 23, 2019
Through, I've got none of that and I still turn my ankle every six months or so (usually trying to do high-speed exercises, like a Zumba class or dancing, after I've gotten tired and am starting to zone out). Still, I've gotten familiar enough with dealing with it that I just rush home and ice it on and off for an hour or so in the evening, then in the morning it's basically fine again. After a torn tendon in my youth (which kept me from running for almost a decade and still bothers me occasionally) it has been a shock to realize that most of those kind of injuries heal in a week or two.
posted by Lady Li at 8:50 AM on October 23, 2019
In general doing things carefully without pain is good practice for doing them later quickly without fear.
My example is that back pain made me extremely precise and wary about kneeling down, e.g. looking under beds. Once I started doing some dancing and other sports that made me move my back in more different ways, it eased up the muscles and reduced the pain, and one day I noticed myself just... dropping to the floor. Like it was nothing.
posted by Lady Li at 8:53 AM on October 23, 2019
My example is that back pain made me extremely precise and wary about kneeling down, e.g. looking under beds. Once I started doing some dancing and other sports that made me move my back in more different ways, it eased up the muscles and reduced the pain, and one day I noticed myself just... dropping to the floor. Like it was nothing.
posted by Lady Li at 8:53 AM on October 23, 2019
Two helpful things you can do at home:
--Since you're already taking yoga, practice the tree pose a lot, something you can do in front of the TV or anywhere inside when you have a few minutes. Mix in the Stork Pose once in a while.
--Get some light ankle weights and do mini-leg lifts while wearing them. This will strengthen leg muscles, which will help with your balance. (You can add ankle weights to Tree Pose or Stork Pose)
posted by Elsie at 9:16 AM on October 23, 2019
--Since you're already taking yoga, practice the tree pose a lot, something you can do in front of the TV or anywhere inside when you have a few minutes. Mix in the Stork Pose once in a while.
--Get some light ankle weights and do mini-leg lifts while wearing them. This will strengthen leg muscles, which will help with your balance. (You can add ankle weights to Tree Pose or Stork Pose)
posted by Elsie at 9:16 AM on October 23, 2019
I have a 13 year old child who has trouble with Proprioception, and I wonder if that might be part of what is going on with you. The thing about proprioception is that what you think of as something like "weak ankles" is actually more about having good joint position sense and motor planning than it is about the actual relative strength of your muscles - so it doesn't necessarily matter how strong you get. It can be that you need to teach your brain how to interpret the signals it is getting from the body, and some brains just need more practice at that.
I feel like pilates and yoga are actually a great place to start with this, as so much of yoga specifically is about balance and communication with your body. For the kiddo, we actually started with a coach doing obstacle course training (like very low stakes parkour), where he practices technique for things like jumping from box to box and climbing up on a waist-high ledge, so another thing you might do at home is to place some boxes (or even just taped off squares) and practice jumping between them. Your yoga instructor might also have more suggestions, and doing some google searches on proprioception-related exercises may also yield some results.
posted by anastasiav at 9:24 AM on October 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I feel like pilates and yoga are actually a great place to start with this, as so much of yoga specifically is about balance and communication with your body. For the kiddo, we actually started with a coach doing obstacle course training (like very low stakes parkour), where he practices technique for things like jumping from box to box and climbing up on a waist-high ledge, so another thing you might do at home is to place some boxes (or even just taped off squares) and practice jumping between them. Your yoga instructor might also have more suggestions, and doing some google searches on proprioception-related exercises may also yield some results.
posted by anastasiav at 9:24 AM on October 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
Could you add a daily lunchtime or post dinner walk to your life? Even 20 minutes will do a lot to strengthen your ankles. Especially of you incorporate some of the suggestions above about challenging yourself to step over cracks etc. I also like to count my steps and try to make them regular or irregular in length.
Also both of your preferred exercise tend to focus on lower body and core strength. Maybe you could let your instructors know you would like to focus on upper body and cite "climbing fences" as an example.
posted by fshgrl at 9:51 AM on October 23, 2019
Also both of your preferred exercise tend to focus on lower body and core strength. Maybe you could let your instructors know you would like to focus on upper body and cite "climbing fences" as an example.
posted by fshgrl at 9:51 AM on October 23, 2019
It sucks that PE didn't do the job of teaching you well. I would look at Adult Ed (council? there must be a UK analog) classes and see if you can find an exercise class for heavier people.It's so much less judge-y. Check out the Unlikely Hikers Instagram, see if you can connect with any unlikely hikers where you are. I'm way impressed that you are making this effort. There are others who feel like you and hiking and walking with them is a great way to be moving with and not have to factor in embarrassment.
As you've seen, once you are walking and hiking regularly, physical competence and confidence follow. Start carrying hand weights (in Archaic Measurement, 1 pint =1 pound, so water bottles work well to start, maybe 1/2 l, working to 1 l, then 2 l), and doing weight lifts as you walk to and from the train, or walk in your neighborhood. Start walking in parks where there are gravel or dirt trails. The uneven surface is challenging for balance and ankle strength. I live near rocky shore, and walking on the rocks really lets me know I need better balance. If you know anyone with a dog you can borrow, it makes walks extra nice. For coordination, get some tennis balls, and throw a ball against a wall with 1 bounce on the ground, and catch it, then think of other ways to throw and catch the ball. It's all practice. Your body is a beautifully designed tool and as you get it in tune, the coordination will improve.
I do International Folk Dance, which is participatory and very welcoming, but no idea if there's any near you. I particularly like line dances from Eastern Europe, the music is fantastic, and music really helps me get moving. I had a fitbit, and tracking my steps was useful, and helped me be active.
Honestly, it upsets me that you are made to feel embarrassed when your early education let you down and when you are putting in the effort. Not kidding that I admire you. There was a MeFi group that did fitness tracking together, can't find it right now.
posted by theora55 at 11:24 AM on October 23, 2019
As you've seen, once you are walking and hiking regularly, physical competence and confidence follow. Start carrying hand weights (in Archaic Measurement, 1 pint =1 pound, so water bottles work well to start, maybe 1/2 l, working to 1 l, then 2 l), and doing weight lifts as you walk to and from the train, or walk in your neighborhood. Start walking in parks where there are gravel or dirt trails. The uneven surface is challenging for balance and ankle strength. I live near rocky shore, and walking on the rocks really lets me know I need better balance. If you know anyone with a dog you can borrow, it makes walks extra nice. For coordination, get some tennis balls, and throw a ball against a wall with 1 bounce on the ground, and catch it, then think of other ways to throw and catch the ball. It's all practice. Your body is a beautifully designed tool and as you get it in tune, the coordination will improve.
I do International Folk Dance, which is participatory and very welcoming, but no idea if there's any near you. I particularly like line dances from Eastern Europe, the music is fantastic, and music really helps me get moving. I had a fitbit, and tracking my steps was useful, and helped me be active.
Honestly, it upsets me that you are made to feel embarrassed when your early education let you down and when you are putting in the effort. Not kidding that I admire you. There was a MeFi group that did fitness tracking together, can't find it right now.
posted by theora55 at 11:24 AM on October 23, 2019
This is going to sound ridiculous given your fears, but hear me out. I think you should try indoor rock climbing. I know! It’s scary. But here’s the thing. You’re in a harness with a rope so when you fall off, you don’t fall down. And everyone falls off. Like, if you’ve never fallen off of a wall, you’re kinda not doing it right. And the floors are padded. So all that could help with getting used to falling/failing/trying again. And when you finally climb something you didn’t think you could climb, it feels amazing and boosts your self confidence. Plus, at every climbing gym I’ve been to, the other climbers have always been universally supportive of new people and really friendly and helpful and encouraging.
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:25 AM on October 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:25 AM on October 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
Oh, and don’t think you can’t climb because you don’t have much upper body strength. I don’t either; I use my legs to lift myself mostly. My arms are more for holding myself in place.
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:28 AM on October 23, 2019
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:28 AM on October 23, 2019
Weightlifting 1000%. Find a personal trainer who is NASM certified and works within the guidelines of the OPT model. There's a major emphasis on establishing proper stabilization before anything else, and they can help you with a program that will help your body learn to balance as you get stronger. A trainer will also help you establish proper form and supervision while you are learning so you can stay injury-free.
posted by Fuego at 11:30 AM on October 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Fuego at 11:30 AM on October 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I wanted to second the idea of just pushing yourself a little bit daily. Walk on top of the parking barrier, jump from the second-to-last step, do some pushups at the counter while the water's boiling (like put your hands on the edge of the counter and try some, or wall push ups). Each time you do one more thing you'll gain a bit.
posted by warriorqueen at 1:08 PM on October 23, 2019
posted by warriorqueen at 1:08 PM on October 23, 2019
I understand that you don't have the opportunity right now - but I'd suggest looking into beginner adult tumbling/ gymnastics classes to supplement/ replace your current regime.
Practice makes better, and doing so in a controlled environment with professional supervision can help you gain confidence in the early going as you acquire proficiency.
Gymnastics, by its very nature, is also a surprisingly good way to develop strength.
posted by porpoise at 1:29 PM on October 23, 2019
Practice makes better, and doing so in a controlled environment with professional supervision can help you gain confidence in the early going as you acquire proficiency.
Gymnastics, by its very nature, is also a surprisingly good way to develop strength.
posted by porpoise at 1:29 PM on October 23, 2019
You might have hypermobile foot / ankle joints, which can cause a lifetime of feeling unstable and clumsy. Maybe see a podiatrist or physiotherapist for insight. If so, insoles and maybe high-top sneakers that hold the ankle might help.
You can also do super simple foot exercises, like standing on one foot while brushing teeth, or trying to pick up a marble with your toes while you watch TV, that can help build up the small muscles in your feet and ankles.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:58 PM on October 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
You can also do super simple foot exercises, like standing on one foot while brushing teeth, or trying to pick up a marble with your toes while you watch TV, that can help build up the small muscles in your feet and ankles.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:58 PM on October 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
Hey, so I commented earlier but I've been thinking about your question because I'm remembering times when I felt a lot less physically confident even though I was actually stronger than I am now. I really want you to consider therapy because I think you've got a story that you've always told yourself, and you are disregarding things that contradict this story and only adding in things that confirm it. For example:
I'm not exactly an outstanding physical specimen.
I have always been very uncoordinated.
There are lots of sentences where you describe things as facts, but really they are judgments of yourself. Because you also told us this:
I do yoga, and am naturally a very stretchy person with hypermobile knees and 'open hips', according to my various instructors. Plus you do Pilates.
Can I tell you something? I am incredibly jealous of you being a naturally very stretchy person. I could stretch for hours and days and never be very flexible. And I'm a pretty active person.
I also remember the pain of tearing a ligament in my knee during an ill-advised spout of running, when I was a kid.
Why was it all-advised? You were a kid having fun, and you got hurt. You seem to be blaming yourself for this injury. But kids get hurt while playing all the time. It does sound painful, and I don't want to discount the pain, but you seem to think that somehow, as a kid, you should have known that you are not a person who should run. I say hogwash.
You've got a lot of negative self-talk about your body. There are definitely things you can do to improve your strength and coordination, but I think you would also be well-advised to work on improving your self image--which is not inherently related to what your body actually looks like. You love to dance and be outdoors, and I think you can do some work on your self-image so you can do the things you love.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:56 PM on October 23, 2019 [5 favorites]
I'm not exactly an outstanding physical specimen.
I have always been very uncoordinated.
There are lots of sentences where you describe things as facts, but really they are judgments of yourself. Because you also told us this:
I do yoga, and am naturally a very stretchy person with hypermobile knees and 'open hips', according to my various instructors. Plus you do Pilates.
Can I tell you something? I am incredibly jealous of you being a naturally very stretchy person. I could stretch for hours and days and never be very flexible. And I'm a pretty active person.
I also remember the pain of tearing a ligament in my knee during an ill-advised spout of running, when I was a kid.
Why was it all-advised? You were a kid having fun, and you got hurt. You seem to be blaming yourself for this injury. But kids get hurt while playing all the time. It does sound painful, and I don't want to discount the pain, but you seem to think that somehow, as a kid, you should have known that you are not a person who should run. I say hogwash.
You've got a lot of negative self-talk about your body. There are definitely things you can do to improve your strength and coordination, but I think you would also be well-advised to work on improving your self image--which is not inherently related to what your body actually looks like. You love to dance and be outdoors, and I think you can do some work on your self-image so you can do the things you love.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:56 PM on October 23, 2019 [5 favorites]
I just want to say that I used to be exactly like this, and in my experience, you are already hugely on the right track. I don't know how long you've been doing Pilates but I have done it almost solely for 3 years ish, and the cumulative effect on my stability and confidence in physical activities is enormous. Keep at the Pilates for sure, it made a huge difference for me. Good luck!
posted by fairlynearlyready at 10:11 PM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by fairlynearlyready at 10:11 PM on October 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ubiquity at 6:42 AM on October 23, 2019 [6 favorites]