Hiring a driver for elderly parent

October 21, 2019 7:49 AM

Have you hired a driver for an elderly parent or other relative? See below for details.

My elderly dad is struggling with a variety of chronic illnesses. He is not allowed to drive. Complicating factors: He is difficult to understand on the phone and finds it hard (to impossible, depending on the day) to understand others on the phone. But my dude needs transportation for shopping, doc visits, etc. At irregular times. More or less on demand (although during office hours is fine). The transportation services available to him through the VA, etc. are too difficult to arrange and the services too narrow and inflexible to be useful.

My dad needs to deal with the same driver or group of drivers over time. He cannot use an app or the Internet, and he will refuse to call a taxi. But I might be able to convince him to let me hire a private person or a company (not that I have found a local company). Or maybe even a local college student or students.

So A. Have you done this? B. What was your experience like? C. How do I deal with taxes, etc. if I find someone?

This situation sucks for my dad, so I much appreciate any collective experience and wisdom y'all are able to share.

posted by Bella Donna to Travel & Transportation (14 answers total)

There are small medicar companies that deal with elderly all the time (that are generally billing medicaid, and there are alot of them), you may be able to self pay them if you ask. Depending on the sizing, staff and flexibility of the company you may get what your looking for that way.
posted by AlexiaSky at 8:14 AM on October 21, 2019

Some city paratransit options are fairly robust as well. Chicago's is fantastic for example and serves all areas public transit serves (pretty much everywhere) with door to door service . It does not have to be medical in nature though you must have a disability to qualify for the service. The pick up times can be a bit late or slow, and they do preference notice for trips which would be the biggest barrier. The driver would not be the same person though. It is 3 dollars a ride one way which is incredibly inexpensive.
posted by AlexiaSky at 8:19 AM on October 21, 2019

Yes, start with the city paratransit. If it isn't suitable, check with his local Agency on Aging for referrals.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 8:36 AM on October 21, 2019 [1 favorite]

I would've said to just use Lyft or Uber - I am pretty sure you can now schedule rides and you could just order them on behalf of your father. The only issue is that you would not have the same driver everytime, which you said you wanted. You don't mention any special needs for him other than him not being able to use the phone, so if you're willing to schedule things for him, I might look into Task Rabbit and see if you can arrange for a Rabbit to regularly take him where he needs to go.
posted by AppleTurnover at 8:43 AM on October 21, 2019 [1 favorite]

If there's a demand for housing where your dad lives and he has an extra room, you might be able to find a college student or someone else who would be willing to trade driving services (and potentially some other tasks) for a free room. I do think it might be hard to otherwise find someone who would be available on call, since you think that a service like Lyft won't work for him.
posted by pinochiette at 8:52 AM on October 21, 2019

I think OP knows about city paratransit options and is specifically looking for something else. Paratransit is of course a wonderful thing and a great service, but speaking from our own experiences in a major city my mother hates using it, dislikes how she's usually kept waiting for a while for someone to show up (the pickup times are imprecise) and generally would rather not go anywhere at all if that's her only option.
posted by cakelite at 8:54 AM on October 21, 2019 [4 favorites]

Two options to explore: if you father belongs to a religious organization, they might have volunteers to do this. I had called my mom's church and they were willing to arrange volunteers if they were given plenty of advance notice.

If there is a Lions Club International organization near your father, they also have a volunteer network that are willing to do the same.

I agree that county transit services may have limited services. I also looked into Lyft/Uber services geared for the older folks but reviews weren't too assuring. They were unreliable and more expensive.My elderly mother hates the idea of getting into a stranger's car so she refused Lyft/Uber service.

So for now, my siblings are forced to take time off and drive long distances to take mom to her medical appointments. She lives in a complex that has worked out a service with the local county senior services that takes the elderly to weekly shopping trips to the grocery store. She uses a pharmacy that has a delivery service but that's going to end soon...I'm very interested in what others have to offer.
posted by IndigoOnTheGo at 9:30 AM on October 21, 2019 [1 favorite]

This is tough to arrange if you aren’t local, but I’ve had Uber/Lyft drivers give me their card and ask to be called directly for future rides vs. using the app. This is almost certainly not allowed by the app services but I’ve had it happen. If you know of or can find a regular Uber driver in the area who would be willing to do this, it could give your dad the comfort of a regular driver.
posted by MadamM at 10:01 AM on October 21, 2019 [4 favorites]

My grandmother can't drive right now either, and we've been using a service called Go Go Grandparents for her. It allows her to call and pre-schedule an Uber/Lyft and pay for it over the phone and the Uber/Lyft drivers they have are screened and taught to assist with walkers, etc. It also allows you to add other adults to some kind of texting alert system where you get notified when they get picked up and dropped off, can see their location in real time, etc.

We've had mostly good experiences so far and one negative one, where she was being dropped off at a hospital campus for medical testing. She knew which building she needed to go to, and the driver insisted on dropping her somewhere else, and it was a whole big thing. It was resolved, she was fine, everything was all good, but it's made us a little wary. So I would maybe review that service and see if you feel like it would work for you?
posted by cheese at 10:26 AM on October 21, 2019

Can he text? If you do find a driver or a few drivers who offer to drive for him, perhaps he could communicate with them by text. He can send the same request to multiple people and they can answer so others can see the response. This would eliminate phone calls, and specifically multiple conversations with consecutive people trying to find a driver who is available.

If this seems problematic I'd go through your dad's geographic agency for aging for advice. They surely arrange transportation for deaf or mute clients and have work-arounds you and your dad can adapt, and they may have a list of vetted people who are willing to drive clients in their private cars.
posted by citygirl at 10:39 AM on October 21, 2019

We hired a lady local to my father-in-law, who we already knew, who billed herself as a medical advocate. She'd go to his house and fill up his pill box once a week, drive him to medical appointments, and maybe other errands (at that point he could still drive, but needed some looking after until we were able to move closer to him).

If you Google Home Health Care agencies, you will find various websites with lists of provides, like this one. Some are private and some take Medicare. If private, it would be up to you to vet them and check references, of course.

A routine for non-medical things, like grocery shopping, might be good. Tuesday mornings, for example, and then the person might be able to help with the shopping trip, carrying and putting away groceries, making him lunch afterward, etc.

Other search terms include personal care assistant and the like.

We also have volunteer services that gives rides to the elderly for cheap or free, but not sure if that's always the same person.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 10:54 AM on October 21, 2019 [2 favorites]

A relative who does not drive, but is not elderly manages this through a taxi company. I know you said no taxi but he found a smaller taxi company with a driver who was more than happy to arrange that he was the one who always picked him up. He could schedule with him in advance. Maybe that would work. I think a sedan service may also be similar in some areas.
posted by maxg94 at 11:34 AM on October 21, 2019

Someone I know recently had cataract surgery, and was worried about organizing a driver for the day of. Turns out, the office maintains a list of a few local drivers who specialize in this kind of thing - driving people to and from doctor visits or outpatient surgeries. They handed over a xeroxed sheet of a few names with the surgery instructions. The drivers seem to be just independent contractors, so each is able to set their own terms - so you might be able to work out a longer term relationship with someone like that. Depends where your dad is; my example was in a pretty large metro area. I'd think about maybe just calling up clinics that specialize in something like cataract surgery - they see a lot of older patients, many with vision problems that may prevent them from driving before the surgery.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:05 PM on October 21, 2019 [1 favorite]

I've never hired a driver for my parents.

Paratransit is actually made for this though. In my region you buy tickets in advance so there is no exchange of money. The system is designed for people with disabilities so including for people with speech that is difficult for others to understand. It goes door to door but may pick up or drop off others on the way. You do have to reserve in advance.

My dad (80, very difficult to understand with an accent, possible speech impediment and history of stroke) has learned to take Lyft. There are some snaffus (cancelled rides, getting confused about what destination to put in) and it's expensive, but it keeps him very independent.

In Boston there's a service called Seniors Helping Seniors where you can hire someone, more of a younger peer, to take you on errands for a little cheaper than a professional driver... Not sure if there are similar services elsewhere.
posted by latkes at 6:49 AM on October 22, 2019