It rubs the lotion on its skin...
September 28, 2019 9:00 AM   Subscribe

I would like to incorporate some light massage into sexy times with my partner. What kind of lotion or oil should I use? I want something that doesn’t taste bad and won’t stain our sheets. And/or some easy, uncomplicated way of protecting our bed.

I’m not planning on doing anything fancy, massage-wise. I don’t have a lot of hand strength or stamina (nor the attention span, to be honest) to try to recreate the sort of massage experience one gets at a spa. I’m thinking of a nice, sensual back/butt rub with lotion, then flip him over and start fiddling with the fun bits. Maybe a bit of boob massage for me, if he’s feeling it (hence the requirement that the lotion not taste bad.) Also I’d want the lotion to be pussy-friendly as he’s probably going to have some residue on his penis.

I’ve tried some of the flavored massage lotions you can get at sex shops, and haven’t found one to my liking. I don’t like the heavy flavoring and I really don’t like the feeling of sticky glycerine on my hands or body.

If there is a lotion out there that meets all these requirements but is going to leave oily stains on my sheets, what should I use to protect our king-size bed? I wouldn’t want to roll around on a sheet of plastic, and I’m afraid a towel won’t be big enough.

Any other tips on giving a nice, easy, sexy massage would be welcome as well.

Bonus question: if you have any good resources generally on sex for older couples, please share. I’d be interested in books, websites, videos, etc. Thanks!
posted by sock puppy to Health & Fitness (12 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

Food grade coconut oil is body-safe to the point you can use it as lube and tastes of either nothing or coconut. Assuming no one is allergic to coconut it’s a great option for sexy massages.
posted by corvine at 9:23 AM on September 28, 2019 [11 favorites]

You can put a drop or two of any essential oil you like into coconut oil so it smells nice. Just make sure you get refined coconut oil, unrefined will smell and taste strongly of coconut.

Baby oil is another classic lighter option, also Neutrogena’s body oil is a nice light mix, and you can mix all of the above too.
posted by SaltySalticid at 9:28 AM on September 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

FYI: Mineral oil (including baby oil) lubricants cause rapid deterioration of latex condoms.
posted by sacrifix at 9:47 AM on September 28, 2019 [5 favorites]

Also came to recommend coconut oil. It seems to wash well out of sheets, too.
posted by i_am_a_fiesta at 10:10 AM on September 28, 2019 [2 favorites]

Hands down the best massage lotion is Biotone Dual Purpose Creme. It smells sooo soothing, has a great combination oil/lotion feel, but is non-greasy and has never stained my sheets. Most of the massage therapists I know use it, and as of about 20 years ago I started buying the refillable tube (7oz) for myself at home. Many, many massages have been given and received in my bed with this creme and I have found it a lot better than silicone glides, nut oils, and other, more lubey lubes. I must be doing something wrong with coconut oil? It's always left spots and stains.

This article in NY Magazine reviews a number of lubes, which I would use more sparingly just for sexy parts, but which might give you some options to try. I, an "older" woman, personally like the Sliquid and Please brands, but a lot of shops that sell lube will have testers or samples you can try.

My best advice for massages is Slow Down. Like insanely, maddeningly slow. Stop thinking 'hand strength and stamina' and start thinking 'breathe.' In my experience that changes the entire brain space of both massager and massaged, attunes the body for sensitivity, and heightens suspense, which is sexy.

Also, face massages are incredibly intimate and vulnerable.
posted by cocoagirl at 10:44 AM on September 28, 2019 [9 favorites]

Coconut oil will leave slightly darker grease stains on bedsheets, but they are not terrible. You could have a few sets of sheets just for those fun times. It’s definitely food safe and does everything else you want, except that it is not compatible with latex toys or condoms.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:47 PM on September 28, 2019 [2 favorites]

Basically all oil is not safe for latex condoms, including synthetic latex such as Skyn.
posted by Candleman at 4:52 PM on September 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

To address a different side of your question, if you don't have some sort of mattress protector like this one, you might find that useful. I don't know how useful it will be for protecting your sheets, as I use it as directed under my sheets, but it might not be that difficult to pop on over your fitted sheet (and it's not particularly uncomfortable to touch IMO, though YMMV) to protect that at least, and it definitely helps keep one's mattress in good shape.

Fair warning on the specific product I linked, that 3-year warranty is there for a reason; ours started disintegrating after that. My wife and I are on our second instance of that product. Being able/willing to spend more may get a better mattress protector, I don't know.
posted by Caduceus at 10:37 PM on September 28, 2019

NB that coconut oil can feel filmy and clog pores for some folks, even if washed afterward. It's great if it works for you and your partner, but try it first on a shoulder or foot rub before committing to the whole body.
posted by a halcyon day at 12:52 AM on September 29, 2019 [1 favorite]

I can't remember for sure, but I think it was sunflower oil with a few drops of lavender that my friend had just for getting massaged. It might have been Safflower. It was much nicer than the lotion or baby oil or sex shop massage oils.

I learned massage from a book found in the self help section. Some pictures of the anatomy and basic patterns and techniques go a long way to making the massage better than just random rubbing. The sexy parts are after the relaxation and light and teasing so hand strength shouldn't matter there.

I seriously considered becoming a massage therapist once upon a time.
posted by zengargoyle at 4:44 AM on September 29, 2019 [1 favorite]

A great massage tip I learned:

If your aim is to help the person relax, it helps to always keep one hand on them. If both hands come off, the next touch feels kind of startling. If one hand stays on, the next touch still feels soothing.

So you can think of making your motions more like an alternating dog paddle stroke rather than a breast stroke where both hands come off and on together, if that image makes sense?

If you need to remove both hands for some reason, you can give a small sound cue (like inhale or say mmm) just before you touch them again so they know it’s coming.

Personally, I prefer massage that’s about about “smoothing my skin” rather than “kneading my muscles”- more like stroking a cat than making bread. No hand strength or stamina required at all, just patience. Might work for you too?
posted by nouvelle-personne at 6:46 AM on September 29, 2019 [3 favorites]

If you wind up with oily stains anyhow, Lestoil and PineSol are both great laundry additives for oil stains. Great for when I used too much lotion before bed.
posted by momus_window at 8:12 PM on September 29, 2019 [2 favorites]

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