Finding professional success as a fortysomething autistic woman
August 29, 2019 8:47 AM Subscribe
As the title states, I'm trying to address something I've grappled with since my teenage years: how to earn a living while also struggling with social expectations and executive functioning?
I'm employed now and have been pretty consistently employed since the age of 17. I take pride in that, but it also takes an enormous toll on me. My current job is quite stressful--I work as a reference librarian at a public library, and this seems like it would fit my bookish nature but there is simply so much managing of badly behaved customers that I am frazzled almost daily by it. It's not fun even for my neurotypical colleagues.
I've tried looking for other library jobs--law, special, academic--but on the few occasions I've made it to the interview phase, I bomb the interview. It's hard to emphasize just how much of a struggle basic social interactions can be, even after a lifetime of "passing." I panic in the middle of them, certain I won't be able to keep up the facade, and then I get weird and nonsensical in what I'm saying.
The library field in general is extremely competitive, even for poorly paid, part-time positions, and I'd like to move away from it. I don't have experience in anything else, though, nor a good sense of what I'd actually excel at.
Beyond the social difficulties, I do struggle with executive functioning--keeping on task, organizing, workflow. I lose focus easily. I've been evaluated for and have taken ADHD meds and they don't help.
When I'm doing something I enjoy, such as drawing or writing, I have no difficulties. I do well at these tasks, and can focus. However, I have never been able to figure out how to make a living from them (please don't suggest "become an illustrator/animator!" I spent years trying that and the thought of trying more breaks my heart.)
All of the successful autistic women I follow online either work from home or have some special skill that is somehow in demand. Either they're extremely good at art, or programming, or they've hit on some weird niche such as publishing martial arts books (a la Cynthia Kim). I have never stumbled on such success. I've written countless books and graphic novels, and am still seeking publication for them, but so far no jackpot.
Basically, I'm at a loss as to what to do next. I've tried seeking out professional resources in my city but have hit a brick wall. I'm self-diagnosed, and have not been able to find a professional who sees/diagnoses adult autism in my city. I'm not sure what professional resources they'd be able to share anyways, since I can work, I just hate it and find it stressful.
Is there any advice from fellow autists out there? People who have somehow found their own way to earn money and not hate their every working day at the same time?
I'm employed now and have been pretty consistently employed since the age of 17. I take pride in that, but it also takes an enormous toll on me. My current job is quite stressful--I work as a reference librarian at a public library, and this seems like it would fit my bookish nature but there is simply so much managing of badly behaved customers that I am frazzled almost daily by it. It's not fun even for my neurotypical colleagues.
I've tried looking for other library jobs--law, special, academic--but on the few occasions I've made it to the interview phase, I bomb the interview. It's hard to emphasize just how much of a struggle basic social interactions can be, even after a lifetime of "passing." I panic in the middle of them, certain I won't be able to keep up the facade, and then I get weird and nonsensical in what I'm saying.
The library field in general is extremely competitive, even for poorly paid, part-time positions, and I'd like to move away from it. I don't have experience in anything else, though, nor a good sense of what I'd actually excel at.
Beyond the social difficulties, I do struggle with executive functioning--keeping on task, organizing, workflow. I lose focus easily. I've been evaluated for and have taken ADHD meds and they don't help.
When I'm doing something I enjoy, such as drawing or writing, I have no difficulties. I do well at these tasks, and can focus. However, I have never been able to figure out how to make a living from them (please don't suggest "become an illustrator/animator!" I spent years trying that and the thought of trying more breaks my heart.)
All of the successful autistic women I follow online either work from home or have some special skill that is somehow in demand. Either they're extremely good at art, or programming, or they've hit on some weird niche such as publishing martial arts books (a la Cynthia Kim). I have never stumbled on such success. I've written countless books and graphic novels, and am still seeking publication for them, but so far no jackpot.
Basically, I'm at a loss as to what to do next. I've tried seeking out professional resources in my city but have hit a brick wall. I'm self-diagnosed, and have not been able to find a professional who sees/diagnoses adult autism in my city. I'm not sure what professional resources they'd be able to share anyways, since I can work, I just hate it and find it stressful.
Is there any advice from fellow autists out there? People who have somehow found their own way to earn money and not hate their every working day at the same time?
How much preparation are you putting in before interviews? Interviewing is a skill that you can train, and there are usually pretty predictable questions based on the job posting, especially for academic and government jobs that seek to have equitable hiring processes. Generate a list of questions and practice answering the questions out loud, make notes about where you go off the rails, and try again until it sounds polished and not robotic. It can take hours and it sucks, but the work carries over to future interviews. Just doing more interviews is helpful, too, but I know that's hard to arrange when you're in a specialized field. If you can set yourself up to not have to work or have other obligations right before/after, that's even better. You only have to "pass" for about an hour.
I work for a public university and take comfort in the fact that it is hard to fire folks here, I am unionized, and universities tend to have stated values around diversity and to be used to some eccentric behavior. The vacation and retirement benefits bring my compensation up to a pretty decent level. Depending on your interests, maybe something in research and sponsored programs or administering a program?
posted by momus_window at 9:42 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
I work for a public university and take comfort in the fact that it is hard to fire folks here, I am unionized, and universities tend to have stated values around diversity and to be used to some eccentric behavior. The vacation and retirement benefits bring my compensation up to a pretty decent level. Depending on your interests, maybe something in research and sponsored programs or administering a program?
posted by momus_window at 9:42 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Take your books and graphic novels, get covers and blurbs for them (get someone to help you on those, which are both marketing aspects), and start self-publishing. You can't make money on books people can't buy.
Kristine Kathryn Rusch has a terrific publishing business blog; her husband Dean Wesley Smith has a whole section on "Killing the Sacred Cows of Publishing" - including the idea that you need an agent, or that self-publishing will hurt your chances of a contract with a big publisher later. (Right now, they're scouting for self-pub success stories. Warning: Read contracts very carefully, and reject anything that wants your rights for the full length of copyright.)
That may not substitute for a scheduled-paying job, but it can be side income, and a way to focus on skills that don't require direct social interaction.
(I am late 40s, maybe borderline autistic spectrum - I can do small-talk social, but I don't generally like it, and there's a constant sense of "why do all these people put up with this useless distracting faffery all day?")
There are some interview tips guides focused on people on the spectrum.
Interviewing Tips for Applicants with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) mentions reasonable accommodations to request, and how to plan for what to disclose.
35 Interview Tips For Those On The Spectrum is a listicle. Some parts are more useful than others; some seem like great general interview tips that may be almost impossible for someone on the spectrum. "Weave personal skills related to the job role into your responses" is difficult enough for people who are good at picking up small social cues.) They are all good tips; ignore any that make you think, "I can't possibly do that."
A Guide to Job Interviews for Students with Asperger’s and ASD is a great guide that helps translate many standard interview questions, like "tell me about yourself." (That one means, "Summarize your relevant skills and experience.")
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 9:44 AM on August 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
Kristine Kathryn Rusch has a terrific publishing business blog; her husband Dean Wesley Smith has a whole section on "Killing the Sacred Cows of Publishing" - including the idea that you need an agent, or that self-publishing will hurt your chances of a contract with a big publisher later. (Right now, they're scouting for self-pub success stories. Warning: Read contracts very carefully, and reject anything that wants your rights for the full length of copyright.)
That may not substitute for a scheduled-paying job, but it can be side income, and a way to focus on skills that don't require direct social interaction.
(I am late 40s, maybe borderline autistic spectrum - I can do small-talk social, but I don't generally like it, and there's a constant sense of "why do all these people put up with this useless distracting faffery all day?")
There are some interview tips guides focused on people on the spectrum.
Interviewing Tips for Applicants with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) mentions reasonable accommodations to request, and how to plan for what to disclose.
35 Interview Tips For Those On The Spectrum is a listicle. Some parts are more useful than others; some seem like great general interview tips that may be almost impossible for someone on the spectrum. "Weave personal skills related to the job role into your responses" is difficult enough for people who are good at picking up small social cues.) They are all good tips; ignore any that make you think, "I can't possibly do that."
A Guide to Job Interviews for Students with Asperger’s and ASD is a great guide that helps translate many standard interview questions, like "tell me about yourself." (That one means, "Summarize your relevant skills and experience.")
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 9:44 AM on August 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
It sounds like you're perfectly qualified for other positions - otherwise you wouldn't be getting the interviews. So yeah, time to interview prep like mad. You want a career counselor for that. College career centers are usually happy to help alumni, so that's a first place to start.
The good news for us on-the-spectrum people is that interviews are a highly ritualized and well-documented social occasion that everybody struggles with, so there's a lot of useful help available. There are actual books that talk about stuff like how long to make eye contact with your interviewer, how to shake hands/look at business cards/etc, how to position your body, what kind of clothes to wear. Even how to evaluate if you're acting as expected - 'corporate culture' and 'cultural fit' are the key phrases for that stuff.
The phrases to describe your problem to get appropriate interview help from career counselors:
* 'don't interview well'
* 'struggle with presenting myself well in interviews'
* 'get anxious and flustered in interviews'
* 'panic during interviews'
Any career counselor should be able to at least get you resources, once you've described yourself to them in these terms they can understand. A competent career counselor should help you with practice interviews, so you can keep trying with no pressure until you can last through a typical interview without losing control. They should be able to help you come up with and practice coping mechanisms so you can keep a lid on things until after the interview is over, when it's totally fine to go to the bathroom / your car and freak out in private.
Also, possibly a therapist for the imposter syndrome and anxiety. Can you find a therapist who has experience with autistic spectrum / learning disabled clients? That might be easier than finding someone with the credentials to diagnose.
It sounds like the ADHD is really causing problems too. When you tried ADHD meds, did your doctor walk you through the different medications and help you adjust the dosage? I'm asking because all too often people are just given generic short-acting meds and are told that's it, and that's not true. There are several non-stimulant medications, and many different extended release versions or dosing schedules, and people react very differently. I can not take regular Ritalin, but guanfacine, Strattera, Vyvanse and brand-name Concerta XR were all life savers.
posted by Ahniya at 7:06 PM on August 29, 2019
The good news for us on-the-spectrum people is that interviews are a highly ritualized and well-documented social occasion that everybody struggles with, so there's a lot of useful help available. There are actual books that talk about stuff like how long to make eye contact with your interviewer, how to shake hands/look at business cards/etc, how to position your body, what kind of clothes to wear. Even how to evaluate if you're acting as expected - 'corporate culture' and 'cultural fit' are the key phrases for that stuff.
The phrases to describe your problem to get appropriate interview help from career counselors:
* 'don't interview well'
* 'struggle with presenting myself well in interviews'
* 'get anxious and flustered in interviews'
* 'panic during interviews'
Any career counselor should be able to at least get you resources, once you've described yourself to them in these terms they can understand. A competent career counselor should help you with practice interviews, so you can keep trying with no pressure until you can last through a typical interview without losing control. They should be able to help you come up with and practice coping mechanisms so you can keep a lid on things until after the interview is over, when it's totally fine to go to the bathroom / your car and freak out in private.
Also, possibly a therapist for the imposter syndrome and anxiety. Can you find a therapist who has experience with autistic spectrum / learning disabled clients? That might be easier than finding someone with the credentials to diagnose.
It sounds like the ADHD is really causing problems too. When you tried ADHD meds, did your doctor walk you through the different medications and help you adjust the dosage? I'm asking because all too often people are just given generic short-acting meds and are told that's it, and that's not true. There are several non-stimulant medications, and many different extended release versions or dosing schedules, and people react very differently. I can not take regular Ritalin, but guanfacine, Strattera, Vyvanse and brand-name Concerta XR were all life savers.
posted by Ahniya at 7:06 PM on August 29, 2019
Interview rehearsals. Having the anecdotes showcasing your triumphs in ___ work situations down cold makes an interview less stressful. There are lists of common interview questions online.
Have you tried anti-anxiety meds, to stave off the panic during the interview process? (Drugs like Ativan, Xanax, perhaps Klonopin, etc. Be aware that diffferent benzodiazepines have different timing schedules for day-of dosing.) You'd have to trial this on an uneventful weekend day, to make sure that the medication doesn't make you foggy. Even the OTC medication in a single Benadryl caplet, provided it doesn't make you too drowsy, might work to your advantage in this specific instance.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:52 PM on August 29, 2019
Have you tried anti-anxiety meds, to stave off the panic during the interview process? (Drugs like Ativan, Xanax, perhaps Klonopin, etc. Be aware that diffferent benzodiazepines have different timing schedules for day-of dosing.) You'd have to trial this on an uneventful weekend day, to make sure that the medication doesn't make you foggy. Even the OTC medication in a single Benadryl caplet, provided it doesn't make you too drowsy, might work to your advantage in this specific instance.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:52 PM on August 29, 2019
This is a bit of a tangent, but Rusch's advice on self-publishing can be controversial, to put it mildly (here's Jim Hines discussing the agent question).
posted by yarntheory at 4:45 AM on August 30, 2019
posted by yarntheory at 4:45 AM on August 30, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by aecorwin at 9:05 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]