Imagine a home, but homier.
August 29, 2019 8:17 AM Subscribe
How would you make a home more cozy, more comfortable, more relaxing, more like the aaaaaah you feel when you sink into a hot bath? Details after the jump.
These are the constraints -
1) Solo living, no pets allowed
2) Rented apartment that's a dust magnet
3) Apartment located on an unbelievably noisy and brightly lit main street
4) Time constraints on account of full time job, insane commute, and generally dwindling patience
5) Third world country, so specific product recommendations would be difficult to source
I have books. I have (dying) plants. I have cheerful prints on walls and fluffy pillows on beds. I have...run out of ideas. Superficially it all looks quite nice (I am a neatnik, which is another source of stress) but doesn't feel nice. Or cozy.
Expense no object. All, literally all ideas welcome. I can spend a certain amount on time on projects, too. But please, help me think of home as a nice place to go back, rather than a place to do yet more chores and make meal plans and take out the trash before sleeping, only to leave for work next day, grumpy and unrelaxed. Thank you!
These are the constraints -
1) Solo living, no pets allowed
2) Rented apartment that's a dust magnet
3) Apartment located on an unbelievably noisy and brightly lit main street
4) Time constraints on account of full time job, insane commute, and generally dwindling patience
5) Third world country, so specific product recommendations would be difficult to source
I have books. I have (dying) plants. I have cheerful prints on walls and fluffy pillows on beds. I have...run out of ideas. Superficially it all looks quite nice (I am a neatnik, which is another source of stress) but doesn't feel nice. Or cozy.
Expense no object. All, literally all ideas welcome. I can spend a certain amount on time on projects, too. But please, help me think of home as a nice place to go back, rather than a place to do yet more chores and make meal plans and take out the trash before sleeping, only to leave for work next day, grumpy and unrelaxed. Thank you!
You say:
posted by cleverevans at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [15 favorites]
help me think of home as a nice place to go back, rather than a place to do yet more chores and make meal plans and take out the trash before sleeping, only to leave for work next day, grumpy and unrelaxed.Perhaps you need some household help, rather than a redesign. Can you hire a housekeeper to come in once a week and tidy up? Get someone to help with meal preparation?
posted by cleverevans at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [15 favorites]
For me, indirect lighting with a lightbulb that has a warm colour temperature make a huge difference, taking a room from stark (with overhead lighting) to cozy.
posted by girlpublisher at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by girlpublisher at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [12 favorites]
Opaque curtains, softer, warmer lighting. Blocking out the street might help even if you can still hear it.
posted by betweenthebars at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by betweenthebars at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [12 favorites]
(Sorry - by indirect lighting I mean lamps.)
posted by girlpublisher at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by girlpublisher at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019
Good lighting goes a long way. And by "good" I generally mean "not overhead and not fluorescent," but there are lots of other qualities for specific contexts. As a starting point, seriously have each room mainly lit by a lamp that is not fluorescent. If you'd rather not use incandescents, then "warm white" LEDs are a good bulb category to seek out. This is a good level of cozy for when you have people over or want to work around the house.
Then, in each specific nook or corner that you want to make extra cozy, get a small lamp (same qualifications) that is relatively dim and low to the seat / table / shelf it's supposed to be lighting. When you're winding down before bed, turn off all the "main" lamps and let your entire apartment be lit by a couple of the small-cozy ones.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Then, in each specific nook or corner that you want to make extra cozy, get a small lamp (same qualifications) that is relatively dim and low to the seat / table / shelf it's supposed to be lighting. When you're winding down before bed, turn off all the "main" lamps and let your entire apartment be lit by a couple of the small-cozy ones.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 8:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Living somewhere where it's 100F+ for a lot of the year, the thing that makes the biggest difference to me is temperature control. With my blackout drapes and setting the thermostat, I can make it so that when I walk into my house it feels like a relief. Scent can help this too -- having a scent you really love in the house makes it feel more homey.
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:26 AM on August 29, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:26 AM on August 29, 2019 [8 favorites]
Candles
Textiles (throw blankets and cushions on furniture, rugs)
Good lighting (lamps rather than overhead lights)
Fresh flowers
Jigsaw puzzle (my apartment always feels homier when I have one in progress)
Record player (or other nice way to play music)
Basically I like to consider the whole sensory experience of being at home. Not just how things look, which it sounds like you've handled, but how they smell, sound, and feel to the touch.
posted by rabbitbookworm at 8:26 AM on August 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Textiles (throw blankets and cushions on furniture, rugs)
Good lighting (lamps rather than overhead lights)
Fresh flowers
Jigsaw puzzle (my apartment always feels homier when I have one in progress)
Record player (or other nice way to play music)
Basically I like to consider the whole sensory experience of being at home. Not just how things look, which it sounds like you've handled, but how they smell, sound, and feel to the touch.
posted by rabbitbookworm at 8:26 AM on August 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Lighting is everything. Have plenty of floor, table, and task lamps. Avoid overhead light (I never turn the overhead lights on in my house except for in the kitchen and bathroom). Find the right color/intensity bulbs; avoid the blue-ish “bright” or “daylight” varieties, and if you must get LED bulbs go for the warmest tone possible (they used to look blue but manufacturers have improving upon that). Candles are another good one, just make sure you’re not the type of person to space out and leave the house with one burning.
posted by lovableiago at 8:28 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by lovableiago at 8:28 AM on August 29, 2019
I tend to say scents, because they're so individualized and don't take up any real space. Whether it's candles you like, or a cedar chest, or those cinnamon brooms that show up in the fall, having the scent of your home hit you when you walk through the door can change how you experience the space without any other changes being necessary.
posted by xingcat at 8:31 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by xingcat at 8:31 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Similar to wellred, our current bedroom walls are a nice sky-ish blue. I've decided to lobby hard to keep this trend for bedroom wall colour should we ever move. Can you paint?
Smell - can you light some scented candles, or spray a room-spray which absolutely great to you? Maybe even eat an orange (or some kind of bright smelling fruit) when you first get home, and leave out the peel to consider smelling nice?
Change to indoor, extra comfy clothes upon getting home. Similarly, a "back home" ritual - sudoku puzzle, episode of X, etc. Something that can be contained, instead of "look at internet; oppps, it's now time for bed."
posted by nobeagle at 8:31 AM on August 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Smell - can you light some scented candles, or spray a room-spray which absolutely great to you? Maybe even eat an orange (or some kind of bright smelling fruit) when you first get home, and leave out the peel to consider smelling nice?
Change to indoor, extra comfy clothes upon getting home. Similarly, a "back home" ritual - sudoku puzzle, episode of X, etc. Something that can be contained, instead of "look at internet; oppps, it's now time for bed."
posted by nobeagle at 8:31 AM on August 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
When you look at your "things" are they yours? Did you pick them? Do they make you happy? Or is it a mishmash of stuff? You said "superficially it looks nice" but that makes me think that maybe maybe you don't love them. You don't have to love everything obviously, but maybe the things are too generic, and don't have good memories associated with them, making your house feel a bit sterile.
posted by Ftsqg at 8:32 AM on August 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Ftsqg at 8:32 AM on August 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
Bed: clean sheets and pillowcases once a week. (I’ve got a few sets so I don’t have to actually launder sheets once a week.)
A comfy chair, from which the things I can see are pleasing to me, and the things I need are within reach.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:32 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
A comfy chair, from which the things I can see are pleasing to me, and the things I need are within reach.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:32 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Some of the decor items/furnishings are picked by me. Some are gifts that do not really work for me. That's an interesting factor I hadn't thought of. Perhaps I'll put some of it away in storage.
I do have some household help. The upkeep still needs a lot of personal input.
I really like the lighting/scents/colour themes ideas! I'll be favouriting in a while, for now I'm just reading along. Thank you so much!
(resisting really hard from treating this as a nice convivial chat)
posted by Nieshka at 8:42 AM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
I do have some household help. The upkeep still needs a lot of personal input.
I really like the lighting/scents/colour themes ideas! I'll be favouriting in a while, for now I'm just reading along. Thank you so much!
(resisting really hard from treating this as a nice convivial chat)
posted by Nieshka at 8:42 AM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Seconding fresh flowers, scented candles or incense that you like, and clean sheets.
Curtains and throw rugs that you think are beautiful. I have silk floor to ceiling curtains and they make the light so soft.
posted by sallybrown at 8:44 AM on August 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Curtains and throw rugs that you think are beautiful. I have silk floor to ceiling curtains and they make the light so soft.
posted by sallybrown at 8:44 AM on August 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Look up hygge (← first google link when I searched), which was all the rage a few years back. Here's a 2014 FPP about it.
posted by msbrauer at 8:44 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by msbrauer at 8:44 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
In addition to blackout curtains for light, they'll also help manage noise. If you can manage keeping a thick rug clean (i.e., vacuum), it will help with noise. Electric fan or white noise machine for the same reason - I like the breeze from a fan.
Things arranged so it's easy for you to do things you like doing or find restorative. A designated place to stock the beverages you like. Hobby things easy to take out and put away. Get rid of everything you don't actively enjoy / need. I didn't have a lot of stuff before, but KonMari helped me let go of stuff I didn't really like and think about what I wanted more of in my life.
Having friends over, if possible, really makes a place feel more like a home. Cooking nice things, too.
posted by momus_window at 8:47 AM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Things arranged so it's easy for you to do things you like doing or find restorative. A designated place to stock the beverages you like. Hobby things easy to take out and put away. Get rid of everything you don't actively enjoy / need. I didn't have a lot of stuff before, but KonMari helped me let go of stuff I didn't really like and think about what I wanted more of in my life.
Having friends over, if possible, really makes a place feel more like a home. Cooking nice things, too.
posted by momus_window at 8:47 AM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Blocking out the street might help even if you can still hear it.
Yes, covering the windows with something translucent can let light in (if you want it, during the day, if not CURTAINS) but also make hour house seem a lot more like its own thing and not the cacophony outside.
A nice place to sit that has all the stuff you need (for me it's a place to put a cup of coffee, a way to put my feet up and a snuggie blanket for when it's cold)
Lighting that is sufficient for what I want to do (usually: read) but not bright and is directed. So like little "spots" that all have their own little lighting, not big overhead indiscriminate lights.
If you can, a little soundscaping. I have a few streaming stations that I like to listen to which are predictable and can become a sort of audio focus for stuff that I like. Helps me from thinking "Man the outdoors is noisy"
Smells are huge. Also having "zones" so maybe your entryway has a nice scent but your bedroom has another one and your bathroom another one.
Agree: get rid of (or store) the things that don't feel like "you" to you. And think about the things in your place that bring you stress. Maybe get rid of dying plants if they make you sad? Consider getting a more "unkillable" plant (succulent?) if you like having plants around. Maybe get a meal service if food and cooking feel exhausting. What would make the after-work time feel "special"? A foot bath? A great set of "after work" pajamas? Some slippers? A phone call with someone you like? Think about what says comfort to you, even if it's a little weird, and try to get some of that.
posted by jessamyn at 8:49 AM on August 29, 2019
Yes, covering the windows with something translucent can let light in (if you want it, during the day, if not CURTAINS) but also make hour house seem a lot more like its own thing and not the cacophony outside.
A nice place to sit that has all the stuff you need (for me it's a place to put a cup of coffee, a way to put my feet up and a snuggie blanket for when it's cold)
Lighting that is sufficient for what I want to do (usually: read) but not bright and is directed. So like little "spots" that all have their own little lighting, not big overhead indiscriminate lights.
If you can, a little soundscaping. I have a few streaming stations that I like to listen to which are predictable and can become a sort of audio focus for stuff that I like. Helps me from thinking "Man the outdoors is noisy"
Smells are huge. Also having "zones" so maybe your entryway has a nice scent but your bedroom has another one and your bathroom another one.
Agree: get rid of (or store) the things that don't feel like "you" to you. And think about the things in your place that bring you stress. Maybe get rid of dying plants if they make you sad? Consider getting a more "unkillable" plant (succulent?) if you like having plants around. Maybe get a meal service if food and cooking feel exhausting. What would make the after-work time feel "special"? A foot bath? A great set of "after work" pajamas? Some slippers? A phone call with someone you like? Think about what says comfort to you, even if it's a little weird, and try to get some of that.
posted by jessamyn at 8:49 AM on August 29, 2019
Expense no object. All, literally all ideas welcome. I can spend a certain amount on time on projects, too. But please, help me think of home as a nice place to go back, rather than a place to do yet more chores and make meal plans and take out the trash before sleeping, only to leave for work next day, grumpy and unrelaxed.
One thing that really helped me deal with this in my NYC apartment was the Apartment Therapy Eight-Step Home Cure. It was a non-overwhelming way of cleaning/organizing/freshening my space room by room, and there's lots of discussion on how to do that in a way that makes the space more welcoming and uniquely yours. And making it more usable/practical in general, too.
And it really helped. I invested in new cleaning supplies and cleaned all these weird little spaces I'd forgotten about that really do make a difference in your home feeling like it can breathe -- top of the fridge! tops of door frames! baseboards! gunky window casings! I tossed out the clutter on every surface that was making me anxious every time I tried to relax. You really don't have to buy anything, but I did buy a few things just for me -- a new rug, a few candles, a new throw pillow, fresh flowers every week. Some people buy more, some buy less.
After eight weeks of cleaning and thinking about my space and what home means to me, it made a huge difference. It's been years now and I still apply the same principles I learned in the book.
posted by mochapickle at 8:51 AM on August 29, 2019 [7 favorites]
One thing that really helped me deal with this in my NYC apartment was the Apartment Therapy Eight-Step Home Cure. It was a non-overwhelming way of cleaning/organizing/freshening my space room by room, and there's lots of discussion on how to do that in a way that makes the space more welcoming and uniquely yours. And making it more usable/practical in general, too.
And it really helped. I invested in new cleaning supplies and cleaned all these weird little spaces I'd forgotten about that really do make a difference in your home feeling like it can breathe -- top of the fridge! tops of door frames! baseboards! gunky window casings! I tossed out the clutter on every surface that was making me anxious every time I tried to relax. You really don't have to buy anything, but I did buy a few things just for me -- a new rug, a few candles, a new throw pillow, fresh flowers every week. Some people buy more, some buy less.
After eight weeks of cleaning and thinking about my space and what home means to me, it made a huge difference. It's been years now and I still apply the same principles I learned in the book.
posted by mochapickle at 8:51 AM on August 29, 2019 [7 favorites]
Oh! Here's a roundup of before/after Home Cure from a few years before, for examples of how people interpreted the eight-week project.
posted by mochapickle at 8:55 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by mochapickle at 8:55 AM on August 29, 2019
The light and sound from the street can be blocked by buying or making window covers of various sorts. Do you have windows that look out on quieter less brightly-lit scenes. Use light curtains on those so you still get natural light.
posted by mareli at 8:57 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by mareli at 8:57 AM on August 29, 2019
The Kondo-esque "is this useful and/or does it spark joy" question has been helpful for me. Editing possessions so that I don't see the stupid shirt that doesn't fit me anymore and slightly annoys me is helpful.
As others have said, lighting, and particularly warm (yellowish) indirect lights.
Art goes a long way for me. For me, it's a small number of big original pieces, combined with big prints of family or places I've been and enjoyed. And some sculpture. Might be different for you.
Texture is also a big deal for me. I don't like the feel of synthetics, so wool, cotton, linen.
Read through some interior design books (library! they're expensive) and start taking photos and collecting images of things you like. Look for themes. Pinterest can be good for this.
posted by craven_morhead at 9:00 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
As others have said, lighting, and particularly warm (yellowish) indirect lights.
Art goes a long way for me. For me, it's a small number of big original pieces, combined with big prints of family or places I've been and enjoyed. And some sculpture. Might be different for you.
Texture is also a big deal for me. I don't like the feel of synthetics, so wool, cotton, linen.
Read through some interior design books (library! they're expensive) and start taking photos and collecting images of things you like. Look for themes. Pinterest can be good for this.
posted by craven_morhead at 9:00 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Really heavy curtains on the street side, maybe covering the whole wall, as above - but I would put a comfy chair somewhere I could open them to watch the street with a cup of tea and take in the activity and its patterns. And then close the muffling curtains!
posted by clew at 9:02 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by clew at 9:02 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
I really like my dishes and cutlery to be beautiful/sentimental to me. I mean just the regular plates/mugs/silverware/etc that you use daily. The ones that I use are the same ones my grandma used when I was growing up and even though they're "ordinary," they're one of the first things I'd save in a fire.
People are all different about this, but I like having photos up. Photos of loved ones, friends and family, photos from times that I remember, photos of beloved pets, photos of family members from long before my time.
Handmade things. The best is if they've been made by someone you love, second best if they're made by you, third best if they're made by a craftsperson.
I buy practical momentos so I can have them around all the time without feeling like I'm surrounded by tchotchkis. So I have a magnet collection of cheesy magnets that I've picked up on all my travels, and I have things like wall hangings, afghans, and mugs all around that feel very personal to me and remind me of happy times.
This is kind of silly, but it also feels nice to have stuff out that would look goofy or strange to an outsider but that you love or that seems so completely "x loved one" or "you." Like, my mom has this mannequin hand on display and it looks ridiculous but it always makes me smile to see it sitting in her living room. It's just so her. There's no other person whose house you'd walk into and find something like that.
I also have political or spiritual stuff around that wouldn't be appropriate in a public place but that speaks to my values and that makes me feel safe/good. That stuff isn't necessarily on display, some of it is tucked away. I just like knowing it's there.
Books are very important. They make a place feel personal. I also am very sentimental about my books, so there you go. It's nice to see them out and remember reading them, remember the time in my life when I was reading them, etc.
Anything that literally softens your space is nice: soft rugs, soft pillows, soft wall-hangings, soft placemats or table clothes, soft woven baskets to hold things, etc. That goes for lighting, too. Soft lighting, even candlelight, is very peaceful. And there are little touches that you can use to make the lighting be exactly what you want: blackout curtains, nightlights, etc.
I also have clothes I only wear at home and food I only eat at home.
posted by rue72 at 9:02 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
People are all different about this, but I like having photos up. Photos of loved ones, friends and family, photos from times that I remember, photos of beloved pets, photos of family members from long before my time.
Handmade things. The best is if they've been made by someone you love, second best if they're made by you, third best if they're made by a craftsperson.
I buy practical momentos so I can have them around all the time without feeling like I'm surrounded by tchotchkis. So I have a magnet collection of cheesy magnets that I've picked up on all my travels, and I have things like wall hangings, afghans, and mugs all around that feel very personal to me and remind me of happy times.
This is kind of silly, but it also feels nice to have stuff out that would look goofy or strange to an outsider but that you love or that seems so completely "x loved one" or "you." Like, my mom has this mannequin hand on display and it looks ridiculous but it always makes me smile to see it sitting in her living room. It's just so her. There's no other person whose house you'd walk into and find something like that.
I also have political or spiritual stuff around that wouldn't be appropriate in a public place but that speaks to my values and that makes me feel safe/good. That stuff isn't necessarily on display, some of it is tucked away. I just like knowing it's there.
Books are very important. They make a place feel personal. I also am very sentimental about my books, so there you go. It's nice to see them out and remember reading them, remember the time in my life when I was reading them, etc.
Anything that literally softens your space is nice: soft rugs, soft pillows, soft wall-hangings, soft placemats or table clothes, soft woven baskets to hold things, etc. That goes for lighting, too. Soft lighting, even candlelight, is very peaceful. And there are little touches that you can use to make the lighting be exactly what you want: blackout curtains, nightlights, etc.
I also have clothes I only wear at home and food I only eat at home.
posted by rue72 at 9:02 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
You say you have dying plants. I have plant advice.
First, photograph and then get rid of those plants.
Second, take those pictures to a plant store. Do not buy more of those. Then, buy one of every plant you like that is suggested by the knowledgable staff.
Take them all home. Take care of them the way you already take care of plants.
Whatever dies, get rid of it. Whatever thrives, get more of those.
Boom, you will (probably) look like you have a green thumb in about 6 months, without having to change how you take care of plants.
posted by bilabial at 9:48 AM on August 29, 2019 [19 favorites]
First, photograph and then get rid of those plants.
Second, take those pictures to a plant store. Do not buy more of those. Then, buy one of every plant you like that is suggested by the knowledgable staff.
Take them all home. Take care of them the way you already take care of plants.
Whatever dies, get rid of it. Whatever thrives, get more of those.
Boom, you will (probably) look like you have a green thumb in about 6 months, without having to change how you take care of plants.
posted by bilabial at 9:48 AM on August 29, 2019 [19 favorites]
What do you like to do in your house? Prepare the perfect spots for those activities. For example I like knitting while watching films, so I put a comfy winged armchair in a spot where the light is good during the day while not obscuring the television. At night there's a light over my shoulder that's just strong enough to see the stitches. I have a nifty contraption for the remotes and a small table for yarn etc.
And yes to window treatments, layered. And fairy lights, because they're twee but great for cozy lighting with less danger of fire than candles.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 9:53 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
And yes to window treatments, layered. And fairy lights, because they're twee but great for cozy lighting with less danger of fire than candles.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 9:53 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Heh, I wrote up a long description of how I undertook a similar project recently in setting up a study for myself, but it wound up a detailed brag.
To sum up: don't default to what you have. Examine each item of furniture and decor you have and ask: does it serve YOUR purpose? And is your space set up optimally for whatever you want to do there? For instance:
Can you easily find what you need, or are your go-to things buried in a bunch of other stuff? (Purge all the other stuff.)
Is your workflow optimized? For instance, if you love to read, is there a spot that's set up for that the way YOU like it? If you like to stretch, do you have an open spot on your floor that's inviting and convenient for you? If you love TV, is your TV watching area comfy and clean and appealing? If you work at home, is your desk setup comfortable?
Do you have a convenient and well-lit place to do grooming stuff, if that's part of what you like?
Re your noise: fans can do a LOT to muffle street noise. Get a few. Brightness can be adjusted with blinds and curtains.
Bottom line, don't be afraid to get rid of kind-of-ok stuff, and buy what really works for you. I cannot freaking believe how much difference in my quality of life has been made by $150 worth of Ikea shelves, a big desk and a couple of extra reading lamps.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:15 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
To sum up: don't default to what you have. Examine each item of furniture and decor you have and ask: does it serve YOUR purpose? And is your space set up optimally for whatever you want to do there? For instance:
Can you easily find what you need, or are your go-to things buried in a bunch of other stuff? (Purge all the other stuff.)
Is your workflow optimized? For instance, if you love to read, is there a spot that's set up for that the way YOU like it? If you like to stretch, do you have an open spot on your floor that's inviting and convenient for you? If you love TV, is your TV watching area comfy and clean and appealing? If you work at home, is your desk setup comfortable?
Do you have a convenient and well-lit place to do grooming stuff, if that's part of what you like?
Re your noise: fans can do a LOT to muffle street noise. Get a few. Brightness can be adjusted with blinds and curtains.
Bottom line, don't be afraid to get rid of kind-of-ok stuff, and buy what really works for you. I cannot freaking believe how much difference in my quality of life has been made by $150 worth of Ikea shelves, a big desk and a couple of extra reading lamps.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:15 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Try a rocking chair, glider, or hanging chair for soothing movement.
posted by lakeroon at 11:11 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by lakeroon at 11:11 AM on August 29, 2019
oh, and get rid of the plants. Last thing anyone needs to look at when they get home is reproachfully dying flora. Not everyone has a green thumb and that's ok. Plants that thrive in your home's conditions are wonderful. If they don't, they don't belong there.
posted by fingersandtoes at 1:53 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by fingersandtoes at 1:53 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Fans in the summer, both for the white noise and a refreshing breeze. But also keep a lightweight throw nearby in case you get chilly.
In winter, an electric fireplace is surprisingly nice. I got a really cheap one at Walmart and even though it doesn't look fancy or classy (which I don't care about) the flickering light and warmth really does give me just enough of an illusion of sitting fireside to feel cozy.
Nthing string lights. They always make a place feel a little bit special, thanks to the association with holidays and outdoor venues like restaurant patios, festivals, etc.
Food/snacks: always have on hand the tasty things you like to drink and munch on, as well as something to make a meal out of, even if it's just nice-quality frozen dinners or good canned soup. There are few things less cozy than a bare pantry when you really just want a quick supper before settling down for the evening.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 1:55 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
In winter, an electric fireplace is surprisingly nice. I got a really cheap one at Walmart and even though it doesn't look fancy or classy (which I don't care about) the flickering light and warmth really does give me just enough of an illusion of sitting fireside to feel cozy.
Nthing string lights. They always make a place feel a little bit special, thanks to the association with holidays and outdoor venues like restaurant patios, festivals, etc.
Food/snacks: always have on hand the tasty things you like to drink and munch on, as well as something to make a meal out of, even if it's just nice-quality frozen dinners or good canned soup. There are few things less cozy than a bare pantry when you really just want a quick supper before settling down for the evening.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 1:55 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Yesterday, there was this in the Washington Post: Stressed out? Here are 10 science-backed design tips for bringing serenity to your home.
I think most of the advice in that article is good, as is most of the advice here. BUT, both here and on WaPo, I'm noticing a Northern Hemisphere/Western bias which may not be optimal for your situation, depending on where you live.
From experience, I believe cosiness is more about harmony than about style: I've been in cosy modernist homes and cosy homes decorated by real life Hyacinth Buckets. I'm Danish, so I love candles and soft throws, but I'm pretty certain they wouldn't fit into the cosy Jordanian cave I once visited. (I didn't go to the cave in the article, but to another one he owned/inhabited). There is a lot of unresolved research on this, because there are very good reasons to find out how to make spaces homely -- think of how a homely hospital ward might help people heal faster -- but so many cultural factors involved it is hard to find universal rules.
Plants are important, this is actually the single thing that has been proven in multiple trials. If you don't have green fingers, plant-focused art is almost as good. When I was a kid, one of my friends lived in the basement of their house, and she had a huge forest wallpaper on one wall. It was really amazing, even though it was just B/W, it lifted the space from sad basement to beautiful room. People have made sylvan murals since antiquity, as well. I'm not saying you need to cover a wall in trees, just that you might think about the scale of your art. A huge poster might be better than a standard one, if it is somehow organic.
Light is important, as everyone says, but here you need to think of your context. The beduin in Jordan love bright light, for many reasons. Scandinavians love candlelight, even in the summer. A way to figure out what you need is to actively think of spaces you love, either at friends houses or at restaurants and bars, and analyse the light there: is it from the side or above, is it warm (pink and yellow) or cold (blue and white)?
What do you do in your space? I am so lucky I have two homes. In one, I almost live in the kitchen. It's a perfectly proportioned space, and it has great light, a high ceiling, good colors and books. But mostly it's good because when I am there, I am working at a university, and my workday is all bright lights, cool labs, noise and in the head. When I get back to my kitchen, I enjoy the sensual stuff, the smells, the tastes, touching things as a contrast to work. My other home is a farm, and when I relax from work there, I love sitting in my little den, surrounded by books, with a fireplace, in a comfortable chair. The kitchen is just another workspace where I bring in stuff from the farm. I love making stuff, but to relax I move out.
An almost banal thing: area rugs that bring together the colors in a space seem cozy to most people. I know you said you are struggling with dust, but they might be worth it. Kelims are fine, if you want to minimize dust. They do magic with the acoustics too. The same with curtains. My mother just moved to a nursing home, and she hates curtains, but I keep trying to persuade her to get some now since she can't have rugs. Curtains are best floor to ceiling. Layers for day and night are a good thing. You can wash them twice a year.
I love color and use bright colors, but cosy can come in any color scheme. What you don't want are too strong contrasts. Pure black and white has never been a good thing if you aren't in a movie or something, even if you brighten it up with colorful art. If you have a black and white decor use an earth-colored area rug, or pastel curtains to soften it all up, not even more contrast in the form of bright colors.
posted by mumimor at 2:00 PM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
I think most of the advice in that article is good, as is most of the advice here. BUT, both here and on WaPo, I'm noticing a Northern Hemisphere/Western bias which may not be optimal for your situation, depending on where you live.
From experience, I believe cosiness is more about harmony than about style: I've been in cosy modernist homes and cosy homes decorated by real life Hyacinth Buckets. I'm Danish, so I love candles and soft throws, but I'm pretty certain they wouldn't fit into the cosy Jordanian cave I once visited. (I didn't go to the cave in the article, but to another one he owned/inhabited). There is a lot of unresolved research on this, because there are very good reasons to find out how to make spaces homely -- think of how a homely hospital ward might help people heal faster -- but so many cultural factors involved it is hard to find universal rules.
Plants are important, this is actually the single thing that has been proven in multiple trials. If you don't have green fingers, plant-focused art is almost as good. When I was a kid, one of my friends lived in the basement of their house, and she had a huge forest wallpaper on one wall. It was really amazing, even though it was just B/W, it lifted the space from sad basement to beautiful room. People have made sylvan murals since antiquity, as well. I'm not saying you need to cover a wall in trees, just that you might think about the scale of your art. A huge poster might be better than a standard one, if it is somehow organic.
Light is important, as everyone says, but here you need to think of your context. The beduin in Jordan love bright light, for many reasons. Scandinavians love candlelight, even in the summer. A way to figure out what you need is to actively think of spaces you love, either at friends houses or at restaurants and bars, and analyse the light there: is it from the side or above, is it warm (pink and yellow) or cold (blue and white)?
What do you do in your space? I am so lucky I have two homes. In one, I almost live in the kitchen. It's a perfectly proportioned space, and it has great light, a high ceiling, good colors and books. But mostly it's good because when I am there, I am working at a university, and my workday is all bright lights, cool labs, noise and in the head. When I get back to my kitchen, I enjoy the sensual stuff, the smells, the tastes, touching things as a contrast to work. My other home is a farm, and when I relax from work there, I love sitting in my little den, surrounded by books, with a fireplace, in a comfortable chair. The kitchen is just another workspace where I bring in stuff from the farm. I love making stuff, but to relax I move out.
An almost banal thing: area rugs that bring together the colors in a space seem cozy to most people. I know you said you are struggling with dust, but they might be worth it. Kelims are fine, if you want to minimize dust. They do magic with the acoustics too. The same with curtains. My mother just moved to a nursing home, and she hates curtains, but I keep trying to persuade her to get some now since she can't have rugs. Curtains are best floor to ceiling. Layers for day and night are a good thing. You can wash them twice a year.
I love color and use bright colors, but cosy can come in any color scheme. What you don't want are too strong contrasts. Pure black and white has never been a good thing if you aren't in a movie or something, even if you brighten it up with colorful art. If you have a black and white decor use an earth-colored area rug, or pastel curtains to soften it all up, not even more contrast in the form of bright colors.
posted by mumimor at 2:00 PM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Oh, and I meant to mention that Himalayan salt lamps give a nice warm glow. Some people believe they increase feelings of well-being due to giving off negative ions or something, but I'm pretty sure that is not scientific. However, they are pretty.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:03 PM on August 29, 2019
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:03 PM on August 29, 2019
Inflatable hot tub in your living room. Will definitely give you that getting into a hot bath feeling.
Whether this is a good idea depends a lot on the setup of your apartment, and the humidity where you live. Converted industrial space with a concrete floor? Go for it.
posted by yohko at 6:23 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Whether this is a good idea depends a lot on the setup of your apartment, and the humidity where you live. Converted industrial space with a concrete floor? Go for it.
posted by yohko at 6:23 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Are the colors of your cheerful prints/etc colors that make you, personally, feel happy and welcome?
Any answer that's not 'yes I look at this color and feel tension leaving me' means the thing is the wrong color. It might be the right color according to your local culture. It might be the right color according to scientific color theory. But if it is not the right color according to your personal instincts it is the wrong color and should go.
It's very tempting to think there is one culturally or scientifically approved answer to how to decorate. That is an illusion. I've seen too many people try to decorate by following some rules they found from somewhere and making homes that are 'correct' but somehow terribly inhospitable.
posted by Ahniya at 7:11 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Any answer that's not 'yes I look at this color and feel tension leaving me' means the thing is the wrong color. It might be the right color according to your local culture. It might be the right color according to scientific color theory. But if it is not the right color according to your personal instincts it is the wrong color and should go.
It's very tempting to think there is one culturally or scientifically approved answer to how to decorate. That is an illusion. I've seen too many people try to decorate by following some rules they found from somewhere and making homes that are 'correct' but somehow terribly inhospitable.
posted by Ahniya at 7:11 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Also, is there any way you could set-and-forget some of the routine household maintenance? Some ideas:
* Portable air filter that can run during the day
* Cleaning service
* Laundry service
* Buy a set of meal plans so you just have to buy the ingredients and make the food
* Cooking service
* Blackout curtains that block light for the nighttime
* Better insulation for sound isolation? Even things like tapestries or hangings can help, depending on how the walls were built
posted by Ahniya at 7:25 PM on August 29, 2019
* Portable air filter that can run during the day
* Cleaning service
* Laundry service
* Buy a set of meal plans so you just have to buy the ingredients and make the food
* Cooking service
* Blackout curtains that block light for the nighttime
* Better insulation for sound isolation? Even things like tapestries or hangings can help, depending on how the walls were built
posted by Ahniya at 7:25 PM on August 29, 2019
Is a robot vacuum available to you? Getting some of that dust off the floor can prevent it from getting kicked into the air to settle on shelves and stuff. You can set it to run while you're out of the apartment and then empty it's little reservoir when you get home in the evening. (I would keep a little trash can next to the charging station so that emptying it requires as little thought and effort as possible.) If no robot vacuum, maybe a cordless stick vacuum is an option. These should be emptied every use as well, again parking a dedicated trash can next to the charging station seems ideal.
posted by bilabial at 9:40 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by bilabial at 9:40 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
ARE YOU ME?
You mention that you do have some help at home, but given that you mention a loud, hot, third world country, I am wondering whether you could outsource still more given your commute / work schedule?
Can your housekeeper dust? Do you have a cook? Can that cook do the veggie shopping so you dont have to meal plan? Can you arrange that these services happen while you are out so you come home to a clean home and fresh food?
I struggle bigtime with that homey feeling here in dusty Maharashtra, where everything is in cabinets and most of the walls are therefore cabinets (vinyl coated, ugh) which DO NOT give off that homey lived in vibe. Rugs are right out. So speaking from this context, I hear you that hygge is hard!
Getting an air purifier helped, blackout curtains, lightweight/cool rattan furniture helped, fancy handloom sheets and pillow covers, lavender bed spray, three-way lights that go from white to yellow and (this will sound insane to US readers but whatever) giving our cook and cleaning lady the keys helped.
Also, making it easy to do hobbies that aren't chores helped. Guitar on stand. Books out. Language textbooks next to the comfy armchair. Yoga mat rolled up next to the empty spot. Yes, I have to dust all those things (!) but it also helps me associate my home with doing the fun stuff I like to do and reminds me to do all that fun stuff.
What does the ahhhh of a hot bath sound like to YOU? Marie Kondo suggests some visualization exercise in her book and it might be helpful. What's your actual dream? Invest in that version of relaxed, homey you and out those things front and center. An armchair to read with a nice lamp and sidetable for tea? A spa like shower set up? Fancy tableware to eat off? Having homemade pickles in the house?
posted by athirstforsalt at 1:19 AM on August 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
You mention that you do have some help at home, but given that you mention a loud, hot, third world country, I am wondering whether you could outsource still more given your commute / work schedule?
Can your housekeeper dust? Do you have a cook? Can that cook do the veggie shopping so you dont have to meal plan? Can you arrange that these services happen while you are out so you come home to a clean home and fresh food?
I struggle bigtime with that homey feeling here in dusty Maharashtra, where everything is in cabinets and most of the walls are therefore cabinets (vinyl coated, ugh) which DO NOT give off that homey lived in vibe. Rugs are right out. So speaking from this context, I hear you that hygge is hard!
Getting an air purifier helped, blackout curtains, lightweight/cool rattan furniture helped, fancy handloom sheets and pillow covers, lavender bed spray, three-way lights that go from white to yellow and (this will sound insane to US readers but whatever) giving our cook and cleaning lady the keys helped.
Also, making it easy to do hobbies that aren't chores helped. Guitar on stand. Books out. Language textbooks next to the comfy armchair. Yoga mat rolled up next to the empty spot. Yes, I have to dust all those things (!) but it also helps me associate my home with doing the fun stuff I like to do and reminds me to do all that fun stuff.
What does the ahhhh of a hot bath sound like to YOU? Marie Kondo suggests some visualization exercise in her book and it might be helpful. What's your actual dream? Invest in that version of relaxed, homey you and out those things front and center. An armchair to read with a nice lamp and sidetable for tea? A spa like shower set up? Fancy tableware to eat off? Having homemade pickles in the house?
posted by athirstforsalt at 1:19 AM on August 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Oh goodness, athirstforsalt, I live in Maharashtra (strongly suspect that it's the same city) too! What a lovely, unexpected connection! Can I memail you?
posted by Nieshka at 1:29 AM on August 30, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by Nieshka at 1:29 AM on August 30, 2019 [7 favorites]
Make a nice bed for yourself. You deserve it.
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 7:31 PM on August 30, 2019
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 7:31 PM on August 30, 2019
You might find my simple village girl question useful.
posted by divabat at 8:36 PM on August 30, 2019
posted by divabat at 8:36 PM on August 30, 2019
Oh and since you're in India, here's a potentially counter-intuitive idea:
My family is Bangladeshi. My mum makes the best briyani in the world. I got the recipe off her last year and decided to make it for my friends.
It's pretty laborious - I needed to make it over two days. The first day I cooked the vegetables (it was a vegetarian briyani), the second day I'd deal with the rice. I normally have a super hectic schedule but I managed to have time to fit those in.
When I finished the first day, my apartment smelled AMAZING. All those spices, the cooking, god! I don't normally get homesick and I have a complicated relationship with my culture & family but good lord, that smell brought me so much comfort. I wish I could bottle it and keep it always.
Is there some kind of big familial/comfort recipe that's super sensory that you could spend some time making? Like on a free day? And have the scent permeate through for a little while?
posted by divabat at 8:47 PM on August 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
My family is Bangladeshi. My mum makes the best briyani in the world. I got the recipe off her last year and decided to make it for my friends.
It's pretty laborious - I needed to make it over two days. The first day I cooked the vegetables (it was a vegetarian briyani), the second day I'd deal with the rice. I normally have a super hectic schedule but I managed to have time to fit those in.
When I finished the first day, my apartment smelled AMAZING. All those spices, the cooking, god! I don't normally get homesick and I have a complicated relationship with my culture & family but good lord, that smell brought me so much comfort. I wish I could bottle it and keep it always.
Is there some kind of big familial/comfort recipe that's super sensory that you could spend some time making? Like on a free day? And have the scent permeate through for a little while?
posted by divabat at 8:47 PM on August 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
One thing you may want to think about is how neatness can--if taken to an extreme--get in the way of coziness. To my mind, the coziest house is one that's clean and neat, but also obviously lived-in; there are books on the coffee table and other signs of life (in my house, this includes blankets, cat toys, and half-done jigsaw puzzles). Would relaxing your neatness help make your home feel a little bit more homey?
posted by dizziest at 9:49 AM on September 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by dizziest at 9:49 AM on September 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by wellred at 8:21 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]