Best tools to improve Emotional Intelligence
August 29, 2019 3:19 AM   Subscribe

I’m looking to do better with my emotional intelligence skills. Not sure yet what I need to focus on (so diagnostic tools also welcome). Please can you tell me about the tools you would recommend for this. I’m looking for things I can do by myself ie not therapy and not requiring me to role play with friends etc. Open to suggestions apart from that!

I’ve also already done some cognitive behavioural therapy in treatment for depression, and I think I’ve mastered that.
By tools I mean things like online courses, self help books, TED talks, worksheets - ideally something practical.
posted by EatMyHat to Human Relations (8 answers total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
 
Have you spent any time at The School of Life? You might especially enjoy the "Sociability" section, but I enjoy all the content. There is a lot of free content, including essays, videos, etc.
posted by SinAesthetic at 5:31 AM on August 29, 2019


The On Being Project features conversations involving two people and a lot of vulnerability. Try listening to an interview, and really listen--don't do anything else, just listen and be present, and then reflect on what you've heard.
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:13 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]


Apologies if you're doing it already, and it hasn't done much yet (it's not a surefire method obviously, just something worth trying), but if not:

Read novels? Ideally something slow-paced, maybe in a more mundane setting, that really takes the time to get into the nitty gritty of people's everday concerns and motivations. I recommend Middlemarch.

Caveat: Of course I know my fair share of avid readers whose emotional intelligence I find questionable - clearly there's a difference between merely gaining insights into the vagaries of the human heart in conflict with itself and applying those insights productively. But I can see how broadening your horizions as to how different people may feel differently about various things and manifest those feelings in different manners might be helpful (make sure to get some diversity into your reading list, if that's what you're after).

In case novels aren't something you can get into, I recommend reading advice columns . Anything where people talk about feelings.
posted by sohalt at 8:42 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]


I've gotten some recommendations for this EdX course: Empathy and Emotional Intelligence at Work.
posted by expialidocious at 12:20 PM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]


Practice after the fact looking at the people you interacted with and thinking about those interactions to understand better what was going on for the other person.

Watch interactions between people around you and think about what's happening. Is someone's mood affecting their reactions? Is someone walking on eggshells or being very careful with their words? Did someone mutter something under their breath or make a face that could give you an insight into how they're feeling?
posted by Lady Li at 12:31 PM on August 29, 2019


You might want to look at The EQ Difference: A Powerful Plan for Putting Emotional Intelligence to Work. It's a knowledge book, not a workbook or exercise book, but it sounds like it may be close to what you're looking for.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:36 PM on August 29, 2019


For assessments you might be able to find someone who can administer the EQ-i to you, it's a good assessment, but it can get pricy because coaches mark up the cost to make a profit.

A direct to consumer option is Travis Bradberry's EQ appraisal, there's also a book you can work through.

Daniel Goleman is a classic and I think has training now too. This page has a lot of information.

Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute has 2 day programs that teaches EQ skills but it's very hands-on and does involve working with others.

You might like Susan David's article on Emotional Agility, her book is based on the article, and you can google her talks as well. This Mark Manson article is good too.
posted by lafemma at 4:46 PM on August 29, 2019


I think emotional intelligence is mostly empathy. Try nonviolent communication Relatively practical and has really helped me. It has some common threads with CBT. There’s some new age-y stuff in there but I think the basics are very effective.
posted by The Ted at 6:11 PM on August 29, 2019


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