What is this mystery medieval-ish weapon?
August 18, 2019 5:12 PM Subscribe
What is it? My son won it at the Great Lakes Medieval Faire. What is this probably imaginary thing? My husband said “mumble mumble Warhammer.”
triaxial hammer of decoration (-1 cursed)
In other words, I agree with wenestvedt. It looks like it's intended to be derived from a poleaxe/pollaxe, but I really can't tell what the creator was trying to make. The important thing is whether your son likes it.
Google image search doesn't turn up anything helpful either.
posted by dttocs at 5:27 PM on August 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
In other words, I agree with wenestvedt. It looks like it's intended to be derived from a poleaxe/pollaxe, but I really can't tell what the creator was trying to make. The important thing is whether your son likes it.
Google image search doesn't turn up anything helpful either.
posted by dttocs at 5:27 PM on August 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
There was a huge diversity in polearm weaponry through history.
This is definitely something out of fantasy rather than history.
I'm assuming that the bottom right hand corner of the image is the handle; this is really really impracticable (the guards would prevent holding it at the correct angle, prevent changing the angle for a wide range of attacks. Prevent "choking up."
The mini axe blades nearer the end of the shaft is completely impracticable. May be useful as a "blade trapping" type of utility.
If this is intended to be warhammer, the bifurcated dragon's snout spreads the impact too far apart and reduces damage. Against unarmoured opponents, there's no real utility; historically, a hammerhead might include additional studs/ spikes to improve utility against unarmour opponents.
The small 'blade' on the other end of the dragon head isn't really positioned correctly to deal piercing damage to overcome plate armour. Historically, a good strong (but shorter) spike is useful for penetrating plate.
"High fantasy" "warhammer."
This is a pretty low quality fantasy piece with poor aesthetics.
The balance looks all wrong unless there are random materials involved (ie., a super dense head) for the length it is.
posted by porpoise at 5:27 PM on August 18, 2019 [8 favorites]
This is definitely something out of fantasy rather than history.
I'm assuming that the bottom right hand corner of the image is the handle; this is really really impracticable (the guards would prevent holding it at the correct angle, prevent changing the angle for a wide range of attacks. Prevent "choking up."
The mini axe blades nearer the end of the shaft is completely impracticable. May be useful as a "blade trapping" type of utility.
If this is intended to be warhammer, the bifurcated dragon's snout spreads the impact too far apart and reduces damage. Against unarmoured opponents, there's no real utility; historically, a hammerhead might include additional studs/ spikes to improve utility against unarmour opponents.
The small 'blade' on the other end of the dragon head isn't really positioned correctly to deal piercing damage to overcome plate armour. Historically, a good strong (but shorter) spike is useful for penetrating plate.
"High fantasy" "warhammer."
This is a pretty low quality fantasy piece with poor aesthetics.
The balance looks all wrong unless there are random materials involved (ie., a super dense head) for the length it is.
posted by porpoise at 5:27 PM on August 18, 2019 [8 favorites]
I don’t think it makes sense as a real weapon. The closest would be battle axe or poleaxe. (I’ve done some historical fighting, including poleaxe.)
posted by FencingGal at 5:28 PM on August 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by FencingGal at 5:28 PM on August 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
Looks like a faux mediaval keyblade inspired by the videogame Kingdom Hearts to me.
posted by jzed at 5:31 PM on August 18, 2019 [18 favorites]
posted by jzed at 5:31 PM on August 18, 2019 [18 favorites]
Agree with the "made up" answers. The handle certainly looks to be based on a Kingdom Hearts Keyblade, though.
posted by dforemsky at 5:31 PM on August 18, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by dforemsky at 5:31 PM on August 18, 2019 [4 favorites]
Kingdom Hearts Fatal Crest Keyblade?
posted by kimberussell at 5:33 PM on August 18, 2019 [19 favorites]
posted by kimberussell at 5:33 PM on August 18, 2019 [19 favorites]
Agreed, my millennial jrpg nerd ass immediately sat up and went "KEYBLADE???" upon seeing that photo.
posted by btfreek at 5:34 PM on August 18, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by btfreek at 5:34 PM on August 18, 2019 [7 favorites]
Googling "Great Lakes Medieval Faire" - ah, I guess a new iteration of "Medieval Times" chain of restaurants back in the '90s.
This isn't a nominal "ren faire" - there are outfits that do a far superior job; GLMF:knockoff-Chucky Cheese :: MT: Disneyland.
MT is not Disneyland.
posted by porpoise at 5:34 PM on August 18, 2019 [1 favorite]
This isn't a nominal "ren faire" - there are outfits that do a far superior job; GLMF:knockoff-Chucky Cheese :: MT: Disneyland.
MT is not Disneyland.
posted by porpoise at 5:34 PM on August 18, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks! It doesn’t sound like it’s from a specific universe then?
And yeah, I can’t imagine how you’d hurt someone with it, unless you tricked them into holding its stab by-looking handle.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:36 PM on August 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
And yeah, I can’t imagine how you’d hurt someone with it, unless you tricked them into holding its stab by-looking handle.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:36 PM on August 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Nvm, maybe Kingdom Hearts-ish. Thanks all!
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:39 PM on August 18, 2019
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:39 PM on August 18, 2019
A lot of later era polearms ended up looking like can openers, because that's what they needed to be. Knock someone down then peel off enough of the armor to kill. Seems like one of those built by someone who never had to open armor in their life. Or cans.
posted by mark k at 5:40 PM on August 18, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by mark k at 5:40 PM on August 18, 2019 [5 favorites]
mark k - it isn't so much peeling off the armour but to pierce it and cause damage. If you mangle the armour, you hinder movement of the person wearing the armour.
Pealing it off is not necessary. Just mangling it enough that they can't move/ injure themselves moving is sufficient.
The can-opener-looking-ness is the piercing/ penetrating plate. The hooks and stuff is less leverage and more "multi-function" against more common less-plate-armoured opponents.
The hooks and stuff is useful for pulling (heavily armoured) people off of horses, more than as a can-opener. Once you get them off a horse, they have a hard time getting back up. You can just pound on them with the hammer end until they stop moving.
Once on their backs, turtling, there are plenty of spaces where a chisel-like weapon can be used to render the armoured opponent dead through weaknesses in armour. That they're on their backs and not moving (because of the pile of people on them), this is possible. While mobile, these weak spots are harder to target and effectively strike.
posted by porpoise at 5:47 PM on August 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
Pealing it off is not necessary. Just mangling it enough that they can't move/ injure themselves moving is sufficient.
The can-opener-looking-ness is the piercing/ penetrating plate. The hooks and stuff is less leverage and more "multi-function" against more common less-plate-armoured opponents.
The hooks and stuff is useful for pulling (heavily armoured) people off of horses, more than as a can-opener. Once you get them off a horse, they have a hard time getting back up. You can just pound on them with the hammer end until they stop moving.
Once on their backs, turtling, there are plenty of spaces where a chisel-like weapon can be used to render the armoured opponent dead through weaknesses in armour. That they're on their backs and not moving (because of the pile of people on them), this is possible. While mobile, these weak spots are harder to target and effectively strike.
posted by porpoise at 5:47 PM on August 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
It is 100% a replica of the Kingdom Hearts Fatal Crest Keyblade. I've seen this exact item for sale elsewhere, always under that label, and I'm always pissed off because it doesn't look anything like the keyblade from the game.
posted by brook horse at 7:03 PM on August 18, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by brook horse at 7:03 PM on August 18, 2019 [11 favorites]
Also, as a die hard Kingdom Hearts fan, I am absolutely living for all these discussions of what a terrible, impractical weapon it is.
posted by brook horse at 7:11 PM on August 18, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by brook horse at 7:11 PM on August 18, 2019 [9 favorites]
I'm so baffled by the handle. Is it supposed to be swung from the side? I'm trying to figure out how someone is supposed to even playact with this madeup weapon which still does look fun and I can see a kid having a blast with it.
posted by acidnova at 12:04 AM on August 19, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by acidnova at 12:04 AM on August 19, 2019 [2 favorites]
Obviously Klingon in origin.
posted by humboldt32 at 1:31 AM on August 19, 2019
posted by humboldt32 at 1:31 AM on August 19, 2019
Best answer: It is 100% a replica of the Kingdom Hearts Fatal Crest Keyblade.
Image search confirms this. There are even pictures of that exact replica.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:24 AM on August 19, 2019 [2 favorites]
Image search confirms this. There are even pictures of that exact replica.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:24 AM on August 19, 2019 [2 favorites]
This is a carefully designed, well balanced weapon with an ergonomic handle, where the principles of design have been utilized to make it unable to do more damage than a stick, but still look like a rad boss weapon. The recipients of weapons like this are usually children, a small subset of which will promptly smack either one of their friends or the dog with it. It has been designed with that subset in mind, to look cool, have lots of features, clearly be a weapon, and yet not be anymore effective at hurting things than the first item that sort of person will grab.
It falls into the sweet spot where a child who wanted a real sword will not cry because their sword is made out of plastic, and yet fill the function of being scary with sharp edges. Sensible children will note that it is a key and whack the shed door with it before they open it. It can also be used as a yarn-winder for kids who are going into the labyrinth to fight the minotaur.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:59 AM on August 19, 2019 [13 favorites]
It falls into the sweet spot where a child who wanted a real sword will not cry because their sword is made out of plastic, and yet fill the function of being scary with sharp edges. Sensible children will note that it is a key and whack the shed door with it before they open it. It can also be used as a yarn-winder for kids who are going into the labyrinth to fight the minotaur.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:59 AM on August 19, 2019 [13 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by wenestvedt at 5:14 PM on August 18, 2019 [21 favorites]