Help me politely be rude to an interviewer

August 16, 2019 11:17 PM

I'm in the last stages of an interview for a job I am lukewarm about; my continued interest in the process is going to be completely contingent on benefits/salary range. I don't want to activate my references at all until I know more about those details, and I don't care if it tanks my candidacy. How do I politely convey this if I'm asked for references before I'm given more details?

I'm not unhappy at my current workplace, but not opposed to moving, either. A company reached out to me about a position that does not rock my world, but based on Glassdoor has a weirdly large reported salary range - which means it may have the potential to offer significantly better compensation than what I'm making now. In which case my interest might magically increase.

The interview process has not raised any red flags, per se, but it's been fairly long and involved on my end and short on specifics on their end, which is contributing to my indifference. They know what I'm making now and they know I'm not interested in a lateral move and have continued to move the interview process forward, but haven't given me any sense of whether I'd be looking at a little bit more or a lot more. Because the job itself isn't that exciting, I would not want to even offer my references unless it were going to be the latter.

This issue hasn't come up for me in any prior interview process, as they've either been jobs that I really, really wanted, in which case I was motivated to offer references, or I had a much better idea of salary range before we even reached the reference stage.

I have a sneaking suspicion they're going to ask for references before they make any concrete offer, and I would like to politely refuse unless they are willing to tell me more about the salary range they're considering. I am willing to withdraw my candidacy over this because I don't want to waste my references' time, but I would like to ask for details first. Is there an elegant way to word this?

(I'm well-established in my career and promise that if I take a job I wasn't juiced for, I'd be doing it with eyes wide open - so while I completely appreciate advice along the lines of "don't take this job just for money!", it's not what I'm looking for here.)

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (10 answers total)

You don't need to be rude, just act as if this is a totally normal thing. If they want to move forward, just reply like "thank you for the opportunity. Before I ask my references to give me their time, I'm hoping you can give me a better idea of what the offer will look like. I've seen the salary range on the posting but it's rather large, so I'd appreciate you narrowing that down for me before we move forward. Thanks!"

Then if they give you a no, you have a major power move of "oh, well unfortunately I won't be able to move forward without that information, so please let me know if you're able to put that together"
posted by brainmouse at 11:34 PM on August 16, 2019 [63 favorites]

I’d basically just say what you’ve written here, that while you’re interested in the job, you like where you are too and any move from you would be contingent on a pay increase and you’ll need to know a salary range at this point so you don’t waste any more of anyone else’s time. If you’ve had a long interview process, they are obviously still keen and should now know enough about you to ascertain what you’re worth to them. Stand firm. If you’re not red hot on this job, you have all the power because you’re prepared to walk.
posted by Jubey at 11:36 PM on August 16, 2019 [6 favorites]

I agree you don't have to be rude because it's a totally normal question, but if you really do want to be a little rude, then something like "Before I give you my references I need to decide if I want the job. That depends partly on compensation. Can you describe the total compensation package to me? Or is there someone who can?"
posted by cocoagirl at 5:15 AM on August 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

When I oversaw the hiring process, reference calls were usually the last step in the process. That is, I would provide qualified candidates with an offer "contingent on references" - meaning we wanted to hire them and they had an offer from us, but we could withdraw the offer if somehow we learned something from the reference calls that would negatively impact our hiring decision.

One exception was for a candidate who displayed a couple of questionable flags and we were already feeling iffy about. We used the reference calls to confirm our suspicions.

If it's a job you're curious but not thrilled about, you have a bit more leverage in the proceedings. Ask them pointedly what the typical steps are in their hiring process, which stage you are at, and what can you expect going forward. That is being direct and professional without being rude, as it establishes your boundaries and indicates you value your own time and aren't interested in being blindly led around their hiring process.
posted by Goblin Barbarian at 6:30 AM on August 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

There's nothing wrong with making a job vacancy about the money. That's generally why we do them. When they ask for your references, you can flat out say "While I'm very interested in this role, I'm not willing to move ahead without a firm idea of the salary and benefits compensation package."

And then just keep repeating "I'm sorry; that won't be possible."
posted by DarlingBri at 6:52 AM on August 17, 2019 [6 favorites]

in all the many years I did hiring, I never saw any hiring manager base their decision to hire someone on references. (I did see a small handful of situations where the reference tanked it.) They check them after they've already made their decision, to double check, before an offer goes out.

They may ask you for them before they've made their decision, but that's just so they have them ready to go when they want to pull the trigger. Just tell them what you said here, that you need to have a good idea of what the terms would be, before you arrange for these folks to provide their time.

It's not rude at all to be clear. What's rude is wasting people's time.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:24 AM on August 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

Came in to say much the same as Goblin Barbarian and fingersandtoes. Doing reference checks is an expensive process in terms of staff time. My current org only does ref checks if there are red flags on an otherwise strong candidate or something that looks fishy on a resume. Like fingersandtoes said, people don't use ref checks to decide to hire, they use them as a safety check. As such, even if they collect references early, they probably won't bother to use them until they are sure they want to extend an offer, and maybe not even then if they like you and everything else is checking out. Also be aware that it isn't uncommon in this world of LinkedIn networks for a hiring manager to crowdsource their own references rather than accept a candidates references. I am on the receiving end of calls like this not infrequently. The point of all of this being, it is hard to manage the reference check process from the candidate end.

I would recommend that you short circuit the process by just naming a floor salary you are willing to accept. By floor I mean a number above what you would willingly accept and maybe what you would throw out if they asked you to "go first" in a salary negotiation. Just call it a floor ("I couldn't possibly move from my current position for less than $X) and see what happens. If there is a big mismatch, it will slam the brakes on the hiring process or you'll get that conversation about the salary range and benefits. If it is within margin of negotiation, they'll probably just acknowledge that they heard you and keep going with the hiring process.
posted by kovacs at 9:14 AM on August 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

Love what brainmouse said but frame it as total benefits. Really get into the specifics. This is you seizing the power and if they aren’t willing to be specific then you say, “I don’t see how I can proceed.” And watch them probably fluster and begin the conversation. Salary, vacation, insurance, company match, flexible hours, etc are all parts of the total benefit structure and you should tick boxes. This either shows theyre serious or has a very likely shot at MAKING them serious.

People like to chase. It’s the one key of negotiation I used to the best benefit. “I don’t see how I can make that work” or how I can proceed, etc is giving them the prompt to show you by coming to your side. They’re effectively negotiating against themselves at that point without realizing it. The book Never Split the Difference is excellent btw if you want practical negotiation advice from a worlds top expert who did it for the fbi.

Btw, I’ve done extensive negotiation training and never name a “floor”, you name a ceiling. A range is just the lowest number because that’s where they latch on to as an anchor. Good negotiation is about expectations and the person feeling like they got “value” which is subjective. If I’m selling my house and get a great offer, I wonder if I should’ve asked for more initially. If we negotiate for days and I get the exact same number, I’d feel satisfied. That’s just how our brains work.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 11:11 AM on August 17, 2019 [6 favorites]

Be really polite, friendly and professional; the world is a small place and you may meet one of these people again. of course you should ask about the pay and expect a high offer; this is how it works and how you get valued. I hate the attitude that employers are all-powerful. You have something they need. Be silently arrogant about your own value while being very polite to them.
posted by theora55 at 3:58 PM on August 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

but based on Glassdoor

Caveat emptor! Compensation on Glassdoor is self-reported. Self-reported data is notoriously unreliable; so unreliable, in fact, that professionals who do compensation studies reject self-reported data.
posted by John Borrowman at 12:40 PM on August 19, 2019