Budgeting for the anxious
July 24, 2019 5:43 PM Subscribe
I have a small amount of debt, huge amount of shame and anxiety. How do I tackle my finances without falling into an anxiety spiral?
I'm 30 years old, finished my second round of school a year ago and am gainfully employed. Unfortunately I haven't been as successful at handling my money -- I still have the same $2k in credit card debt that keeps going back and forth, though I do make regular payments on my student loan (about $10k left -- I'm lucky enough to live in Canada). I'm aware that I have a huge amount of privilege and a relatively small problem to deal with but I've really been struggling with managing a budget.
I've done the math and worked out weekly budgets a million times but I'm terrible at sticking with them. I end up overspending at the beginning of the week and by the last day I'm having a panic attack about going $2 over to buy pasta for dinner. I set my budgeting goals way too ambitiously, burn out and then blow a bunch of money in one weekend. I am way too focussed on my appearance and feel uncomfortable if I don't look how I want, then I overspend on skincare or a salon visit. I spend more on rent than I should, but would need more savings to actually move (and I live in a super high rent city).
My anxiety is not well controlled, but going to therapy the recommended once-a-week instead of the monthly I do now will throw a wrench in my budgeting plans. I've been on SSRIs for years but frankly I doubt they do much for me.
I'm really ashamed to have so much luck and privilege and still be struggling with this while my peers are saving for retirement and buying property. I just need to smarten up and gain some self-control. I have the exact same problem with my weight, I'm high end of normal BMI and want to lose 10-15 lbs, and I keep cycling between dieting, giving up and eating normally.
Clearly something is not working and I need to grow up -- how do I start doing things differently and learn some self-control?
I'm 30 years old, finished my second round of school a year ago and am gainfully employed. Unfortunately I haven't been as successful at handling my money -- I still have the same $2k in credit card debt that keeps going back and forth, though I do make regular payments on my student loan (about $10k left -- I'm lucky enough to live in Canada). I'm aware that I have a huge amount of privilege and a relatively small problem to deal with but I've really been struggling with managing a budget.
I've done the math and worked out weekly budgets a million times but I'm terrible at sticking with them. I end up overspending at the beginning of the week and by the last day I'm having a panic attack about going $2 over to buy pasta for dinner. I set my budgeting goals way too ambitiously, burn out and then blow a bunch of money in one weekend. I am way too focussed on my appearance and feel uncomfortable if I don't look how I want, then I overspend on skincare or a salon visit. I spend more on rent than I should, but would need more savings to actually move (and I live in a super high rent city).
My anxiety is not well controlled, but going to therapy the recommended once-a-week instead of the monthly I do now will throw a wrench in my budgeting plans. I've been on SSRIs for years but frankly I doubt they do much for me.
I'm really ashamed to have so much luck and privilege and still be struggling with this while my peers are saving for retirement and buying property. I just need to smarten up and gain some self-control. I have the exact same problem with my weight, I'm high end of normal BMI and want to lose 10-15 lbs, and I keep cycling between dieting, giving up and eating normally.
Clearly something is not working and I need to grow up -- how do I start doing things differently and learn some self-control?
Do you have a budget line item for fun stuff?
I’m most successful with budgets when I allocate generously to each expenditure (for example, I assume my power bill’s going to be $100, not $80, even if it’s normally $80-85) and also include some budget for spontaneous outings.
Another thing I’ve found that really takes the edge off is to have a petty cash stash in the house. Add $20 or so to it every paycheck, and it actually adds up quickly. Then, if you want to blow some money or have an unexpected expense, you don’t have to mess up your budget.
Don’t beat yourself up and treat this like you’re adulting wrong. Don’t beat yourself up for spending money on things that are important to you, like skincare or salon visits. Those things should be in the budget. After all, what the heck do you earn money for, if not to spend it on the things you enjoy (after paying the bills, of course). Sometimes shit happens—I was only a few hundred bucks away from paying off my card, and SURPRISE! cat had to go to the vet, and now several months have been added to the timeline. Whaddayagonnado.
So my recommendation would be to re-do the budget WITH discretionary items built in. Don’t do the thing where you tell yourself you won’t have any fun for an entire year, and will go around looking like the Duggars so you can pay your bills off (and lose weight at the same time because you promise yourself that your grocery budget will be only $20 a week). At least look at how much it would cost you to do all the things you would like to do. Then start cutting a little off the top: a salon visit every 6 weeks instead of every 4, cut restaurant visits in half, stuff like that. Don’t start with calculating your expenses down to the penny and then telling yourself you won’t spend ANY more money than that, then beating yourself up over every purchase.
After you add up your budget with the discretionary spending, and then adjust it so that you have a savings of $100/mo or whatever seems feasible, then I would recommend a method of saving where the money disappears before you even have a chance to acknowledge that you have it—like a savings account that automatically deducts from your direct deposit. My bank doesn’t offer that, so basically I do it immediately after getting paid, before my brain kicks into fun mode and envisions all the things I could buy.
For me, somehow the act of withdrawing cash and putting it in the petty cash stash scratches the same itch as actually buying something. Why? No idea. And it’s nice to know that I may buy something if I wish, making it entirely my choice and not a necessity, or a failure of my budgeting acumen. It might work for you, too.
posted by Autumnheart at 6:11 PM on July 24, 2019 [12 favorites]
I’m most successful with budgets when I allocate generously to each expenditure (for example, I assume my power bill’s going to be $100, not $80, even if it’s normally $80-85) and also include some budget for spontaneous outings.
Another thing I’ve found that really takes the edge off is to have a petty cash stash in the house. Add $20 or so to it every paycheck, and it actually adds up quickly. Then, if you want to blow some money or have an unexpected expense, you don’t have to mess up your budget.
Don’t beat yourself up and treat this like you’re adulting wrong. Don’t beat yourself up for spending money on things that are important to you, like skincare or salon visits. Those things should be in the budget. After all, what the heck do you earn money for, if not to spend it on the things you enjoy (after paying the bills, of course). Sometimes shit happens—I was only a few hundred bucks away from paying off my card, and SURPRISE! cat had to go to the vet, and now several months have been added to the timeline. Whaddayagonnado.
So my recommendation would be to re-do the budget WITH discretionary items built in. Don’t do the thing where you tell yourself you won’t have any fun for an entire year, and will go around looking like the Duggars so you can pay your bills off (and lose weight at the same time because you promise yourself that your grocery budget will be only $20 a week). At least look at how much it would cost you to do all the things you would like to do. Then start cutting a little off the top: a salon visit every 6 weeks instead of every 4, cut restaurant visits in half, stuff like that. Don’t start with calculating your expenses down to the penny and then telling yourself you won’t spend ANY more money than that, then beating yourself up over every purchase.
After you add up your budget with the discretionary spending, and then adjust it so that you have a savings of $100/mo or whatever seems feasible, then I would recommend a method of saving where the money disappears before you even have a chance to acknowledge that you have it—like a savings account that automatically deducts from your direct deposit. My bank doesn’t offer that, so basically I do it immediately after getting paid, before my brain kicks into fun mode and envisions all the things I could buy.
For me, somehow the act of withdrawing cash and putting it in the petty cash stash scratches the same itch as actually buying something. Why? No idea. And it’s nice to know that I may buy something if I wish, making it entirely my choice and not a necessity, or a failure of my budgeting acumen. It might work for you, too.
posted by Autumnheart at 6:11 PM on July 24, 2019 [12 favorites]
I, too, am anxious about money. Before I could make a budget, a good step for me was tracking my spending for a month. I recorded every time I spent money in an app, then checked it against my credit card statement and organized it in a spreadsheet.
I felt some anxiety and shame about some of my spending habits. Tracking my spending was one way to come to a greater feeling of acceptance.
The key to budgeting is to be realistic, so I set some goals that required a bit of discipline but were not too difficult. Then I continued to track my spending each month.
posted by mai at 6:46 PM on July 24, 2019
I felt some anxiety and shame about some of my spending habits. Tracking my spending was one way to come to a greater feeling of acceptance.
The key to budgeting is to be realistic, so I set some goals that required a bit of discipline but were not too difficult. Then I continued to track my spending each month.
posted by mai at 6:46 PM on July 24, 2019
I love, love, love Living Debt-Free by Canadian author Shannon Lee Simmons. It has completely changed the way I look at my budgets and my debt.
This book is truly a no-shame, no-blame guide to getting rid of debt.
In the past, I have spent ages combing through my spending, developed a strict budget, inevitably failing. Shannon uses the term yo-yo budgeting because as you've identified, similar things can happen when it comes to health related goals.
Here's a summary from the website I linked above:
No one wants to be in debt. But life happens and if you’ve got debt, life has happened to you. Whether you have a rolling balance of $2,000 on your credit card or an $80,000 line of credit you are positive you will carry to your grave, debt can be a huge cause of stress—affecting both your emotional and financial wellness.
After working with thousands of financial planning clients, Shannon Lee Simmons knows that your only way out of the debt cycle is to truly understand all of your spending triggers so you can shut them down for good. In Living Debt-Free, she shows you that it is possible to have a life and pay down debt at the same time. In fact, that’s the only way your debt plan will work. You will learn to take control of your finances and pay down your debt in a realistic way that will keep you motivated long enough to see it through to the end. No shame. No blame. No scare tactics.
In Living Debt-Free, Simmons focuses on creating a debt repayment plan that will motivate you for a long time, rather than an unrealistic one that’s strictly about paying the least amount of interest charges. (Collective gasp—how dare she!?) Listen, everyone knows that paying interest on debt is bad and to be avoided as much as possible, but human beings are complex. Life is complex. Debt is complex. There cannot be a one-size-fits-all plan, so Living Debt-Free will help you build your plan—the one that will help you finally put the debt behind you, start fresh and feel good about your money again.
posted by Juniper Toast at 7:41 PM on July 24, 2019 [6 favorites]
This book is truly a no-shame, no-blame guide to getting rid of debt.
In the past, I have spent ages combing through my spending, developed a strict budget, inevitably failing. Shannon uses the term yo-yo budgeting because as you've identified, similar things can happen when it comes to health related goals.
Here's a summary from the website I linked above:
No one wants to be in debt. But life happens and if you’ve got debt, life has happened to you. Whether you have a rolling balance of $2,000 on your credit card or an $80,000 line of credit you are positive you will carry to your grave, debt can be a huge cause of stress—affecting both your emotional and financial wellness.
After working with thousands of financial planning clients, Shannon Lee Simmons knows that your only way out of the debt cycle is to truly understand all of your spending triggers so you can shut them down for good. In Living Debt-Free, she shows you that it is possible to have a life and pay down debt at the same time. In fact, that’s the only way your debt plan will work. You will learn to take control of your finances and pay down your debt in a realistic way that will keep you motivated long enough to see it through to the end. No shame. No blame. No scare tactics.
In Living Debt-Free, Simmons focuses on creating a debt repayment plan that will motivate you for a long time, rather than an unrealistic one that’s strictly about paying the least amount of interest charges. (Collective gasp—how dare she!?) Listen, everyone knows that paying interest on debt is bad and to be avoided as much as possible, but human beings are complex. Life is complex. Debt is complex. There cannot be a one-size-fits-all plan, so Living Debt-Free will help you build your plan—the one that will help you finally put the debt behind you, start fresh and feel good about your money again.
posted by Juniper Toast at 7:41 PM on July 24, 2019 [6 favorites]
If I’m reading correctly, your monthly spending includes paying down your student loan debt AND keeping your credit card debt at bay - as in, you’re not paying it off, but you’re not growing that figure each month above whatever your interest rate is. You’re actually doing so, so much better than you think! This is a long process, one that changes as your income and spending habits change over time. So many people struggle to have a clear-headed relationship with money, yet here you are willing to tackle it head on. Kudos!
Your biggest problem seems to be that your spending is trying to follow your budget, instead of the other way round. I could come up with the world’s best budget, but if it doesn’t fit reality it’s not helpful. If you’re plucking a number out of thin air to spend weekly on food, and finding that you have three dollars left on pasta Friday, well, your budget is wrong, not your spending.
Your budget has to FOLLOW your spending. Take the next two/three months to obsessively track each dollar you spend NO JUDGEMENT. Spend as normally as possible. Use Mint or one of the freebie online platforms. If you use cash, try to switch to using cards, because every cash transaction has to be manually entered. Sign into mint a few times a week to scan through your transactions, making sure mint has categorized them correctly. Think about BIG categories - like “food” instead of “groceries vs coffee vs bars vs takeout.” At the end of the month look at where your money is going. And then? Do it again for another month. Maybe one more after that. Give yourself the anxiety-free task of just monitoring your spending. Try not to judge yourself. You’re gathering information.
Only when you have a realistic view of what you average each month in basic categories, can you start to make decisions about following a budget. Plan to reduce spending where you’re spending the most amount of money, not lower-dollar luxuries where you don’t have many dollars to squeeze. This is the time to use debt payoff calculators to figure out what dollar amount you want to be throwing at your debt each month. Can you find that amount somewhere in your monthly spending? If not, how much can you find?
You seem to be judging yourself very harshly! Wanting to spend differently doesn’t magically mean spending differently. Arm yourself with actual spending figures and go from there. You got this!
posted by missmary6 at 7:52 PM on July 24, 2019 [9 favorites]
Your biggest problem seems to be that your spending is trying to follow your budget, instead of the other way round. I could come up with the world’s best budget, but if it doesn’t fit reality it’s not helpful. If you’re plucking a number out of thin air to spend weekly on food, and finding that you have three dollars left on pasta Friday, well, your budget is wrong, not your spending.
Your budget has to FOLLOW your spending. Take the next two/three months to obsessively track each dollar you spend NO JUDGEMENT. Spend as normally as possible. Use Mint or one of the freebie online platforms. If you use cash, try to switch to using cards, because every cash transaction has to be manually entered. Sign into mint a few times a week to scan through your transactions, making sure mint has categorized them correctly. Think about BIG categories - like “food” instead of “groceries vs coffee vs bars vs takeout.” At the end of the month look at where your money is going. And then? Do it again for another month. Maybe one more after that. Give yourself the anxiety-free task of just monitoring your spending. Try not to judge yourself. You’re gathering information.
Only when you have a realistic view of what you average each month in basic categories, can you start to make decisions about following a budget. Plan to reduce spending where you’re spending the most amount of money, not lower-dollar luxuries where you don’t have many dollars to squeeze. This is the time to use debt payoff calculators to figure out what dollar amount you want to be throwing at your debt each month. Can you find that amount somewhere in your monthly spending? If not, how much can you find?
You seem to be judging yourself very harshly! Wanting to spend differently doesn’t magically mean spending differently. Arm yourself with actual spending figures and go from there. You got this!
posted by missmary6 at 7:52 PM on July 24, 2019 [9 favorites]
I'm 30 years old, finished my second round of school a year ago and am gainfully employed. Unfortunately I haven't been as successful at handling my money -- I still have the same $2k in credit card debt that keeps going back and forth, though I do make regular payments on my student loan (about $10k left -- I'm lucky enough to live in Canada). I'm aware that I have a huge amount of privilege and a relatively small problem to deal with but I've really been struggling with managing a budget.
...
I'm really ashamed to have so much luck and privilege and still be struggling with this while my peers are saving for retirement and buying property.
So, just as a data point: I'm a few years older than you, and I have had all of the following going on at once:
The other things that made me a lot less anxious about debt include (a) making a lot more money than I did in my mid-20s (despite having a lot more debt now, thanks stupid house) and (b) getting a low-interest credit card and later, personal line of credit to reduce my cost of borrowing for things I couldn't immediately pay off. Also, not discussing money with people who've had their adult lives heavily subsidized by their parents helped too.
posted by blerghamot at 8:27 PM on July 24, 2019
...
I'm really ashamed to have so much luck and privilege and still be struggling with this while my peers are saving for retirement and buying property.
So, just as a data point: I'm a few years older than you, and I have had all of the following going on at once:
- Owning a home and having a mortgage
- Paying off a similar student loan balance to yours
- Contributing to my TFSA and RRSP
- Having some (granted, very low-interest) consumer debt from professional development stuff not covered by work
- Sometimes getting expensive haircuts
The other things that made me a lot less anxious about debt include (a) making a lot more money than I did in my mid-20s (despite having a lot more debt now, thanks stupid house) and (b) getting a low-interest credit card and later, personal line of credit to reduce my cost of borrowing for things I couldn't immediately pay off. Also, not discussing money with people who've had their adult lives heavily subsidized by their parents helped too.
posted by blerghamot at 8:27 PM on July 24, 2019
I'm also on a long-term SSRI and have similar anxiety and worries about money; there's a balance in trying to be good to my monthly budget but also to myself with quality of life purchases. I came here to suggest tracking your purchases, like others have mentioned above (especially missmary6's post). I'll talk about my situation a bit in case parts of it resonate with you.
For a couple of years I used an app called Spendbook, but while that was helping me track where my money was going, it wasn't helping me to actually stick to the budget. Which is the important part. So last November, after seeing it mentioned by plenty of Mefites, I tried YNAB and I've been really happy with it so far. I initially had the one free month (34 days iirc) when I signed up, but I asked for an extension -- as sort of a price match with another free month campaign they had just launched -- and they ended up giving me two extra months to try it out. Part of my coping strategies for anxiety involve feeling like I'm in control of the situation, and being able to get mildly obsessive with the details has helped tamp down feelings of dread or concern around my finances.
When I budget, I always try to do the following:
- budget more than I think I'll need
- budget for categories even if I don't think I'll dip into them that month (e.g. books or movie tickets), so that the money is there if something comes up
- log payments for the future so I know to set money aside with my next paycheck (e.g. rent, bills, credit card payments)
- don't feel guilty about moving money between non-essential categories (e.g. taking money from Clothing and putting it towards takeout because I really don't feel like cooking that night)
- log purchases as soon as I can (YNAB does not sync with my bank, so I treat it as cash-only)
There's a small learning curve, but it's essentially a paper envelope system without all the cash and with the flexibility to match your own situation. If ultimately it doesn't work for you, my tl;dr would be track purchases and budget off those numbers.
It's frustrating, I know, that sometimes progress on something important only happens when anxiety wheels gain enough momentum to get it going. I really do believe this is doable for you, though. You've already taken the first few (but big) steps!
posted by lesser weasel at 9:46 PM on July 24, 2019
For a couple of years I used an app called Spendbook, but while that was helping me track where my money was going, it wasn't helping me to actually stick to the budget. Which is the important part. So last November, after seeing it mentioned by plenty of Mefites, I tried YNAB and I've been really happy with it so far. I initially had the one free month (34 days iirc) when I signed up, but I asked for an extension -- as sort of a price match with another free month campaign they had just launched -- and they ended up giving me two extra months to try it out. Part of my coping strategies for anxiety involve feeling like I'm in control of the situation, and being able to get mildly obsessive with the details has helped tamp down feelings of dread or concern around my finances.
When I budget, I always try to do the following:
- budget more than I think I'll need
- budget for categories even if I don't think I'll dip into them that month (e.g. books or movie tickets), so that the money is there if something comes up
- log payments for the future so I know to set money aside with my next paycheck (e.g. rent, bills, credit card payments)
- don't feel guilty about moving money between non-essential categories (e.g. taking money from Clothing and putting it towards takeout because I really don't feel like cooking that night)
- log purchases as soon as I can (YNAB does not sync with my bank, so I treat it as cash-only)
There's a small learning curve, but it's essentially a paper envelope system without all the cash and with the flexibility to match your own situation. If ultimately it doesn't work for you, my tl;dr would be track purchases and budget off those numbers.
It's frustrating, I know, that sometimes progress on something important only happens when anxiety wheels gain enough momentum to get it going. I really do believe this is doable for you, though. You've already taken the first few (but big) steps!
posted by lesser weasel at 9:46 PM on July 24, 2019
Nthing that you're doing waaaaaay better than you think you are. I am midway through an all-out assault on $15,000 in credit card debt (no student loans any more, but still). So take that small comfort.
Here's a couple things that helped me out a lot: one has been suggested already.
Take the next two/three months to obsessively track each dollar you spend NO JUDGEMENT. Spend as normally as possible. Use Mint or one of the freebie online platforms. If you use cash, try to switch to using cards, because every cash transaction has to be manually entered. Sign into mint a few times a week to scan through your transactions, making sure mint has categorized them correctly. Think about BIG categories - like “food” instead of “groceries vs coffee vs bars vs takeout.” At the end of the month look at where your money is going. And then? Do it again for another month. Maybe one more after that. Give yourself the anxiety-free task of just monitoring your spending. Try not to judge yourself. You’re gathering information.
Seconding this. Because what also might happen is that some categories of spending will jump way out at you and practically be waving sparklers at you as being things you can cut back on. The first time I ever tried doing this exercise, I discovered that I was spending upwards of $200 a month just on books. Not "hobbies", not "reading material" -- specifically and solely on just books. The shock of that was enough to scare me straight and keep me on track with the "book budget", which I cut down to a more modest sum ($75 a month, I think). Another time I did that (recently) I discovered I was spending about $300 a month just on cabs. I admit that's been a little harder to break that habit, but reminding myself that "if take this cab I won't have money to pay towards debt" does help keep me in check. (Also, I didn't even use Mint or an online tracker, I just used a regular old notepad - it was way easier.)
Another thing that helped me tremendously - I make all my debt payments via automated transfers out of my checking account on a weekly basis. This is a psychological hack - a $200 monthly payment sounds scary, but a $50 weekly payment sounds like "ennnh, yeah, I think I can do that." Also, if the payment is automated, you don't have to think about it and it just happens like magic - and, the money's also not in your account for you to spend on something else.
Finally, another automated weekly transfer I have set up is to a "fun money" fund. It's not a huge amount - only about $30 weekly - but every week a little money gets set aside as a sort of slush fund for if I need it. And then I usually do end up having to transfer it back into my checking at the end of the month - but at least it's been set aside for me to do that with. And I often don't have to transfer the full amount of what's in the slush fund back to my checking account, either.
But yeah - gather the information to see what you'd need first before you make your budget. That'll give you a lot of information to work with that could not only help you see how to make an effective budget, but also give you the motivation to stick to it ("oh yeah, spending $200 on books is NUTS").
And: you know how I said that i"m in an all-out assault to kill $15K in credit card debt? That was a year ago; I've gotten that down to just under $7K today. This works!
Good luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:14 AM on July 25, 2019 [4 favorites]
Here's a couple things that helped me out a lot: one has been suggested already.
Take the next two/three months to obsessively track each dollar you spend NO JUDGEMENT. Spend as normally as possible. Use Mint or one of the freebie online platforms. If you use cash, try to switch to using cards, because every cash transaction has to be manually entered. Sign into mint a few times a week to scan through your transactions, making sure mint has categorized them correctly. Think about BIG categories - like “food” instead of “groceries vs coffee vs bars vs takeout.” At the end of the month look at where your money is going. And then? Do it again for another month. Maybe one more after that. Give yourself the anxiety-free task of just monitoring your spending. Try not to judge yourself. You’re gathering information.
Seconding this. Because what also might happen is that some categories of spending will jump way out at you and practically be waving sparklers at you as being things you can cut back on. The first time I ever tried doing this exercise, I discovered that I was spending upwards of $200 a month just on books. Not "hobbies", not "reading material" -- specifically and solely on just books. The shock of that was enough to scare me straight and keep me on track with the "book budget", which I cut down to a more modest sum ($75 a month, I think). Another time I did that (recently) I discovered I was spending about $300 a month just on cabs. I admit that's been a little harder to break that habit, but reminding myself that "if take this cab I won't have money to pay towards debt" does help keep me in check. (Also, I didn't even use Mint or an online tracker, I just used a regular old notepad - it was way easier.)
Another thing that helped me tremendously - I make all my debt payments via automated transfers out of my checking account on a weekly basis. This is a psychological hack - a $200 monthly payment sounds scary, but a $50 weekly payment sounds like "ennnh, yeah, I think I can do that." Also, if the payment is automated, you don't have to think about it and it just happens like magic - and, the money's also not in your account for you to spend on something else.
Finally, another automated weekly transfer I have set up is to a "fun money" fund. It's not a huge amount - only about $30 weekly - but every week a little money gets set aside as a sort of slush fund for if I need it. And then I usually do end up having to transfer it back into my checking at the end of the month - but at least it's been set aside for me to do that with. And I often don't have to transfer the full amount of what's in the slush fund back to my checking account, either.
But yeah - gather the information to see what you'd need first before you make your budget. That'll give you a lot of information to work with that could not only help you see how to make an effective budget, but also give you the motivation to stick to it ("oh yeah, spending $200 on books is NUTS").
And: you know how I said that i"m in an all-out assault to kill $15K in credit card debt? That was a year ago; I've gotten that down to just under $7K today. This works!
Good luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:14 AM on July 25, 2019 [4 favorites]
Put a note in your calendar on paydays to make an extra payment, even if it's $10. Get a calendar, every time you pay extra, you get a star, 5 stars and you get a sticker, 5 stickers and you can get a splurge, like book, music, fancier food,the sort of thing that may be ordinary now, that you are learning to limit. You may feel like a goober, but this works. You can also set a goal for when you get it paid off, like saving for a trip before tackling the school loan.
Think of paying down debt as sticking it to the rapacious credit card companies that charge horrid interest. Try to get in the habit of thinking twice on purchases; you can go back tomorrow if you really have to have that new shirt. You won't have a house down payment by having 1 fewer drink or skipping that Uber and taking the bus, but you will pay down debt by taking your lunch, and doing the small economies. I paid down credit card debt by making and taking lunch every day, and it was healthier and tastier. Took a couple weeks for it to be a habit. Freedom from debt is a great gift to give yourself.
There are great personal finance websites and a few subreddits, which can give you a community to be accountable to and get encouragement from.
posted by theora55 at 12:03 PM on July 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
Think of paying down debt as sticking it to the rapacious credit card companies that charge horrid interest. Try to get in the habit of thinking twice on purchases; you can go back tomorrow if you really have to have that new shirt. You won't have a house down payment by having 1 fewer drink or skipping that Uber and taking the bus, but you will pay down debt by taking your lunch, and doing the small economies. I paid down credit card debt by making and taking lunch every day, and it was healthier and tastier. Took a couple weeks for it to be a habit. Freedom from debt is a great gift to give yourself.
There are great personal finance websites and a few subreddits, which can give you a community to be accountable to and get encouragement from.
posted by theora55 at 12:03 PM on July 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I am usually a huge fan of knowing the ins and outs of your money but I really think instead of paying more attention to the details that you see a doctor about your medication. This is a lot of stress you're putting on yourself. Maybe something is not working and can be tweaked. I say this because your stress is vibrating off the page. And then you mentioned your appearance and losing 10 to 15 pounds too.
Look, this stress will do more damage to your health and finances than your current spending. I really think you will be ok. There are meds that handle obsessive thoughts and anxiety even in light doses, but you have to give them time. I swear to you this stress is not about money. Money is the easiest place for the stress to go.
Like others have said you are in VERY good shape. You have a job. You can adjust some spending but it will be so much easier if you can get a handle on the perfectionism. I promise. Solutions will appear that never occurred to you before.
And frankly, if you have the time, nothing shameful in upping your income by getting a second job dog walking or caregiving or in retail. But it should be from a place of "I'm doing this because I want balayage" as opposed to "I need balayage so I don't look like shit and i hate myself if i do or I don't". Just as an example.
You're going to be ok, I promise.
posted by perdhapley at 4:49 PM on July 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
Look, this stress will do more damage to your health and finances than your current spending. I really think you will be ok. There are meds that handle obsessive thoughts and anxiety even in light doses, but you have to give them time. I swear to you this stress is not about money. Money is the easiest place for the stress to go.
Like others have said you are in VERY good shape. You have a job. You can adjust some spending but it will be so much easier if you can get a handle on the perfectionism. I promise. Solutions will appear that never occurred to you before.
And frankly, if you have the time, nothing shameful in upping your income by getting a second job dog walking or caregiving or in retail. But it should be from a place of "I'm doing this because I want balayage" as opposed to "I need balayage so I don't look like shit and i hate myself if i do or I don't". Just as an example.
You're going to be ok, I promise.
posted by perdhapley at 4:49 PM on July 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
I'm not a particularly anxious person, but money does make me freak out, and when I was in debt I hated it. I'm not good at budgeting (I change my mind, a lot), but did find tracking my spending somewhat useful, though not a golden bullet. Three things that really reduce my money-stress levels are 1) proactively tracking when my bills are due and 2) paying my bills and sorting out my money when I get paid and 3) separating money into separate accounts so that I know how much I have to play with, without doing any maths.
Tracking the due dates for my bills seems super obvious in hindsight, but I was constantly getting blindsided by "surprise" bills that were in fact due on a regular schedule (the quarterly ones I find particularly evil). I set up reminders on my phone for a few days before I'm due to get the bill, so now when I get the bill I get to feel smug and in control because, I totes already knew about it. Then, I pre-schedule payment (or an equivalent transfer to my credit card if its on autopay) for the day after I next get paid. I'm paid fortnightly, so their's always a pay period between getting the bill and the due date. Some very large bills have me dipping into savings, but that's rare. I'm not sure what canadian banking is like, but I can prepay and or autopay almost everything.
I'm the least stressed about money when I have a lot of it. So when I get paid, I try to get onto internet banking and look at everything. It's so much less stressful when there's money in the account. I have a few autotransfers too, to keep things rolling without having to micromanage.
I then organise my money so that I only have to check one account to see what my money situation is. I have a separate bills/rent account, a savings account, and an emergency fund account. These have changed over the past few years as my bills schedule and debts have changed, so you'll probably need something different. I have a credit card that I only use for a few autopay things and the occasional big purchase, and I pay off every payday. When I was being super strict with money, I would also buy important stuff at the beginning of the pay period too (food, petrol, medicine etc). Some people pull out cash and use envelopes, though I was never very good at that.
Because here's the thing, if you have no money in your checking account, but all of your bills are paid, and you have food and petrol and medication to get you until next pay day, life is actually good. Pretty much everything else can wait. I don't like that to happen too often, but when it does, no harm, no foul.
posted by kjs4 at 11:38 PM on July 25, 2019
Tracking the due dates for my bills seems super obvious in hindsight, but I was constantly getting blindsided by "surprise" bills that were in fact due on a regular schedule (the quarterly ones I find particularly evil). I set up reminders on my phone for a few days before I'm due to get the bill, so now when I get the bill I get to feel smug and in control because, I totes already knew about it. Then, I pre-schedule payment (or an equivalent transfer to my credit card if its on autopay) for the day after I next get paid. I'm paid fortnightly, so their's always a pay period between getting the bill and the due date. Some very large bills have me dipping into savings, but that's rare. I'm not sure what canadian banking is like, but I can prepay and or autopay almost everything.
I'm the least stressed about money when I have a lot of it. So when I get paid, I try to get onto internet banking and look at everything. It's so much less stressful when there's money in the account. I have a few autotransfers too, to keep things rolling without having to micromanage.
I then organise my money so that I only have to check one account to see what my money situation is. I have a separate bills/rent account, a savings account, and an emergency fund account. These have changed over the past few years as my bills schedule and debts have changed, so you'll probably need something different. I have a credit card that I only use for a few autopay things and the occasional big purchase, and I pay off every payday. When I was being super strict with money, I would also buy important stuff at the beginning of the pay period too (food, petrol, medicine etc). Some people pull out cash and use envelopes, though I was never very good at that.
Because here's the thing, if you have no money in your checking account, but all of your bills are paid, and you have food and petrol and medication to get you until next pay day, life is actually good. Pretty much everything else can wait. I don't like that to happen too often, but when it does, no harm, no foul.
posted by kjs4 at 11:38 PM on July 25, 2019
baseline suggestion: it is hard to offer advice without knowing how much income you have, and what your rough expenses are.
it may be the case that the easiest way to save more money is to get a job that pays more money, if it turns out you have skills that are in demand, and you are being underpaid. it is far easier to save money when you are getting paid more money than you need or know what to do with.
do you have a feel for how much your skills should be worth in the market, with competing employers? do you have professional contacts in the same field of work that you can compare notes with about market rates?
> I've done the math and worked out weekly budgets a million times but I'm terrible at sticking with them.
> I just need to smarten up and gain some self-control.
a different idea is to try to set up systems where you don't need to actively work to hit your savings goals. i have okay self control most of the time, which gets weaker when i am more worn out and emotional. such is life. for me, it is not realistic to expect to have amazing self control at all times.
instead, can you (e.g.) set up a regular bank transfer to move some money into a savings account after payday, before you have a chance to spend it? if you do that, you may find you get used to not having it, and adjust your spending accordingly. then over time you can dial up the amount you are automatically saving
similarly, in my country (australia, not canada) some employers offer options to pay money directly out of your paycheck into retirement funds. so if you tell your employer to set something like this up, you can effectively give yourself an e.g. 10% pay cut with forced 10% savings toward your retirement. this may not make financial sense, depending on what your objectives are, but it is an example of something that only takes energy and discipline to set up once, then you just get used to the new circumstances and live with it -- assuming that after a 10% pay cut you still have enough money to live on!
> exact same problem with my weight, I'm high end of normal BMI and want to lose 10-15 lbs
instead of dieting, is there a different lifestyle change you can make that would give you more regular exercise, and could become a regular habit?
for example, a few years ago i switched to cycling instead of commuting by public transport to work. i started trying to do it every day, regardless of weather conditions, except if i was sick. cycling is much cheaper than a gym membership, saves me money on train fares, and (alas) commuting to work on the bike is often more enjoyable than work itself. so this habit is win-win-win for me many days. but i can only take advantage of this because i live close to work in a part of a city with decent cycle paths that are safe from cars, and have a job where cycling to work fits, and i have space at work where i can change on days where it is raining and i turn up covered in mud...
posted by are-coral-made at 2:38 AM on July 26, 2019
it may be the case that the easiest way to save more money is to get a job that pays more money, if it turns out you have skills that are in demand, and you are being underpaid. it is far easier to save money when you are getting paid more money than you need or know what to do with.
do you have a feel for how much your skills should be worth in the market, with competing employers? do you have professional contacts in the same field of work that you can compare notes with about market rates?
> I've done the math and worked out weekly budgets a million times but I'm terrible at sticking with them.
> I just need to smarten up and gain some self-control.
a different idea is to try to set up systems where you don't need to actively work to hit your savings goals. i have okay self control most of the time, which gets weaker when i am more worn out and emotional. such is life. for me, it is not realistic to expect to have amazing self control at all times.
instead, can you (e.g.) set up a regular bank transfer to move some money into a savings account after payday, before you have a chance to spend it? if you do that, you may find you get used to not having it, and adjust your spending accordingly. then over time you can dial up the amount you are automatically saving
similarly, in my country (australia, not canada) some employers offer options to pay money directly out of your paycheck into retirement funds. so if you tell your employer to set something like this up, you can effectively give yourself an e.g. 10% pay cut with forced 10% savings toward your retirement. this may not make financial sense, depending on what your objectives are, but it is an example of something that only takes energy and discipline to set up once, then you just get used to the new circumstances and live with it -- assuming that after a 10% pay cut you still have enough money to live on!
> exact same problem with my weight, I'm high end of normal BMI and want to lose 10-15 lbs
instead of dieting, is there a different lifestyle change you can make that would give you more regular exercise, and could become a regular habit?
for example, a few years ago i switched to cycling instead of commuting by public transport to work. i started trying to do it every day, regardless of weather conditions, except if i was sick. cycling is much cheaper than a gym membership, saves me money on train fares, and (alas) commuting to work on the bike is often more enjoyable than work itself. so this habit is win-win-win for me many days. but i can only take advantage of this because i live close to work in a part of a city with decent cycle paths that are safe from cars, and have a job where cycling to work fits, and i have space at work where i can change on days where it is raining and i turn up covered in mud...
posted by are-coral-made at 2:38 AM on July 26, 2019
Best answer: You get to live on your own timeline!
As an adult, you do not have to live by the expectations of other people.
You can live a life that you want to live!
For me, there was something about being 30 that made life harder. It's a landmark age and it caused me to look around and say "aren't I supposed to be doing better than this? Wasn't I supposed to have achieved so much more? to be so much more in control?"
I found myself comparing my reality to some sort of fantasy I had created about what a 30-year-old is supposed to be. It hit me pretty hard for awhile, but eventually I started accepting that this is what life is, and I started living the way I wanted to rather than according to the fantasy expectations I had for the age. I am so much happier this way.
To help with money mindest, I live listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast (or live radio show). People call in with questions a lot like yours and he gives advice. He is very consistent with his advice, which, over time, allows you to build a money kindest off of his. It's made me feel much more comfortable thinking about how my money works.
For retirement saving, get out of debt first.
For property buying... why? Do you need/want a property? Or do you feel like it's a rite of passage? Property is a hard thing to get rid of and a huge financial burden if you don't actually want it. That is, if you are buying.it just to 'keep up'. If you don't actually need/want property, that money can go to retirement, to amazing trips, to... I dunno... Improv classes, hypnosis certifications, tabletop gaming books, Cirque du soleil shows...
For health/fitness, see if you can find a social activity that you enjoy and involves movement... Fitness classes (yoga, CrossFit, spin), a kickball league, hash house harrier, a hiking Meetup, a weekly walk around the block with friends.
All in all, things don't have to be hard or perfect. They can be simple and rough around the edges and fun!
posted by jander03 at 8:44 AM on July 28, 2019
As an adult, you do not have to live by the expectations of other people.
You can live a life that you want to live!
For me, there was something about being 30 that made life harder. It's a landmark age and it caused me to look around and say "aren't I supposed to be doing better than this? Wasn't I supposed to have achieved so much more? to be so much more in control?"
I found myself comparing my reality to some sort of fantasy I had created about what a 30-year-old is supposed to be. It hit me pretty hard for awhile, but eventually I started accepting that this is what life is, and I started living the way I wanted to rather than according to the fantasy expectations I had for the age. I am so much happier this way.
To help with money mindest, I live listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast (or live radio show). People call in with questions a lot like yours and he gives advice. He is very consistent with his advice, which, over time, allows you to build a money kindest off of his. It's made me feel much more comfortable thinking about how my money works.
For retirement saving, get out of debt first.
For property buying... why? Do you need/want a property? Or do you feel like it's a rite of passage? Property is a hard thing to get rid of and a huge financial burden if you don't actually want it. That is, if you are buying.it just to 'keep up'. If you don't actually need/want property, that money can go to retirement, to amazing trips, to... I dunno... Improv classes, hypnosis certifications, tabletop gaming books, Cirque du soleil shows...
For health/fitness, see if you can find a social activity that you enjoy and involves movement... Fitness classes (yoga, CrossFit, spin), a kickball league, hash house harrier, a hiking Meetup, a weekly walk around the block with friends.
All in all, things don't have to be hard or perfect. They can be simple and rough around the edges and fun!
posted by jander03 at 8:44 AM on July 28, 2019
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In which spirit — you sound like you might like The Art of Money, a book that’s a psychological program about money — you learn to do small meditative check-ins with yourself around money stuff, as well as writing your money life story and finding out some of the metaphorical ways it behaves for you, related to your unique history. I think it might help you.
posted by hungrytiger at 6:08 PM on July 24, 2019 [6 favorites]