How to get out of my mind?
June 28, 2019 8:57 AM Subscribe
I am struggling mightily with an unexplained and expetended natural high - and I'd love some perspective on how to deal or be done with it.
I'm not on any medication, I'm not depressed and I haven't had any other change to my routine however for the past few weeks I've been feeling very emotionally excitable and my senses are weirdly heightened. I'm finding everything painful and beautiful at the same time - just this morning I burst into tears on the train because a particularly lovely movie poster gave me all the feels. I am super dreamy and loved-up - just yesterday a routine meeting with a long-time colleague had me ludicrously misty because suddenly he seemed like the most noble, honourable, dear person. I have nil feelings for this individual the rest of the time! I am super-easily distracted by the merest shiny thing and feel like I'm speaking too loudly and brightly and just being generally inapropriate - but I am not obviously doing anything of these things - it's just all in my head.
It's like being really horny, except not specifically for sex - just general sensation. Suffice to say I do not know what to do with myself and wish for it to calm the f down, or at least culminate in some kind of climax. Food isn't working, booze isn't working. Actual sex isn't working (I love my husband and our physical relationship but this is something else). Losing myself in intense media helps a bit, especially gorgeous steamy fanfic (Hello A03/Good Omens!) and melodic showgaze played really loud. Running about in the sunshine is great in the moment but makes me antsier in the evening.
On the other hand this feels like hugely powerful, positive social energy that I could be doing something productive with - but what exactly?
What I would LOVE to do is get properly out of my head like back when I was seventeen and remote spaces and illicit substances were more readily available - specifically hiking in vast landscapes, or necking speed, acid and mushrooms with impunity then staying up all night wearing fancy dresses and having mad intense conversations and solemn quiet comedowns and reeling around the cosmos with age-peers who were open and giddy and unafraid. Alas I am now a respectible 43-year old introvert whose friends are all law-abiding parents and that is no longer an option. I also have very little engagement with people outside of work and home these days.
What can I do? Is this a mid-life crisis - or just be a hormonal thing, eg peri-menopause? How to channel it? Any thoughts welcome!
I'm not on any medication, I'm not depressed and I haven't had any other change to my routine however for the past few weeks I've been feeling very emotionally excitable and my senses are weirdly heightened. I'm finding everything painful and beautiful at the same time - just this morning I burst into tears on the train because a particularly lovely movie poster gave me all the feels. I am super dreamy and loved-up - just yesterday a routine meeting with a long-time colleague had me ludicrously misty because suddenly he seemed like the most noble, honourable, dear person. I have nil feelings for this individual the rest of the time! I am super-easily distracted by the merest shiny thing and feel like I'm speaking too loudly and brightly and just being generally inapropriate - but I am not obviously doing anything of these things - it's just all in my head.
It's like being really horny, except not specifically for sex - just general sensation. Suffice to say I do not know what to do with myself and wish for it to calm the f down, or at least culminate in some kind of climax. Food isn't working, booze isn't working. Actual sex isn't working (I love my husband and our physical relationship but this is something else). Losing myself in intense media helps a bit, especially gorgeous steamy fanfic (Hello A03/Good Omens!) and melodic showgaze played really loud. Running about in the sunshine is great in the moment but makes me antsier in the evening.
On the other hand this feels like hugely powerful, positive social energy that I could be doing something productive with - but what exactly?
What I would LOVE to do is get properly out of my head like back when I was seventeen and remote spaces and illicit substances were more readily available - specifically hiking in vast landscapes, or necking speed, acid and mushrooms with impunity then staying up all night wearing fancy dresses and having mad intense conversations and solemn quiet comedowns and reeling around the cosmos with age-peers who were open and giddy and unafraid. Alas I am now a respectible 43-year old introvert whose friends are all law-abiding parents and that is no longer an option. I also have very little engagement with people outside of work and home these days.
What can I do? Is this a mid-life crisis - or just be a hormonal thing, eg peri-menopause? How to channel it? Any thoughts welcome!
Sounds like a manic phase. Doctor time. Hormone check! Perimenopause can cause this
posted by Mistress at 9:10 AM on June 28, 2019 [36 favorites]
posted by Mistress at 9:10 AM on June 28, 2019 [36 favorites]
Time to meditate on the Buddhist concept of Emptiness. Like this cd
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:11 AM on June 28, 2019
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:11 AM on June 28, 2019
You sound like my wife and one of our best friends in a manic phase when their meds aren't working. Please, please, go get checked out by your doctor.
posted by joycehealy at 9:26 AM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by joycehealy at 9:26 AM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]
Best answer: This sounds like -- and comes across as -- at least hypomania, and yeah, check it out with a professional. But in the meantime, try to listen to it, examine it, interrogate it, create a space outside to observe and record it. What am I feeling right now? What do I value in what it brings and what scares me? What would I like to keep from it afterwards and what do I want to leave behind? Which parts of it seem to belong to me? Create a playlist before it fades. Write, draw, whatever's solid. Try to treat it as more than an experience that's blasting through you.
Also, fourth chakra yoga.
posted by holgate at 9:43 AM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
Also, fourth chakra yoga.
posted by holgate at 9:43 AM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
For your own peace of mind, and those who care about you, a quick pop in to a doctor would be a good first step. Mania is definitely a possibility, but you can also have manic-like symptoms from infections or similar presenting "silently" (obviously it's NOT silent but you're not in pain or oozing anything) right up until they get very loud, very urgently. UTIs are notorious for inciting unusual behavior before presenting with pain or blood, especially as we get older.
IF you get the all-clear from a doctor, maybe plan yourself a weekend getaway to somewhere epic and vast? National Park, BLM land, state park, somewhere you can experience some scale to match your rising energy.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:45 AM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
IF you get the all-clear from a doctor, maybe plan yourself a weekend getaway to somewhere epic and vast? National Park, BLM land, state park, somewhere you can experience some scale to match your rising energy.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:45 AM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Menopausal euphoria is a thing, although of course under-studied. Agree with other posters that getting levels tested and yourself screened for other causes is priority 1. As to what else to do-- it depends a bit on how affected you feel your impulse control to be, and it may be worth checking in with someone whose judgement you trust as to whether they've noticed changes. Volunteering for a cause you're passionate or curious about, especially for an intense effort such as a fundraising event or multi day festival, might be a good channel for sending your good feelings out into the universe. Serving people who rarely receive considerate attention or kindness, such as elderly shut-ins or homeless people, would also be a good beginning and an entrance into a form of self-transcendent "flow" that benefits others as well as yourself.
posted by notquitemaryann at 9:57 AM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by notquitemaryann at 9:57 AM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: How far North are you? This close to the solstice, the long days leave me in a somewhat manic state. But I’d certainly nth the advice of seeing a doctor.
posted by Edna Million at 10:18 AM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Edna Million at 10:18 AM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]
Are you getting enough sleep? Sometimes I feel a little like this when I don’t.
posted by ferret branca at 10:18 AM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by ferret branca at 10:18 AM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
Yes, doctor checkup. In the meanwhile, or if that doesn't produce anything actionable, then I think you might do reasonably similar to how you might treat a manic episode , minus the meds, and see if that helps you shake it off since you're looking to be done. Which is to say - cultivate and prioritize a routine. Sleep hygiene, even if you would rather in your current state be up late rhapsodizing about the moon or planning a social revolution - nope, scribble down a few notes if you need to, then go to bed. Regular meals. If you do take any meds or supplements, take them religiously right now so your body has consistency about what's going into it.
Meanwhile, by all means, channel this energy. Write your thoughts down! Do a project around the house that you never feel like you have energy to do! Go have coffee with a friend you miss but haven't made time for lately! But until you know what's up, I would recommend that anything you take on be something that's limited in time and scope. Buying new curtains or hanging those shelves you've been meaning to hang forever? Absolutely! Deciding now is the right time to demolish and totally renovate your kitchen, or buy a new car, or sign up for a long-term volunteer commitment that will keep you busy for the next year? Probably a bad idea until you understand better what's going on with you. If this is something that breaks or fades soon, Future You would probably rather look back fondly on That Month When Past You Really Loved The World And Did Some Cool Stuff, than be constantly cursing Past You Who Left Her With A Rubble Pile For A Kitchen, Unaffordable Car Payments, And A Whole Bunch of Commitments Stretching For The Next Six Months.
posted by Stacey at 11:12 AM on June 28, 2019 [8 favorites]
Meanwhile, by all means, channel this energy. Write your thoughts down! Do a project around the house that you never feel like you have energy to do! Go have coffee with a friend you miss but haven't made time for lately! But until you know what's up, I would recommend that anything you take on be something that's limited in time and scope. Buying new curtains or hanging those shelves you've been meaning to hang forever? Absolutely! Deciding now is the right time to demolish and totally renovate your kitchen, or buy a new car, or sign up for a long-term volunteer commitment that will keep you busy for the next year? Probably a bad idea until you understand better what's going on with you. If this is something that breaks or fades soon, Future You would probably rather look back fondly on That Month When Past You Really Loved The World And Did Some Cool Stuff, than be constantly cursing Past You Who Left Her With A Rubble Pile For A Kitchen, Unaffordable Car Payments, And A Whole Bunch of Commitments Stretching For The Next Six Months.
posted by Stacey at 11:12 AM on June 28, 2019 [8 favorites]
I used to get this once a month when my periods where due (just before the hormonal crash & burn) so nthing it might be hormonal. I used to love it & just enjoyed the crap out of it for the time it was around and would focus on creating things during that phase and being right in the moment of drawing, writing, cooking whatever just really getting off on creating or going to a gallery & enjoying other peoples creations. I am now pretty much menopausal & the high is the thing I miss most about my changed hormones.
posted by wwax at 12:14 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by wwax at 12:14 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]
If you find yourself about to spend money while you're feeling this way it would be a good idea to check in with your husband before pulling out your credit card. I was feeling a little crazy due to stress a few weeks ago and suddenly felt the need to move my website to a new host and drop a couple of hundred bucks on it which when I realized what I was doing it was already done. Since this doesn't happen to me very often I wasn't smart enough to take a step back and think about it. It's very easy to get carried away with something like that.
posted by bleep at 2:17 PM on June 28, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by bleep at 2:17 PM on June 28, 2019 [3 favorites]
Are you 100% sure you are not pregnant?
posted by lydhre at 3:33 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by lydhre at 3:33 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Do you get depressed in the winter? I wonder if you’re experiencing mania related to the length of days? My bff gets very depressed in the winter then manic in summer and what you’re describing reminds me a lot of her symptoms. It could be intensified by hormones too, you may want to see your doctor.
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 3:27 PM on June 29, 2019
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 3:27 PM on June 29, 2019
This sounds very perimenopausal to me. I’m 44 and have been going through hormonal fluctuations for a couple years now; there were some extended periods of time when I felt nearly word for word as you describe here (and gosh you describe it well!).
So I nth the hormonal possibility, with the unfortunate caveat that I have not yet found doctors to be very useful on the topic. Even sympathetic, generally very competent female doctors have responded to my questions about these feelings with something of a shrug: they have confirmed that it looks/sounds like perimenopause, but had little to offer beyond that.
I guess this is to say that, yes, as others point out, you should absolutely do due diligence and go go to the docs and look into all the possible issues. And but if the docs return with no more than vague commentary re: hormone fluctuations at this age, please know you’re absolutely not alone. (And in fact, there have been a couple ask metafilter threads on perimenopause that I found really helpful during my own many-months-long intense period - I can’t hunt them down at the moment but I recommend searching the term on the site if you haven’t already.)
posted by marlys at 9:06 PM on June 29, 2019
So I nth the hormonal possibility, with the unfortunate caveat that I have not yet found doctors to be very useful on the topic. Even sympathetic, generally very competent female doctors have responded to my questions about these feelings with something of a shrug: they have confirmed that it looks/sounds like perimenopause, but had little to offer beyond that.
I guess this is to say that, yes, as others point out, you should absolutely do due diligence and go go to the docs and look into all the possible issues. And but if the docs return with no more than vague commentary re: hormone fluctuations at this age, please know you’re absolutely not alone. (And in fact, there have been a couple ask metafilter threads on perimenopause that I found really helpful during my own many-months-long intense period - I can’t hunt them down at the moment but I recommend searching the term on the site if you haven’t already.)
posted by marlys at 9:06 PM on June 29, 2019
Best answer: Aha, here’s one of the conversations I was thinking of. A couple people in there mention feelings of intense energy and arousal connected to perimenopause / middle-age; my comment in there mentions some reads I have found useful.
posted by marlys at 9:25 PM on June 29, 2019
posted by marlys at 9:25 PM on June 29, 2019
What you've described does not sound like mania (which is a dangerous, get yourself into medical care immediately condition) but it does sound a lot like hypomania. I have bouts every once in a while, but they only last a week or so and I really enjoy the heightened sensation as well as clearing my todo list.
Still this sounds like too much of a good thing. I would consult a psychologist.
And as someone upthread mentioned, put off buying anything. An excess of enthusiasm can get expensive.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:44 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Still this sounds like too much of a good thing. I would consult a psychologist.
And as someone upthread mentioned, put off buying anything. An excess of enthusiasm can get expensive.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:44 AM on June 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Agree this sounds almost exactly like my hypomanic episodes. They are GOOD. SO GOOD. But can have all kinds of negative effects on your life. Please get this checked out!
posted by fiercecupcake at 6:52 AM on July 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by fiercecupcake at 6:52 AM on July 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks so much everyone. I'm still in the throes but it definitely feels more like hypomania than a full-on manic episode - I'm in control and no outward impulsivity, just more emotionally 'dialled up' than the norm. I didn't know there was a distinction so followed up and found this really helpful guide from the mind charity.
In terms of cause I hadn't thought about the weather at all - I checked with my husband and apparently he does notice me being way 'buzzier' in summer in general and we are having an extended period of intense sunshine here in the UK at the moment, sooner in the year than normal. I do get SAD and am essentially inert through mid-winter so can definitely recognise the flip in summer, I don't know why I didn't put the two together before!
The notres on perimenopause are also reassuring, it could be that the natural seasonal swing is more pronounced this year due to hormonal shifts. If it intensifies I'll check in with my GP.
In the meantime I'll ride it out and aim to focus that energy into something positive - thanks so much for the tips on how to do that.
posted by socksister at 5:23 AM on July 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
In terms of cause I hadn't thought about the weather at all - I checked with my husband and apparently he does notice me being way 'buzzier' in summer in general and we are having an extended period of intense sunshine here in the UK at the moment, sooner in the year than normal. I do get SAD and am essentially inert through mid-winter so can definitely recognise the flip in summer, I don't know why I didn't put the two together before!
The notres on perimenopause are also reassuring, it could be that the natural seasonal swing is more pronounced this year due to hormonal shifts. If it intensifies I'll check in with my GP.
In the meantime I'll ride it out and aim to focus that energy into something positive - thanks so much for the tips on how to do that.
posted by socksister at 5:23 AM on July 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
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posted by socksister at 9:05 AM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]