Be my career counselor -- I don't want a PhD anymore... now what?
June 3, 2019 7:01 PM   Subscribe

I'm currently a poorly paid RA in a high cost of living location. When I took this job, I had the intention of using it to springboard into a clinical psych PhD program. After looking at a few years of being a poorly paid RA, the many more years of being a broke grad student, doing an internship (again, poorly paid), and seeing the job prospects (academia, private practice, and etc.), I don't think I want to do this anymore. The question is -- what's next?

I've been so incredibly unhappy the past few months and I have no one to talk to because I relocated far away from my support system to take this job. The only people I chat with are colleagues, but I've been keeping this to myself because I don't want word to get around. My discontent crossed over to depression this past week.

It's been so depressing to spend half of my meager paycheck on rent and the other half on paying off my credit card with high interest (~4k in debt). Soon I have to make student loan payments (also ~4k). I owe various people 1k in total. I can't afford to see a long distance boyfriend. I can't afford clothes. I can't afford to eat out. I can't afford to travel with friends. I do these things anyway, and the amount I owe never seems to go down despite making monthly payments.

I looked at my credit card statement and I don't think I spend frivolously. I shop for clothes infrequently. Last time I only bought necessities like socks, basic tees, and etc. I traveled with friends last Memorial Day weekend on a budget of a few hundred dollars. I paid $150 on gas to drive out and camped with friends a few weekends ago. I spent another $150 to see my partner last month. Maybe I am spending frivolously considering my salary, but I refuse to lower my lifestyle because that means cutting myself off from my social circle to wither away in isolation when I'm already feeling this bad. I KNOW I can make friends here, but deep in my heart, I just want to move back home to be with my partner and friends.

I see all the possible career opportunities for the degree and I just don't like them enough to pursue this difficult path for the next ten years. I'm just not down for moving across state lines multiple times throughout various points of training to make just a decent salary as a clinical psychologist. I can't help but feel like I'll reap more reward for the same amount of effort/time I put in if I pursue another career.

What's next? I can't tell you. I'm a recent college grad nearing her 30s and this was the first time I've seriously considered what I wanted out of a white collar career thanks to having to climb back from the abyss that was a traumatic and poverty-stricken past. It's a luxury to be in my position -- to find work I like rather than to survive -- but this freedom has been a major source of distress for me, ironically. I intended to get a MSW but burnt out and "hid-out" in a relatively chill job as an RA. But I'm not seeing a future here, unhappy with the pay, and I'm bored out of my mind with entry-level work (recruitment, data entry, and etc.)

I sort of wonder if it's me. I always think I want to pursue a career, read all the cons about it, get cold feet, and run away before making any real commitments. I've cycled between wanting to be a physician, dentist, pharmacist, social worker, couples counselor, social psychologist, I/O psychologist, and clinical psychologist. At least with a PhD, I won't have loans to pay back.

My short 6-month job history can't tell me what I like or don't like. At this point I just want to quit my job, move back in with my partner, get a nearby job as an HR assistant which probably pays better, and save money thanks to the lower cost of living. I'm thinking about learning how to code and be a software developer... but again, I'm afraid I'll ditch that too. I can't help but think I'll be making a rash and foolish decision if I do this. So here I am, stuck in limbo between a boring dead-end job and moving back home to greener pastures without actually making a move to improve my situation.

Everyday the language I use in my head is as defeating as this post. I wonder if my mild depression is coming back. After all, if I force myself to think about the positive things in my life, I have plenty going on. I'm in a great workplace environment, I'll have a piece of the authorship in the project I'm working on, three letter of recommendations lined up, and other professional development opportunities to make myself a desirable applicant for many of the career paths above. I also live a walk from work, the beach, and etc.

Yet I'm still in a slump. I wonder if my feelings are telling me that this isn't working out and I'll be happier once I listen to it. Those with more life/career experience -- what should I do? Thanks in advance.
posted by squirtle to Work & Money (8 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
I don’t have large scale advice for you, but wanted to respond to a few particular points you made.

I KNOW I can make friends here, but deep in my heart, I just want to move back home to be with my partner and friends.

If that really is the way you feel deep down, that’s worth listening to. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do exactly that if it’s really a terrible career idea - maybe your partner can come visit you more, or maybe you can make new friends in your new place, or start a regular FaceTime date with your friends back home - but those seem like valid desires and feelings to listen to.

I'm thinking about learning how to code and be a software developer... but again, I'm afraid I'll ditch that too.

You can test that out, now, before making a decision about everything else. You’re bored at your current job, right? Sign up for a free coding boot camp and give it a full on trial on nights and weekends for two weeks. You’ll know pretty quickly if it’s a viable option - you can always learn how to code even if it doesn’t come naturally if you like it, but if you hate it, it’s not a good option for you. My software engineer husband recommends App Academy.

I wonder if my mild depression is coming back.

Sounds to me like it might be. Do you have access to free/cheap counseling through your institution? Are on you/would you be willing to consider meds?

Good luck. This career uncertainty stuff is so hard.
posted by bananacabana at 7:31 PM on June 3, 2019 [2 favorites]


I'm so sorry.
I would add to your pile of concerns - I have a PhD, nearly all of my friends do too. Regardless of "full packages" or whatever, nearly all of us had loan debt because our TA stipends were below the cost of living where we lived, and/or an emergency came up (medical, car, otherwise), and/or we had to do something to get ahead that we couldn't afford (conference, methods training in the summer). Where I went to grad school and now currently live, grad students often have 6 figures of debt.
For those that didn't take out loans or didn't take out as much, they were all living as you described above - very meger.
posted by k8t at 7:40 PM on June 3, 2019 [6 favorites]


Learning how to code is good! I'd also recommend some easy "web developer" courses. Are they going to be the path for fortune a lot of them promise to be? Probably not. But those foundational skills are a lot more than most people have.

I don't think you're spending frivolously and I'm a person who thinks some debt can be OK. That's what you need to do right now.

If you've already lived with your partner, I think that's an option again. I'm not saying just go move in with them before you have a job, but start exploring jobs where they are if you think that's a place you want to live (and being in a place you want to live is absolutely important!). And whatever job you get next doesn't have to be the job you have forever, or the career path you have forever. At this point, don't worry about a career you want. Worry about a job you want.

I started out as a copy editor and moved into print design and then into web development (and almost all my web dev stuff was self-learned). I'm not exactly sure where I'm going next, honestly, but you have more skills (both hard and soft -- and don't discount the soft skills!) than you realize. There are a lot of jobs that just want someone responsible and willing to work.

The situation you're in is temporary. I can't tell you how temporary, but there's a way out of it.
posted by darksong at 7:49 PM on June 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


Have you looked into social work which is the other route to therapist in most US states? I did the RA thing and social work was a really great fit. School is two years (not five +). The first few years out of school were hard, but especially with the issues my friends have had i really do not regret doing this. I have the flexibility of doing some individual sessions around my schedule if i needed, now that i have my clinical lisensure, but i don't actually do that at the moment.

Some programs do have stipends/and or tuition reimbursement for DCFS work, but that depends on your state and a bunch of other factors and your willingness to work for DCFS. I was not willing to go that route.
posted by AlexiaSky at 9:05 PM on June 3, 2019


Hi. I have a Ph.D. in neuroscience. I've been a postdoc for four years. I think your perspective and intuitions regarding the negatives facing you if you pursue a Ph.D. are fairly accurate and you don't need to second-guess yourself. I don't know if I can give you great career advice, but I can tell you something about my experiences that might help you make some decisions for yourself. Everything below is predicated on the assumption that you're in the US; if not then some of it won't apply.

First, you are absolutely right to be thinking about the finances here. A lot of us who are attracted to pursue a Ph.D. in whatever field buy into the idea at some point of "noble poverty," the idea that sure we won't make a lot of money, but the work we'll be doing will be its own reward. This is BS. Perhaps 30 years ago when you could do a Ph.D. in 4-5 years, postdoc for 2 years, then settle into a nice stable tenure-track job with a middle-class salary, the years of low pay were worth it, but that's not the reality of an academic career any more. People who start their Ph.D. programs right out of college are unlikely to land their first tenure-track gig until their mid 30s, and the hustle is not over then, as grant money has become more competitive to win and the average age of a first major grant (in the sciences at least) gets older and older, making tenure harder and harder to win.

That said, there are ways to arrange your life to make this less difficult. I did my Ph.D. at a university in a small city with a relatively low cost of living, and I actually saved money during grad school. Grad school and postdoc stipends are typically set based on NIH standards (for fields like clinical psychology, at least), and while schools in high cost-of-living areas may supplement this value, it doesn't usually really account for the difference. If the stress of not having enough money were the only factor here, it's possible that by choosing a Ph.D. program in a low cost-of-living area you might find that the low pay would stretch much further than your current RA salary does if you're in an expensive city right now. However, following grad school I moved to a much more expensive city for a postdoc, and then two years later moved to a different, similarly-expensive city for a second postdoc. These moves completely wiped out my savings from grad school, and even though my pay as a postdoc is much better, my overall financial situation is much more fraught.

You write, "At least with a PhD, I won't have loans to pay back." I think you probably know this, but do not enter a Ph.D. program for this reason. It is not worth it. Pursue a Ph.D. if and only if there's something you're so obsessed with that you are compelled to spend years studying it full time despite the fact that you know doing so has no guarantee of leading to a stable career and that even if it does it will almost certainly be less financially lucrative than almost anything else you could do with a similar level of training. I have seen grad students who entered their Ph.D. program because they didn't know what else to do with their lives, and it doesn't end well for anyone.

As far as your current job, though, are there opportunities you can pursue there that might help you explore new skill sets that would help you to consider other career paths? You mention learning to code, for example, and this is something that is commonly needed in labs for data analysis, etc. If you do end up staying in your RA position for at least a while longer, can you try to arrange opportunities to pick up this skill? Learning to program in R for statistical data analysis is a really valuable skill, and if it's something you discover you enjoy that could help you decide where to focus your search. ("Data science" is a hot buzzphrase these days, which can mean anything from programmer with a focus on data visualization to glorified statistician.) Whether this is something that is an option for you will depend strongly on the type of lab environment you're working in; my lab generally treats RAs as semi-trainees, and if one approached me asking for help learning to program I'd be delighted to help, but I know not all labs work the same way.
posted by biogeo at 10:50 PM on June 3, 2019 [7 favorites]


It doesn’t sound like your current job is actively leading you towards a career you want (maybe it’s helpful for some directions but it doesn’t sound essential). So why not move in with your partner and get a corporate job for now, like in HR. It wouldn’t have to be forever if you didn’t want it to but it would give you breathing space and less stressful finances. You can have a good life and enjoyable career without having a self-defining job title. Maybe you’re cut out for working in the not-for-profit sector, or you’ll turn corporate experience into working as a trainer, maybe you’ll make an amazing manager of people.
posted by plonkee at 12:17 AM on June 4, 2019 [3 favorites]


biogeo has said what I'd say (I have a PhD in Psychology, with a specialization in visual perception, and am now in my 4th year as a postdoc).

I'd add a few things: I totally get "I'm an RA being paid peanuts, far away from my friends, and living somewhere I don't like" - you sound like I did, about a decade ago. I'd moved to a very different city the week after graduating with my BA, was living in an apartment a 30 minute commute from campus, and was slow to make friends in the department I worked in. My rent, in a low cost of living city, was about half my monthly pay (particularly when I think about utilities), and saving money was hard. I'm remembering a few months where I'd save money and then something would come up (car repairs, usually) that would just wipe me out. It sucks. If you're not sure you want to stay on the RA -> grad student pipeline, it sucks more.

It sounds like you haven't been in this RA job all that long (six months?), and I wonder if some of the frustration and isolation you've expressed is new lab / new city / away from friends and family, which would make a lot of sense. You could leave at this point, although I wouldn't advise it, since six months is the minimum point where a lab would consider you trained (at least in the lab where I was an RA, and the labs where I've watched RAs join and train). So, I'd suggest focusing on what skills you can learn, whether or not you want to go on to a PhD program after you've been an RA . That doesn't mean you need to go on an academic track - the RA who trained me when I was a brand-new RA went on to, of all things, work for the Obama campaign in '08 and then stay in political campaign work up through 2012, and then moved to tech. It's quite possible to pick up broadly applicable skills as an RA, and there isn't an expectation that all RAs go on to grad school. In fact, it's quite the opposite: being an RA should teach you if you want to go on to grad school, and it's totally OK to realize that it's not what you want. The major caveat to that is that I would not advise leaving a full-time RA job after six months, because (at least in my experience) you're only just barely trained, and (again, in the labs I've interacted with) RAs are usually expected to be around for a couple years so they can learn and develop and pass their skills on to their successor in the lab.
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 6:14 AM on June 4, 2019 [5 favorites]


I think you should absolutely try to move back to the city with your friends and partner and find a job there, maybe not immediately but relatively soon, as in start casual planning and looking at jobs in that city now. I was an RA for years and got further down a parallel to the track you are backing away from. I didn't finish. I think you are in a great place realizing this now instead of after you are in a PhD program and the sunk costs mean you end up making yourself miserable for years longer. If I were you, I would look for job descriptions that are RA-like but either in state gov or a university or a hospital/health care system in the city where your partner is. This could be things like "clinical trial coordinator" at a hospital or company that just does clinical trials and it would be your exact same job as you do now but with FDA oversight and pharma money kicking around, so the pay is better. This could be a kind of university grants/research administrative role that is full time staff with benefits and thus higher paid than an RA (maybe starting at $40K+ with room to grow). Same exact job exists in many state and federal agencies in different flavors, but this may not be viable depending on the city - there will be more jobs like this in a state capitol city or a city big enough to have federal and state program offices. The point is that jobs that are very similar to being an RA exist in alot of places if you ignore the academic area of your lab and think about your skills from a more generic administrative perspective. Go get one of those jobs and at least get financially stable, and if it's boring then learn to code or whatever in your spare time and think about your next move with the breathing room of a solid pay check. There is no reason to be socially isolated and underpaid like you are now if it's not leading to something you want. You don't owe your current lab anything, find something better.
posted by slow graffiti at 11:45 AM on June 4, 2019 [2 favorites]


« Older What smart lock to get?   |   Help me find a letter from dying father to... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.