Midlife crisis filter: Seeking careers with adrenaline
May 23, 2019 5:25 PM Subscribe
I'm in desperate need of finding ways to add excitement and adrenaline to my life, ideally in an integrated and ongoing way like as part of my career. Difficulty level: early forties, tenured academic, family to support. I'm seeking suggestions for how to do this -- any and all accepted, I just want to brainstorm options because I'm kind of desperate.
I’m in the midst of an ongoing midlife crisis that struck kind of out of nowhere and seems to be attacking from all sides. One of the major elements is that it’s apparent that I have a deep and fundamental need for far more adrenaline and excitement than my life currently offers. I’ve known for my whole life that I have this need but it’s been hard to reconcile it with other things I value (like having a stable, intellectually rewarding career, and a calm and stable home life and family). As a result I’ve basically ignored it for ages but it’s all coming to a head and I don’t think I can ignore it any more.
I’m in therapy and trying to be on top of what it all means personally and so forth but one of the major things I keep dwelling on is what to do about my career situation, and it is for this that I turn to my friends at AskMetafilter. So I’m going to describe a bit about what I need and what I currently have and I’m hopeful that people here might have suggestions for what kinds of career directions I could take that wouldn’t ruin what I have (financial stability, family situation, intellectual challenge) while giving me a little more of the excitement I need. Sorry this is long.
About me: This need for excitement goes back since I was a kid. I spent most of my childhood bored to the point of depression (quite literally) and almost committed suicide as a young adult for reasons that in hindsight were caused by being in a situation with only routine and almost no adrenaline at all. When I don’t get enough excitement I do crazy things, make stupid risky decisions, anything to feel alive. I’ve been diagnosed with ADD and the stimulant medication has basically saved my life because it gives me just enough of a dopamine burst to keep me from this outcome. But it is becoming clear to me, based on my ongoing spiralling midlife crisis, that it’s not sufficient in its entirety.
I made a list of things that give me the excitement/dopamine that I need.
1. Situations where I’m the leader and in control, where I’m dominant.
2. Risky or scary situations - the terror itself is a huge rush
3. Physical pain as long as it is sharp and varies, rather than dull and ongoing. Hitting or cutting are great.
4. Novelty, but it has to be pretty extreme. The only thing I’ve found that works consistently is travel to very different places
5. Challenging situations as long as they aren't drawn-out (e.g., PhD thesis writing no; exam-taking yes).
6. Doing things that I think are morally right, especially if they are hard: this feels awesome and heady. But they can’t be extended moral choices (e.g. a small one daily for years) because I habituate, they have to be short ones like e.g. sacrificing something for another.
7. Connecting on a deep level with someone, really getting to know inside them and them getting to know inside me
From this there are composite things that really work:
1. Helping people, especially through control or by doing something for them they can't do for themselves. This is a combo of dominance + moral rightness + connection
2. Giving talks or having lots of people's attention on me. This is a combo of dominance + challenging + some risk
3. Dealing with emergency situations, particularly in a leadership role. Combo of dominance + challenging + moral right + risk
So this is what I need. (For what it's worth, I'm pretty good at these things too.) The problem is, I get almost none of it in my day-to-day life. I am the sole wage earner and have two small children, ages 3 and 6. I love them beyond anything but they require routine and stability (the older is on the spectrum so this is doubly the case) and while I really value my time with them, it is not exciting. What to do in my personal life is another question (and a topic of therapy etc) but that’s the background for my career — as the sole wage-earner with a dependent family I don’t really have the flexibility to just quit things or shop around.
Career. I am 41 and have a fairly successful academic career. Tenured professor in cognitive science, on a fast track to leadership roles, international reputation, etc.There are some aspects of this career I really love. Most notably, I love the intellectual challenge and the topic. This need for intellectual challenge and something to occupy my brain is just as fundamental as the need for excitement. I love learning and coming up with and testing new ideas, I love making my own way and now that I’m getting older I love the chance to lead the field and the next generation of scholars. I love giving talks and the performance element of teaching (although writing the talks and lectures is boring). I even love writing and data analysis as long as that’s not all I’m doing.
But most of the day-to-day stuff I hate. Administrative stuff takes an ever-larger part of my time and while everyone hates admin, I literally — literally literally — start getting intrusive thoughts of wanting to stab myself when I have too much of it. Most of my day is spent at my computer or in meetings, sometimes fun research meetings with neat ideas, but still, meetings. I feel like my soul is dying with every freaking to-do list I make and every paper I read and review I do. Even with Ritalin, every morning I sit down and contemplate what I have to do and I kind of want to die. Almost none of those things in that list above are there in my career.
But what other career options are there?
This is where I need your help.
I need suggestions for feasible alternate careers, or even volunteer or other options, that can give me some of the excitement I need while working with the constraints of my life.
Like I said, it’s not like I’ve been unaware of this need — I’ve just never been able to find something that would fill it. In my younger years I contemplated the military (even applied and was accepted) but it would not fulfil me intellectually and I would not be able to take orders. In many ways I think I have a perfect temperament for medicine, particularly things like emergency medicine, but I stayed out of it because the lifestyle seems so grim (the lack of work/life balance) not to mention that it seems a bit late to get into now that I’m in my early forties; also I’m not sure it would feed my intellectual needs.
Beyond things like that, I’m stuck. I literally have no idea what kinds of careers might give me the kind of excitement I need, while also providing a stable home life and stable finances — not to mention what would be feasible to move into from where I am. I’ve tried also to think about ways I can orient my current career in that direction, staying in academia but somehow getting more excitement, but I don’t know how to do that either: everything I consider seems too small to be effective. Like, I could take on more leadership roles, but that won’t change the fact that fundamentally most of my time is spent on the computer and in meetings.
At this point I just want to brainstorm. Don’t worry for the moment about whether I’d be qualified — I just need a sense of the space of options of careers[*] that might give me some of the excitement I seek. So please share any and all ideas you have, and thank you.
[*] I have considered (and made) other changes in my life, like volunteer positions or violent sports, but for various reasons I don't think they are sufficient. In any case that isn't the point of this question, which is specifically about careers.
I’m in the midst of an ongoing midlife crisis that struck kind of out of nowhere and seems to be attacking from all sides. One of the major elements is that it’s apparent that I have a deep and fundamental need for far more adrenaline and excitement than my life currently offers. I’ve known for my whole life that I have this need but it’s been hard to reconcile it with other things I value (like having a stable, intellectually rewarding career, and a calm and stable home life and family). As a result I’ve basically ignored it for ages but it’s all coming to a head and I don’t think I can ignore it any more.
I’m in therapy and trying to be on top of what it all means personally and so forth but one of the major things I keep dwelling on is what to do about my career situation, and it is for this that I turn to my friends at AskMetafilter. So I’m going to describe a bit about what I need and what I currently have and I’m hopeful that people here might have suggestions for what kinds of career directions I could take that wouldn’t ruin what I have (financial stability, family situation, intellectual challenge) while giving me a little more of the excitement I need. Sorry this is long.
About me: This need for excitement goes back since I was a kid. I spent most of my childhood bored to the point of depression (quite literally) and almost committed suicide as a young adult for reasons that in hindsight were caused by being in a situation with only routine and almost no adrenaline at all. When I don’t get enough excitement I do crazy things, make stupid risky decisions, anything to feel alive. I’ve been diagnosed with ADD and the stimulant medication has basically saved my life because it gives me just enough of a dopamine burst to keep me from this outcome. But it is becoming clear to me, based on my ongoing spiralling midlife crisis, that it’s not sufficient in its entirety.
I made a list of things that give me the excitement/dopamine that I need.
1. Situations where I’m the leader and in control, where I’m dominant.
2. Risky or scary situations - the terror itself is a huge rush
3. Physical pain as long as it is sharp and varies, rather than dull and ongoing. Hitting or cutting are great.
4. Novelty, but it has to be pretty extreme. The only thing I’ve found that works consistently is travel to very different places
5. Challenging situations as long as they aren't drawn-out (e.g., PhD thesis writing no; exam-taking yes).
6. Doing things that I think are morally right, especially if they are hard: this feels awesome and heady. But they can’t be extended moral choices (e.g. a small one daily for years) because I habituate, they have to be short ones like e.g. sacrificing something for another.
7. Connecting on a deep level with someone, really getting to know inside them and them getting to know inside me
From this there are composite things that really work:
1. Helping people, especially through control or by doing something for them they can't do for themselves. This is a combo of dominance + moral rightness + connection
2. Giving talks or having lots of people's attention on me. This is a combo of dominance + challenging + some risk
3. Dealing with emergency situations, particularly in a leadership role. Combo of dominance + challenging + moral right + risk
So this is what I need. (For what it's worth, I'm pretty good at these things too.) The problem is, I get almost none of it in my day-to-day life. I am the sole wage earner and have two small children, ages 3 and 6. I love them beyond anything but they require routine and stability (the older is on the spectrum so this is doubly the case) and while I really value my time with them, it is not exciting. What to do in my personal life is another question (and a topic of therapy etc) but that’s the background for my career — as the sole wage-earner with a dependent family I don’t really have the flexibility to just quit things or shop around.
Career. I am 41 and have a fairly successful academic career. Tenured professor in cognitive science, on a fast track to leadership roles, international reputation, etc.There are some aspects of this career I really love. Most notably, I love the intellectual challenge and the topic. This need for intellectual challenge and something to occupy my brain is just as fundamental as the need for excitement. I love learning and coming up with and testing new ideas, I love making my own way and now that I’m getting older I love the chance to lead the field and the next generation of scholars. I love giving talks and the performance element of teaching (although writing the talks and lectures is boring). I even love writing and data analysis as long as that’s not all I’m doing.
But most of the day-to-day stuff I hate. Administrative stuff takes an ever-larger part of my time and while everyone hates admin, I literally — literally literally — start getting intrusive thoughts of wanting to stab myself when I have too much of it. Most of my day is spent at my computer or in meetings, sometimes fun research meetings with neat ideas, but still, meetings. I feel like my soul is dying with every freaking to-do list I make and every paper I read and review I do. Even with Ritalin, every morning I sit down and contemplate what I have to do and I kind of want to die. Almost none of those things in that list above are there in my career.
But what other career options are there?
This is where I need your help.
I need suggestions for feasible alternate careers, or even volunteer or other options, that can give me some of the excitement I need while working with the constraints of my life.
Like I said, it’s not like I’ve been unaware of this need — I’ve just never been able to find something that would fill it. In my younger years I contemplated the military (even applied and was accepted) but it would not fulfil me intellectually and I would not be able to take orders. In many ways I think I have a perfect temperament for medicine, particularly things like emergency medicine, but I stayed out of it because the lifestyle seems so grim (the lack of work/life balance) not to mention that it seems a bit late to get into now that I’m in my early forties; also I’m not sure it would feed my intellectual needs.
Beyond things like that, I’m stuck. I literally have no idea what kinds of careers might give me the kind of excitement I need, while also providing a stable home life and stable finances — not to mention what would be feasible to move into from where I am. I’ve tried also to think about ways I can orient my current career in that direction, staying in academia but somehow getting more excitement, but I don’t know how to do that either: everything I consider seems too small to be effective. Like, I could take on more leadership roles, but that won’t change the fact that fundamentally most of my time is spent on the computer and in meetings.
At this point I just want to brainstorm. Don’t worry for the moment about whether I’d be qualified — I just need a sense of the space of options of careers[*] that might give me some of the excitement I seek. So please share any and all ideas you have, and thank you.
[*] I have considered (and made) other changes in my life, like volunteer positions or violent sports, but for various reasons I don't think they are sufficient. In any case that isn't the point of this question, which is specifically about careers.
My personal retirement career plan some day is to run a ski patrol for a serious resort in Montana, maybe Wyoming or Western Canada. And by serious I mean not a big one with tons of tourists, but one with super technical terrain, lots of avalanche management required, and plenty of hairy situations to get into to keep things interesting. I grew up racing and free-skiing so getting paid to be on skis is the dream for me. And if you want risky or scary situations, there's nothing quite like the rush of flying down a sheet of ice at 80 miles an hour with a sharp-edged stick on either foot. Barely holding onto that edge is the equivalent of staring into the abyss for me.
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:46 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:46 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
This isn’t a career, but is there community theater you could get involved in? That’s performance and attention and adrenaline, even if it’s not physical danger or risk of injury.
posted by LizardBreath at 5:50 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by LizardBreath at 5:50 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
firefighting
posted by aniola at 5:54 PM on May 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by aniola at 5:54 PM on May 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
Are you open to sports - rock climbing or hang gliding?
posted by St. Peepsburg at 5:58 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 5:58 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Ok I don’t know anything about cognitive science but could your area of research shift towards how mental faculties are impacted by “dangerous” situations that require you to undertake field studies in post-disaster locations or emergency rooms or high urgency kinds of environments?
posted by sestaaak at 6:06 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by sestaaak at 6:06 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Coming at this from a different angle, is there any way you could pay to outsource some of the admin stuff to an online, virtual assistant? I don't know if this is a thing that is done in academia but just a thought since it seems like you'd be fairly happy at your job without all the admin.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:13 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:13 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
I kind of did this, in that I had a desk job all my career and now I work in martial arts (in the office technically, but really not, a lot of running around and active stuff), plus I am writing more and more the kind of shit that is terrifying emotionally to share.
I can't speak entirely to the adrenaline rush part (although small business where you are responsible for summer camps comes close) but I can say...I'm really glad I made a career shift, and yet that middle age malaise/trapped feeling did not vanish. Maybe I haven't yet found the ultimate groove, although writing is coming close.
But what I can share is to say that a lot of what you are looking for may only be mitigated by the external, not resolved. I wonder if you have any sabbatical coming to you so you can see if shifting the outside helps or not without torpedoing your career.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:28 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
I can't speak entirely to the adrenaline rush part (although small business where you are responsible for summer camps comes close) but I can say...I'm really glad I made a career shift, and yet that middle age malaise/trapped feeling did not vanish. Maybe I haven't yet found the ultimate groove, although writing is coming close.
But what I can share is to say that a lot of what you are looking for may only be mitigated by the external, not resolved. I wonder if you have any sabbatical coming to you so you can see if shifting the outside helps or not without torpedoing your career.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:28 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
This is what hobbies are for!
Go out this weekend for an introductory flying lesson.
Go on your next vacation to a place with great wreck or cave diving.
Look into voluntourism, for example the exotic animal dentistry work by the Peter Emily Foundation.
If you haven't already, you could get a jolt of novelty by spending a sabbatical year abroad.
Or get yourself recruited into the CIA, viz. Charles McCarry.
Big tech, e.g. Google, are hiring cognitive scientists. The pay is stratospheric, but so is the rent or real estate. You could maybe get onto an exciting project, but the ethics will be murky. And there will be meetings.
Other than that, there's very little chance that you can start over in a different career and quickly establish the amount of pay and responsibility needed to sustain your family. No job is exciting all the time; the grass is always greener on the other side. You have a sweet gig that others salivate over and would do well to hang onto it.
posted by dum spiro spero at 6:29 PM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
Go out this weekend for an introductory flying lesson.
Go on your next vacation to a place with great wreck or cave diving.
Look into voluntourism, for example the exotic animal dentistry work by the Peter Emily Foundation.
If you haven't already, you could get a jolt of novelty by spending a sabbatical year abroad.
Or get yourself recruited into the CIA, viz. Charles McCarry.
Big tech, e.g. Google, are hiring cognitive scientists. The pay is stratospheric, but so is the rent or real estate. You could maybe get onto an exciting project, but the ethics will be murky. And there will be meetings.
Other than that, there's very little chance that you can start over in a different career and quickly establish the amount of pay and responsibility needed to sustain your family. No job is exciting all the time; the grass is always greener on the other side. You have a sweet gig that others salivate over and would do well to hang onto it.
posted by dum spiro spero at 6:29 PM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
Volunteer fire, or volunteer on a search and rescue squad.
posted by Dashy at 6:29 PM on May 23, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by Dashy at 6:29 PM on May 23, 2019 [8 favorites]
Is there room in your life for BDSM, either with your spouse or separately? Because that honestly is what it sounded like you were interested in (dominance, pain, novelty, helping people by being in control).
Beyond a career in kink, what about commercial diving doing welding on offshore oil rigs? Or remote aviation? Or crisis-oriented social work with high-risk situations and many different clients per day?
But really, in any physically risky career you’re going to have to tamp down some of that adrenaline in favor of checklist-oriented thoroughness and safety, so you and your crew stay alive. Reckless people don’t do well in hazardous jobs.
posted by octopodiatrist at 6:30 PM on May 23, 2019 [10 favorites]
Beyond a career in kink, what about commercial diving doing welding on offshore oil rigs? Or remote aviation? Or crisis-oriented social work with high-risk situations and many different clients per day?
But really, in any physically risky career you’re going to have to tamp down some of that adrenaline in favor of checklist-oriented thoroughness and safety, so you and your crew stay alive. Reckless people don’t do well in hazardous jobs.
posted by octopodiatrist at 6:30 PM on May 23, 2019 [10 favorites]
Bdsm
Weight lifting also combines pain with adrenaline
posted by OnefortheLast at 6:31 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
Weight lifting also combines pain with adrenaline
posted by OnefortheLast at 6:31 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
Become department chair or associate dean, or run for president of your preferred academic society. These will involve meetings of course, but you will be in a dominant position and you will get administrative support. You will be in a position to help your colleagues while advancing the career where you get to talk about cool stuff. It will also raise your prestige level, garnering more invitations to talk to larger audiences.
posted by ewok_academy at 7:29 PM on May 23, 2019
posted by ewok_academy at 7:29 PM on May 23, 2019
Work on becoming a media contact for your field at your university. Look into “media training”, which is coaching for television and radio appearances. If your department, college, or university has a communications office, talk to those people and let them know that you are willing to talk to any journalists looking for experts in cognitive science. Being on TV/radio is a rush! There are also workshops for academics on writing op-eds. Take one and then start writing op-eds about how your field has some real insights on big problems and then send them to high-profile publications.
posted by ewok_academy at 7:42 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by ewok_academy at 7:42 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
This is gonna sound corny, but: I started the Adult "Learn to Skate" curriculum at my local ice rink. It's got the potential for adrenaline spikes -- HEEEY THERE NOW I'M FALLING DOWN -- and also has a nice combo of requiring serious concentration and making you sweat. If you can hang in past the first few lessons, then commit to classes or use a private coach (which I do) you can push yourself way past your comfort zones in many ways.
posted by BlahLaLa at 7:46 PM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by BlahLaLa at 7:46 PM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
Are you physically active?
Must Thai. (Bonus- you could take a trip to Thailand to study with a Kru)
Nthing bodybuilding, as that can possibly lead to competition, if that gets your motor running.
Adult gymnastics is scary as shit. Also diving. It’s flying through the air and hoping you land ok.
Also you don’t mention your partner at all, if you have one. Have you discussed this with them? You mention you enjoy connecting on a deep level with people, connecting with them seems like an important opportunity.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 7:50 PM on May 23, 2019
Must Thai. (Bonus- you could take a trip to Thailand to study with a Kru)
Nthing bodybuilding, as that can possibly lead to competition, if that gets your motor running.
Adult gymnastics is scary as shit. Also diving. It’s flying through the air and hoping you land ok.
Also you don’t mention your partner at all, if you have one. Have you discussed this with them? You mention you enjoy connecting on a deep level with people, connecting with them seems like an important opportunity.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 7:50 PM on May 23, 2019
Above answer should read Muay Thai.
Also consider picking out one thing from this list at Random and throwing your all into committing to it for 3 months, no matter what it is. Publiclly. Put videos on YouTube. If you get it, move on to another random thing for another 3 months.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 7:53 PM on May 23, 2019
Also consider picking out one thing from this list at Random and throwing your all into committing to it for 3 months, no matter what it is. Publiclly. Put videos on YouTube. If you get it, move on to another random thing for another 3 months.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 7:53 PM on May 23, 2019
Correction: I meant to link to a story about columnist Jim Nicholson, although it seems that Charles McCarry had an interesting life also.
posted by dum spiro spero at 8:38 PM on May 23, 2019
posted by dum spiro spero at 8:38 PM on May 23, 2019
I agree with sestaaak: try to spin your research towards fieldwork in some exciting location(s). That way you're not sacrificing the current benefits of your career.
posted by nomis at 8:54 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by nomis at 8:54 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I have known people with similar personalities who went toward Brazilian Ju-Jitsu. But you're not asking for a hobby, but a career, so...
If you weren't the sole wage earner for your family in a great career already and were into technical infrastructure, you could consider Site Reliability Engineering*.
When on call, your pager goes off. You become incident commander; you use deep knowledge of the system to come up with a mitigation and you execute it because you are endowed with the power to effect emergency changes in production. No two incidents are quite alike.
The rest of the time, you advise teams on building things right in a supportable, scalable way, even when it's not the quickest.
* you can also hate / be indifferent to adrenaline / dominance and do this job; don't worry
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:00 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
If you weren't the sole wage earner for your family in a great career already and were into technical infrastructure, you could consider Site Reliability Engineering*.
When on call, your pager goes off. You become incident commander; you use deep knowledge of the system to come up with a mitigation and you execute it because you are endowed with the power to effect emergency changes in production. No two incidents are quite alike.
The rest of the time, you advise teams on building things right in a supportable, scalable way, even when it's not the quickest.
* you can also hate / be indifferent to adrenaline / dominance and do this job; don't worry
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:00 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I just joined my area’s local search and rescue team. I’m learning all sorts of crazy stuff (helicopter long line rescue! rope skills! swiftwater training!), meeting really cool people and helped save someone’s life last weekend!
posted by makonan at 10:43 PM on May 23, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by makonan at 10:43 PM on May 23, 2019 [6 favorites]
You need Brazilian jiu jitsu.
posted by bibliotropic at 11:20 PM on May 23, 2019
posted by bibliotropic at 11:20 PM on May 23, 2019
You have a good job, a loving family, and obligations in your 40s that you can’t walk away from.
Take up a dangerous hobby and buy excellent life insurance.
posted by spitbull at 3:26 AM on May 24, 2019 [5 favorites]
Take up a dangerous hobby and buy excellent life insurance.
posted by spitbull at 3:26 AM on May 24, 2019 [5 favorites]
Cognitive psychology sounds to me like a reasonable basis for going into business as a change management consultant - parachuting into an organization in crisis and figuring out how to get the people involved to learn and accept what needs to change.
posted by lakeroon at 4:18 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by lakeroon at 4:18 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
I agree with those who have suggested branching into some sort of media/stage performance. Getting in debates on live radio sounds terrifiying to me, at least. Maybe you could get involved with campaigning for a cause you believe in, or even running for office.
posted by rollick at 4:34 AM on May 24, 2019
posted by rollick at 4:34 AM on May 24, 2019
To round out your skills on the leadership track, train as a mediator or restorative justice practitioner , as conflict is inevitable. Resolving it well is a skill. You can keep the skills fresh by volunteering locally, which can give you a scheduled opportunity to help people help themselves. No literal fires. Lots of variety. With apprenticeship and practice, it can become a side job. Law degree not required.
posted by childofTethys at 5:21 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by childofTethys at 5:21 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
I bet your organization could use someone to champion social justice causes. Use your cachet to boost the signal of those people who are trying to make your organization a better workplace for marginalized people.
Be willing to risk your standing by pushing for policy changes your cohort are going to hate, and telling those people who deserve it that they‘re acting like racists/sexists.
Use your adrenaline for the good.
posted by Omnomnom at 6:48 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
Be willing to risk your standing by pushing for policy changes your cohort are going to hate, and telling those people who deserve it that they‘re acting like racists/sexists.
Use your adrenaline for the good.
posted by Omnomnom at 6:48 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
Litigation. Public interest focus.
posted by Cocodrillo at 6:55 AM on May 24, 2019
posted by Cocodrillo at 6:55 AM on May 24, 2019
Start teaching or counseling in a prison or jail. A member of my family got into that as part of her old teaching and admin job, and became so deeply involved that she switched to doing it full time. I can't think of anything more earth-shaking or relevant today.
posted by BibiRose at 7:52 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by BibiRose at 7:52 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
Protests and direct actions that risk arrest are worth considering. (I'm a little ashamed that I kind of like the thrill of a confrontational protest. But, as a middle-aged, respectable looking, white, male academic, I'm also convinced that silently being present is likely to make things very slightly better for the organizers.) Cops on horses firing teargas and rushing activists is about as exciting as it gets outside of a war zone. Put that tenure to good use.
posted by eotvos at 8:08 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by eotvos at 8:08 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
This is indeed what extreme sports are for - but please make sure all your documents, will and insurance are in place before you start. As for the first recommendation of "working with special needs children." Please dear god don't. I have a special needs child, and I don't need an adrenaline junky taking out his mid-life crisis on my child. I need qualified, stable-minded, experienced professionals.
I mean this in the kindest terms - go parachuting instead.
posted by Toddles at 9:31 AM on May 24, 2019 [5 favorites]
I mean this in the kindest terms - go parachuting instead.
posted by Toddles at 9:31 AM on May 24, 2019 [5 favorites]
Isn't 41 a little old to start volunteer firefighting? You could try, though, and maybe face enraging adversity due to ageism and have to American Ninja Warrior yourself into shape. And then rescue a family of six from a burning house. And then you could write the experience up in a memoir and try to get it published--like fly to NYC with the manuscript in a satchel and physically stomp it into publishers' offices. They'd try to push you out, but then you'd figure out how to waylay them at their favorite fernbar and overwhelm them with charm and win them over with a perfectly styled elevator pitch. And then you could go on a reading tour. And then become a professional Dom or strap yourself to a redwood slated for the ax or become a pearldiver or whatever other impossible thing and write another memoir.
It's this: "struck kind of out of nowhere and seems to be attacking from all sides" that to me implies mania might be a factor. Also "literally--literally literally" finding images of violent, bloody self-destruction alluring.
Passive suicidal ideation, sure. Passive murderous ideation, even. Like the one where you ask yourself whether if there were a magic button that would eliminate your heinous, imbecile, whining, bathroom-hogging, bitchylittlenotewriting, techno-loving roommate, no strings attached, as if she had never been born, would you push it right now at three a.m. with the techno thumping through the wall right by your pillow, and your answer is "yep!" Sure, I can see that. But violent bloody by-hand murder of your own dear self? Aw, naw. Does not appeal. This might be something more than an everyday midlife crisis.
posted by Don Pepino at 10:27 AM on May 24, 2019
It's this: "struck kind of out of nowhere and seems to be attacking from all sides" that to me implies mania might be a factor. Also "literally--literally literally" finding images of violent, bloody self-destruction alluring.
Passive suicidal ideation, sure. Passive murderous ideation, even. Like the one where you ask yourself whether if there were a magic button that would eliminate your heinous, imbecile, whining, bathroom-hogging, bitchylittlenotewriting, techno-loving roommate, no strings attached, as if she had never been born, would you push it right now at three a.m. with the techno thumping through the wall right by your pillow, and your answer is "yep!" Sure, I can see that. But violent bloody by-hand murder of your own dear self? Aw, naw. Does not appeal. This might be something more than an everyday midlife crisis.
posted by Don Pepino at 10:27 AM on May 24, 2019
Intrusive thoughts aren't the same as suicidal ideation, OP is in therapy, can we drop this train of thought?
OP, do you exercise intensely and regularly? You don't mention trying it at all. It's not what you're asking for, but it's an excellent way to get your brain making the happy chemicals without blowing up your life. Boxing, maybe? Krav maga?
The mix of "moral good" and "adrenaline" make me think you're trying to solve two problems with one solution. Do you feel like your current work is morally good, or can you steer it further in that direction? It sounds like the moral good thing wasn't a big issue for you when you were younger, supporting the idea that you can open up your pool of solutions by looking at these separately. Needing to get your adrenaline fix can come into conflict with doing the best thing for someone else pretty quickly.
posted by momus_window at 11:44 AM on May 24, 2019
OP, do you exercise intensely and regularly? You don't mention trying it at all. It's not what you're asking for, but it's an excellent way to get your brain making the happy chemicals without blowing up your life. Boxing, maybe? Krav maga?
The mix of "moral good" and "adrenaline" make me think you're trying to solve two problems with one solution. Do you feel like your current work is morally good, or can you steer it further in that direction? It sounds like the moral good thing wasn't a big issue for you when you were younger, supporting the idea that you can open up your pool of solutions by looking at these separately. Needing to get your adrenaline fix can come into conflict with doing the best thing for someone else pretty quickly.
posted by momus_window at 11:44 AM on May 24, 2019
Find a co-leader who likes paperwork/planning, and lead a study abroad, research abroad, or volunteer abroad program. It's only one part of the year, but it'll test your mettle while giving you a chance to connect with students in ways you couldn't otherwise. Even when things are planned perfectly, it's amazing the challenges that come up in a foreign country for you to overcome.
At the Forum on Education Abroad Conference this year, I attended a session about a faculty-led program where the leaders took students to work with sherpas by Mount Everest, where they looked at the impact of elevation on bodily performance. Personally, my background is in sociology and I look at the impact of social context on identity and meaning-making. Cognitive science would have many ways of creating an applied program that would be both exciting and an amazing learning experience.
(You might already know this but one thing to be careful of with some locations is to make sure that you are not making assumptions about helping people from your own cultural perspective that might not be shared by the local people. Voluntourism can be a bit of a tricky business.)
But seriously, find someone to do the financial planning and paperwork so you don't have to deal with that, and this would be smack in the middle of all of your composite hopes, and could be a good thing to work on while you consider other options.
posted by past unusual at 1:20 PM on May 24, 2019
At the Forum on Education Abroad Conference this year, I attended a session about a faculty-led program where the leaders took students to work with sherpas by Mount Everest, where they looked at the impact of elevation on bodily performance. Personally, my background is in sociology and I look at the impact of social context on identity and meaning-making. Cognitive science would have many ways of creating an applied program that would be both exciting and an amazing learning experience.
(You might already know this but one thing to be careful of with some locations is to make sure that you are not making assumptions about helping people from your own cultural perspective that might not be shared by the local people. Voluntourism can be a bit of a tricky business.)
But seriously, find someone to do the financial planning and paperwork so you don't have to deal with that, and this would be smack in the middle of all of your composite hopes, and could be a good thing to work on while you consider other options.
posted by past unusual at 1:20 PM on May 24, 2019
Cognitive psychology sounds to me like a reasonable basis for going into business as a change management consultant -
I work in change management and project based comms. One thing I enjoy about working in project environments is the variety. I get to apply things I've learned but every engagement is slightly different they are rarely longer than a year. Each project is a different intellectual challenge with a clear beginning middle and end, so I rarely feel I'm doing the same thing day after day.
I personally abhor stress and many of the things you describe, but I do enjoy a rich and varied intellectual work environment where I get to devise, execute and then follow up on things myself.
posted by smoke at 3:26 PM on May 24, 2019
I work in change management and project based comms. One thing I enjoy about working in project environments is the variety. I get to apply things I've learned but every engagement is slightly different they are rarely longer than a year. Each project is a different intellectual challenge with a clear beginning middle and end, so I rarely feel I'm doing the same thing day after day.
I personally abhor stress and many of the things you describe, but I do enjoy a rich and varied intellectual work environment where I get to devise, execute and then follow up on things myself.
posted by smoke at 3:26 PM on May 24, 2019
Definitely do not become a dean or department chair. That will take you in the opposite direction. You surely know this already though!
I came in to say that I know several cognitive scientists who have left academia and gone into big tech. Google, Amazon, Spotify, Microsoft, Netflix... all of these companies hire cognitive scientists. I obviously don't know your subfield, and you may want to spend some time with a post-ac consultant going over what potential options there might be in big tech for someone with your specific expertise. There will still be meetings, but a great deal of the administrative bullshit will melt away. Never again will you get into an email argument about being reimbursed for a conference registration fee after spending 45 minutes filling out the reimbursement forms!
I suggest big tech partially because the industry sounds aligned with your values/beliefs and the things you crave. Plus, my colleagues in industry all tell me that things move at a much faster pace there. Academia is really slow, a lot of times, while industry is much more fast-paced and much more focused on outcomes. That might suit you very well.
Best of luck.
posted by sockermom at 6:19 PM on May 24, 2019
I came in to say that I know several cognitive scientists who have left academia and gone into big tech. Google, Amazon, Spotify, Microsoft, Netflix... all of these companies hire cognitive scientists. I obviously don't know your subfield, and you may want to spend some time with a post-ac consultant going over what potential options there might be in big tech for someone with your specific expertise. There will still be meetings, but a great deal of the administrative bullshit will melt away. Never again will you get into an email argument about being reimbursed for a conference registration fee after spending 45 minutes filling out the reimbursement forms!
I suggest big tech partially because the industry sounds aligned with your values/beliefs and the things you crave. Plus, my colleagues in industry all tell me that things move at a much faster pace there. Academia is really slow, a lot of times, while industry is much more fast-paced and much more focused on outcomes. That might suit you very well.
Best of luck.
posted by sockermom at 6:19 PM on May 24, 2019
If you have a local volunteer fire department, I guarantee they are desperate for volunteers. Volunteer firefighter ranks in the United States are steadily declining, for a lot of reasons, and every single volunteer fire department in the country needs volunteers.
Volunteer firefighting punches damn near every one of your buttons:
2. Firefighting provides a steady, nay, limitless supply of high-pucker-factor moments of terror, often on fire.
3. Firefighting will give you the rewarding feeling of donning 75 pounds of heavy clothing and bulky equipment which, as soon as it gets wet, will weigh eight thousand pounds and leave you feeling like a team of mules used you for kicking practice.
4. The number of ways people get themselves into trouble, and the novelty thereof, in the emergency services world is proverbial. There have been entire books written about it. You will see everything, and sometimes wind up wearing some of it.
5. See number 2: every call is different and most calls, unless they're major structure fires, clear within an hour or two at the outside.
6. There is a certain moral clarity to working for every member of your community, whether or not your politics or personal values align. If someone is in trouble, you help them. It's that simple.
7. You will develop an extraordinary level of closeness and trust with the firefighters you work with, because your trust in each other is absolute, on a life-and-death level. There are very few avocations in the world that provide that level of intensity, and it will change you forever.
41 is not too old to start. However, you should be aware of the challenges you (or any volunteer firefighter) will face:
Of course, when someone gets stuck on their toilet seat, you're also the one answering the call. And there are a really surprising number of people who get stuck on toilets. There are a lot of false alarms. There are a lot of calls where you're going to get out of bed at 2am and get fully geared up only to turn around a half mile from the station because you got cancelled.
But then there are the other calls. Where someone's entire life is on fire and you're the ones who will save it. When someone is having the worst night of their life on one of your local highways and you're the one on the Jaws of Life peeling them out of their car. Where you are the guarantee on the other end of 911: if you call, we will answer.
posted by scrump at 10:57 AM on May 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Volunteer firefighting punches damn near every one of your buttons:
1. Situations where I’m the leader and in control, where I’m dominant.1. As a firefighter you will be expected to take charge of chaotic situations and Make Them Better. Goes with the keen hat and the axe.
2. Risky or scary situations - the terror itself is a huge rush
3. Physical pain as long as it is sharp and varies, rather than dull and ongoing. Hitting or cutting are great.
4. Novelty, but it has to be pretty extreme. The only thing I’ve found that works consistently is travel to very different places
5. Challenging situations as long as they aren't drawn-out (e.g., PhD thesis writing no; exam-taking yes).
6. Doing things that I think are morally right, especially if they are hard: this feels awesome and heady. But they can’t be extended moral choices (e.g. a small one daily for years) because I habituate, they have to be short ones like e.g. sacrificing something for another.
7. Connecting on a deep level with someone, really getting to know inside them and them getting to know inside me
2. Firefighting provides a steady, nay, limitless supply of high-pucker-factor moments of terror, often on fire.
3. Firefighting will give you the rewarding feeling of donning 75 pounds of heavy clothing and bulky equipment which, as soon as it gets wet, will weigh eight thousand pounds and leave you feeling like a team of mules used you for kicking practice.
4. The number of ways people get themselves into trouble, and the novelty thereof, in the emergency services world is proverbial. There have been entire books written about it. You will see everything, and sometimes wind up wearing some of it.
5. See number 2: every call is different and most calls, unless they're major structure fires, clear within an hour or two at the outside.
6. There is a certain moral clarity to working for every member of your community, whether or not your politics or personal values align. If someone is in trouble, you help them. It's that simple.
7. You will develop an extraordinary level of closeness and trust with the firefighters you work with, because your trust in each other is absolute, on a life-and-death level. There are very few avocations in the world that provide that level of intensity, and it will change you forever.
41 is not too old to start. However, you should be aware of the challenges you (or any volunteer firefighter) will face:
- You will need to be physically fit, most likely at a level you may not have attempted to this point in your life. Think CrossFit, and lots of HIIT. Firefighting is physically demanding and you'll need to either be in shape or get into (and stay in) shape. While there are plenty of fat volunteer firefighters out there, you don't want to be one of them, for your own good and that of the community you serve.
- The time commitment is extremely significant, especially in your first year. Count on a minimum of 120 hours of training, and likely much more, in your first six to twelve months. That's because you need to learn how to be a firefighter from the ground up, most likely through classes at your local community college or directly through the department.
- The training is only about half of the time commitment. The rest is, well, all the other stuff: some volunteer departments require you to take "duty shifts" where you bunk in at the station overnight a couple of times a week and one weekend day, others have a specific number of hours you need to spend at the station in a month, still others have response standards.
Of course, when someone gets stuck on their toilet seat, you're also the one answering the call. And there are a really surprising number of people who get stuck on toilets. There are a lot of false alarms. There are a lot of calls where you're going to get out of bed at 2am and get fully geared up only to turn around a half mile from the station because you got cancelled.
But then there are the other calls. Where someone's entire life is on fire and you're the ones who will save it. When someone is having the worst night of their life on one of your local highways and you're the one on the Jaws of Life peeling them out of their car. Where you are the guarantee on the other end of 911: if you call, we will answer.
posted by scrump at 10:57 AM on May 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Lead a team for disaster relief.
Become a trial lawyer or become an expert whose testimony could be pivotal in a criminal trial. That stuff is pure adrenaline!
posted by *s at 2:26 PM on May 29, 2019
Become a trial lawyer or become an expert whose testimony could be pivotal in a criminal trial. That stuff is pure adrenaline!
posted by *s at 2:26 PM on May 29, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
I suggest starting a business. You'll have the taste of blood in your mouth - you only eat what you kill (figuratively).
Since you have children you may have to start this on the side, to buffer the financial risk. This will take away from some of the adrenaline. But you can still put some of your own resources in the game - time and money.
Besides that, you could work with refugees or immigrants or special needs children.
posted by cacao at 5:41 PM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]