High Anxiety
April 30, 2019 8:30 PM Subscribe
I have a crippling fear of heights. I get frozen in anxiety and panic when I have to be up high; it feels like I have mud flowing through my veins and I can't move well, get clumsy, and generally feel awful.
I was up about 45 feet on an arial work platform several years ago for about an hour, to try and get over my acrophobia; I spent most of the time just hanging on to the ceiling of the warehouse I was working on while my partner got the job done. I don't think I can make myself get back up in one of those things; I get panicky just thinking about it or seeing someone work from one of those platforms.
I work as a field service technician and just learned that I have a week long assignment that will almost certainly require me to work on a scissor lift 40-50 feet in the air inside a warehouse. I've been dreading it ever since. I was able to successfully avoid heights on the job for several years as my manager was sympathetic, but the company was bought out and I have a new manager; it doesn't seem like he will be sympathetic. I'm also dreading having a conversation with him in which I will have to confess my fear of heights and ask for a possible accomodation. I know I'm in the wrong line of work, but I'm 64 years old and I think it would be hard to get a new job, though I'm not ready to retire.
My questions:
Has anyone else cured themselves of a crippling fear of heights enough to basically do construction work?
How likely is it that I might get some accomodation? Googling the issue I generally see success with people in government jobs, not private sector jobs.
Any advice/ scripts for having the conversation with my manager?
Any advice for finding employment at 64? Would appreciate first hand accounts.
Thanks!
I was up about 45 feet on an arial work platform several years ago for about an hour, to try and get over my acrophobia; I spent most of the time just hanging on to the ceiling of the warehouse I was working on while my partner got the job done. I don't think I can make myself get back up in one of those things; I get panicky just thinking about it or seeing someone work from one of those platforms.
I work as a field service technician and just learned that I have a week long assignment that will almost certainly require me to work on a scissor lift 40-50 feet in the air inside a warehouse. I've been dreading it ever since. I was able to successfully avoid heights on the job for several years as my manager was sympathetic, but the company was bought out and I have a new manager; it doesn't seem like he will be sympathetic. I'm also dreading having a conversation with him in which I will have to confess my fear of heights and ask for a possible accomodation. I know I'm in the wrong line of work, but I'm 64 years old and I think it would be hard to get a new job, though I'm not ready to retire.
My questions:
Has anyone else cured themselves of a crippling fear of heights enough to basically do construction work?
How likely is it that I might get some accomodation? Googling the issue I generally see success with people in government jobs, not private sector jobs.
Any advice/ scripts for having the conversation with my manager?
Any advice for finding employment at 64? Would appreciate first hand accounts.
Thanks!
It might be helpful to start getting some clinical documentation of your phobia. Do you have medical coverage for therapy, or any sort of EAP program? You might want to pursue some sort of formal diagnosis, or at least a relationship with a professional who could attest that yes, you have clinical acrophobia. Even if you don't use it for accommodations, the treatment itself might be helpful.
posted by lazuli at 9:19 PM on April 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by lazuli at 9:19 PM on April 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
Best answer: For a while I was taking prescription medicine for generalized anxiety, and found it had coincidentally more or less removed my fear of heights when I had to spend days up on a scissor lift at my job. Maybe talk to a doctor about it?
posted by rodlymight at 9:31 PM on April 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by rodlymight at 9:31 PM on April 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
For a long time I thought I was afraid of heights, then realized I was actually afraid of falling. After that, did a tree-top walk and ziplined happily, because I was securely strapped in. (Still haven't figured out how to be comfortable on the second step of a ladder though.) Think that might be a distinction your brain can make?
posted by kate4914 at 9:51 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by kate4914 at 9:51 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Having confident knowledge of the technology can help. Knowing a rig is secure and the range of safe usage, verifying maintenance records, careful inspection of critical parts, reviewing procedures and practicing at a lower level to be confident that the controls are functional and work exactly as expected.
posted by sammyo at 9:56 PM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by sammyo at 9:56 PM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
I’d also recommend talking to a doctor about anti-anxiety medication. It can help take a ton of the edge off in situations like this.
posted by quince at 10:17 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by quince at 10:17 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Many years ago I had a significant vertigo and then found myself heading into lighting work. I was in the end a lighting tech for over ten years and spent entire weeks at height, so I did manage to get used to it.
What was necessary for me was to feel in control. So I'd set up the ladder, or I'd drive the scissor, etc. If a harness was necessary, say for work out of a boom, it helped hugely. I made sure I absolutely trusted my co-workers, and if I didn't then I'd do the driving. I'd tell myself I was in control and really concentrate on that. It worked.
I'd still even now have second thoughts about a ferris wheel, anyone could be driving it and there's no harness!
posted by deadwax at 11:37 PM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
What was necessary for me was to feel in control. So I'd set up the ladder, or I'd drive the scissor, etc. If a harness was necessary, say for work out of a boom, it helped hugely. I made sure I absolutely trusted my co-workers, and if I didn't then I'd do the driving. I'd tell myself I was in control and really concentrate on that. It worked.
I'd still even now have second thoughts about a ferris wheel, anyone could be driving it and there's no harness!
posted by deadwax at 11:37 PM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: At 64, I would do everything I could to not give my new boss a reason why I cannot do my job.
My son had a terrible terrible fear of heights. He now has his PPL and flies small planes all the time. He told me a few years ago that he got over his fear of heights or got to a point he could not panic by reading all sorts of statistics on safety. He also is a belt and suspenders guy in that he will always put on any safety device he can. He wears his life preserver when he is in our speed boat on the lake. He has swum a mile across the lake yet wears his preserver. I am quite certain if you are going up in a lift, you can tether yourself with a harness. He also says to never look straight down. Focus on what you are doing or the reason you are up in the lift. Have all your tools handy, any parts you need up with you and just make whatever adjustments or repairs you are doing as if you were standing on terra firma.
It is easier said than done, I get that. I think if you are a logical type of person, understand how safe a scissor lift actually is. Read the stats. If you are not convinced by odds, force yourself to go up several times. The more you can do it, the less stressful it will become.
posted by AugustWest at 12:26 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
My son had a terrible terrible fear of heights. He now has his PPL and flies small planes all the time. He told me a few years ago that he got over his fear of heights or got to a point he could not panic by reading all sorts of statistics on safety. He also is a belt and suspenders guy in that he will always put on any safety device he can. He wears his life preserver when he is in our speed boat on the lake. He has swum a mile across the lake yet wears his preserver. I am quite certain if you are going up in a lift, you can tether yourself with a harness. He also says to never look straight down. Focus on what you are doing or the reason you are up in the lift. Have all your tools handy, any parts you need up with you and just make whatever adjustments or repairs you are doing as if you were standing on terra firma.
It is easier said than done, I get that. I think if you are a logical type of person, understand how safe a scissor lift actually is. Read the stats. If you are not convinced by odds, force yourself to go up several times. The more you can do it, the less stressful it will become.
posted by AugustWest at 12:26 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
I also experience strong vertigo at heights. I have not done any specific training to address that, because I have never been in a position to need to be working at heights, but I did successfully train myself to get rid of a screaming sobbing phobia about spiders so I know that the well documented graduated exposure approach works for me as an anti-phobia treatment.
I was up about 45 feet on an arial work platform several years ago for about an hour, to try and get over my acrophobia; I spent most of the time just hanging on to the ceiling of the warehouse I was working on while my partner got the job done. I don't think I can make myself get back up in one of those things; I get panicky just thinking about it or seeing someone work from one of those platforms.
That looks like some kind of attempt at flooding, which is the other documented technique for getting rid of phobias, but done kind of half-assed and wrong (the vital relaxation portion left out entirely) so it's made the phobia worse, not better, by extending it to scissor lifts generally rather than those that are up high.
If you reframe this phobia as a solvable problem rather than an unalterable constraint on your future, and take the time you need in order to address it via graduated exposure, I'm sure you will be able to get it well under control.
If you want to run the graduated exposure yourself without help, that's a thing that can be done though it won't be as quick as if you do get professional assistance.
First thing is to get hold of some kind of reliable technique you can use to relax. Body scans (paying attention in to a pre-determined set of places within your body in a pre-determined order, intercut with paying attention to your breathing and focusing on keeping it deep, slow and regular) work for many people but you will need to find something that works 100% for you and practise it until you can do so with confidence.
Next thing is to do that technique for ten minutes while standing next to a parked scissor lift.
Then while standing next to a parked scissor lift while wearing your safety harness.
Then while standing in the parked scissor lift while wearing your safety harness which is clipped to the lift.
Then while standing in the lift while it's raised by one metre. And so on. The point is to practice returning your body to its pre-anxiety baseline while remaining in a situation that brings on mild but not overwhelming anxiety at the beginning of the session, and only moving on to the next level of challenge once the initial anxiety for the current level is either controllable within seconds or nonexistent - which will happen, as long as you're not pushing yourself through levels too fast. Crawl before you can walk, walk before you can run, run before you can vault; you know the drill.
posted by flabdablet at 1:04 AM on May 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
I was up about 45 feet on an arial work platform several years ago for about an hour, to try and get over my acrophobia; I spent most of the time just hanging on to the ceiling of the warehouse I was working on while my partner got the job done. I don't think I can make myself get back up in one of those things; I get panicky just thinking about it or seeing someone work from one of those platforms.
That looks like some kind of attempt at flooding, which is the other documented technique for getting rid of phobias, but done kind of half-assed and wrong (the vital relaxation portion left out entirely) so it's made the phobia worse, not better, by extending it to scissor lifts generally rather than those that are up high.
If you reframe this phobia as a solvable problem rather than an unalterable constraint on your future, and take the time you need in order to address it via graduated exposure, I'm sure you will be able to get it well under control.
If you want to run the graduated exposure yourself without help, that's a thing that can be done though it won't be as quick as if you do get professional assistance.
First thing is to get hold of some kind of reliable technique you can use to relax. Body scans (paying attention in to a pre-determined set of places within your body in a pre-determined order, intercut with paying attention to your breathing and focusing on keeping it deep, slow and regular) work for many people but you will need to find something that works 100% for you and practise it until you can do so with confidence.
Next thing is to do that technique for ten minutes while standing next to a parked scissor lift.
Then while standing next to a parked scissor lift while wearing your safety harness.
Then while standing in the parked scissor lift while wearing your safety harness which is clipped to the lift.
Then while standing in the lift while it's raised by one metre. And so on. The point is to practice returning your body to its pre-anxiety baseline while remaining in a situation that brings on mild but not overwhelming anxiety at the beginning of the session, and only moving on to the next level of challenge once the initial anxiety for the current level is either controllable within seconds or nonexistent - which will happen, as long as you're not pushing yourself through levels too fast. Crawl before you can walk, walk before you can run, run before you can vault; you know the drill.
posted by flabdablet at 1:04 AM on May 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
Oh by the way: the relaxation techniques I used during the spider phobia takedown have stayed with me and I have used them to get anxiety down from visceral paralysing terror to mere fear at heights; so much so that I was able to have a worthwhile and enjoyable experience on the Giant Drop despite the genuinely unpleasant collection of sensations that my body presented to my attention on the way up and while waiting around at the top.
If I ever did need to acquire the skill of being productive at height, I'm quite sure that given a month to prepare for it I would be able to.
posted by flabdablet at 1:13 AM on May 1, 2019
If I ever did need to acquire the skill of being productive at height, I'm quite sure that given a month to prepare for it I would be able to.
posted by flabdablet at 1:13 AM on May 1, 2019
I have a fear of heights and a fear of vomiting. Thankfully I don't need to encounter either very frequently... but I can say that the last time I vomited (and it was the first time in 27 years!) my meditation practice helped me tremendously!
I used mindfulness meditation breathing techniques that I've been practicing for the last 2 years, and managed to vomit without incident (and really, I'm not even that scared of it anymore!).
Maybe start preparing by doing some guided relaxation meditation daily - even if it's only for 5 minutes. It certainly can't hurt and I am pretty sure it could help.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 5:11 AM on May 1, 2019
I used mindfulness meditation breathing techniques that I've been practicing for the last 2 years, and managed to vomit without incident (and really, I'm not even that scared of it anymore!).
Maybe start preparing by doing some guided relaxation meditation daily - even if it's only for 5 minutes. It certainly can't hurt and I am pretty sure it could help.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 5:11 AM on May 1, 2019
Anti-anxiety medication helped a relative with a severe fear of heights, immediately.
posted by bunderful at 5:19 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by bunderful at 5:19 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
If you are in the US, and have more than 15 employees, ADA applies, and the HR department should be able to navigate it IF you have paperwork from a licensed health care provider. If you are checking out anxiety treatment, that might be where the paperwork (that goes to HR) comes from. This is a voluntary process, meaning you choose to disclose. If you can get the work done with reasonable modifications- maybe enclosing the platform to reduce visual triggers as well as containing debris, that might smooth staffing logistics for getting the work done.
posted by childofTethys at 5:28 AM on May 1, 2019
posted by childofTethys at 5:28 AM on May 1, 2019
Best answer: Would you be interested in trying indoor rock climbing? I had a terrible fear of heights that I'm close to curing through rock climbing. Basically, it gives you space and time to practice climbing up on progressively taller things and taking deliberate falls in a safe manner. Most gyms have a bouldering area where you can climb up to ~15 feet and jump off (or climb back down); once that feels ok, you can look into roped climbing. Many gyms have walls over 45 feet tall for roped climbing, so you can work on getting yourself desensitized to greater heights on them.
You can MeMail me if you have any questions.
posted by rhythm and booze at 6:15 AM on May 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
You can MeMail me if you have any questions.
posted by rhythm and booze at 6:15 AM on May 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I can't tell you about HR, and I wouldn't trust any business to accommodate you regardless of the law for this. I hate to write that, but I just wouldn't trust them to take this as seriously as they should. I would definitely think twice about how you approach them with this, but I could be an ignorant internet stranger with a cynical disposition. So here's my more functional advice:
I have this same fear. This crippling, frozen, tear-inducing fear that starts maybe 15 feet in the air and gets worse with each rung. By the time I get to 20 feet it has been an hour and everyone on the ground is really put out. It is exhausting for people I am working with and just takes up SO MUCH time and mental/emotional energy. Maybe three or four times a year I have to get on the roof of my building in Chicago to do maintenance and it just HAD to be dealt with.
Here is what I did/do:
1. Decided where my boundaries with this fear were. So the way you get up onto the roof here is up a set of built in steel rings that project about 4" and are set into the plumb brickwork. Straight up vertical run 30 feet in the air. This is never going to happen. Like: ever. Nope. But an extension ladder that is safely tilted and anchored to the wall, weighted at the bottom, and extending 4 or 5 feet past the roofline I had to step onto was... was barely ok. Scaffolding that was securely anchored to the building, weighted, and a ladder inside the structure of the scaffold and anchored to both it and the building was much better. I explored where my fears edged in and where I was fine (or could at least pretend to be fine). I didn't just expose myself to height to numb the fear, but rather worked with it and found out where it was better or worse. I also use tethers/harnesses and rock climbing gear to go up ladders. People who work on ladders for a living and have no problem scrambling like monkeys think my whole setup is HILARIOUS and that is ok. It is a little ridiculous.
2. For me it wasn't just about exposure and confronting a specific fear of heights but also asking myself "how can I help my body feel more secure?". And that lead to incorporating a LOT of balance work and some exposure into my daily exercise. So I don't just run along the lake, I make sure every pedestrian overpass is on my route and then I run a few relays across when I get to them. I don't just run along the sidewalk or path, I try to run across really jagged retaining wall boulders at the lakeshore or straight along the 6" curb that borders the sidewalk. I try to find any opportunity I can to practice and refine and develop my sense of balance. I think part of my fear is not trusting what my body can do and if I KNOW I can balance and be secure a foot off the ground, then it is possible higher up. It helps talk myself away from the anxiety loop. I KNOW what my body CAN do. Whether I like it is irrelevant when I put myself in this headspace.
3. Explore where you have to work on the fear. For me, indoor ladders are more or less fine without a harness or these absurd shenanigans. Outdoor ladders or height are very much NOT fine unless I have a ton of security backups. That is my boundary and tells me how and what I have to work on, accept, and/or accommodate. After thinking about it for a few years and constantly working on it, I have come to accept that enclosed spaces where I can't fly away and break my neck and have something to grab in a panic are more or less ok. Wide open heights on a ladder or near an edge with no railing are still a real problem and take a lot (A LOT) of focus and self talk. Find this boundary. Know the enemy. It is up to you whether you dig into the why of it all. I try not to, focusing rather on the ways I can work with and through it with the least inconvenience to me and my fellow helpers/workers.
If I put myself in your shoes, I would be thinking "This has to change and I can learn to work with and through this" rather than "guess I'll just have to get a new job". Maybe some exposure, maybe a harness up on the platform that you KNOW will be secure, maybe anxiety medication. Maybe something else entirely. But you want to get to a place where your trust in yourself and your own body - your rational self - overrides the self that says "no, never, I can't possibly, OMG" and then spirals. I really feel for you. This fear sucks.
posted by Tchad at 6:59 AM on May 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
I have this same fear. This crippling, frozen, tear-inducing fear that starts maybe 15 feet in the air and gets worse with each rung. By the time I get to 20 feet it has been an hour and everyone on the ground is really put out. It is exhausting for people I am working with and just takes up SO MUCH time and mental/emotional energy. Maybe three or four times a year I have to get on the roof of my building in Chicago to do maintenance and it just HAD to be dealt with.
Here is what I did/do:
1. Decided where my boundaries with this fear were. So the way you get up onto the roof here is up a set of built in steel rings that project about 4" and are set into the plumb brickwork. Straight up vertical run 30 feet in the air. This is never going to happen. Like: ever. Nope. But an extension ladder that is safely tilted and anchored to the wall, weighted at the bottom, and extending 4 or 5 feet past the roofline I had to step onto was... was barely ok. Scaffolding that was securely anchored to the building, weighted, and a ladder inside the structure of the scaffold and anchored to both it and the building was much better. I explored where my fears edged in and where I was fine (or could at least pretend to be fine). I didn't just expose myself to height to numb the fear, but rather worked with it and found out where it was better or worse. I also use tethers/harnesses and rock climbing gear to go up ladders. People who work on ladders for a living and have no problem scrambling like monkeys think my whole setup is HILARIOUS and that is ok. It is a little ridiculous.
2. For me it wasn't just about exposure and confronting a specific fear of heights but also asking myself "how can I help my body feel more secure?". And that lead to incorporating a LOT of balance work and some exposure into my daily exercise. So I don't just run along the lake, I make sure every pedestrian overpass is on my route and then I run a few relays across when I get to them. I don't just run along the sidewalk or path, I try to run across really jagged retaining wall boulders at the lakeshore or straight along the 6" curb that borders the sidewalk. I try to find any opportunity I can to practice and refine and develop my sense of balance. I think part of my fear is not trusting what my body can do and if I KNOW I can balance and be secure a foot off the ground, then it is possible higher up. It helps talk myself away from the anxiety loop. I KNOW what my body CAN do. Whether I like it is irrelevant when I put myself in this headspace.
3. Explore where you have to work on the fear. For me, indoor ladders are more or less fine without a harness or these absurd shenanigans. Outdoor ladders or height are very much NOT fine unless I have a ton of security backups. That is my boundary and tells me how and what I have to work on, accept, and/or accommodate. After thinking about it for a few years and constantly working on it, I have come to accept that enclosed spaces where I can't fly away and break my neck and have something to grab in a panic are more or less ok. Wide open heights on a ladder or near an edge with no railing are still a real problem and take a lot (A LOT) of focus and self talk. Find this boundary. Know the enemy. It is up to you whether you dig into the why of it all. I try not to, focusing rather on the ways I can work with and through it with the least inconvenience to me and my fellow helpers/workers.
If I put myself in your shoes, I would be thinking "This has to change and I can learn to work with and through this" rather than "guess I'll just have to get a new job". Maybe some exposure, maybe a harness up on the platform that you KNOW will be secure, maybe anxiety medication. Maybe something else entirely. But you want to get to a place where your trust in yourself and your own body - your rational self - overrides the self that says "no, never, I can't possibly, OMG" and then spirals. I really feel for you. This fear sucks.
posted by Tchad at 6:59 AM on May 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
You can get The Anxiety and Phobia workbook today on Kindle and start working through it, and if you can't get into your doctor in the next couple days you should be able to get a small scrip for anxiolytics or beta blockers from urgent care. I'm willing to bet a rock-climbing place (which I've always found to be staffed by positive encouraging people) would be game to help you through 2-3 sessions and help you learn to feel what controlling the anxiety feels like, because that's really the trick: getting a feel for that in your head.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:53 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Lyn Never at 8:53 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
Oh and one very good reason to push through with all the good suggestions here, it can be really hard to get an equivalent job, ageism is real. Wish I could answer your last question positively but it's really hard.
posted by sammyo at 9:40 AM on May 1, 2019
posted by sammyo at 9:40 AM on May 1, 2019
Would you be interested in trying indoor rock climbing? I had a terrible fear of heights that I'm close to curing through rock climbing. Basically, it gives you space and time to practice climbing up on progressively taller things and taking deliberate falls in a safe manner. Most gyms have a bouldering area where you can climb up to ~15 feet and jump off (or climb back down); once that feels ok, you can look into roped climbing. Many gyms have walls over 45 feet tall for roped climbing, so you can work on getting yourself desensitized to greater heights on them.
Agree that this could help. Although the results of it weren't life-long, I have always been afraid of heights and got mostly over it when I was in high school and did indoor rock climbing for awhile (the roped kind). It really helped me.
posted by urbanlenny at 12:22 PM on May 1, 2019
Agree that this could help. Although the results of it weren't life-long, I have always been afraid of heights and got mostly over it when I was in high school and did indoor rock climbing for awhile (the roped kind). It really helped me.
posted by urbanlenny at 12:22 PM on May 1, 2019
Alternative idea (might be a bad one, idk): do you have any coworkers at this job who do the same work as you? Would it be possible to trade them jobs for that week? Whether you tell them the real reason or a made-up one (suddenly got very sick with something gross), that might work. You might owe them some favors after.
posted by purple_bird at 1:06 PM on May 1, 2019
posted by purple_bird at 1:06 PM on May 1, 2019
Best answer: If you have any problems with balance/allergies, a decongestant can really help. The looking forward and slightly up instead of down have been helpful for me. The climbing gym sounds like a good suggestion since it might help desensitize you to heights at your own pace. Good luck from a fellow heights avoider.
posted by stray thoughts at 7:50 PM on May 1, 2019
posted by stray thoughts at 7:50 PM on May 1, 2019
yet another person who was able to desensitize myself from fear of heights by learning how to rock climb (indoors and outdoors!). It has the added bonus of being super fun and interesting and athletic.
posted by ruhroh at 10:18 PM on May 1, 2019
posted by ruhroh at 10:18 PM on May 1, 2019
My two biggest phobias are heights and spiders. I have never really been able to find a way to cope with my fear of heights, I have just learned to avoid situations where my phobia pops up, so I’m not going to be a lot of help there.
With spiders, though, and yes, I am still utterly terrified of them, I have dealt with my phobia by realizing that, when it comes down to it, and there’s a spider in the house, I don’t have anyone around me anymore to take care of it for me. I can’t ask my mom or my sister to do anything, they live on the other side of the world from me. I can’t ask my wife to do anything, she’s the one looking to me to take care of it. And so I do, because the alternative would just be leaving my home and letting the spider have it. I know people will say all sorts of things about how bad it is to kill spiders, but I cannot handle seeing a spider in the place where I live and walking away from it. Because of that, because no matter how afraid I am of them, it’s up to me to kill them (when they’re in my house, I let them be, far, far away from me out in the world), and I do, out of necessity if nothing else.
It’s not that this “worked” for me, or alleviated my phobia I’m any way, but I’ve come to understand that to me, it’s a thing that needs doing, and no one else will.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:24 PM on May 2, 2019
With spiders, though, and yes, I am still utterly terrified of them, I have dealt with my phobia by realizing that, when it comes down to it, and there’s a spider in the house, I don’t have anyone around me anymore to take care of it for me. I can’t ask my mom or my sister to do anything, they live on the other side of the world from me. I can’t ask my wife to do anything, she’s the one looking to me to take care of it. And so I do, because the alternative would just be leaving my home and letting the spider have it. I know people will say all sorts of things about how bad it is to kill spiders, but I cannot handle seeing a spider in the place where I live and walking away from it. Because of that, because no matter how afraid I am of them, it’s up to me to kill them (when they’re in my house, I let them be, far, far away from me out in the world), and I do, out of necessity if nothing else.
It’s not that this “worked” for me, or alleviated my phobia I’m any way, but I’ve come to understand that to me, it’s a thing that needs doing, and no one else will.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:24 PM on May 2, 2019
Response by poster: Thanks for all the kind, helpful replies. I got a prescription for anti-anxiety medications from my doctor. I decided to have the discussion with my manager; I thought I owed it to him to at least tell him that he might need a plan B in case I freeze up. He thanked me for telling him; it turns out he has more help than he needs for this project and I'm probably needed on another project during that time. He also said he wouldn't assign me to lift work. I may just take up rock climbing if I can find local opportunities.
posted by coldhotel at 7:34 PM on May 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by coldhotel at 7:34 PM on May 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
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posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 9:16 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]