Exposure therapy = sadness???
April 18, 2019 12:48 PM Subscribe
A two-parter: is my experience unique, and how do I deal with it regardless?
I hope this isn’t too chatfiltery.
I have been doing exposure therapy with a great therapist for a few months to address a phobia of mine. Today’s session was the first one where we really pushed an exposure for me to the point of mild fear. The part that really unsettled me, though, is that I felt rather . . . sad? I don’t know. It didn’t feel like an anxiety or fear reaction - I felt truly sad, like something depressing had happened. I actually felt almost like crying, and even now in retrospect I feel pretty down. Unfortunately, we mostly dealt with the fear and anxiety reaction in-session, and I didn’t mention the sadness to my therapist.
Is this supposed to happen? I can’t even put my finger on what I’m sad about! And I’m struggling to deal with it - I expected to have to work through and manage my anxiety, but not this.
I hope this isn’t too chatfiltery.
I have been doing exposure therapy with a great therapist for a few months to address a phobia of mine. Today’s session was the first one where we really pushed an exposure for me to the point of mild fear. The part that really unsettled me, though, is that I felt rather . . . sad? I don’t know. It didn’t feel like an anxiety or fear reaction - I felt truly sad, like something depressing had happened. I actually felt almost like crying, and even now in retrospect I feel pretty down. Unfortunately, we mostly dealt with the fear and anxiety reaction in-session, and I didn’t mention the sadness to my therapist.
Is this supposed to happen? I can’t even put my finger on what I’m sad about! And I’m struggling to deal with it - I expected to have to work through and manage my anxiety, but not this.
Is the phobia related to a traumatic past event?
Regardless, can you email/call your therapist and just ask for between-session tips for managing until your next session? As a therapist, I would really want to know if a client was struggling unexpectedly due to something that happened in session.
posted by lazuli at 1:09 PM on April 18, 2019 [7 favorites]
Regardless, can you email/call your therapist and just ask for between-session tips for managing until your next session? As a therapist, I would really want to know if a client was struggling unexpectedly due to something that happened in session.
posted by lazuli at 1:09 PM on April 18, 2019 [7 favorites]
Anxiety, and the biochemical response to an adrenaline spike, can present in hundreds of very weird ways - I get to enjoy hives, and uncontrolled sobbing. I would treat it as a side effect of anxiety - a sort of post-exposure droop - but definitely worth registering it with your therapist and mood-tracking it for yourself to see how long it lasts.
Bodies are super weird. Feel free to engage the same kind of self-care you would if you've had a sleepless night or feel a cold coming on.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:13 PM on April 18, 2019 [11 favorites]
Bodies are super weird. Feel free to engage the same kind of self-care you would if you've had a sleepless night or feel a cold coming on.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:13 PM on April 18, 2019 [11 favorites]
Response by poster: Not due to a traumatic event, no.
I can email my therapist, yes, but I always feel like I would be "bothering" her to contact her between sessions. That's probably my own interpretation on it though. I also feel like since she said she was so proud of the work I did in session today . . . I'd feel like a doofus having to email and say, "Actually, I'm not handling this well at all." You're right, though, I should just email her.
We must grieve the loss of how we understood the world before, and then move forward.
This feels very true to me right now. Thank you.
Ok, bowing out now. Thanks for being great, MeFites. :-)
posted by chainsofreedom at 1:32 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
I can email my therapist, yes, but I always feel like I would be "bothering" her to contact her between sessions. That's probably my own interpretation on it though. I also feel like since she said she was so proud of the work I did in session today . . . I'd feel like a doofus having to email and say, "Actually, I'm not handling this well at all." You're right, though, I should just email her.
We must grieve the loss of how we understood the world before, and then move forward.
This feels very true to me right now. Thank you.
Ok, bowing out now. Thanks for being great, MeFites. :-)
posted by chainsofreedom at 1:32 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
Yeah, email her.
If it helps, look at it this way: she still gets to decide how much attention to give your email. Her response could be an immediate "Wow, ok, let's get on the phone and talk about it" or a detailed email reply. Or it could be a quick "Thanks for letting me know. I'll be sure to check in about it at our next scheduled session." Either way, it is her job to make that decision and set those boundaries.
If she does put time into her response, it's because she decided it was a good idea and not because you bothered her or badgered her into it.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:39 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
If it helps, look at it this way: she still gets to decide how much attention to give your email. Her response could be an immediate "Wow, ok, let's get on the phone and talk about it" or a detailed email reply. Or it could be a quick "Thanks for letting me know. I'll be sure to check in about it at our next scheduled session." Either way, it is her job to make that decision and set those boundaries.
If she does put time into her response, it's because she decided it was a good idea and not because you bothered her or badgered her into it.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:39 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
Yes, definitely email her. If there's ever a "very appropriate and fitting" reason to email a therapist between sessions, this is it! My therapist has called to check in -- or asks me to text -- after a new treatment or intense session session.
A lot of the work we do in therapy happens outside of the sessions themselves. I have often felt a lingering sadness, more melancholy than anything, after sessions. It's always gone away the next day or after a few days but a lot of hard stuff is being worked through! And sometimes the stuff that seemed "light" is actually much heavier than we had thought. Over time, I found myself more satisfied and happy in my every day life thanks to putting in the work but, yes, even when I left sessions feeling OK, I was sometimes a bit down later on.
If you don't already do it, I'd consider an after-therapy self-care ritual. For me, that can involve taking a shower and getting into bed early to watch Netflix or buying an ice cream from my favorite roadside stand. While therapy is mostly happy and enjoyable for me these days, I definitely dreaded it for a long time and didn't "enjoy" sessions. I did enjoy the treats after though!
posted by smorgasbord at 2:09 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
A lot of the work we do in therapy happens outside of the sessions themselves. I have often felt a lingering sadness, more melancholy than anything, after sessions. It's always gone away the next day or after a few days but a lot of hard stuff is being worked through! And sometimes the stuff that seemed "light" is actually much heavier than we had thought. Over time, I found myself more satisfied and happy in my every day life thanks to putting in the work but, yes, even when I left sessions feeling OK, I was sometimes a bit down later on.
If you don't already do it, I'd consider an after-therapy self-care ritual. For me, that can involve taking a shower and getting into bed early to watch Netflix or buying an ice cream from my favorite roadside stand. While therapy is mostly happy and enjoyable for me these days, I definitely dreaded it for a long time and didn't "enjoy" sessions. I did enjoy the treats after though!
posted by smorgasbord at 2:09 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
I can email my therapist, yes, but I always feel like I would be "bothering" her to contact her between sessions.
If she didn't want you to be able to email her, you wouldn't have access to her email address! I've had therapists before who didn't share that information with patients, or only shared it after a while.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:14 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
If she didn't want you to be able to email her, you wouldn't have access to her email address! I've had therapists before who didn't share that information with patients, or only shared it after a while.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:14 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
The sadness could be an expression of still not liking it one bit (Don't like it, have negative memories of it, it's something we need to fix) but minus the acute fear/panic/sense of needing to attract another human's attention so they can help you.
posted by bleep at 7:27 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by bleep at 7:27 PM on April 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
Sorry, I misread and misunderstood the question. It still could just be your brain trying to let you know how much you dislike this thing.
posted by bleep at 8:16 PM on April 18, 2019
posted by bleep at 8:16 PM on April 18, 2019
I also feel like since she said she was so proud of the work I did in session today . . . I'd feel like a doofus having to email and say, "Actually, I'm not handling this well at all."
Oh, I know that feels hard! I'm so guilty as a therapist of saying that I'm proud of clients and I'm really trying to stop, because I don't ever want them to feel like the work they're doing is to please me and I worry about them feeling like they can't tell me what's really going on because they want to maintain the illusion of doing better. If it helps, I'm also really proud of them when they tell me what's not working or that I've interpreted something incorrectly. It takes a lot of courage to be able to say, "Actually, that's not it" to your therapist. It's also really important work to be able to advocate/care for yourself. *hugs*
posted by lazuli at 9:18 PM on April 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
Oh, I know that feels hard! I'm so guilty as a therapist of saying that I'm proud of clients and I'm really trying to stop, because I don't ever want them to feel like the work they're doing is to please me and I worry about them feeling like they can't tell me what's really going on because they want to maintain the illusion of doing better. If it helps, I'm also really proud of them when they tell me what's not working or that I've interpreted something incorrectly. It takes a lot of courage to be able to say, "Actually, that's not it" to your therapist. It's also really important work to be able to advocate/care for yourself. *hugs*
posted by lazuli at 9:18 PM on April 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
« Older UX pros, what are even doing with these prototypes | Vegan cookbooks or websites for the Eastern... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
Just my somewhat educated guess. I am not a psychologist, but I have studied a bit of it for nursing and personal reasons.
posted by itsflyable at 1:00 PM on April 18, 2019 [8 favorites]