Voice Chat Games for practicing mtf voice
April 13, 2019 5:05 AM Subscribe
I sometimes think about transitioning, mtf. I'd like to dip in slowly and experimentally. There is so much to learn all at once, if I'm going to be able to pass one day! Clothing, mannerisms, makeup, hair!
One of the things that makes me anxious about passing is my voice. But I just had a brainstorm: Some video games have the facility to do live voice chat with strangers. If I got onto one of those, I could sign up with a female-sounding name and see how my voice is perceived, without having to worry about how to dress and visible mannerisms. It seems perfect for experimentation.
Is this a good idea?
If so, what is a good game to do this with?
Some of my considerations:
I understand that the internet can be a terrible place to be a woman. I've never played online voice-chat games before, but I kind of expect around 100% of the chat to be people shouting the B word and other abusive language at each other. Are there games where this is less true?
Also, I imagine that with some games, the voice chat is used for very short, practical, tactical communication. I won't get a lot of opportunity to speak and see how I'm perceived. Are there games where the chat has more opportunity for interaction?
Of practical concern, I'd like to play on a laptop computer running Linux, but I could also get a used console of some kind. I could set up a games-playing desktop running windows, but that's my least-preferred solution.
Some of my considerations:
I understand that the internet can be a terrible place to be a woman. I've never played online voice-chat games before, but I kind of expect around 100% of the chat to be people shouting the B word and other abusive language at each other. Are there games where this is less true?
Also, I imagine that with some games, the voice chat is used for very short, practical, tactical communication. I won't get a lot of opportunity to speak and see how I'm perceived. Are there games where the chat has more opportunity for interaction?
Of practical concern, I'd like to play on a laptop computer running Linux, but I could also get a used console of some kind. I could set up a games-playing desktop running windows, but that's my least-preferred solution.
I'd suggest air traffic simulators. From what I see on YouTube, the general culture isn't nearly as abusive as other online games (though I'm sure there is still some).
posted by Mogur at 5:14 AM on April 13, 2019
posted by Mogur at 5:14 AM on April 13, 2019
I'd suggest Second Life. You can create a female avatar and there is voice chat in most locations, though you can choose to turn voice off at any time, forever or for brief periods, and that won't be seen as weird. (I think I turned mine on once for three minutes for a particular reason.) Casual gender swapping is common, and there are plenty of men secretly playing women (as there are in most games.) Openly trans avatars will face some harassment, but at the same time there is also community for trans people and most women will be welcoming and helpful.
In addition, clothing, mannerism (including walking), hair, makeup, plus your actual avatar head, face and body are all customized -- and I mean, elaborately customized -- so they might be good open vehicles for you to really think through those things. A MtF resident of SL writes one of the longest-running fashion blogs.
As a bonus, while SL is free and you can acquire copious amounts of hair, clothing, bodies, heads, shoes, etc for free, for the $40 cost of Overwatch, you can buy a lot of experimentation and ton of really great stuff.
Bonus bonus: you will get hit on, but you will not face anything like the abuse you will on testosterone-fueled combat games. Anything you don't like, you can mute and remove yourself from.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:57 AM on April 13, 2019 [9 favorites]
In addition, clothing, mannerism (including walking), hair, makeup, plus your actual avatar head, face and body are all customized -- and I mean, elaborately customized -- so they might be good open vehicles for you to really think through those things. A MtF resident of SL writes one of the longest-running fashion blogs.
As a bonus, while SL is free and you can acquire copious amounts of hair, clothing, bodies, heads, shoes, etc for free, for the $40 cost of Overwatch, you can buy a lot of experimentation and ton of really great stuff.
Bonus bonus: you will get hit on, but you will not face anything like the abuse you will on testosterone-fueled combat games. Anything you don't like, you can mute and remove yourself from.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:57 AM on April 13, 2019 [9 favorites]
This seems like a questionable approach to me, but I'm very much in an enby-heavy millennial trans milieu, so it's possible our communities don't overlap.
There is nothing anybody can do to "pass" 100% of the time. Whether people read you as cis or trans, male or female, queer or straight, etc. is about how they perceive the way you present yourself. I don't fit the mental schema for "man" in everyone's imagination, especially people who aren't paying attention, and that's neither my problem nor a problem I can fix, short of mind control.
The fastest, easiest way to instantly be read correctly by everyone in a space is to go to a trans-majority/trans-supportive space and announce your preferred pronouns. You can do this online, in forums or chat programs, and a lot of people start there.
Relatedly, the built-in voice and text chats for many games are flawed, so a lot of players communicate over Discord, which was designed as a better alternative to in-game tools and now includes a lot of social groups, or servers, some of which are advertised publicly. There's some Slack instances that do the same thing, but they're more tech-focused and don't have voice chat.
Another thing that might help with understanding your own preferences is watching people, especially gender variant people. If you're hanging around people who use like a "selfies" channel and whose profiles include identity labels, maybe look at pictures and then click through to profiles. Observe your own reactions: is that what I expected? Is that what I want? Do I like the aesthetic choices this person is making - on them, on me, or both?
posted by bagel at 7:38 AM on April 13, 2019 [8 favorites]
There is nothing anybody can do to "pass" 100% of the time. Whether people read you as cis or trans, male or female, queer or straight, etc. is about how they perceive the way you present yourself. I don't fit the mental schema for "man" in everyone's imagination, especially people who aren't paying attention, and that's neither my problem nor a problem I can fix, short of mind control.
The fastest, easiest way to instantly be read correctly by everyone in a space is to go to a trans-majority/trans-supportive space and announce your preferred pronouns. You can do this online, in forums or chat programs, and a lot of people start there.
Relatedly, the built-in voice and text chats for many games are flawed, so a lot of players communicate over Discord, which was designed as a better alternative to in-game tools and now includes a lot of social groups, or servers, some of which are advertised publicly. There's some Slack instances that do the same thing, but they're more tech-focused and don't have voice chat.
Another thing that might help with understanding your own preferences is watching people, especially gender variant people. If you're hanging around people who use like a "selfies" channel and whose profiles include identity labels, maybe look at pictures and then click through to profiles. Observe your own reactions: is that what I expected? Is that what I want? Do I like the aesthetic choices this person is making - on them, on me, or both?
posted by bagel at 7:38 AM on April 13, 2019 [8 favorites]
I don't identify as transgender myself and would defer to anybody here who does; that said, I'm a speech-language pathology grad student who has had the opportunity to work on voice feminization with trans women both in groups and one-on-one. I would love to be able to serve the transgender community once I've graduated, so I've done a fair amount of reading on the subject through an SLP lens. There are women who have discontinued services at our university clinic because the reality of hearing themselves speak in a more traditionally feminine way affected their sense of identity in ways they hadn't anticipated; from that perspective, I think that if you're experimenting primarily to see how you feel about yourself with a different voice, this might give you some useful information.
Beyond that, I would gently caution you to be sure your expectations are realistic. Depending on what voice changing software does, it could give you an unrealistic picture of what your voice could sound like and I'd advise against using it as your real-life "target." Voice feminization (or masculinization) is not just about pitch - there's resonance, intonation, articulation, and depending on the "kind" of femininity you want to project, there could also be differences in word choice, sentence structure, and pragmatics. Software isn't going to give you all of that (and I don't know how much other players can pick up on that, so it may not even give you a sense of what it's like to play video games as someone perceived as female). Beyond that, those apps are easy to use, but true voice change takes time and daily practice. Most of the clients I've seen have told me it is hard work (though it can definitely be done!).
So again, if you go this route be sure you are clear about the limits of what it can truly tell you. I think it could be most useful in giving you insight into how you feel about hearing yourself speak differently - which is important information, of course. Good luck to you and if you do ever wish to seek the services of an SLP and need help finding one in your area, feel free to contact me - no guarantees but I may be able to help and would be happy to try.
posted by DingoMutt at 8:39 AM on April 13, 2019 [9 favorites]
Beyond that, I would gently caution you to be sure your expectations are realistic. Depending on what voice changing software does, it could give you an unrealistic picture of what your voice could sound like and I'd advise against using it as your real-life "target." Voice feminization (or masculinization) is not just about pitch - there's resonance, intonation, articulation, and depending on the "kind" of femininity you want to project, there could also be differences in word choice, sentence structure, and pragmatics. Software isn't going to give you all of that (and I don't know how much other players can pick up on that, so it may not even give you a sense of what it's like to play video games as someone perceived as female). Beyond that, those apps are easy to use, but true voice change takes time and daily practice. Most of the clients I've seen have told me it is hard work (though it can definitely be done!).
So again, if you go this route be sure you are clear about the limits of what it can truly tell you. I think it could be most useful in giving you insight into how you feel about hearing yourself speak differently - which is important information, of course. Good luck to you and if you do ever wish to seek the services of an SLP and need help finding one in your area, feel free to contact me - no guarantees but I may be able to help and would be happy to try.
posted by DingoMutt at 8:39 AM on April 13, 2019 [9 favorites]
("but you will not face anything like the abuse you will on testosterone-fueled combat games."
It's worth noting in a thread about mtf trans stuff of all places that abuse isn't fueled by any particular hormone.)
I agree with bagel about "passing." It tells you more about the person making the judgment than the trans person. I've heard people use "cis-assumed" instead of "passing" for this reason.
All that aside, it's exciting to learn about yourself! I definitely relate to your desire to experiment with your voice. If I were you, I'd find a nice queer discord community and check out what games other people are playing. It looks like many queer/trans discords specifically advertise voice chat as something they do. Maybe you could practice with queers before talking to randos from the internet.
good luck!
posted by the list of suspects is just you at 9:37 AM on April 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
It's worth noting in a thread about mtf trans stuff of all places that abuse isn't fueled by any particular hormone.)
I agree with bagel about "passing." It tells you more about the person making the judgment than the trans person. I've heard people use "cis-assumed" instead of "passing" for this reason.
All that aside, it's exciting to learn about yourself! I definitely relate to your desire to experiment with your voice. If I were you, I'd find a nice queer discord community and check out what games other people are playing. It looks like many queer/trans discords specifically advertise voice chat as something they do. Maybe you could practice with queers before talking to randos from the internet.
good luck!
posted by the list of suspects is just you at 9:37 AM on April 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
I second that this is a risky approach, with the disclaimers that I am a) transmasculine and b) strongly put off by the ways voice training for trans people is often framed/approached. On the one hand, if voice training is something you want to do, opportunities to practice are clearly a good thing and gaming seems like an opportunity for that. On the other hand (and I may be projecting my own experience here), it feels like you're teetering on the edge of "it's only worth transitioning if I pass" and voice chat in games is possibly the hardest possible venue for being gendered correctly (and note too that there's a difference between being gendered correctly and being perceived as cis--you generally can only figure out if the latter is not happening by people being assholes, otherwise you have no means to judge). In person, voice is one of the things people use to confirm how they've gendered you rather than something that drives their gendering unless they've been otherwise unable to gender you. On the phone or in a voice chat, your voice is distorted and people don't really have a whole lot of other input with which to gender you.
I agree with the suggestion of finding some reasonably nearby trans group as a venue to start experimenting. Any decent group is a) not going to connect what you're wearing or whatever to your gender and b) not going to give you flak for saying "I want to stick with masculine pronouns for now" (if that's the case--some people can dive in and start experimenting with pronouns or name the first time they go to one of these things).
posted by hoyland at 9:44 AM on April 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
I agree with the suggestion of finding some reasonably nearby trans group as a venue to start experimenting. Any decent group is a) not going to connect what you're wearing or whatever to your gender and b) not going to give you flak for saying "I want to stick with masculine pronouns for now" (if that's the case--some people can dive in and start experimenting with pronouns or name the first time they go to one of these things).
posted by hoyland at 9:44 AM on April 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
Seconding DingoMutt. For another option, some speech language pathologists work with trans* individuals to help them more easily achieve the voice they want. There are specifically Voice specialists in Otolaryngology departments that provide therapy sessions for this.
One caveat, insurance rarely covers Voice/Speech therapy for adults, whether they are transgender or not.
You may want to ask around your geographic area to learn about who provides this service & how much it costs.
Good luck!
posted by ElisaOS at 10:16 AM on April 13, 2019
One caveat, insurance rarely covers Voice/Speech therapy for adults, whether they are transgender or not.
You may want to ask around your geographic area to learn about who provides this service & how much it costs.
Good luck!
posted by ElisaOS at 10:16 AM on April 13, 2019
Something to be aware of besides potential abuse if you do this - many women complain about gamers who assume they're preteen boys from their voice (and in some obnoxious cases insist on it after being told otherwise). I assume this would be distressing, as well as an inaccurate marker of how "well" your voice training is going.
posted by randomnity at 10:55 AM on April 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by randomnity at 10:55 AM on April 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
Hi, I grew up playing video games as a young girl. Unless you can guarantee it’s a safe space, online gaming culture is really really trash. It’s even worse now than back then. Sure I made some genuine friends but overall it was:
What are you gay? (O a f**)
Did your balls drop yet?
Shut the fuck up bitch.
Make me a sandwich.
Suck my dick.
Oh look it’s a girl let’s kill her!
*actual same team killings*
The list goes on. Endlessly. I can’t count how many hours of my youth were harassment based. Would not recommend as a place you want to try or learn. There must be better, supportive communities to learn that will give you actual feedback other than “you sound feminine enough to sexually harass.”
posted by Crystalinne at 11:46 AM on April 13, 2019 [5 favorites]
What are you gay? (O a f**)
Did your balls drop yet?
Shut the fuck up bitch.
Make me a sandwich.
Suck my dick.
Oh look it’s a girl let’s kill her!
*actual same team killings*
The list goes on. Endlessly. I can’t count how many hours of my youth were harassment based. Would not recommend as a place you want to try or learn. There must be better, supportive communities to learn that will give you actual feedback other than “you sound feminine enough to sexually harass.”
posted by Crystalinne at 11:46 AM on April 13, 2019 [5 favorites]
I'd suggest finding a chill discord server and finding gaming companions this way, not any random in-game matchmaking, for voice practice or just gaming. I like to play a pretty "mute the lobby chat it's toxic" game (PUBG) but only play in squads with people I don't know personally that are from friendly discords.
posted by wellifyouinsist at 2:51 PM on April 13, 2019
posted by wellifyouinsist at 2:51 PM on April 13, 2019
If you're dead-set on the video game chat angle, you might want to check out more, uh, curated experiences than random matchmaking allows for. I'd personally stick with friend groups, but I've heard good things about Mefight Club, which started out as a MeFi offshoot.
posted by Aleyn at 3:11 PM on April 13, 2019
posted by Aleyn at 3:11 PM on April 13, 2019
I second (or third or whatever) the discord recommendation over just doing this in-game.
There's Transmission Gaming, which is for, well, trans gamers, and seems to have fairly active voice chat.
There's also the Trans Later discord, but that one is aimed at the older trans crowd (mainly thirty +), and doesn't have as active a voice chat community.
There are probably a bunch of others that I don't know about.
I'm not going to post invites to the first two here, but feel free to hit me up via memail, or track me down via my Tumblr or twitter (both linked in my profile).
posted by Tabitha Someday at 8:45 PM on April 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
There's Transmission Gaming, which is for, well, trans gamers, and seems to have fairly active voice chat.
There's also the Trans Later discord, but that one is aimed at the older trans crowd (mainly thirty +), and doesn't have as active a voice chat community.
There are probably a bunch of others that I don't know about.
I'm not going to post invites to the first two here, but feel free to hit me up via memail, or track me down via my Tumblr or twitter (both linked in my profile).
posted by Tabitha Someday at 8:45 PM on April 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
I spent a lot of time singing in the shower, myself. YMMV.
I know there are servers that focus on keeping the dumb kids who just learnt a bunch of slurs off. If you have any friends who are gamer furries ask where they play, they probably know good places - furries are super accepting of all kinds of queerness.
Good luck. Finding a good voice is an important component of regularly getting the pronouns you prefer without having to beat people over the head with them; the other big ones for me were figuring out how to dress myself well (thrift/vintage stores are your friend) and getting my facial hair lasered off. Growing a pair of tits helped too but that’s less of the overall package than you think.
posted by egypturnash at 9:31 PM on April 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
I know there are servers that focus on keeping the dumb kids who just learnt a bunch of slurs off. If you have any friends who are gamer furries ask where they play, they probably know good places - furries are super accepting of all kinds of queerness.
Good luck. Finding a good voice is an important component of regularly getting the pronouns you prefer without having to beat people over the head with them; the other big ones for me were figuring out how to dress myself well (thrift/vintage stores are your friend) and getting my facial hair lasered off. Growing a pair of tits helped too but that’s less of the overall package than you think.
posted by egypturnash at 9:31 PM on April 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
Oh and you might wanna look into MeFightClub, it’s a gaming group that spun off from Metafilter and is probably full of, you know. People with some manners.
posted by egypturnash at 9:36 PM on April 13, 2019
posted by egypturnash at 9:36 PM on April 13, 2019
If you just want to play games as a woman, it's probably best to play with friends, not with random people. You can certainly come to MefightClub if you need gaming friends! In a game the chat is going to be game-focused, but there will be joking around and such between games.
Second Life would definitely allow for more interaction, especially if you like roleplaying. On the other hand most roleplaying sims are text-based. People who use voice mostly, so far as I've seen, prefer it for, well, erotic pursuits.
posted by zompist at 10:58 PM on April 13, 2019
Second Life would definitely allow for more interaction, especially if you like roleplaying. On the other hand most roleplaying sims are text-based. People who use voice mostly, so far as I've seen, prefer it for, well, erotic pursuits.
posted by zompist at 10:58 PM on April 13, 2019
Anonymous, if you would like someone to introduce you to and walk you through Second Life and the basics of walks, bodies, hair, clothing, etc, I would be happy to do that and to introduce you to some people who will be happy to meet you. I promise to respect confidentiality if you'd like to message me.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:10 PM on April 15, 2019
posted by DarlingBri at 3:10 PM on April 15, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ITheCosmos at 5:10 AM on April 13, 2019 [2 favorites]