Soylent Pizza
April 10, 2019 6:18 PM   Subscribe

If someone wanted to survive solely on pizza, what would be the most nutritionally complete combination of toppings? (Inspired by this mefi post)
posted by Memo to Food & Drink (15 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
Extra sauce, garlic, red peppers, and olives!
posted by schwinggg! at 6:22 PM on April 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

Beef, mushroom, black olive, bell peppers, onion, and extra cheese on thin crust with a nice tomato-based sauce.
Serve with tea and a nice salad.
posted by TrishaU at 6:28 PM on April 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

You're going to want to find a way to get some dietary fiber in there... maybe throw some Metamucil in with the sauce?
posted by some loser at 6:33 PM on April 10, 2019 [3 favorites]

Put a Mediterranean diet on a thin whole-wheat crust. Pizza can be anything.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 6:41 PM on April 10, 2019 [7 favorites]

I'm pleased to announce that this is (at minimum) the twentieth AskMe variation on nutritionally complete foods, an AskMe classic which has somewhat diminished since Soylent became a non-fictional thing. See MefiWiki's Frequently Asked page for the full listing, all the way back to the days of Monkey Chow.
posted by zamboni at 7:05 PM on April 10, 2019 [11 favorites]

Make your crust dough from enriched flour and you'll top off your B vitamins.
posted by phunniemee at 7:12 PM on April 10, 2019

Sausage, rapini and cheese.
posted by Ideefixe at 7:22 PM on April 10, 2019 [2 favorites]

Spicy red peppers
Topped off with a pile of arugula and...
A fried egg
posted by sallybrown at 7:37 PM on April 10, 2019 [3 favorites]

Hmm, seems low on iron and fiber, high on salt and fat . Really, any pizzable fresh veggie would help, especially spinach/broccoli. Spinach cooks down to nothing so you can put a giant pile of fresh stuff on. Fresh tomatoes instead of sauce would also be an improvement.
posted by tchemgrrl at 7:52 PM on April 10, 2019

I have to go with - pineapple, mushroom and black olive.
This combo will likely sustain you through many obstacles.
posted by augustinetill at 10:44 PM on April 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

Whole wheat crust
tomato sauce
as many nutrient-dense fresh veggies as you can get (broccoli, spinach, tomato, rapini, sweet potato if your place has it)
and some non-smoked meat (ground beef or real chicken).
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:36 AM on April 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

Why not several different pizzas? I think it would be fine if you also use a whole wheat crust. If it had to be one, I'd go with sallybrown's pizza on a whole wheat crust, but integrate the red pepper in the tomato sauce because I don't like un-integrated pepper of any form. Then it would be delicious and nutritious. I could probably eat that every day for quite a while.
posted by mumimor at 4:33 AM on April 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

For a vegan version, I’d use a whole wheat crust, leave out the cheese, use extra sauce, pile high with a variety of vegetables, including spinach, and add pine nuts. I’d also add ground flax seeds for omega 3s.

I’m thinking baked, marinated tofu would also be good on pizza, but I’ve never tried it. I’ve had the pine nuts in restaurants though, and they are awesome.
posted by FencingGal at 6:25 AM on April 11, 2019

Best answer: You're going to want the most heavily loaded pizza possible to insure that you get those trace elements, like selenium and iodine. Much depends on the source of the ingredients. Spinach, for example can range from having a negligible iron content to being an excellent source of iron depending on how iron-depleted the soil is where it is grown.

But the biggest problem will be things like the heat-sensitive vitamins. If you cook something with Vitamin C in it, the vitamin C is broken down. This is why your orange juice is always fortified with vitamin C. Processing requires heating, so then they add some later. You can throw all the vitamin C rich vegetables on your pizza that you like, but if you cook it too much you needn't have bothered. For this reason how you cook your pizza will be important. You're going to want to pile some toppings on it and then bury them with other ingredients to protect them from cooking enough to destroy the vitamins in them. If your green pepper still has a bunch of crunch in it, it will still have the vitamin C.

You need:



Vitamin A (retinol)

- red and orange peppers

Vitamin B1 (thiamin)
Vitamin B2 (riboflavin)
Vitamin B3 (niacin)
Vitamin B5 (panthotenic acid)
Vitamin B6 (pyridoxin)
Vitamin B7 (biotin)
Vitamin B9 (folic acid, folate)
Vitamin B12 (cobalamin)
Vitamin C (ascorbic acid)
Vitamin E (tocopherol)
Vitamin K (naphthoquinones)
Choline (vitamin Bp)

- genuine whole grain crust, not one of those where they added the bran back but not the wheat germ oils.



- Not every body absorbs calcium well, so I would be hesitant to rely entirely on the cheese. Throw some sesame seeds in, and use a limestone to grind your flour so that the flour has to be identified with the disclaimer "May contain chalk " Vitamin K and Vitamin D will both help with the proper absorption and metabolism of the calcium


- tomatoes, celery


- mussels or oysters - also rather an acquired taste on pizza but I have enjoyed them


- the shellfish mentioned above, or chicken liver


- use sea salt. Seaweed would also work, but you are gunna end up with many flavours and might want to avoid excess.


- Guess what? You can get that from the mussels and oysters. Since those are already going on the pizza I'd rather not add pepperoni or bacon, besides which you should probably be avoiding the processed meats. Some people put chicken livers on pizza too, but I'd start to dislike that after a couple of months (Or else it would be the part I reaaally craved.) and I'm not sure it would go with the seafood.


- avocado and spinach


- mussels and the wheat germ in the crust


- this one is a toughie. You are going to need peanuts or legumes, or rice. I'm going to suggest you secretly fortify your crust dough with some pea-meal. Fortunately only the tiniest trace amounts are needed so a couple of teaspoons per pizza should be enough and you'll never know.


- the beef and whole grains will do it. But since you already have mussels and oysters on your pizza toss on a few scallops. You are going to have a seafood pizza!


- I draw the line at bananas. No. Not on MY pizza. Beet greens. Avocado. There would be some in the cheese. Throw on some salmon to go with the scallops and mussels and oysters.


- oysters and mushrooms and what the hell, throw on a handful of shrimp.


- You're good. Everything has sodium in it: Cheese, all that seafood.


- oysters, mushrooms - and crab or lobster. Are you seeing a trend here?

Amino acids


- the shrimp, lobster and the chicken livers


- the chicken liver, seafood and whole grain will contain enough here.


- Parmesan cheese, oysters and shrimp. Also octopus, if you have the heart to eat those poor clever squirmy things.


- parmesan cheese, shrimp


- Parmesan cheese and let's throw on some tuna


- Let's throw a couple of table spoons of soy flour in the dough. There's some in cheese, especially parmesan, but not much and I really thing we don't want to start adding beef at this point since we have a fishy trend going.


Those sesame seeds, the soy flour in the dough and the parmesan cheese will do it.


Soy, liver, cheese, shellfish. We're good


Cheese, soybeans, shellfish. We're good again.

Fatty acids

Alpha-linolenic acid (ALA)

I'm going to ask you so throw some ground flax seeds - or whole ones if you prefer, into the dough. You could also use rapeseed (canola) oil when making the dough too, or grease the pizza pan with it.

Linoleic acid

You can get this from the cheese. Blue, brie and Emmenthaler are all good bets.

So there we have it, a seafood and five cheese pizza with lots of spinach and beet greens and mushrooms and peppers, on a whole wheat crust fortified with pea-meal, flax, sesame and soy. Precook the crust and then pile on the toppings really thick, with a solid layer of cheese to insulate the peppers and fresh tomatoes so they are barely cooked at all when the cheese is browned.
posted by Jane the Brown at 7:40 AM on April 11, 2019 [25 favorites]

Jane I applaud your effort and "I draw the line at bananas. No. Not on MY pizza. Beet greens. Avocado. There would be some in the cheese. Throw on some salmon to go with the scallops and mussels and oysters." is just hilarious, considering that this eldritch health pizza already has every living creature from the ocean on it.
posted by GoblinHoney at 10:23 AM on April 11, 2019 [3 favorites]

« Older I am the Bitch Eating Crackers, help me not care.   |   Is it dangerous to knock yourself out before a... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.