Third Baby Wheel
March 30, 2019 11:58 PM Subscribe
My spouse and I decided that we need to step up our Date Night and relationship-strengthening game, in the face of a lot of mounting life stress and transitions. Why wait until Friday, or until we can get a sitter?
What are some good/fun/effective/romantic bonding activities we can do at home or cheapily and easily around town with our very busy baby in tow?
Can you do museums, ice cream, coffee sorts of outings? There are also movie theaters that do baby brigade, might that be an option?
posted by stillmoving at 4:12 AM on March 31, 2019
posted by stillmoving at 4:12 AM on March 31, 2019
When our first child was a baby we took lots of long walks with him in the stroller.
posted by christinetheslp at 4:26 AM on March 31, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by christinetheslp at 4:26 AM on March 31, 2019 [5 favorites]
How old is your baby? I had a sneaky peak at your other questions and we're talking under a year here, or thereabouts, right?
If your kid is old enough to settle into a routine, that's going to make at home romance easier. We do at home movie nights with popcorn and nice drinks, low lights, that kind of thing, now that our youngest is old enough to have a bedtime - we do this from time to time since she was about a year old.
A lot of what makes these moments important is finding ways to be Not The Parents around each other. When you know you have those moments, do things - even mundane things - you used to do together during those down times. Besides movie nights, we play video games together, play board games, just cuddle and talk about Not The Children. Sometimes we cook together - we're lucky enough to have a good mate of ours living in with us, so he'll keep an eye on the kids while we make dinner together sometimes. It's really lovely and we don't get to do it that often, so it's quite nice when we do. You gotta snatch the moments when they happen.
As for dates, the best we've managed is taking the baby out in the pram and once she falls asleep having coffee somewhere good. You're in the US so coming into spring finding places with good al fresco helps, as it'll be quieter outside.
posted by Jilder at 5:36 AM on March 31, 2019 [3 favorites]
If your kid is old enough to settle into a routine, that's going to make at home romance easier. We do at home movie nights with popcorn and nice drinks, low lights, that kind of thing, now that our youngest is old enough to have a bedtime - we do this from time to time since she was about a year old.
A lot of what makes these moments important is finding ways to be Not The Parents around each other. When you know you have those moments, do things - even mundane things - you used to do together during those down times. Besides movie nights, we play video games together, play board games, just cuddle and talk about Not The Children. Sometimes we cook together - we're lucky enough to have a good mate of ours living in with us, so he'll keep an eye on the kids while we make dinner together sometimes. It's really lovely and we don't get to do it that often, so it's quite nice when we do. You gotta snatch the moments when they happen.
As for dates, the best we've managed is taking the baby out in the pram and once she falls asleep having coffee somewhere good. You're in the US so coming into spring finding places with good al fresco helps, as it'll be quieter outside.
posted by Jilder at 5:36 AM on March 31, 2019 [3 favorites]
We try to set aside one night a week where we get everything done after dinner really quickly and then have an evening to chat over a glass of wine. We talk about our work, or the news, or show each other funny videos, or listen to some new music. We also do stuff like making taking the garbage out a joint endeavor and hold hands. Or deliberately decide to do a chore together, enjoy it because we smooch and goof around and banter, and call it a date. Laundry folding date, etc.
posted by sestaaak at 5:47 AM on March 31, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by sestaaak at 5:47 AM on March 31, 2019 [12 favorites]
We did a two-person book club for a while, picking books that are specifically aimed at giving you something to discuss. When the baby is little it can be hard to remember what you used to talk about--a movie might serve the same purpose. Basically, it's a specific focus for an in-depth conversation that has nothing to do with babies.
posted by gideonfrog at 6:27 AM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by gideonfrog at 6:27 AM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
Our local art museum has a family activity floor at the ground level which provides a little-kid friendly option if more kiddo energy arises on the other floors
posted by childofTethys at 6:43 AM on March 31, 2019
posted by childofTethys at 6:43 AM on March 31, 2019
A back rub and a nice talk without distractions but fully listening to each other goes a long way.
Also make goodbye kisses romantic - kiss for 3 seconds at least and really lean in :)
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:19 AM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
Also make goodbye kisses romantic - kiss for 3 seconds at least and really lean in :)
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:19 AM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
More of a weekend thing, but I’ve found that walks out in nature with the baby strapped to one of your backs is 1) incredibly good exercise and 2) feels like good parenting, if you’re normally stuck in the concrete jungle and 3) is likely to keep the little person quiet as they stare around at trees and birds, so that the two of you can talk about whatever you like.
In fact, as I type this, we’re having breakfast before attempting something a little more ambitious - my current city closes ~50 km of roads each Sunday for cyclists, and we’re going to ride around that as a family. That obviously depends on having access to bicycles and somewhere safe to ride. Oh, and we also took ours camping for a couple of nights with a group of friends once we got to the “walking independently” stage at 14 months or so. Again, that’s more expensive in terms of travel time and equipment (tents, etc). However, these activities are things that would never have occurred to us - our relationship had no element of sports, outdoorsy stuff, etc, before we became parents. (We were more bars / restaurants / movies.) The ideas grew naturally out of going on a couple of short walks in some nearby green space and realising that this was a fun, cheap, healthy way to spend time together that involved the baby... But didn’t require all the attention on the baby.
posted by chappell, ambrose at 7:44 AM on March 31, 2019 [3 favorites]
In fact, as I type this, we’re having breakfast before attempting something a little more ambitious - my current city closes ~50 km of roads each Sunday for cyclists, and we’re going to ride around that as a family. That obviously depends on having access to bicycles and somewhere safe to ride. Oh, and we also took ours camping for a couple of nights with a group of friends once we got to the “walking independently” stage at 14 months or so. Again, that’s more expensive in terms of travel time and equipment (tents, etc). However, these activities are things that would never have occurred to us - our relationship had no element of sports, outdoorsy stuff, etc, before we became parents. (We were more bars / restaurants / movies.) The ideas grew naturally out of going on a couple of short walks in some nearby green space and realising that this was a fun, cheap, healthy way to spend time together that involved the baby... But didn’t require all the attention on the baby.
posted by chappell, ambrose at 7:44 AM on March 31, 2019 [3 favorites]
Outdoor concerts, especially in a park or green space.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 9:04 AM on March 31, 2019
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 9:04 AM on March 31, 2019
Also I posted about it here but we found getting a sitter for a few hours on a weekend day much more manageable and low stakes and just as enjoyable if not more than a Friday date night.
posted by sestaaak at 9:21 AM on March 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by sestaaak at 9:21 AM on March 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
Hikes, with the kid in a backpack. Shared adversity does wonders for bonding. Not that all hikes are adversity, but hey, they certainly can be.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:22 AM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:22 AM on March 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
Physical connection during everyday activities. Sometimes my husband sits with me and holds my hand while I breastfed our 18 month old. I sometimes give him a backrub while he reads her books.
posted by CMcG at 9:25 AM on March 31, 2019
posted by CMcG at 9:25 AM on March 31, 2019
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posted by BusyBusyBusy at 3:27 AM on March 31, 2019