Is there such a thing as a real estate blacklist

March 26, 2019 8:16 AM

I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to buy a house. I really can't afford one. I just want one very badly. I've made three offers that haven't been accepted and I think I need to walk away from the home buying process in general, and focus on other things. The only thing stopping me from walking away is that I feel terrible stiffing my realtor, as weird as that may sound.

He's done a lot for me. I'm afraid that if I walk away now, when I'm ready to buy later he won't want to work with me because of my flaky track record. Worse, I imagine he'll badmouth me to other realtors. (I don't know if this is all in my head.) What do realtors think when a buyer just.... doesn't buy? How do I walk away without burning the bridge behind me? Please be gentle, I'm in a very bad place right now.

posted by coffeeand to Work & Money (23 answers total)

This is totally in your head. People walk away from the process all the time. He has better things to do than badmouth somebody who, worst case, maybe is making some unrealistically low offers he doesn't think are going to be accepted.

Most realtors regularly work with flaky, annoying, unreliable people. It's totally par for the course in this and many other services jobs. He'll shrug and move on to focusing on his other clients.

"Hey, Realtor, really appreciate everything you've done. I'm getting burned out on this process and it looks like I'm just operating without enough cash to do this properly. I'm going to bow out for a little while, I'll let you know when I want to get back in the game. Thanks!"

And you're done.
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:20 AM on March 26, 2019 [66 favorites]

Do you live in a busy market? Here in Seattle, 3 offers rejected is nothing.
posted by k8t at 8:20 AM on March 26, 2019 [9 favorites]

Four members of my family are Realtors. People bail on house hunting and house selling all of the time. There is no blacklist.
posted by kimberussell at 8:23 AM on March 26, 2019 [5 favorites]

A realtor's professional reputation is vital to their livelihood; this person is not going to badmouth you around town. You aren't going to be blackballed. You've had a bad experience trying to buy a house and you want to stop looking. Someday, you'll want to look again, and your realtor will want to preserve the relationship in hopes of working with you then. You have no reason to feel badly about this.
posted by something something at 8:26 AM on March 26, 2019 [6 favorites]

The realtor would rather you politely disengage for now rather than keep them working when you aren’t all that into it and know you probably won’t/can’t buy right now. That would be jerking them around.
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:29 AM on March 26, 2019 [19 favorites]

The nice thing you can do, if you've been happy with his work, is to help him get other clients. Tell him that you need to put the process on hold for now, but that you've appreciated his work for you and you'll be back in touch when the time comes, and in the meantime you'll be recommending him to other people who're buying/selling.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:29 AM on March 26, 2019 [15 favorites]

If you feel extremely bad about it you can get him a token gift for the trouble like a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine.
posted by griphus at 8:32 AM on March 26, 2019 [4 favorites]

We worked with our realtor for almost two years before we bought. We had three or four offers rejected, one offer accepted but then we backed out after the inspection, and one offer that we completely put together only to have the listing closed due to a cash offer before we were able to submit our offer. We dropped out of the search for months at a time. He did not take it personally. He was happy for us when we finally bought a house (oh and even once we had an offer accepted it was still a hell deal - one of the sellers died between signing the P&S and the closing, and we couldn't delay closing because my husband's company was restructuring and we would have had to start the mortgage approval process over from scratch if he had been laid off before closing).

Anyway if your realtor is one of the one in a thousand who would take this personally and be a dick about something like this, you would be well rid of him.
posted by mskyle at 8:34 AM on March 26, 2019 [6 favorites]

We dropped in and out of the real estate process for similar reasons and our real estate agent seemed to completely understand (thereby guaranteeing our business again when we had more of our act together ~2 years later, when we actually bought the house). From what I've seen, realtors play a super long game in the hopes that you'll think of them when you move out of your starter home, when a new colleague moves to town, when your parents are selling and moving south, etc, etc.
posted by tchemgrrl at 8:49 AM on March 26, 2019

Realtors livelihood depends on having clients. They will not blacklist a willing client.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 8:56 AM on March 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

I took an entire year to pick my current home, and drug my agent out almost every weekend while I investigated every possible combination of features, location and price that could have been right for me. My agent was always pleasant and encouraging, and never gave me the impression that she was anxious for me to buy or go away. I eventually did find a place, and she and another realtor (in her agency, as it happened) split a nice commission of around $20K. Granted she only got about a third of that. But even $6K is pretty nice for about 100 hours of work. That's how it works and that's why they do it.

If you have a steady job and you have no problem paying your current rent, you can probably find, eventually, a house that you both like and can afford. In some markets this will take longer than in others. Discuss this with your realtor and see what he says. But I think you should keep looking.
posted by ubiquity at 9:20 AM on March 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

Our realtor actually said that there were clients that she had been working with, off and on, for several years - they would look, and not find what they wanted, take a break, and then look again. She seemed completely fine with it - treated it as a normal part of her job.
posted by needlegrrl at 9:47 AM on March 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

This is a completely normal experience for a Realtor. They will absolutely try to talk you out of giving up, because (if they're any good) selling is second nature for them, but I promise as long as you don't entirely ghost so they don't waste a lot of time trying to figure out why you're not responding, it will be fine.

If you feel super bad, write them a good Yelp review. That's valuable.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:48 AM on March 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

I was at the other end of the spectrum. I literally bought the first house I looked at. I had to talk the agent into my full price offer. She gave me a very expensive gift when we closed. She told me she had clients that looked for 3 years before buying. I guess these things average out. Do not fret. Be polite and thank them for their help and tell them you want to take a break and will be in touch again when you are ready.
posted by AugustWest at 9:50 AM on March 26, 2019

Husband of a realtor here, just joining the chorus. This is all normal, stuff that happens. What pisses realtors off are clients that lie: about their intentions, ability to obtain financing, etc. Just tell them that you're kinda burned out on the process and you would like to hit pause for a while. Home buying is an emotionally stressful process and good realtors will understand.
posted by dudemanlives at 10:32 AM on March 26, 2019 [3 favorites]

Echoing others. Depending on what market you're in, three rejections is nothing. I bought a house in NC last year, and I had at least three offers rejected and looked at about 10-12 places before settling on my current home.

Do not feel guilty about "stiffing" the realtor. This is a huge, life-changing purchase. Any good realtor understands that - and they should actually want you to be happy. (And, ideally, work with them a few years down the road to sell the property and buy a new one...) Just be honest and let them know you're pausing the search and why. Maybe they'll have some advice for you on how to be successful when you're ready.

Totally normal, do not feel badly at all. When the time is right, contact them again and resume your search. As others have said - recommendations go a long way.
posted by jzb at 10:51 AM on March 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

This is just part of the business, it's ostensibly part of why they get paid so much per sale - it helps cover the time they spent with people that ended up not buying.

If he felt you were jerking him around, he might chose not to work with you again, but there's a multitude of others that will, and based on what you're said, I doubt he'll do anything other than add you to the list to send a postcard to in six months to see if you're ready to start looking again.
posted by Candleman at 10:53 AM on March 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

I’d have thought realtors like to impress vendors with how good they are at generating interest, so by making genuine offers you’ve been kind of helpful even if they weren’t accepted, haven’t you?
posted by Segundus at 11:11 AM on March 26, 2019

We walked away from SELLING a house with a realtor (work transfer fell through), and we still get their annual refrigerator magnet calendar and quarterly newsletter.
posted by hwyengr at 11:43 AM on March 26, 2019 [2 favorites]

You tried, your realtor could not find an affordable house for you. You gave them the opportunity to make the sale, so you did your part. People often feel emotion for their real estate person, they're on an emotional journey with you. If you know somebody who's about to buy, the best thank you is a referral.
posted by theora55 at 5:58 PM on March 26, 2019

Close family member is a realtor and what you’re doing is completely normal. Realtors’ business depends on building very long term relationships and getting current clients to recommend them to friends and family. Your current realtor wants to sell you a place and then wait years and years for you to be ready to use them to sell that place down the road. If a realtor ever tried to blackball you to another realtor, the second realtor would probably reach right out to you in hopes of poaching a client!
posted by sallybrown at 6:12 PM on March 26, 2019 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thank you all! I was exaggerating about three rejected offers.... really only one was outright rejected. The others involved counteroffers from the sellers that allowed me more time to think and each time I got cold feet and bailed out. So my realtor really has sunk a lot of effort into me with no reward, and I would be pissed if I was him. But I will recommend him... and hopefully he will work with me again. If not, then it sounds like he won't badmouth me to anyone and even if he does it's not like no one will work with me. Thank you to everyone for your perspectives!
posted by coffeeand at 5:35 AM on March 27, 2019

Realtor's fee's are not trivial. You're paying for the average time they spend working with a client, not the time you spend, or else you'd be paying them hourly. People get hung up on this, but it's no different than other sales jobs except they are more patient and willing to invest in long term relationships because the payoff is bigger. If you shopped for a car or refrigerator would you worry if you put it off and waited a while?

The only way you'd be screwing with them is if you kept having them work when you knew you weren't going to buy.
posted by bongo_x at 2:42 PM on March 27, 2019