Help me with my broken ankle blues
March 22, 2019 2:43 PM Subscribe
I need mental health tips as I recover from a broken ankle.
I dislocated and broke my ankle at the beginning of March in a slip-and-fall accident out of the blue. One minute I was walking home, the next, I was on my back with a broken ankle that required a trip to the ER and then a subsequent trip for surgery.
Physically, I'm getting better, but emotionally, I'm suffering. Although I'm now able to wobble about with a walking boot (hurray!), it's still pretty tough. I'm still worried about falling again. I can't go outside without my fiance just yet since I'm still in the baby steps of walking, and I still rely on my crutches.
So that means that most of the time I'm by myself, and I'm having a hard time with not blaming myself for this whole situation, worrying about my medical bills and trying to deal with the loss of my mobility and independence.
I had quit my job in February and was on sabbatical when this happened, and though it's been a mixed blessing because now I can really take the time to recover, I'm also worried about needing to find a job again when I can barely move about.
Worst of all, I had taken this sabbatical to work on my novel, but I can barely bring myself to work on it now. I spend most of my time sleeping, trying to maneuver around, and surfing the internet these days. But not writing, because I had been walking home from a writing meetup when the fall happened and now my novel is associated in my mind with my injury.
It'll be another four to six weeks of recovery, and then physical therapy for however long. I'd love to hear any mental health tips about how to deal with this -- and especially, how I can get back to writing again.
I dislocated and broke my ankle at the beginning of March in a slip-and-fall accident out of the blue. One minute I was walking home, the next, I was on my back with a broken ankle that required a trip to the ER and then a subsequent trip for surgery.
Physically, I'm getting better, but emotionally, I'm suffering. Although I'm now able to wobble about with a walking boot (hurray!), it's still pretty tough. I'm still worried about falling again. I can't go outside without my fiance just yet since I'm still in the baby steps of walking, and I still rely on my crutches.
So that means that most of the time I'm by myself, and I'm having a hard time with not blaming myself for this whole situation, worrying about my medical bills and trying to deal with the loss of my mobility and independence.
I had quit my job in February and was on sabbatical when this happened, and though it's been a mixed blessing because now I can really take the time to recover, I'm also worried about needing to find a job again when I can barely move about.
Worst of all, I had taken this sabbatical to work on my novel, but I can barely bring myself to work on it now. I spend most of my time sleeping, trying to maneuver around, and surfing the internet these days. But not writing, because I had been walking home from a writing meetup when the fall happened and now my novel is associated in my mind with my injury.
It'll be another four to six weeks of recovery, and then physical therapy for however long. I'd love to hear any mental health tips about how to deal with this -- and especially, how I can get back to writing again.
If you can't write, journal.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:45 PM on March 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 3:45 PM on March 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Awwww. That sucks and falls happen! If you can't write, read good books. Watch comfort movies. You deserve kindness. Be kind to yourself.
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 3:56 PM on March 22, 2019
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 3:56 PM on March 22, 2019
Binge watching on netflix, or rent from the library. While laid up for a wek, I watched all of Deadwood, and Firefly, the Star Trek film with Chris Pine as young Kirk. Just put up with good recovery, and don't beat up on yourself. When you get sick of other people's creative efforts, then go back to your own!
posted by Oyéah at 4:48 PM on March 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Oyéah at 4:48 PM on March 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Please know that "out of the blue slip-and-falls" happen. I did that a month before my wedding and have a cast on my wrist in the pictures!
You are HEALING, and it is ok to need to spend all your effort on that. I would make an effort to get dressed, teeth brushed, hair done, whatever it is you do to feel like yourself. And then sit down and put your ankle up and knit! (or another creative pursuit if writing feels like too much)
posted by Ms Vegetable at 5:26 PM on March 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
You are HEALING, and it is ok to need to spend all your effort on that. I would make an effort to get dressed, teeth brushed, hair done, whatever it is you do to feel like yourself. And then sit down and put your ankle up and knit! (or another creative pursuit if writing feels like too much)
posted by Ms Vegetable at 5:26 PM on March 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I spend most of my time sleeping, trying to maneuver around, and surfing the internet these days. But not writing, because I had been walking home from a writing meetup when the fall happened and now my novel is associated in my mind with my injury. [...] I'd love to hear any mental health tips about how to deal with this -- and especially, how I can get back to writing again.
PTSD will do things like this, and your description of a traumatic association stands out to me because it reminds me of times when I've inadvertantly wandered past the surgery wing of the hospital I still visit for follow-up appointments. It was so weird that my body seemed to remember a place I only walked through once at 6am, but I had a major surgery, and that can be how trauma works. Basically, it's like I sensed danger associated with the surgery floor, and then my flight instincts kicked in, and it was very disorienting until I realized what was probably happening. It also seemed to get worse before it got better, but it has gotten better over time. One thing that has helped me a lot is working with an LCSW talk therapist, and a big focus of our sessions is getting back on track and back to work.
Some Orthopedic Injuries Can Lead to PTSD (Psych Central)
posted by Little Dawn at 5:26 PM on March 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
PTSD will do things like this, and your description of a traumatic association stands out to me because it reminds me of times when I've inadvertantly wandered past the surgery wing of the hospital I still visit for follow-up appointments. It was so weird that my body seemed to remember a place I only walked through once at 6am, but I had a major surgery, and that can be how trauma works. Basically, it's like I sensed danger associated with the surgery floor, and then my flight instincts kicked in, and it was very disorienting until I realized what was probably happening. It also seemed to get worse before it got better, but it has gotten better over time. One thing that has helped me a lot is working with an LCSW talk therapist, and a big focus of our sessions is getting back on track and back to work.
Some Orthopedic Injuries Can Lead to PTSD (Psych Central)
A diagnosis of posttraumatic stress disorder relies on the presence of specific behaviors or symptoms, including: [...] Avoiding situations reminiscent of the original trauma, [...] difficulty concentratingDepression and PTSD in Orthopedic Trauma (Vanderbilt University Medical Center)
SUMMARYAlso, if you are experiencing things like neck and shoulder pain, you may want to explore PT for those issues as well - I think I've also had a positive mental health benefit from the gentle realignment side of PT services, which may be a helpful complement to your orthopedic PT. There are also a variety of treatments for PTSD symptoms, including mindfulness exercises, EMDR, and acupuncture. YMMV, but I hope you feel better soon.
* Depression and PTSD are common and unseen complications
* During the post-operative period, orthopedic surgeon often only physician patients visit
* The orthopedic surgeon needs to be able to identify PTSD and depression early in the postoperative process
* Acknowledge to patient that this is normal
* Refer patient to PCP, counselor or psychiatrist
posted by Little Dawn at 5:26 PM on March 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Definitely start physical therapy as soon as you can. Having even minimal progress to look forward to is something, even if getting there is hell. (And it absolutely was hell for me last summer—I had to crab-walk and wear oven mitts while doing so to protect my hands while getting up and down the front walk and stairs to my house for the better part of 3 months after I broke and dislocated my ankle, and I also spent a whole lot of time by myself then.)
Also, lean heavily on friends to chat with you. If you feel like you look OK and are up for it on a given day (I always felt really self-conscious about how often I was able to shower during that time, so if you feel that way, I feel ya on that), do video chats (Jitsi is a great free option, and there's a free version of Zoom, too). Sign up for low-cost stuff you can get in the mail (see some ideas in this thread). Get on Instagram and spend a whole lot of time scrolling through it, looking at images of places around the world. For me, these were ways to stay engaged with the world while I was healing.
Also, treat things like feeding yourself with military precision, and try something like a food tracking app. That will help you keep track how much protein you're getting, which is important while growing bones, and also track any exercise you're doing. I happened to already be using Lose It! at the time I broke my ankle, so that's part of why I used it during that time, but I still didn't miss a day, and it was an interesting challenge, trying to make sure I was getting enough protein for optimal bone growth. I started eating a lot of almonds and string cheese and protein bars and yogurt.
If you can get food delivered, do that as much as possible. I was lucky to have the support of my mother during that time, too, so she brought meals I could manage to heat up and carry in my walker bag by myself, and some friends came by periodically with snacks, games, their dogs, etc. Therapeutic pet visits are truly the best.
I would also suggest queuing up all possible streaming shows or movies you've ever been interested in watching and start going through them. Even watching something mindless like old CSI episodes can be great, because you don't really have to bother following much of the plot (which can be hard on stuff like hydrocodone). The foggy zone you're in during the first month or so while you're in pain and tapering off of the drugs is gonna make it hard to be able to do anything substantive; I worked remotely during that time, myself, but I know for sure I wasn't anywhere near as productive as usual. Something I did during that time might be useful for you, though: making sure to establish discrete parts of my day. I would do work in my office during the day, and have a whole routine around getting ready for work (walker to the bathroom, get a washcloth wet, walker or roll with a chair to the kitchen, wash my face, brush my hair, refresh makeup, get a yogurt and a caffeine water, then roll and/or walker back to my office...). Then at the end of the workday, I would immediately relocate to the couch, as soon as I could, and do anything else from there for the rest of the day. I was also sleeping on the couch at that time due to the inaccessibility of my bedroom. So the rest of my world was there.
If I think of more, I'll let you know! But those are a few things! Just hang in there. I broke mine a little over 9 months ago now, and I'm back at the point where I am now in an entirely different city that basically requires walking everywhere, and I'm doing it, every day, and playing tennis again, and going out drinking sometimes, and living in an apartment down a tiny anxiety-inducing set of stairs. You will probably Google and read a lot of horror stories and just stories about the difficulty of this, and that's not bad to do, because it's useful to understand the range of possible healing experiences. And you might experience a good bit of medical PTSD as well, which is entirely normal for people who have had this happen. Just feel what you feel, read what you read, and try to keep yourself occupied. Much love.
posted by limeonaire at 5:29 PM on March 22, 2019 [3 favorites]
Also, lean heavily on friends to chat with you. If you feel like you look OK and are up for it on a given day (I always felt really self-conscious about how often I was able to shower during that time, so if you feel that way, I feel ya on that), do video chats (Jitsi is a great free option, and there's a free version of Zoom, too). Sign up for low-cost stuff you can get in the mail (see some ideas in this thread). Get on Instagram and spend a whole lot of time scrolling through it, looking at images of places around the world. For me, these were ways to stay engaged with the world while I was healing.
Also, treat things like feeding yourself with military precision, and try something like a food tracking app. That will help you keep track how much protein you're getting, which is important while growing bones, and also track any exercise you're doing. I happened to already be using Lose It! at the time I broke my ankle, so that's part of why I used it during that time, but I still didn't miss a day, and it was an interesting challenge, trying to make sure I was getting enough protein for optimal bone growth. I started eating a lot of almonds and string cheese and protein bars and yogurt.
If you can get food delivered, do that as much as possible. I was lucky to have the support of my mother during that time, too, so she brought meals I could manage to heat up and carry in my walker bag by myself, and some friends came by periodically with snacks, games, their dogs, etc. Therapeutic pet visits are truly the best.
I would also suggest queuing up all possible streaming shows or movies you've ever been interested in watching and start going through them. Even watching something mindless like old CSI episodes can be great, because you don't really have to bother following much of the plot (which can be hard on stuff like hydrocodone). The foggy zone you're in during the first month or so while you're in pain and tapering off of the drugs is gonna make it hard to be able to do anything substantive; I worked remotely during that time, myself, but I know for sure I wasn't anywhere near as productive as usual. Something I did during that time might be useful for you, though: making sure to establish discrete parts of my day. I would do work in my office during the day, and have a whole routine around getting ready for work (walker to the bathroom, get a washcloth wet, walker or roll with a chair to the kitchen, wash my face, brush my hair, refresh makeup, get a yogurt and a caffeine water, then roll and/or walker back to my office...). Then at the end of the workday, I would immediately relocate to the couch, as soon as I could, and do anything else from there for the rest of the day. I was also sleeping on the couch at that time due to the inaccessibility of my bedroom. So the rest of my world was there.
If I think of more, I'll let you know! But those are a few things! Just hang in there. I broke mine a little over 9 months ago now, and I'm back at the point where I am now in an entirely different city that basically requires walking everywhere, and I'm doing it, every day, and playing tennis again, and going out drinking sometimes, and living in an apartment down a tiny anxiety-inducing set of stairs. You will probably Google and read a lot of horror stories and just stories about the difficulty of this, and that's not bad to do, because it's useful to understand the range of possible healing experiences. And you might experience a good bit of medical PTSD as well, which is entirely normal for people who have had this happen. Just feel what you feel, read what you read, and try to keep yourself occupied. Much love.
posted by limeonaire at 5:29 PM on March 22, 2019 [3 favorites]
Oh right, one other fun thing to do: chat online with friends while watching the same movie at the same time wherever you each are. I did that a few times with Kimothy and it was very worth it.
posted by limeonaire at 5:30 PM on March 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by limeonaire at 5:30 PM on March 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
Oliver Sacks, the late and great neurologist, wrote a memoir "A leg to stand on" about recovering from a major leg injury which you might enjoy if you feel up to it. On the other hand maybe something light and escapist would be more the thing, but you must be kind to yourself! Healing is work.
posted by Coaticass at 2:21 AM on March 25, 2019
posted by Coaticass at 2:21 AM on March 25, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
I was in a boot from week two but was completely non weight bearing until the second surgery so it sounds like we're at a similar stage (although I am now boot free).
I don't have many mental health tips for you, but please go easy on yourself. Your accident was bad enough that you required surgery. If you're not still on strong painkillers, you probably only just stopped taking them. It's completely normal to feel awful and helpless
I spent the first two weeks in bed miserable, in pain or sleeping. I couldn't really see how things were going to get better. I hardly ventured downstairs (on my bum). But each day was better than the last and by week three when I started back at work (from home) I couldn't believe at how different it was.
The turning point for me in week two was getting my cast off and getting a boot. I also hired a knee scooter. This was the best decision ever! It gave me freedom to move around downstairs and fetch my own food and drinks. It allowed me to go out with friends.
It may be beneficial to you to hire one for a few weeks until you get steadier (it sounds like you're weight bearing, if you're not please hire one until you are). This would allow you to leave the house with confidence and independence.
I stepped off my stairs badly and broke my ankle. I have to go up and down these stairs 4 or 5 a day and I just push the bad thoughts away. At the moment as I bum shuffle up and down the stairs, it is easy to do. I'm going to have to face it again when I start walking up and down and it will probably be harder.
Due to the steps outside my front door I'm actually stuck in my house unless someone is there to manoeuvre the scooter outside for me (I can get myself out on crutches, I just can't go very far) and if I'm going out with friends they'll just drop by to get me out and walk me home. I ask uber drivers to bring the scooter up the steps for me. I'm hoping next week I can balance myself enough to pull the scooter out myself so I can start going on the bus to work.
My husband tore his ACL in the past and keeps reminding me that it will be months before I trust my ankle fully. I'm practising walking up and down the hallway at home and it's such a mind fuck trying to put weight through my bad leg. But I'm getting better. It's already getting easier to remember to put my foot on the ground when I'm sitting and standing.
I guess the overall tip I have is that it gets better and easier. Each day is better than the last and each week is better than the last.
I hope this helps a little. I think you'll find the answers in my question helpful as well.
posted by poxandplague at 3:19 PM on March 22, 2019 [4 favorites]