Soft skills
March 6, 2019 1:59 PM Subscribe
I am struggling to advance in my career. Be it in my current job or landing a new one, seemingly due to poor communication skills and lack of confidence when expressing an unprepared opinion.
I work in an industry where opinions needs to be generated effectively on feet, all the time (think strategic consulting or investment management). I am generally pretty good when come prepared but, otherwise, i become so nervous and never manage to construct something smart to say. I have engaged in a few 1-1 coaching sessions but the coaches point me to read about vulnerability in addition to toastmaster style practice... Embarassingly, I was in the debate club in college precisely because of this weakness; the 4-year practice and 8 years professional experience under my belt, still, I am struggling with the same issue. I was recently rejected by a company that I really would have loved to work for. Feedback was "lacked confidence when answering unprepared questions." At this point, I am so desperate to do something serious about it, whatever it is! I dont know where to start. I feel like the issue goes quite beyond speaking confidently, but also being able to synthesise a lot of information on the spot, structure my thoughts and deliver them convincingly. If you have or have mentored someone with a similar problem, would appreciate your advice on how to go about this (a) do I need to further dissect my issues? do i actually have to dig into my psychology - reading about vulnerability, etc. or do I accept that this is an intelligence issue and that i have to aim lower? (b) what are some classes, books or degrees that i could pursue? (c) how do i go about an unbiased evaluation?
I work in an industry where opinions needs to be generated effectively on feet, all the time (think strategic consulting or investment management). I am generally pretty good when come prepared but, otherwise, i become so nervous and never manage to construct something smart to say. I have engaged in a few 1-1 coaching sessions but the coaches point me to read about vulnerability in addition to toastmaster style practice... Embarassingly, I was in the debate club in college precisely because of this weakness; the 4-year practice and 8 years professional experience under my belt, still, I am struggling with the same issue. I was recently rejected by a company that I really would have loved to work for. Feedback was "lacked confidence when answering unprepared questions." At this point, I am so desperate to do something serious about it, whatever it is! I dont know where to start. I feel like the issue goes quite beyond speaking confidently, but also being able to synthesise a lot of information on the spot, structure my thoughts and deliver them convincingly. If you have or have mentored someone with a similar problem, would appreciate your advice on how to go about this (a) do I need to further dissect my issues? do i actually have to dig into my psychology - reading about vulnerability, etc. or do I accept that this is an intelligence issue and that i have to aim lower? (b) what are some classes, books or degrees that i could pursue? (c) how do i go about an unbiased evaluation?
What kind of debate did you do in college? Was it prepared? I did parliamentary debate, and it was all extemporaneous and I totally, fully, entirely bombed for a while and then I got better through the practice. Put yourself in situations where you can do the bombing more effectively (improv? trade questions with a friend and give two-minute speeches during which you aren't allowed to stop talking? speech coach? I don't know if Toastmasters does this particular thing) and get over the hump. I did not have to dig into vulnerability to develop this, and it's definitely not an intelligence thing. You just have to keep practicing speaking extemporaneously until it starts to suck less. And that practice is going to be super-uncomfortable and you'll probably need another person kinda-forcing you to do it. Do not read a book. Do the thing.
To some extent this is temperament, so it might also be worth looking for lateral moves to areas where this isn't such a large part of your job. But you can definitely get better at it.
posted by momus_window at 2:57 PM on March 6, 2019
To some extent this is temperament, so it might also be worth looking for lateral moves to areas where this isn't such a large part of your job. But you can definitely get better at it.
posted by momus_window at 2:57 PM on March 6, 2019
I feel like the issue goes quite beyond speaking confidently, but also being able to synthesise a lot of information on the spot, structure my thoughts and deliver them convincingly.
This might seem kind of out of left field, but the kind of skill you're looking to develop is similar to what I do, and what I mentor others to do, when I'm doing a reference interview at my library. Specifically, the listening/inquiring section listed in Section 3 of these guidelines.
Basically, you need to turn your unprepared questions into prepared questions, on the fly. The way you can do that is by asking more questions; "hmm, interesting; are you asking whether the production method we use for teacups would also work for coffee cups?" or "tell me a bit more about the types of consumers you're envisioning this product for". The key is to SIMULTANEOUSLY listen very intently to the answer WHILE ALSO letting a separate part of your brain work on your own response. So you get the initial question, ask a follow up question which both gives you additional information and buys you time to formulate your response, and then have time to respond. Ideally you are engaging in more of a conversation than a 1:1 question:response.
You might also learn from taking an improv class, or watching improv, or seeing if you can find videos of talks online that feature Q&A from the audience.
posted by stellaluna at 4:37 PM on March 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
This might seem kind of out of left field, but the kind of skill you're looking to develop is similar to what I do, and what I mentor others to do, when I'm doing a reference interview at my library. Specifically, the listening/inquiring section listed in Section 3 of these guidelines.
Basically, you need to turn your unprepared questions into prepared questions, on the fly. The way you can do that is by asking more questions; "hmm, interesting; are you asking whether the production method we use for teacups would also work for coffee cups?" or "tell me a bit more about the types of consumers you're envisioning this product for". The key is to SIMULTANEOUSLY listen very intently to the answer WHILE ALSO letting a separate part of your brain work on your own response. So you get the initial question, ask a follow up question which both gives you additional information and buys you time to formulate your response, and then have time to respond. Ideally you are engaging in more of a conversation than a 1:1 question:response.
You might also learn from taking an improv class, or watching improv, or seeing if you can find videos of talks online that feature Q&A from the audience.
posted by stellaluna at 4:37 PM on March 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
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I got a great interview tip once - if you're asked a question you don't have an immediate answer to, say something like "hmm, that's an interesting question! Let me think about that..." This is essentially just a way to say "umm, uhh" without actually saying those things. And then, if you still haven't thought of anything, just start talking through your thought process. "I haven't been in that exact situation before, but the first thing I would do is check x and y to make sure that z was happening, and then I'd need to find out a and b in order to move forward..." Like that. It will obviously vary by industry. But this is a way to show that you would be capable of handling [type of situation] without having to pull an immediate, fully-formed answer out of nowhere.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:34 PM on March 6, 2019 [2 favorites]