Tell me about "quality of life"
March 5, 2019 9:20 PM   Subscribe

If you are me, but 10 years down the road, what are some "quality of life" considerations that will matter a lot to you, even if it hadn't even cross my mind yet? (34F, details inside)

I am in the midst of making a big career decision. I am quite lost when it comes to the "quality of life" part of the consideration. I actually don't even really know how to start thinking about this, so any advice would be welcomed.

I am 34, but I've lived on grad student stipends or freelance artist incomes until last year, so my lifestyle sensibility probably skews young. I am female but present myself in somewhat andrognyous ways. I am also Asian. I am single and generally don't mind being single and am not really actively dating.

Things I know for sure are important to me now include:
--Not living with a roommate who is not a partner
--Being able to feel safe in my home
--Having access to good groceries: wide selections, fresh produce.
-- a sense of community and being in a community
--Being able to walk around my neighborhood
--A reasonably short commute.
--Seeing other racialized, queer, gender non-conforming people in my surroundings.

What are some "quality of life" elements for someone in their mid-40s? Access to health care? If I don't super care about having lots of different resturants around me now, will I start to care in 10 years?
posted by redwaterman to Grab Bag (25 answers total) 47 users marked this as a favorite
 
Specifically job related:
Yup, health care!
Sick days - and wheather or not company culture endorses actually taking them.
Vacation time (long service leave/sabbatical) - and again, if people actually take that time (stability is nice but eventually you'll want or need a break).
Flex time is always good - you might want to bend your schedule around a class or volunteer work or something.

Apartment/location related:
Could you buy one day, if you wanted to?
Are pets allowed, if you decide you want one?
Parking / public transport
I really like having a coffee shop nearby - somewhere to be a regular at. Farmers markets and libraries ate good too
.
posted by jrobin276 at 9:40 PM on March 5, 2019 [6 favorites]


Access to nature! It’s a major player in my mental health.
posted by Middlemarch at 10:09 PM on March 5, 2019 [10 favorites]


As the important people in your life age, it’s vital to have an easy way to get to them quickly. I really wish I lived closer to a large airport with direct flights to see my folks; I didn’t mind 18 hour travel days and three layovers just to get to the next time zone in my twenties, but it’s harder now that I’m pushing 40 and my parents are getting older.
posted by stellaluna at 10:15 PM on March 5, 2019 [8 favorites]


Flexi time. Short commute. Having pets. Having access to an art community/creative scene. Access to health care/specialists which is not something I needed ten years ago. Scenic and safe walks.
posted by Jubey at 10:34 PM on March 5, 2019 [2 favorites]


A window that looks out onto trees. Living walking distance to a park is the nicest thing about where my flat is, and having all our windows open onto trees is just so very nice.

We also had screen shield things (like plastic film? From Korea) pasted on to them to cut down on the UV and light that came in and the rooms are so cool and shaded. It seemed frivolous at the time, but I thought it might help with air conditioning bills, and now I wish I had done it in our rented apartments even. Whatever your local area is, getting a good temperature by fixing your windows/doors and making it so you are cozy cheaply inside is so worthwhile.

Also consider if you actually like travel or feel like you should like travel. If you love travel, downsize your possessions and place and live lightly. A friend who really loves travel lives in a tiny space and saves up for long unpaid leave and trips, planning trips two years in advance. She organised her life and career around this. I know other people who would not take a job that didn't allow for long travel trips annually. If you realise you don't like travelling much, you can accumulate things and plan for local events and different jobs.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 10:37 PM on March 5, 2019 [2 favorites]


This is something there's disagreement on, but I really like living some place where I can afford to buy a home rather than renting. I like the stability of knowing what my mortgage payment will be for the next 20something years (other than the rises in insurance and taxes), especially living in an area where year to year rent increases are hitting 10+%. I like knowing that the landlord isn't going to sell to someone that will push me out or decide to demolish the block to build condos. I like being able to customize it in my own weird ways that a rental company wouldn't allow. I'm able to afford a house, so I don't have to worry about the noisy neighbors upstairs or being one myself.

It wouldn't be an absolute deal breaker to not be able to own for the right job, but I hate the time, expense, and breakage that comes with moving year after year and have had two horrible property management companies give me all kinds of problems (as well as some merely mediocre ones).
posted by Candleman at 10:39 PM on March 5, 2019 [3 favorites]


I am about your age but my partner is 10 years older than me. His main focus right now seems to be making sure he is prepared for retirement when the time comes. So while it's not about 'right now', having a retirement savings account or whatever is equivalent where you live gives him peace of mind which contributes to a higher quality of life.
posted by BeeJiddy at 10:42 PM on March 5, 2019 [3 favorites]


- Having a house of my own is surprisingly important to me. I was a happy renter for many years, but after finding myself in my early 40s and newly disabled, having my own small and quiet sun-filled home in a quiet, friendly, walkable neighborhood (with big trees, clean air, and more dogs than traffic!) has been the single best improvement in my quality of life.
- Having family nearby.
- Having a small yet trusted group of progressive and brilliant friends, both near and far.
- Keeping a pet that matches my personality and energy level. It's a peaceable partnership.
- Having medical insurance. I literally wouldn't be here without it.
- Living modestly but fully debt-free at the moment, and knowing I could cover costs in case of an emergency like a car repair, etc.
- Lots and lots of sunlight.
posted by mochapickle at 11:18 PM on March 5, 2019 [3 favorites]


I'm 47 and I've found that most of the stuff that is important to me now was equally important when I was 34. But there are a few exceptions.

Here are the things that have become more important:

• Good quality schools for my kids (who didn't exist when I was 34.) Obviously only a factor if you think you might want kids.

• Feeling enfranchised. In practice, this means either living in a place where my elected officials represent my values, or at least being part of a well-organized minority that's trying to change things. (This may be largely the result of the insane political times we live in, but it is at least a little to do with age. Having passed my halfway point, I'm thinking more and more about the kind of world my generation will leave behind as a legacy.)

• A regular exercise routine that I enjoy. My metabolism slowed down quite a bit in my late 40s, and I find it takes more and more exercise to maintain the same level of health and energy. Having easy access to my preferred exercise (swimming) has saved both my waistline and my sanity.

• Good healthcare. My body is finding it a liiiiiiiitle harder to fight off problems every year, so it's ever more important to catch things early.

Here are the things that have become less important:

• Any kind of status. I care just as much about being a good person, but I care a lot less about being an impressive one.
posted by yankeefog at 3:20 AM on March 6, 2019 [10 favorites]


If this career transition involves moving cities, is it possible to spend some extra time after whatever interviews/etc you have set up just scoping out neighborhoods that are within your preferred commute radius of the job? I know this doesn't quite answer your question, but I see some neighborhood-centric values in there (walkability, diversity) and while you can get some way toward an answer with walkscore.com, census statistics, etc., I'm not sure that's a perfect substitute for actually walking around there and seeing if it feels like home.

You mentioned grad school - not sure if any of these are academic jobs, but as I understand it, people trying to woo prospective faculty usually build some time during campus visits to try to "sell" the town. (I don't know if people wooing out-of-town candidates in other sectors do anything similar.) Even if you don't have that avenue, you might consider whether you can afford a trip to the top couple locations on your own dime, just to explore.

That said -- I know people whose jobs have taken them to towns that really didn't fit their idea of home on paper, but after a few years there they got so attached that they didn't want to leave, even for a better job. So some of the "quality of life" stuff may be figuring out how you can live out your own values wherever you happen to land.
posted by eirias at 4:59 AM on March 6, 2019


-Sleep. Good, restful, quality sleep.
-Having a network of creative, intelligent, and drama-free friends.
-A job that pays well, with benefits, where I am valued for my work ethic and output and isn't extremely toxic (which is apparently rare).
-Remote work/flexwork if I can find it.
-Time for my own creative work, regardless of whether or not I can profit from it.
-Extensive, quality time in nature.
-Freedom from the pressures of social media.
posted by Young Kullervo at 5:07 AM on March 6, 2019 [4 favorites]


I'd say not only being able to walk around your neighborhood, but feeling reasonably safe walking between neighborhoods/to transit that will get you to cultural & social things you want to go to (assuming you don't drive). I lived for a few years in a city with bad transit & many times skipped events because I didn't want to walk home either on a lonely high pedestrian bridge over a highway or through a dodgy isolated pedestrian underpass, & taxis/Uber weren't really a good option financially. It did cramp my social life!

Access to exercise/movement opportunities might be a consideration as well -- whether that's green spaces to walk in, or classes/clubs in an activity you're interested in that are nearby. Even things like, will you have enough space in your apartment to do a bit of yoga in the morning or stretch after a run, etc.? I've thought about moving into a very tiny room before, to save money, but realized that having space to do that in my room (especially because I do have housemates out of financial necessity) was crucial. Also, one thing I've noticed as I get older is that if I do physical activity (I'm a swing dancer and do a lot of it) & don't take time to stretch or do yoga, I recover much more slowly than I used to.

I also don't do as well on not enough sleep as I used to when younger -- so living in a quieter location so I can sleep better has become important to me.

I'm in my early 40s, btw, & mixed-race Asian, queer, nonbinary, fwiw.
posted by diffuse at 5:10 AM on March 6, 2019 [1 favorite]


One thing not mentioned yet: Opportunity for at least some change or movement in your job. In some small companies, that does not exist.
Do everything you can to get or stay out of debt and to preserve your health.
posted by FencingGal at 5:40 AM on March 6, 2019 [3 favorites]


43, non-gendered queer person with a disability that manifested in my late 30s.

Living in a blue state where the general attitude is that social programs are good and we should help each other, and not a red state where the governor is trying to destroy every program that benefits people in poverty
Living in a diverse and heavily queer area
Living in a city with good scenes for creativity - art, music, local theater
I like having a lot of different restaurants around, but if you don't you probably won't start caring
Healthcare
Work benefits: long and short-term disability, sick days, vacation days
Work culture: my work is always trying to increase diversity and is very understanding about disability issues, and everyone is nice. This turned out to be extremely important to me. My old job had many fine qualities, but a few of my colleagues would regularly say very homophobic things. That's not the case here.
Having a job I care about, where I get to help other people.
Being able to leave my job at work and go home to do my own projects
Having cats
Having local friends
posted by bile and syntax at 5:59 AM on March 6, 2019 [6 favorites]


I agree with the comments about being able to buy a home, or at least having a safe rental market. Being able to stay in your home long-term is more important than I would have expected in my early thirties. A lot of the cities and neighborhoods that have what you need also have steadily rising rents, and if being able to walk everywhere or take public transit is important to you, getting priced out of the county can be a huge, uncomfortable adjustment.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:39 AM on March 6, 2019


I'm wondering if you're an academic, or looking at academic jobs, from your post? If so, the people in their 40s in my department all talk about how important it is to them to live close to campus (you may move into more administrative positions, necessitating lots of campus time, as you move up), owning their homes, and having a major airport nearby for conference travel.
posted by sockermom at 6:48 AM on March 6, 2019 [1 favorite]


a sense of community and being in a community

Very much agree with all of your things (though I could see some decent roommate situations but that's very much personal preference) but I'd expand this to include not just community but civics, like getting involved in or at least being aware of the operations of your local government.

I am 50 and a few things I've been happy about

- staying in decent shape, decent weights, working on my bad habits (I started becoming a regular flosser in my late 40s and I'm happy I did)
- SLEEP, so important for stress management
- having had decent relationships with my parents and extended family. This is very much a ymmv situation but it's mattered more as I got older
- clothes that are useful and not just good looking. I value a good pair of hiking boots or shoes I can stand around in for five hours SO much more than I used to
- skin care (moisturizing and sunscreen) matters more
posted by jessamyn at 8:17 AM on March 6, 2019 [3 favorites]


+1 on owning a home.
Also, let that home be single level. Stairs get to be more and more of a pain as time goes by. Sure one can still sprint up and down, but carrying boxes and things, not so much.
posted by dum spiro spero at 8:33 AM on March 6, 2019 [2 favorites]


FWIW, some of the happiest people I know decided on an engrossing hobby fairly early on. (Two people have been birdwatchers for decades, another's a dedicated gardener, there's a dancer in the mix, etc.) This presents an opportunity for lifelong learning, & building social ties in an enthusiastic, like-minded community.
posted by Iris Gambol at 8:55 AM on March 6, 2019


hi, 47 here-

having very close friends and having enough of a social circle to make more of them as life takes people elsewhere or people move apart. I think for a lot of people in their early 30's it can seem like your community will be there forever, which has a tendency to change 10 years down the line.

The main issue there is making sure you are putting in the work yourself to develop the social skills and life habits to be able to make new friends, and making sure you're not entirely relying on an old network from your 20's or whatever. This seems like an issue that comes up for straight cis men a lot, but it can be a surprise for anyone as they age. Subcultural communities such as queer scenes in particular have a tendency to fall apart as a result of drama and disagreements, and knowing how to build new relationships is apparently not an obvious skill for some people.
posted by twoplussix at 9:09 AM on March 6, 2019 [3 favorites]


If I don't super care about having lots of different resturants around me now, will I start to care in 10 years?

It's individual, obviously, but as a data point, I care less about it at 45 than I did at 35.

Short commute gets even more important as time wears on. A long commute starts to feel like frittering your life away.

My biggest advice to anyone about this stuff, I think, would be figure out where you want to live and find a way to stay there. Uprooting and making friends again gets harder and harder as you age. Having deep roots in a community would be a really fucking great thing to have at 45 (he said a little bitterly.)
posted by Smearcase at 9:17 AM on March 6, 2019 [7 favorites]


When I was 34, I had a close circle of other single girl friends who were my main source of social activity and emotional support. By the next decade, all of them were married with children and barely had time for me, leaving me shockingly socially isolated even though I had plenty of names in my phone. It was a depressing experience that affected me emotionally and reduced my quality of life considerably.

I would say do whatever you can to minimize a similar experience ... focus on making friends who are older or specifically child-free, or at least try to keep friends from a variety of age groups and situations. Even if you know that you are happy single (as I mostly am too), beware that most people aren't and they will eventually family-up and abandon you. Consider living someplace that has a broad enough cross-section of people so that you have a reasonable hope of socializing across ages and life experiences (e.g. no "family-friendly" suburbs, even if the amenities are nice).
posted by mccxxiii at 10:03 AM on March 6, 2019 [12 favorites]


Mid-40's here.

-Short commute: I agree with others this is absolutely vital. You don't get those hours back.
-Pets: I like having a soft fluffy thing that likes being petted (a small floofcatte in my case). It makes home feel more like home, and helps stave off loneliness.
-Medical benefits: I have a bunch more medical problems than in my 30s. Take care with how much copays are / how many sick days you can take. Also what if you just need to come in an hour late due to a doctor's appointment? Do they make you burn a whole or half day?
-Housing layout: Agree with above person mentioning getting a 1-floor place. In addition to that, I now only will get first-floor apartments. I just do not have the stamina to deal with stairs in any form at my age.
posted by cats are weird at 11:41 AM on March 6, 2019 [2 favorites]


Because you never know, invest in a LTD (long term disability) policy; and, if your employer offers one, participate and make certain that you pay the premiums yourself. Doing so made payments to me non-taxable (check with a tax advisor on this because ... who knows what's happening in tax law now).
posted by alwayson_slightlyoff at 7:49 PM on March 6, 2019


Wherever you live, make sure you have enough space for whatever your hobby is, or you dream of having, and exercise space. An extra bedroom (not too small) would be ideal.
I totally agree on the short commute, and walking distance to a coffee shop or restaurant you can retreat to on 'those' days: when you want to be around people, or just can't face cooking.
I can't live without a cat. Lots of bookshelves and a very comfortable bed.
Medical care is essential. You may be healthy now, but people fall, they get ill, they get repetitive strain injuries, or bad knees. And look after your skin and teeth.
Good luck. And good for you for thinking ahead.
posted by Enid Lareg at 7:49 PM on March 6, 2019 [1 favorite]


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