Sending something for news of sickness
February 15, 2019 2:42 PM   Subscribe

One of my relatives just got diagnosed with leukemia. I want to do something for the family but I'm not sure what. Ideas?

This is a male relative by marriage. He is a great person, very young, they are just starting out in their lives. They live many hours away so I would like to be able to send something. If you know a male who has battled a severe medical crisis what did they appreciate receiving? Also want to send something to my blood relative who will be the primary caregiver. So if you have cared for someone with cancer, what sort of gift did you appreciate?
posted by crunchy potato to Human Relations (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
I haven’t been a Carer but I imagine a gift of housecleaning services might be a good idea as they will have lots of visitors and probably be emotionally exhausted
posted by EatMyHat at 2:50 PM on February 15, 2019 [2 favorites]


Housecleaning service (as EatMyHat suggested) is a great idea. Really practical help is the best, as often in these situations household tasks that used to be shared no longer can be. This is more specific and not necessarily applicable, but pet care services (dog-walking, etc.) might also be appreciated.
posted by sophieblue at 2:57 PM on February 15, 2019 [1 favorite]


I cared for a relative who had cancer - I would second the housecleaning service. I did have someone pay for this for me.
Also, food is nice. I know the person with cancer might go off food at times, but I was always trying to feed my relative really good quality meals, I spent a lot of time cooking. It was also things like freshly made smoothies, yoghurts, home made pastas and stews. I tried a lot of food that was easy to digest. Perhaps some food vouchers for a local shop if not sure if they are able to eat certain things or some meals delivered that could be frozen?
posted by blue_eyes at 4:05 PM on February 15, 2019


Now? Send a note, or flowers or something like that. Because right now everybody's going to want to help. Three months from now? Six months from now? A hell of a lot of people will have dropped by the wayside. That's when you can do the most good, with food delivery or housecleaning or whatever.
posted by BlahLaLa at 4:10 PM on February 15, 2019 [4 favorites]


Both my parents were undergoing intense medical treatment at the same time when us kids were... 13, 15, and 17, and any kind of gift of "help" was super appreciated. Housekeeping is great! Food that can be frozen is great! Delivery food gift cards are great! Amazon gift card is great! Maybe one of those smoothie subscription delivery things? It's really nice if you can manage to make it non-perishable somehow because sometimes things are okay and sometimes things are overwhelming and I would be so happy I would cry that there was just a frozen thing of hamburger soup that some nice church lady had made for us.

If you want to send something a little personalized, when my parents were sick they both had more times when they wanted to stay in bed and both liked to read, so maybe your favourite novel (probably something non-self-helpy if possible, you get a lot of advice, and sometimes you just want a entertaining book to read that isn't about grief or death or recovery or hope, y'know?) also when my mom did chemo she was cold a lot, so a throw or a pair of warm slippers might be nice as well!
posted by euphoria066 at 4:13 PM on February 15, 2019 [1 favorite]


Actually what BlahLaLa said was really valid to me and my relative. It's further down the line that practical gifts are even more appreciated. As there has been a lot of treatment, and everyone is more and more tired.
posted by blue_eyes at 4:35 PM on February 15, 2019 [1 favorite]


Send a note, handwritten. Perhaps include in the note some things and give them the option to choose among them. Some suggestions

Magazine subscriptions
Kindle credit or amazon gift card
House cleaning service (from company you’ve vetted, in $amount and you will contact tonschedule if they just tell you three days/times that work)
Food delivery ($amount, let them give you suggestions and you’ll just make it happen)
Having their gutters cleaned in the fall when it’s the last damn thing on their mind
Car detailing where someone comes to the house and does it
Laundry pick up and delivery
A quality time visit at some point where you just show up and BE with them

There’s a weird thing in illness where having seventeen casseroles land on your doorstep at once sucks almost as bad as no casseroles. And having people say ‘let me know if you need anything is hard because you’re all too busy dealing with the sickness to think about boundaries and even what needs to be done.

A lot of the work of life is research and scheduling and that’s some hard crap.
posted by bilabial at 4:38 PM on February 15, 2019 [2 favorites]


If they have a house, lawn care or snow removal is also helpful.

Gift cards are really good if you suspect they might end up financially stressed out - grocery, drugstore, food delivery, etc.

If organizing is a strength, if you take on the role of setting up meal schedules via email with friends and family that can be great. A wise friend of mine set this up for a mutual friend, long distance. She collected the family preferences, had a schedule, and had rules - deliver in a container that doesn’t need to be returned between 5:30 and 6:30, leave on porch, don’t ring doorbell. I think it was through Meal Train. It was just fine coming from not-the-patient’s immediate family and the organization was stellar. No pressure, just an idea.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:40 PM on February 15, 2019


During my recovery from brain surgery, I have appreciated things that are soft and comfortable, like blankets, socks, pajamas, supersoft sweatpants, etc. Going through intensive medical care can be so debilitating and rough, and I think comforting things can be very helpful. The carer may also appreciate this, because more clothes and blankets around means less frequent needs to do laundry.

Overall, I think the gesture of showing support matters more than anything else, but after my experience, and the amazing socks with rubber grips on the bottom that a friend sent me, soft and comfortable things would be my go-to way to show support.
posted by Little Dawn at 6:18 PM on February 15, 2019


Response by poster: Thanks everyone! I decided to send some chemo candy, ginger tea and a plant. I debated the fuck cancer socks but those don't suit his personality. Will keep the house cleaning suggestion in mind for the future since it's still early on.

I will leave this open for a bit longer so future searches can benefit.
posted by crunchy potato at 8:25 PM on February 15, 2019 [1 favorite]


Leukemia patients often need blood or platelet transfusions, so if you can donate that would be great. (And let them know)
posted by SLC Mom at 11:20 PM on February 15, 2019


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