BUTT BLASTER
February 5, 2019 7:15 AM   Subscribe

It is time to blast open butts. I am regret to inform you that this question is about poop.

***This is a PRODUCT SUGGESTION question! Not a MEDICAL SPECULATION question! I am already SEEING A GOOD DOCTOR! This is the current course of treatment we've decided on while AWAITING FURTHER TESTING! Thank you for your interest in Poop Question!***


BUTT BACKGROUND: I am suffering from severe chronic constipation, I have had a grand total of 3 normal poops since October, it's extremely stressful and annoying and I am more ready to stab than ever before. I assure you that I am drinking enough water. I am 100% certain that I am drinking more water than anyone you know, every day.

My current butt blasting regime is 4 Peri-Colace (2-in-1 stool softener and senna laxative) and 500mg of docusate sodium stool softener. Occasionally I need to take this 3x a day, every 8h, to produce anything, the results of which are extremely horrible. Luckily most of the time it works great 6-8h after a single dose.

HOWEVER, the peri-colace is super fucking expensive, only 30 tabs come in a bottle and I can go through that in 2 days. I have tried Swiss Kriss and it is slightly more effective but it comes with moderate to severe cramping and doesn't work fast enough to justify the hours of discomfort. Frex I cannot take it overnight as the cramps keep me awake, for 6-8h.


ACTUAL QUESTION: I'm either looking for a cheaper generic version of the peri-colace, or something else senna-based that is quick af despite being moderately to severely agonizing.


I CAN ONLY TAKE SENNOSIDES AND NO OTHER KIND OF LAXATIVE! I CANNOT ON PAIN OF DEATH BY INTERNAL RUPTURE TAKE FIBER SUPPLEMENTS! Every other kind of laxative makes me extremely sick! No prescription medications for constipation work for me without extreme side effects! I am not interested in armchair diagnoses of what could be causing this! I only want product suggestions for senna-based laxatives that you personally have used to cause a successful and quick eruption of Mt Yourbutt! THANK U FELLOW BUTT SUFFERERS.
posted by poffin boffin to Health & Fitness (15 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
Have you tried Smooth Move tea? I’ve heard complaints online that it’s “too effective” — from lightweights—but it might be possible to brew it very strong and in massive capacity.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:21 AM on February 5 [2 favorites]


There are generic versions of Peri-Colace (e.g. this one from Walgreens is 15 cents/pill, about half the price of Peri-Colace).

Have you and your doctor discussed polyethylene glycol (PEG) based laxatives (e.g. MiraLax and similar) as another option? It's normally used for short term constipation, but seems to be well tolerated and effective for long term constipation as well.
posted by jedicus at 7:24 AM on February 5 [1 favorite]


to give you a more vivid and horrifying picture of how poorly all other kinds of laxatives work for me, last month i started my colonoscopy prep more than 24h before the procedure, finished the entire gallon bottle of salty horrors in 4h, and did not have the first bowel movement until 18h later.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:29 AM on February 5


My daughter has chronic constipation and we've tried everything. I'm sorry to say it, but the most effective by far in terms of reliable results with minimal side effects was saline enemas, as often as daily. It can't be worse than what you're going through now.
posted by libraryhead at 7:37 AM on February 5 [7 favorites]


If you don't want to try sugar free gummy bears (and I could see why you might not) then you might at least read the comments (Sample comment: "I sit here writing this review at 4AM from my porcelain throne, a fixture you will become all too familiar with if you chose to eat these cute little bears from the pits of hell....") to see how the non-constipated side lives. They're currently unavailable, maybe the suggested Albanese ones (that I can't link to for mysterious reasons) would be similar.
Sugar-free ice cream does the trick for me, I think the secret ingredient is maltitol.
posted by Vatnesine at 7:42 AM on February 5 [2 favorites]


[Folks - the poster wants only senna-based suggestions. I know everyone's trying to help with these other ideas, but at this point please stick to the senna thing.]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:47 AM on February 5 [4 favorites]


Target has a Peri-Colace generic for $2.29/100 pills and Walmart has one for $7.76/240 pills. I'd double-check that the ingredients and dosage required are near similar to the name brand.

Carlson Key-E Suppositories are no use as a stimulant laxative and can be kinda messy, but they are very soothing and moisturizing for rectal and vaginal use. Installing a bidet add-on to your toilet will also not help with constipation, but it's another soothing element to reduce irritation.
posted by nicebookrack at 7:52 AM on February 5 [2 favorites]


again. please. I CANNOT ADD FIBER TO MY DIET WITHOUT DYING FROM AN AGONIZING INTERNAL RUPTURE. i have been in the emergency room twice specifically because of added fiber to my diet.

I did try saline enemas but they triggered weird insta-dehydration side effects in me which involved fainting, which as I am sure everyone can hilarribly imagine, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO WITH A BUTT FULL OF WATER.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:56 AM on February 5 [19 favorites]


(Just adding to confirm that the Smooth Move tea is senna-based -- you might be able to brew it to some unimaginable strength for maximum senna delivery. Or not, I'm sure there's an upper limit!)
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:03 AM on February 5


FYI there are stool softeners at Costco (both Kirkland brand and others) so you might look to see if any of these are the kinds you need.
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:05 AM on February 5


I'm all set for the stool softeners but thanks! (I'm using the Equate brand that was linked above, and it is excellent, so I will be trying their generic peri colace first.) I've also had terrible experiences with the Kirkland generic lactaid tabs so I am hesitant to risk further butt mishaps with a second product.

Also wrt to the tea, I can't really use something with an inspecific dosage as I need to be able to recreate successes reliably but thank u for actually reading the question
posted by poffin boffin at 9:09 AM on February 5 [1 favorite]


There's a generic brand of senna/docusate combination pill sold on Amazon that is $9 for 400 pills.
posted by telegraph at 9:10 AM on February 5


I've promised my chronically constipated kid no more saline enemas (which do work), and we've replaced that with fletcher's laxative which might be worth a try. It's senna pod-based. And tastes like rootbeer barrels.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:23 AM on February 5


Okay, wrt the tea, I know you need to recreate successes reliably, but hear me out. I have tried a number of senna laxatives including Senakot, which has very consistent dosage. For some reason, the tea is much more effective, and I find it to be pretty consistent in terms of dosage if I brew it covered for 15 minutes each time with the same volume of water and drink the same fraction each time. I have to be careful not to take too much or else I've got diarrhea for days. So a normal amount might be just right for you. I'm sorry you're going through this. Constipation is so awful.
posted by HotToddy at 12:34 PM on February 5


update: the Equate generic version of the peri-colace is great and my butt thanks you.
posted by poffin boffin at 2:54 PM on February 13 [1 favorite]


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