Feeling pressured to accept a job offer. What to do?

December 17, 2018 5:29 AM

A company gave me a job offer. The offer letter says I have a week to make a decision, but I feel like I’m being pressured to respond sooner. What to do?

There are two biotech companies in the Bay Area, Fred and Barney.

On Wednesday, Fred informed me they were going to offer me a job. I responded with enthusiasm, said that I was excited to work with them. On Friday, I received the offer verbally from Fred’s HR. I asked if they could come up a bit on salary. I said something to the effect of, "if you can come up to X on the salary, I think we can have the paperwork signed pretty quickly." They said they’d get back to me about money, but in the meantime they would send me the formal offer letter. The formal offer letter says I have seven days (until this coming Friday) to respond. An hour later, they sent an email wherein they agreed to the salary I asked for. However, in the same email, they asked if I could get back to them by Monday night instead of Friday. They updated the formal offer letter to reflect the new salary, but the formal offer letter still says I have until Friday to decide.

Now let’s talk about Barney. I have a second round interview with Barney on Tuesday. The position at Barney is more senior and pays more. According to Barney’s HR, if Tuesday’s interview goes well, they could get me an offer within 24 to 36 hours.

Back to Fred. Fred’s HR asked if I could get back to them with a decision Monday night, instead of the Friday deadline specified on the offer letter. I asked if I could get back to them Wednesday night instead. They basically said "we’d like an answer as soon as possible, so I’ll just check in with you Tuesday morning."

When Fred checks in with me on Tuesday morning, I want to ask them if I can have until Wednesday night to make my decision. However, I’m concerned that Fred might be annoyed that I showed a lot of enthusiasm for the offer, immediately negotiated on salary, and then asked if I could wait a few days to make the decision. I’m concerned Fred has figured out I’m interviewing with another company. I’m concerned Fred will rescind the offer if I don’t give them an immediate answer when they check in with me Tuesday morning.

I want to interview with Barney on Tuesday, but I don’t want to risk losing Fred. I want to give Fred my final decision Wednesday night instead of Tuesday morning. What do I do?

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (17 answers total)

I would honestly just let them know that you're looking at a couple of different offers and that you will need untilnat least Wednesday night to make your decision. I would politely remind them that you have until Friday to respond. This is normal business stuff and all you're doing is holding them to their own written agreement. They want you for the job, you do have some power here.

If they pull the offer because you wouldn't respond before Tuesday when they gave you a formal time frame that stretches until Friday, I would honestly just say you dodged a bullet and chalk yourself up as lucky. A company that plays those kind of games with you before you even start working for them is probably going to be a company with really poor boundaries in general, one that will exploit you and be stressful to work for. It would probably be valuable in the long run if you make a point of standing up for yourself starting right now—if you do take the job with them, you don't want them thinking they can just push you around whenever it suits them.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:38 AM on December 17, 2018 [53 favorites]

It's their job to create this sense of urgency in you, but it sounds like you have never agreed to respond by today, and you have it in writing that you have until Friday. See the other process through. Be polite but firm (and personally I would not commit to anything on Wednesday--they've already given you until Friday, and you don't know for sure how long the second company will take to get back to you, so don't give up that extra time). They will not yank the offer because you responded two days ahead of their deadline instead of four.

I’m concerned Fred has figured out I’m interviewing with another company.

This is something that puts you in a stronger position, so it should be a source of reassurance, not concern! Maybe they have figured it out and that's why they're pushing you to act before that process is up—but that's because they know you might get a better offer. You should be looking out for your interests, not theirs.

I don't know biotech but in software it's fairly common and accepted to say that you want to see the interviewing process through to completion at all the companies you're interviewing with.
posted by enn at 5:46 AM on December 17, 2018 [5 favorites]

I like to put the "blame" for my delay on something more neutral.

Do you have a spouse, parent or other affected person? "I am very excited about moving forward with this offer. Since it affects x, I do need to confirm the decision with them and they are not available until Wednesday."
posted by cacao at 5:57 AM on December 17, 2018 [5 favorites]

Good employers who want the best people know that those people will also be in demand elsewhere. They also have confidence that their workplace is a competitive place to work. If they start acting ridiculous because they know you're considering an offer elsewhere, you might not want to work there.
posted by grouse at 6:01 AM on December 17, 2018 [10 favorites]

I wouldn't even tell them things like "by Wednesday". Say you appreciate their desire for a quick decision and you will do your best to get back to them as early before Friday as possible.
posted by trig at 6:31 AM on December 17, 2018 [18 favorites]

Depending on if there is contract-signing involved and how amenable you are to bridge burning, you might consider verbally accepting Fred's offer and then rescinding it if Barney eventually gives you a better one.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:31 AM on December 17, 2018

The truth will serve nicely here. Tell Fred you're considering multiple offers, and will not be able to commit to accepting (or declining) theirs before their original Friday deadline. (Don't be "concerned Fred has figured out [you're] interviewing with another company." Of course you're interviewing with another company; that's how job hunting works.)

IME this is more likely to result in Fred sweetening their offer than in withdrawing it -- it turns that sense of urgency they're trying to create in you, back onto them -- but if they do rescind their offer as a result of that very reasonable request, that's a good sign you probably wouldn't have wanted to take that job anyway.
posted by ook at 6:43 AM on December 17, 2018 [18 favorites]

Is HR your only contact with Fred? I wonder if you talked to the hiring manager (or whoever you expect to be working with there), whether they might be more understanding. "HR's asking me to respond by Tuesday, and I'm still very enthusiastic about the position, but I need a few more days to sort things about before I can commit, apologies." Or something.
posted by bfields at 7:38 AM on December 17, 2018

an exploding job offer isn't a real job offer. if they can't negotiate with you on that, then they're interested in your labor but they're not interested in you taking the time to figure out whether you're better off with them or with other people. red flag.
posted by entropone at 7:53 AM on December 17, 2018 [6 favorites]

Yeah, red flag. I would want to know where is the fire at Fred's house that they need an answer that quickly, against their own internal policy/boilerplate template about 7 days timeframe. It seems like a big bait-and-switch to pull on someone who doesn't even work there yet. It's also beyond reasonable that a company would pull an offer because you are looking elsewhere. (I know this happens, I just think it's not reasonable.) Is Fred into loyalty tests/purity tests in other ways too?

Honestly, if I were you, I would stick as close to the Friday deadline as possible. This allows some buffer for negotiations with Barney. Blame it on a spouse or partner, if you want, but hold Fred to their own written offer, not other emails.
posted by basalganglia at 8:09 AM on December 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

I agree with everyone else that revealing that you're interviewing with other places is generally a good tactic rather than something to be ashamed of. And time limits on offers are bullshit intended to reduce your negotiating power, or to ensure an individual recruiter hits some quota before the end of the month/quarter.

But there's a problem. You said: "if you can come up to X on the salary, I think we can have the paperwork signed pretty quickly." I don't actually know what you meant here, but I can tell you that the recruiter heard "yes". From their point of view, what you said isn't true now, and it sounds like it wasn't true when you said it.

Saying this was a mistake for two reasons. First, it's very badly compromised your ability to negotiate if you get an offer from the Tuesday interview ("I got a new offer elsewhere. Remember I said I'd get the paperwork signed? Can you raise your offer again?" is a difficult move to pull off). Second, you now have to walk back this statement to accommodate the other company's timeline. Don't say this next time you're on the market!

Assuming you're talking to HR (and not someone you might one day be working with), I think it's fine to bend the truth here (while, as others have said, revealing that you have another interview). Something like: "I was called in for an interview (add 'at short notice' if you like) on Tuesday. I'll send you an update on Wednesday. Sorry about that! I'm sure you understand that I need to have the full picture before making this important decision." (Do not say you'll send a decision on Wednesday.)
posted by caek at 8:11 AM on December 17, 2018 [7 favorites]

I’m concerned Fred has figured out I’m interviewing with another company. I’m concerned Fred will rescind the offer if I don’t give them an immediate answer when they check in with me Tuesday morning.

They know you're interviewing with other companies, that's normal. They will not rescind your offer.

It's normal to be a bit pressured on offers, but it's also normal to respond "I'm really excited about this offer, but I also owe the other companies that I'm interviewing with the chance to see through the process. Thanks for understanding, I'll be sure to get back to you before the deadline with a final decision!"

Pressuring you a bit to accept is not a red flag. Utterly melting down over it is. Just deep breaths and hold your ground, it will be fine.
posted by so fucking future at 8:14 AM on December 17, 2018 [4 favorites]

I agree with so fucking future. One week for a decision is not "exploding" and them asking if you can make your decision earlier if possible is not a red flag. If they really start insisting that it be earlier, that's a red flag. Be clear about your boundaries.
posted by grouse at 8:58 AM on December 17, 2018 [5 favorites]

Although I think it's fine and probably smart to let places know you're weighing other offers, I actually don't think you can do that now since you essentially told them, "Hey, offer me more money and I'll say yes right away." I don't know if it would reflect that well on you because it seems like you weren't being honest and kind of jerked them around. I would say you need to discuss it with your spouse (if you have one) or just not give an excuse and tell them you will respond as quickly as possible. You could say you just got another interview and you want to do your due diligence before accepting, but since you technically have a week, I personally would give it a couple days before saying anything that might make them start looking at their backup candidates.

I also don't think this is that weird or a red flag. Hiring takes forever and companies want to get it over with. Usually offers I've received have a deadline to accept - they just don't want to be jerked around, which is fair. They know that some people will string them along and leverage their offers and waste their time. In the meantime, they could lose out on backup candidates. A standard week deadline just is not all that weird.

On that note, if you don't care about burning bridges, you could accept the offer and then if you get the other job, just back out. I worked at a company where someone quit after one day because they got another job. It doesn't look great, and we certainly gossiped about it, but it does happen - and, to be fair, the guy who quit after the first day got a job he really seemed to want, so it worked out for him.
posted by AppleTurnover at 9:51 AM on December 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

I agree with AppleTurnover - I think when you said you would sign if they would pay you $X and they agreed to pay you $X, you basically already accepted the offer... it sounds like that was not your intention, but from Fred's perspective it looks like you accepted their offer verbally and are now delaying signing the paperwork for unknown reasons.

If you're genuinely happy with Fred's offer, I'd say just sign; if you really really want to hear Barney's offer first, ignore all contact from Fred until you have Barney's offer in hand, make a quick decision (like, be thinking *now* about how good Barney's offer would have to be to compete with Fred's) and contact Fred immediately either way.

Also I'd go ahead and let Barney know the relevant details of Fred's offer up front so that Barney knows what they have to beat - you don't have time for more back and forth.
posted by mskyle at 2:12 PM on December 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

I agree with those saying you basically already verbally accepted by saying you could get the paperwork signed quickly if they raised the salary to X (out of curiosity, what did you mean by that? I can't think of any other meaning besides "if you raise the salary to X, I will accept this job in writing asap").

Normally I'd say tell Fred a white lie: in between the two conversations with Fred's HR (asking for X and asking if you could respond Wednesday), you received a request to come in and interview with another company and you'd like to see where that goes. However, it sounds like very little time passed between these conversations (hours, not days?) so, depending on exact timeframe, it may not sound very believable to claim that another company popped up in between.

OTOH, I'm not sure what other moves you have at this point besides accepting Fred's offer and later reneging if you get the job with Barney.

This is a tough one. If you think the story about the other company popping up sounds believable, you can go with that, keeping in mind that there's a chance Fred will pull the offer based on feeling like you're jerking them around. Otherwise, you can accept Fred's offer and risk reneging and burning a bridge later. Both choices come with risks, unfortunately.

Let us know what happens and good luck!
posted by sunflower16 at 1:33 AM on December 18, 2018

Just a followup: given that Fred said they'd check in with you Tuesday morning and your Barney interview is also Tuesday, I would probably let the Fred call go to voicemail then see how the Barney interview goes before returning Fred's call - you may get a feeling during the interview that helps point you in one direction or another here. Maybe the interview goes really well and you feel confident you'll get an offer (though of course there are no guarantees). Maybe you'll learn something about Barney during the interview that makes you decide you don't want to work there. Who knows?
posted by sunflower16 at 1:38 AM on December 18, 2018